


The Long Way Back

by Juli



Series: The Long Way [2]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Behavioral Analysis Unit (Criminal Minds), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Rape/Non-con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:40:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 25
Words: 93,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24479611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Juli/pseuds/Juli
Summary: Now that Buck is back home, let the healing begin.
Series: The Long Way [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1768159
Comments: 431
Kudos: 453
Collections: 9-1-1 Tales





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story deals with the aftermath of rape and sex trafficking. If nothing else, the explicit rating is for flashbacks and frank language. Please stop here if that has the potential to trigger you or upset you in any way. Also, I am in no way a rape survivor (thankfully!) or a medical professional, so I apologize in advance for any mistakes.
> 
> I plan on updating on Sundays.

Buck sat in the kitchen chair at his borrowed home and watched Bobby rush around. The older man was getting ready for his first shift since Buck was found and he was clearly rattled. Buck wasn’t used to seeing Bobby so unsure of himself and it made him feel unsure too.

After all he’d been through, though, it was hard for Buck to be sure of much. He’d been swept away in a tsunami, not knowing if the little boy he adored had survived or not. Buck had been ‘rescued’ by human traffickers and abused in the worst possible way for nine months, all while his family thought he was dead. He’d been rescued just a little over a week ago; it was no wonder that he and the people who loved him were having some issues in adjusting.

“Okay, there’s a pan of that mac and cheese you like so much in the fridge,” Bobby unnecessarily reminded Buck; they’d worked together to get it ready the night before. “You just need to bake it for 30 minutes and it’s ready to go. There’s salad fixings in there too. So far you haven’t had any issues with what you eat, so you should be able to stomach it.”

“Do you remember the security code?” Bobby asked.

That was a feature of the house that hadn’t come up during his initial tour the day before. Not only were there external security cameras, but there was an alarm system too. Everyone very carefully refrained from reminding Buck that one of his main tormentors, Cory, hadn’t been arrested with the other human traffickers. Buck hadn’t forgotten, though, not even for a second. That there was security at the house was very welcome.

The first night in the new house had gone well. After everyone left, Bobby had let Buck help him put together the homemade mac and cheese for the next day. They’d both gone to bed early, Buck was wiped out and Bobby had to be ready for a morning shift. There had been nightmares, of course, but the room Bobby was in was far enough away that Buck hadn’t woke the other man up. That was a relief.

“I’m sorry, kid.”

While Buck had been lost in thought, Bobby had stopped and looked at Buck ruefully. “I know I’m being fussy. You’re a grown adult and I’m aware that you can take care of yourself. It’s just I can’t help but feel a little protective.”

His admission startled Buck. Other than Maddie, no one had ever fussed over him before. He blushed,

but managed not to duck his head. Instead he made the ‘thank you’ sign.

“You’re welcome,” Bobby gave him a fond look. “Give it another week or two and you may not be thanking me for that.”

Buck smiled wanly and shook his head. He couldn’t imagine getting tired of having his friends care for him.

The doorbell rang, startling both men. Bobby was quick to reassure.

“That’s probably Chim and Maddie, but let’s double check.” He turned to the video display on the tablet in the kitchen. Sure enough, it showed Maddie and an impatient Chim on the doorstep.

Buck got up quickly, not wanting Maddie to be on her feet any longer than necessary. Bobby started to say something to him, but he stopped when Buck keyed the code into the security system. When he opened the door, Maddie’s face lit up when she saw him.

“Buck! How’s my favorite brother?” She asked, arm out for a hug.

Maddie was carrying a sweater and, after allowing a quick embrace, Buck took it from her as he led her into the house. Maddie rolled her eyes, but behind her, Chim nodded in approval. He was carting a stuffed tote bag, so clearly he had similar feelings about Maddie carrying anything.

“Where do you want this?” Chim asked, holding up the tote bag.

“In the living room,” Maddie answered. 

Buck trailed along behind his sister as she followed her husband. Chim put the bag down where Maddie indicated before kissing her chastely on the lips. Then Chim nodded at Buck and went back to the kitchen where Bobby was still working. Buck was torn, not sure whether he should join his sister or see if Bobby had any last-minute instructions. Maddie decided for him by patting the couch cushion next to her. He obediently went over and sat down.

“Don’t look so worried,” Maddie reassured him. “Despite what it looks like, I’m not about to go into labor any time soon.”

Buck’s eyes widened. He hadn’t actually been thinking of that, but now that she’d brought it up, he looked at his sister’s stomach in dismay.

Maddie’s giggle was a welcome sound. “What is it about men and pregnancy? You’re not even the ones that have to give birth, but I swear you’re more terrified of the process than women are.” Her expression grew fond. “I promise you, I’m fine.”

“I think we have everything buttoned up as well as can be expected.” Bobby stood at the entrance to the living room. Chim was behind him, an impatient look on his face “Lunch just has to go into the oven. We’ll set the security system on our way out; I suggest you leave it in place. Maddie, you obviously have Chim’s phone number and Buck has mine.”

“Bobby,” Maddie cut through Bobby’s flustered rambling. “We’ll be fine.”

Again, Bobby looked sheepish. “I know, I just worry.” He was clearly still reluctant.

“Of course you do, but keep this in mind,” Maddie’s expression tightened. “I killed my husband to protect myself, but that doesn’t compare to what I’d do to protect my boys.” She patted her stomach and then looked fondly at Buck. “All three of them.”

Buck had never heard Maddie sound so certain and he sure as hell never expected her to mention Doug’s death so casually and with an emotion other than regret. Bobby looked a little taken aback too; only Chim seemed satisfied.

“And on that bloodthirsty note, we gotta go,” Chim put an arm around Bobby’s shoulders and not-so-gently guided him towards the door. “If we’re not careful, we’re going to be late and I know that the boss is a real stickler about that.”

The Buckley siblings watched as Chim ushered Bobby out the door, Bobby looking back anxiously over his shoulder even as he reluctantly walked out. Buck listened carefully and he could hear the alarm engage. So could Maddie.

“Well, we’re snug as two bugs in a rug,” Maddie said brightly. Buck must not have hidden his dismay as much as he thought because his sister reached over and cupped her hand against his cheek. “I meant it, Buck. Anyone who wants to get to you has to go through me first. Hand me my bag, please.”

Buck did as she asked, surprised to find the tote bag as heavy as it was. Rather than giving to her, though, he put it on the couch in between them. Maddie happily rooted around in it.

“Here we go,” Maddie said, satisfaction in her voice as she pulled out a small, black cylinder. “Anybody tries anything and they’ll get a face full of pepper spray.”

Buck sighed in relief, not realizing until he’d done so that he’d been expecting her to take something else out of her bag. Maddie noticed his reaction.

“What?” She asked. “Did you expect me to have a gun or a taser?” 

He nodded.

Maddie’s expression softened. “A weapon like that is too easily taken away and used against you. Besides, there’s no way I’d let anyone near you with a taser, not after what you went through.”

Buck closed his eyes and shuddered, remembering the sensation of millions of volts tearing through his body. He was brought back to the present by a soft touch to his arm.

“Hey, you with me?” Maddie asked.

After nodding, Buck took a deep breath to center himself. The rush of fresh oxygen made him feel better and when he next met Maddie’s gaze, he felt steadier.

“Good,” Maddie put the cannister down. “After you . . . . were taken, I had some issues crop up that were leftover from what happened with Doug.”

Buck made a small sound of dismay and scooted closer to his sister.

“It’s okay, Buck,” Maddie reassured him. “I’m okay. I just got a little too emotionally invested on a call I took from a woman being abused by her husband. My supervisor sent me to therapy and the upshot is that I ended up taking some self-defense classes. Frank, that’s my therapist, thought it would help me feel better to learn some non-lethal ways to protect myself, beyond what you taught me when I first moved to LA.”

“We’ve got all day,” Maddie continued. “Maybe we could go over some of the things I learned? I think we’d both feel better if we had some sort of plan in case anything happens.”

It was an uncomfortable morning. They went from room to room, memorizing escape routes and mentally cataloging anything that could be used as a weapon. Maddie was definitely more imaginative when it came to using everyday items for self-defense. His sister was a compassionate person, so it was a bit jarring to see her heft a heavy figurine in her hand and point out how much damage it could do if used to bash someone over the head. Then again, Maddie had actually had to fight for her life and, if the determination in her eyes was anything to go by, she was ready to protect her babies and her brother with everything in her.

Buck wasn’t sure how he felt about being lumped in with babies that needed to be protected. After that occurred to him, he started making more of an effort. If anyone was going to be protected, it was going to be Maddie. The thought of Cory getting his hands on his sister left Buck feeling sick.

Lunchtime snuck up on them both. It wasn’t Buck’s stomach that started rumbling loudly, however, but Maddie’s. They both looked at it in surprise, but Maddie recovered first.

“Your nephews inherited your appetite,” Maddie patted her belly fondly. “Did Bobby say something about mac and cheese?”

The siblings went back to the kitchen. Buck’s eyes immediately started roving over the area, the one part of the house they hadn’t assessed yet for defensive potential. Kitchen knives were an obvious weapon, but there were also dishes that could be thrown and a pot rack that was literally full of potential. The idea of using the cast iron skillet to cave in Cory’s head was particularly appealing.

“Buck?” Maddie put a hand on his arm. “You okay? You’ve got the strangest look on your face.”

The concern in her voice brought Buck out of his daydream. He smiled sheepishly at his sister and shrugged. Maddie frowned at Buck, but didn’t call him on his obvious attempt at nonchalance.

“All right, let’s get that mac and cheese in the oven,” Maddie said. “These boys of mine are starting to get impatient.”

Maddie moved towards the refrigerator, but Buck intercepted her and soon had his sister seated at the kitchen table. If she weren’t pregnant, he would have used the stools at the kitchen counter, but since Maddie was so short, Buck didn’t want her to have to strain herself. He turned the oven on and while he waited for it to heat up, he found some hummus and carrot sticks for Maddie to munch on.

“Don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing,” Maddie complained, even as she dragged a carrot through the hummus. “I’m supposed to be the one taking care of you.” She popped the carrot in her mouth and chewed, eyes narrowed as she contemplated her brother.

Buck ducked his head and looked at her through lowered lashes. It was a ploy, something he’d done since he was kid, but it almost always worked.

  
“All right, but put the sad eyes away,” Maddie laughingly said. “I’ll let you fuss over me today, but don’t get used to it.” She waggled a finger at him. “And you are not teaching your nephews how to use that look either. Only you could weaponize a facial expression.”

It was obvious she was teasing and that alone made Buck’s heart feel lighter. He smiled at her and begin to make the other lunch preparations by setting the table and getting the salad out. While he worked, Maddie kept up a patter of words, letting Buck know about the things she was hoping that her sons would learn and whom she hoped would teach them.

Or not, as the case may be.

“Howie is absolutely not teaching the boys how to drive,” Maddie said. When Buck looked at her in mild surprise, she explained. “He ended up with a piece rebar through his head.”

Buck thought she was being a little unfair; that accident hadn’t been Chim’s fault. He took another look at her expression, though, and decided not to press the matter.

“I’ll ask Athena to teach them to drive,” Maddie continued. “Not only has she had a lot of defensive driving training and experience, but with her as a teacher, they’ll be so intimated that they’d never consider texting while driving.” She sighed. “If texting is even a thing by the time they’re old enough to drive. There’ll probably be something worse by then.”

The microwave timer Buck had set went off and the next few minutes were filled with getting the mac and cheese on the table. Once it was there, Maddie fell on the dish as though she hadn’t just polished off a dozen carrots and half a container of hummus. Impressed, Buck watched her with a sense of disbelief.

“Sorry,” Maddie wiped her mouth, but the movement didn’t appreciably slow her down. “I’m eating for three. Don’t be shy, dig in.”

Buck dished himself up a spoonful of the main dish, but ignored the salad. He’d taken his first forkful of the cheesy stuff when a pile of green was dumped on his plate.

“You need to eat your vegetables,” Maddie told him.

He thought about protesting, but Buck just smiled and shook his head. Maddie was going to be a great mom. After all, she’d mothered him his whole life.

Eating the salad was interesting. Although he’d initially shied away from it, Buck had to admit that he was enjoying the leafy greens. It’d been a long time since he’d eaten anything so fresh and crispy. He actually finished that before the mac and cheese.

As he continued eating, Buck’s mind wandered back to his unborn nephews. What would Maddie and Chim want him to teach them? What could he teach them? He was pretty sure that Maddie would not want her sons following in his footsteps by running into burning buildings instead of away from them. Chim would be a much safer example for them to follow, should they want to go into firefighting.

What other skills did Buck have, though?

_“Put those pretty lips to good use, Spot, and don’t you dare gag.”_

Buck startled and his fork clattered down onto the plate as his fingers lost their grip. Cory’s voice had been as real as though he’d been speaking right into Buck’s ear. Buck swiveled his head from side to side, frightened that somehow the man was actually in the house with them.

“Hey!” Maddie’s voice was full of fear. “Buck, what’s wrong?”

In addition to speaking, Maddie reached across the table to put a hand on Buck’s wrist. He flinched back from the touch, shoving his chair back violently and jumping to his feet. He stood, his breathing labored, as he searched for the threat.

“Buck?” Maddie’s voice got closer. “Listen to me, please. You’re safe. You’re back in LA with me. No one is going to hurt you.”

Somehow, Buck managed to drag his eyes over from their frantic search to focus on his sister’s face. She was calm, although there were tears in her eyes. He knew there was no way Maddie could act so cool if Cory was anywhere near.

“Maddie?” Buck mouthed her name, although no sound came out.

She smiled, but her lips trembled. “That’s right. You’re here in Los Angeles with me. You’re safe now.”

Maddie came the rest of the way around the table and wrapped her arms around Buck. One of them was trembling, but Buck couldn’t tell who. Maybe both of them were shaking.

“Come on, let’s go sit down,” Maddie suggested. “I don’t know about you, but I’m not hungry anymore.”

Buck was alarmed. Had his flashback caused his sister not to get enough food? He rubbed his stomach, trying to show his dismay in his expression.

“Are you still hungry?” Maddie asked.

The answer to that was not only no, but that what he had eaten was threatening to make a return appearance. Buck shook his head and reached out to touch Maddie gently on the stomach. Her face cleared as she understood.

“Don’t worry, the babies and I got enough to eat,” Maddie gestured to the table where their dishes still sat. “See, clean plate club. Come on, let’s get more comfortable.”

Although his sister tugged him towards the living room, Buck resisted. He made a grab for the mac and cheese instead, intending to put it away. Maddie took it out of his hands.

“You cooked, so I do clean up,” Maddie told him as Buck grabbed for the dish again. “Station rules, remember?”

She was right; it was the rule at the fire house that whoever did the cooking for that meal didn’t have to do the dishes. Buck reluctantly let go of the mac and cheese and obediently took a chair back at the table. He sat with his elbows on his knees, cradling his head in his hands. He wanted to tell Maddie how much doing chores like cleaning up after a meal made him feel more normal, like he was more than a hole to fuck. He couldn’t say that to his big sister, though, especially while she was pregnant.

It had been a simple meal and almost all of the preparations had been done the night before. It didn’t take any time at all before Maddie had the leftovers put away, the plates in the dishwasher and the table wiped down.

“Come on, let’s see if there’s anything good on TV,” Maddie suggested. “I don’t know about you, but carbs make me too sleepy to do anything else.”

Buck pointed down the hallway where the bedrooms were, but Maddie just shook her head. “No way I’m leaving you alone right now.” She smiled sadly. “I might not ever leave you alone again.”

Buck hoped she didn’t mean that; he didn’t want to feel helpless forever. As he followed his sister into the living room, though, he couldn’t help but notice how her gait was already closer to the waddle that most pregnant women had. That observation reminded him that once the twins were born, Maddie would have more than enough to occupy her.

The siblings settled on the couch and Maddie commandeered the remote. After a few moments of scrolling, she made a soft sound of pleasure and settled on a channel. “This is a documentary about dinosaurs and they got wiped out by a meteor strike. I know you like learning about natural disasters.”

From being haunted by Cory’s voice to watching a documentary about extinct animals was too big of a mental leap for Buck. He sat next to Maddie on the couch, dazed, and let her curl up next to him. Exhaustion dragged at Buck, but there was no way he was going to fall asleep with someone touching him, even if it was his sister.

As Buck pretended to watch television, Maddie became a heavier and limper presence at his side. After she hadn’t moved or said anything for several minutes, he looked down and saw that Maddie was asleep. He waited a few more minutes, just to be sure. When he was certain that Maddie was deeply asleep, Buck moved carefully, lowering her to lay horizontally on the couch. He had a scare when she murmured softly, but after a moment, she drifted back into slumber.

Buck quietly left the room, moving quietly so as not to wake her. Once he had, though, Buck wasn’t sure what to do with himself. He couldn’t sit still anymore, that was all he’d been doing since coming back to Los Angeles. Even when he was with Carlyle, Buck was exercised regularly. Buck flinched at the thought; not all of the ‘exercise’ had been benign and none of it was done for his benefit.

After a few indecisive moments, Buck went back to the kitchen and took the dirty dishes out of the dishwasher. There were only a couple and it didn’t take long to wash them by hand. When he was finished, he still couldn’t stay still, so he wandered the house.

Moving quietly so he didn’t wake his sister, Buck moved from room to room, peering out the windows. Going outside was tempting, but he didn’t want to take the security system down just for a little fresh air. Besides, that would mean leaving Maddie alone in the house while she was sleeping and Buck didn’t find that idea acceptable.

Once he’d made two circuits of the house, Buck ended up in the room that was designated as his. By that time, Buck was practically vibrating and knew he had to get rid of some energy. The bedroom was far enough away from the living room that if he was careful, he shouldn’t disturb Maddie. There was a limited amount of exercises that Buck could do without any equipment, though. Burpees would be effective, but he’d probably shake the whole house doing them and that wasn’t option. Finally, Buck settled on simple pushups.

After taking off his hoodie so that he was just in a short-sleeved t-shirt, Buck lowered himself to the floor and got into the right position. He made sure that he was facing the door; not wanting anyone to sneak up on him. The first time he used his arms to lower and raise himself, he knew he’d made the right decision. The movement felt good; using his body on his terms felt even better. He smiled and settled into a rhythm, letting it soothe his nerves. Before long, he was lost in the motion.

“Buck?”

The sound of a voice startled Buck so badly that he was thrown off his rhythm and fell to the side. Panicked, he looked up, but it was only Maddie. She was standing in his doorway and had a concerned expression on her face. He mentally kicked himself. It did no good to take precautions like facing the door if he was going to be so mesmerized by the exercise that he didn’t pay attention.

“What are you doing?” She asked as she came into the room. “Well, I can see what you’re doing, so I guess I want to know why.”

Breathing hard, Buck rolled into a sitting position on the floor, with his back supported by the large chair that served as his bed. His sister’s question was too complicated for a complete answer, so he settled for a shrug.

Maddie nodded just as though he’d said something. “You always did get antsy when you’re cooped up too much. Now that you’ve burned off some steam, why don’t you come back to the living room?”

Buck nodded and stood, only realizing as he used his arms to push off the floor how much they burned. How long had he been doing push-ups?

“I take that back,” Maddie waved a hand in front of her face. “Maybe you should take a shower first. You stink, little brother.”

If he thought getting up was hard on his arms, lifting one up so he could sniff an armpit was even worse. Buck flinched slightly and not just from the arm pain either. Maddie was right; he smelled rank.

After his sister left the room, Buck gathered clean underwear from a dresser door, but that was as far as he got. As he looked at the clothes in the closet, he came to a screeching halt. What should he pick? Jeans or sweatpants? What color shirt would Maddie prefer him to wear? Long sleeves or short sleeves? When he’d been at Bobby and Athena’s, there hadn’t been so many choices and Buck was paralyzed when he thought of screwing it up.

“Buck, I don’t hear any water running,” Maddie was back. She frowned for a moment when she saw him standing in front of the closet with the door open, but then her expression cleared. She looked sad, but no longer confused. “It’s been a while since you could choose your own clothes, huh?”

Embarrassed, Buck nodded.

“Don’t worry about it,” Maddie reassured him. “It’s just me and you here and I’m not going to tease, I promise.”

She took a deep breath. “Okay, we’re just lazing around the house today, so you don’t need to dress for success or anything like that. You just need to be comfortable.” Maddie looked at Buck. True to her word, there was no hint of teasing in her expression or sign of impatience. “Let’s break it into smaller chunks and that might make it easier.”

Buck nodded.

“First decision, sweatpants or jeans?” Maddie asked, after she’d dug one of each out of the dresser and closet.

When Buck just shrugged, she shook her head. “Not my decision. Sweatpants or jeans.”

Buck’s teeth worried at his lower lip as his thoughts raced. He reminded himself that Carlyle and Cory weren’t there and so he wouldn’t be punished for trying to look as unattractive as possible. Sweatpants were more comfortable, but they were also easy to remove. Too easy. With a shaking hand, Buck pointed towards the jeans.

Maddie’s smile was immediate and brilliant. “Good job, little brother, I know that wasn’t easy.” She put the sweatpants away and pulled out two t-shirts. “Red or blue?”

For all that he’d agonized over the first decision, Buck found himself wishing he had more than two choices for the shirt. With Carlyle and Cory, they’d used blue when they wanted to highlight the color of his eyes. Red was for when they wanted to highlight his fault – his birthmark. Neither one was a good scenario.

Buck eventually pointed towards the blue. Both colors had bad memories associated with them, but blue was the lesser of two evils. Besides, the loose, soft cotton t-shirt was a far cry from the types of clothes the traffickers made him wear.

“All right, you’re all set,” Maddie gently put the clothing into Buck’s arms. “I’ll meet you out in the living room when you’re done.” She smiled at him. “And no need to conserve the hot water, no one else’ll need it for hours. Take as long as you want.”

Before she left, Buck made the sign for thank you. Instead of making her smile, Maddie just looked sadder.

“Anything I can do to help you settle back home,” Maddie assured him. “That is, literally, the least thing that I can do.”

After she walked out, Buck closed the door behind her. For good measure, he locked it, despite knowing that Maddie was a safe person to be around. Then he went into the bathroom and did the same thing. It didn’t take long to get out of his sweaty clothes and under the water.

Showers were something that Buck had taken for granted before. After months of simply being hosed down, part of a group shower with other captives without any privacy, or being forced to shower with a client where the last priority was Buck’s comfort, he didn’t think he ever would take it for granted again. Even the shower at the hospital had been bliss and it didn’t hold a candle next to the one he had access to now. He cranked the temperature up as hot as he could take it; warm water was a luxury he hadn’t had for months and he’d relished every chance he had to enjoy it since being rescued. Not only that, but Buck savored being touched only by his own hands and that he was alone; no one watching.

Buck stayed under the water until it started to cool down. When he got out, he toweled himself dry and quickly got dressed. He grabbed a hoodie before he left his room, wearing a “Property of LAFD” shirt was an easy decision, even for him. That he happened to still be using Eddie’s was just a bonus.

Dirty clothes in hand, Buck dropped them off in the laundry room before heading back to Maddie. She was still on the couch, but instead of watching television, she had her laptop out and was frowning at its screen.

He was barefoot, so Buck deliberately stepped heavily so that Maddie would hear him coming. He didn’t like to be snuck up on, so he wasn’t about to do that to his sister. She looked up at the slight noise and smiled at him, although her expression was a little cloudy.

“Would you like to come over here to help me out?” She asked.

It didn’t matter what Maddie needed help with; there was nothing Buck wouldn’t do for his sister. He sat on the couch, noticing as he did that she had yarn and knitting needles in her lap. Upon seeing those, Buck knew that, while he was still willing to help Maddie with whatever she needed, there probably wasn’t much he could do since crafting was involved. He was kind of surprised she’d ask, not after that whole glitter phase he’d gone through in kindergarten.

“I wanted to make baby blankets for the twins,” Maddie explained, expression woeful as she held up two knitting needles that had a mass of entangle yarn hanging from them. “I don’t think it’s supposed to look like this.”

Buck shook his head. He might be a novice, but he was pretty sure it wasn’t supposed to look like that either.

“Here, I’m going to start from the beginning,” Maddie started pulling at the yarn, unraveling what little structure that had been there. “I have another pair of needles and more yarn in the bag. We can each do one.”

Once Buck was set and Maddie was ready to begin again, she restarted the YouTube knitting lesson and the siblings began. To his surprise, Buck found it fascinating. If he moved the needle like _that_ and lifted the yarn _there_ , a loop was made. One loop connected to another and before he knew it, he had a few inches of actual knitted fabric.

Buck looked at his result in awe. He'd made that. He’d controlled that. It was a heady experience.

“You’re good at knitting,” Maddie said.

Buck looked over at his sister and caught her putting her camera down. No doubt she’d just taken a picture of him – while he was knitting, no less. Buck thought back to Cory and Carlyle. There were definitely worse things he’d been photographed doing. Or, he told himself doggedly, things being done to him.

A sniffing sound distracted Buck from his dark thoughts. Maddie was crying. Buck put down his knitting. He wanted to reach over and hug his sister, but he couldn’t quite bring himself to do it.

“I’m sorry,” Maddie wiped at her face. “It’s just that I’ve been thinking all along that my boys would never get to meet their uncle and now you’re back. You’re even making something that they’ll use. It’s more than I thought I would have.”

Buck awkwardly reached out and patted Maddie’s shoulder. That much touching he could do. He just wasn’t sure that she should be so happy about a baby using anything that he’d made, but he was glad that she was happy. He just wished she wasn’t crying.

“Come on,” Maddie sat up, bringing herself under control. “Let’s make it a race.”

The siblings were competitive, but also newcomers to knitting. It didn’t take long before their hands got tired and their patience worn thin. Maddie packed her set away, but Buck held on to his. As with the pushups, he’d kind of lost himself in the motion and he liked that. He definitely felt calmer than he had all day, so knitting might be something pick up again in the evening.

“Well, I’m faster, but you’re neater,” Maddie said as she looked over her results. It was better than her first attempt, but not by much. “I may end up having you knit both of them.”

After Maddie put her knitting away, she pulled out a spiral notebook from her bag. She held it on her knees and fiddled with the pages. You didn’t have to know her as well as Buck did to know that she was nervous about something. Buck sat back and waited for her to speak.

“I wanted to talk for a minute about what happened at lunch,” Maddie said. She took a deep breath before continuing. “About your flashback.”

Just like that, any serenity that Buck had gained was gone.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Maddie reached out and touched Buck on the knee. “When you’ve been through a trauma, flashbacks happen. I know.”

Buck wouldn’t look at her.

“Remember I said that I had some issues while you were gone, going back to my time with Doug?” Maddie didn’t wait for Buck to respond. “While I was struggling with all of those feelings, one night I was having dinner with Howie and I dropped a plate.”

Buck glanced over and could see tears gathering in his sister’s eyes.

“The sound of a breaking plate brought me right back to Doug,” Maddie continued. “Just a stupid plate, but when Howie reached out to me, I flinched. For a second, I was afraid of Howie. Howie, who wouldn’t hurt a fly but especially wouldn’t hurt me.”

Maddie smiled sadly. “I all but ran out of Howie’s place.” The deep breath she took was shaky. “I’m telling this story so that you know that I know something about flashbacks. They suck.”

Her words reminded Buck that Maddie had suffered years of abuse where he’d only endured months. That fact alone proved that his sister was the stronger Buckley.

“I’m not going to ask you what your flashback was about,” Maddie assured him. She offered the notebook to him and, acting without thinking about it, Buck took it from her. “But I thought you might like a place where you could write it down. Or, at least, track what triggered you so we can help you when those situations come up.”

Buck looked down at the notebook and back up to Maddie. In theory, it was a good idea, but so far, writing hadn’t worked for him any better than talking.

“This is just for you,” Maddie tapped the cover of the notebook. “It’s not for communicating to other people; no one will look at it unless you want them to. Maybe that will make it easier to use than other you’re prepared if you want to write something down.”

The two of them settled in to watch television again and a silence grew between the two siblings, slowly growing more comfortable as they left the flashback conversation behind. Buck’s attention, however, was on his sister rather than whatever was on the TV. Maddie was petite and heavily pregnant and yet she was determined to take care of Buck. Protect him and help him heal. Buck wasn’t sure how he could ever repay her.

But he knew something that would be a good start.

Buck was aware that his silence bothered family and friends alike. He’d tried to talk, but every time he did, he remembered Cory coming after him with the taser and the words would stick in Buck’s throat. He’d managed a few times, but usually when what he said was unplanned and he just blurted something out.

Even sitting mere feet away from his sister, Buck felt the memories threaten to overwhelm at just the thought of talking. He clenched the hand on the side furthest from Maddie into a fist and told himself he was being stupid. Carlyle and Cory called him Spot and treated him like a thing instead of a person. A thing didn’t talk. A dog didn’t talk. Buck was a person, not a thing or a dog. And he would talk. To his sister.

That vow was easy to make in his mind, but hard to do. Buck planned the words he wanted to say and he tried, but his mouth opened without a sound. Thankfully, Maddie didn’t seem to notice. After a few minutes of Buck’s silent struggle, Maddie’s phone rang. She picked it up and read a text.

“Chim and Bobby are on the way,” Maddie smiled brightly at Buck, but her smile faltered at what she saw in his face. “Buck? You okay?”

It was his last chance. Buck had a feeling if he didn’t do it now, he might never find the courage again.

Buck dug deep and forced the words. “Love. You. Maddie.”

It was extremely abbreviated version of what he’d planned on saying and Buck mentally kicked himself. Maybe he was little better than a dog after all. Then he looked at Maddie. She had a hand over her mouth and her eyes were full of tears.

“Oh, Buck,” Maddie’s smile was watery, but genuine. “I love you too, little brother.”

She held out her arms and Buck moved into them, letting his sister snuggle him close. He remembered all the times Maddie’d held him this way when he was a kid and some of the contentment of that more innocent time seeped into him.

They were still sitting that way a few minutes later when the front door opened. Buck was facing the right way to watch as Chim and Bobby walked into the house. The two men stopped when they saw the siblings. Chim smiled and touched Bobby on the arm before heading towards the kitchen. Bobby looked for a moment more, then smiled too and walked away.

Buck just closed his eyes and continued to let the love from his sister envelope him.


	2. Chapter 2

Eddie couldn’t remember the last time a shift seemed to drag by so slowly and at only eight hours long, it was a short shift too. Of course, it didn’t help that there had only been a couple of calls to break up the monotony. Normally a quiet shift was a blessing because it meant fewer lives at risk, both for the general public and for them, but today Eddie longed for the distraction that more calls would have offered.

He was spending the night with Buck.

One of the benefits of using Hen’s friend’s house for Buck was that they could rotate who stayed with him so that the burden wouldn’t fall only on Bobby and Athena. That was the theory anyway. The reality was that Bobby had proven reluctant to leave Buck’s care to anyone else. That first day when Maddie stayed with Buck while Bobby had been at the station had been bad. It had been Bobby’s first day back since Buck had been rescued. In the field, Bobby could stay focused on the job, but in the firehouse, it was obvious he was struggling. That night, Bobby had insisted on being the one to spend the night at the house with Buck instead of going home to his own.

It was just a day later and Eddie wasn’t sure what had changed. Maybe Athena had put her foot down and demanded her husband back for herself. Or, more likely, she saw how stressed Bobby was and insisted he let the others help. For whatever reason, Bobby had agreed to let someone else stay with Buck and Eddie had jumped at the chance.

Finally, finally, the minute hand on the clock made the last tick and it was time for Eddie’s shift to be over. He practically jumped to his feet. His movement startled Hen, who laughed when she realized what he’d done.

“Can’t wait to get out of this place, huh?” She teased. “And here I thought you loved your job.”

“I’m staying with Buck tonight,” Eddie said as the two of them headed to the locker room. “Don’t want to be late.” They passed Chim as they walked and he fell in with them.

“We know,” Chim said, exchanging a grin with Hen. “You’ve only told us at least forty times.”

Eddie refused to be embarrassed about it. Buck was his best friend. After nearly a year of thinking the man was dead, of course Eddie was excited about spending time with him and he didn’t care who knew it.

“He saved my son’s life,” Eddie reminded them as he made quick work of changing his clothes. “I missed him, but more than that I want to do everything I can to show him how much I appreciate what he did for Christopher.”

“Uh-huh,” Chim grunted as he bent down to take off his boots. “I’m sure that’s all it is.”

That was a strange thing for Chim to say, but Eddie didn’t have a chance to comment before Hen was talking again.

“Speaking of your son,” Hen asked, her expression full of sympathy. “How does Christopher feel about you getting to see Buck when he can’t?”

Eddie sighed. Recalling his little boy’s hurt expression that morning when he’d informed Chris that he couldn’t come along dampened Eddie’s spirits. “He still doesn’t understand why Buck doesn’t want to see him.”

Hen nodded. “Denny doesn’t get it either and he’s never been as close to Buck as Christopher is.”

“Me neither,” Eddie confessed. “But until Buck’s ready, that’s the way it’s got to be. I just have to get Chris to comprehend that we need to respect Buck’s decision, even if we don’t understand it.”

“I think you’ll get a better idea of how to do that after tonight,” Chim said. “Just by dropping Maddie off, I’ve seen Buck more than you have, and adding in what Maddie has to say. . . .” He struggled to find the words. “The way Buck is now isn’t the Buck we know.”

“Then we’ll help him make it all the way back,” Eddie stated confidently. “As much as he can, anyway.”

Eddie knew that it had taken him a longer time to come back mentally from Afghanistan than it had physically. In many ways, what Buck went through was worse and so Eddie knew that it would take his friend a long time to normalize. If, in fact, he ever did. Eddie knew he wasn’t exactly the same person he was before seeing combat, but the important parts of him hadn’t changed. He had to believe the same was true for Buck.

Chim held his hands up in surrender as a response to the repressed emotion in Eddie’s voice. “I’m not saying he can’t. I’m just saying maybe he’s got the right idea about not being around kids until he feels more settled.”

“I dunno, Chim,” Hen disagreed. “Kids love unconditionally. I think Buck needs that right now.”

“Maybe,” Chim replied, “But it’s Buck’s choice.”

“Damn right it is,” Eddie assured the other man. He knew that Chim cared about Buck in his own right and not just because Buck was his wife’s brother. “I’m not looking to second guess him or make him doubt his decision.”

“Chim, you about ready to go?” Bobby came into the locker room with an impatient look on his face. Just like the first day, Chim had given Bobby a ride to the station.

The other three firefighters exchanged amused looks. Bobby was normally the last one to leave on a shift. Not only did he need to inform the incoming captain of the shift’s activities, but he generally just liked to be there until a shift change was complete, to make sure everything went smoothly. Not the past couple of days, however. Bobby was like Buck getting ready to run into a burning building; impatience personified.

“Just about,” Chim hurriedly stuffed his uniform shirt into his bag and then zipped the duffle closed. “Eddie, you’re right behind us, right?”

“I’ll be a couple of minutes,” Eddie told him. “I’m going to order pizza to pick up on my way.”

“Pizza? Go easy on the toppings.” Bobby asked, frowning. “Buck had salad yesterday and it caused him some problems last night.”

Eddie nodded, trying not to look as irritated at Bobby as he felt. He’d gotten the Buck report via text just like everyone else and knew to be careful. He also knew Bobby was having a rough time, though, and didn’t mean to imply that Eddie didn’t know how to take care of his best friend. Probably, anyway.

“I’m ordering a cheese pizza, light on the sauce,” Eddie assured Bobby. “Shouldn’t be any harder on him than mac and cheese.”

Behind Bobby, Chim winced and Eddie made a mental shrug. Bobby had fed Buck mac and cheese in addition to salad; maybe Eddie hadn’t been as successful at not showing irritation as he’d hoped.

Bobby’s smile was a wry twist of the lips. Eddie’s unintentional message had been noted.

“Might I suggest no beer?” Bobby added, a little more diplomatic that he’d been before. “I know that’s the usual with you two, but it might be a little early.”

“Already planned on bringing soda,” Eddie replied. “I’ll add in some ginger ale too, just in case.”

“Good idea,” Bobby patted Eddie on the shoulder. Eddie took it as the silent apology that it clearly was.

He nodded at Bobby and got a more genuine smile in return.

Bobby turned to Chim. “You ready yet?”

Chim slung his bag over his shoulder. “Just waiting for you, boss.”

“Good,” Bobby turned to leave. “Let’s not waste daylight.”

As Chim moved to follow, he turned around so that he was walking backwards. ‘Help me,’ he mouthed to Hen and Eddie.

“Chim!” Bobby stuck his head back into the room. “Quit fooling around. Let’s go.”

Eddie grinned at the look on Chim’s face, an expression that Bobby couldn’t see since Chim’s back was still to him. “Don’t worry, I’ll only be a few minutes behind you.”

After the other two men left, Hen shook her head. “Athena’s worried about him.”

“Yeah,” Eddie said. “He’s like a mother hen on steroids.” Something occurred to him. “We had to go to department mandated therapy while Bobby was in New Orleans with Buck – has Bobby seen a therapist?”

“Not yet,” Hen replied, “But Athena’s working on it.”

Which meant it was as good as done. Eddie quickly finished stuffing things into his bag and then hefted it over his shoulder. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Hen walked out with him. “Have fun and give Buck my love.”

“Will do,” Eddie assured her.

They got into the separate vehicles, but before starting his, Eddie got out his phone. He had the pizza place in his contacts and it didn’t take long to place an order. With the traffic, it was even ready by the time he stopped in to pick it up.

“Mr. Diaz,” the young woman behind the counter greeted him. It occurred to Eddie that maybe he’d been ordering pizza a bit too much, if she recognized him. Her next words cemented that concern. “I wasn’t sure if this was really your order or not.”

To say that a cheese pizza, light on the red sauce, was not what Eddie usually got was an understatement. He was a carnivore at heart and usually got as much meat on the pizza as possible. Christopher wasn’t too picky and had even enjoyed the vegetable laden pizzas that Buck preferred. After the first time, Eddie wouldn’t let Buck order ham and pineapple pizza; fruit on a pizza defied the laws of nature as far as Eddie was concerned. Now, though. . . . Now, as soon as Buck’s stomach was back to normal and could handle anything, Eddie would let his friend order whatever damn pizza he wanted.

“Yeah, special circumstances,” Eddie smiled at her. The pizzeria had a glass-doored refrigerator unit next to the counter and he grabbed four bottles of soda, two Cokes and two ginger ale. “Add these too, please.”

Thankfully, the house Buck was using wasn’t too far from the pizza place and so the smell of fresh pizza didn’t drive Eddie crazy before he reached his destination. Seeing Chim’s car in the driveway, Eddie parked in front of the house. Laden with pizza, soda and his duffle, Eddie was pretty weighed down as he approached the house and was glad to see Chim waiting for him with an open door.

“What took you so long?” Chim asked, as impatient as Bobby had been at the station.

“Hello, it’s nice to see you again too,” Eddie said sarcastically. He thrust bag with the pop bottles into Chim’s hands as he walked by him. “Yes, I do need help carrying everything, thanks for asking.”

“Sorry,” Chim said quietly as they entered the kitchen. “The changing of the guard can be a little tense.”

Eddie let his duffle drop to the floor, but placed the pizza more carefully on the counter. “What do you mean?”

“Maddie’s an overprotective sister hyped up on pregnancy hormones and Bobby’s an overprotective firefighter captain dealing with some major feelings of guilt,” Chim retorted. “What do you think I mean?” 

“Oh,” Eddie said. When put that way, he could see why Chim was stressed. Hopefully Buck wasn’t caught in the middle of that.

Chim sighed. “I just want to get Maddie back home. I understand why she wants to spend so much time with Buck, but she’s got her own health to worry about too.”

“Come on, let’s assure our worriers that Buck’s safe with me,” Eddie suggested.

The two men walked into the living room. The Buckley siblings were seated on the couch, while Bobby stood near them. Maddie was just finishing stowing knitting needles in her tote and, if the look on her face was any indication, she probably would rather have been placing them in Bobby’s chest.

“I’m just saying it’s not the most nutritious choice,” Bobby was saying as they entered.

“But Buck loves them, which means he might actually eat them,” Maddie retorted.

Eddie wasn’t sure what was going on, except that Buck was perched uncomfortably on the couch. His head was down, but Eddie could see that the tips of Buck’s ears were flushed red, a sure sign that he was upset. Eddie glanced at Chim. “What’s this about?”

“Maddie had some groceries delivered,” Chim explained. “And Bobby doesn’t approve of some of her food picks.”

“I’m not sure that frozen waffles count as a food,” Bobby had heard what Chim said and responded. “They’re one step above cardboard.”

“Cardboard that I can fix without setting the house on fire,” Eddie chimed in with forced cheer. He knew that Bobby was struggling, but that didn’t give him an excuse to run roughshod over a pregnant woman, especially a pregnant woman who was Buck’s sister. “Cap, can I see you in the kitchen for a minute?”

It wasn’t exactly a request and Bobby looked a little taken aback by that. Even given Eddie’s past history with the street fighting, Bobby was used to Eddie’s more laid-back nature. Still, he followed Eddie back to the kitchen.

“What’s going on, Bobby?” Eddie asked quietly once they were alone.

Bobby crossed his arms over his chest. “What do you mean?”

“Having a hissy fit over frozen waffles,” Eddie replied, not bothering to sugarcoat the clarification. “Sure, you’re a food snob, but usually you’re not rude about it.”

It looked like Bobby was going to protest, but he instead sighed and rubbed his hands over his face. “I know. I’ll apologize to Maddie.”

“What’s going on, Bobby?” Eddie repeated his original question, tilting his head in order to catch the older man’s eyes. “You know we all love Buck and just want the best for him right?”

“I know, it’s just. . . .” Bobby looked away, but not before Eddie saw the sheen of tears in his eyes. “I’ve lost three kids and Buck’s the only one of them that came back.”

Jesus.

Eddie closed his eyes at just the thought of the pain he’d feel if Chris died. Had been spared feeling thanks to Buck’s actions during the tsunami. To think that Bobby had gone through that kind of pain with his kids and then with Buck. . . well, it was no wonder the man was being overprotective.

“I need to apologize to Maddie,” Bobby said and moved as though to return to the living room.

Eddie gently grabbed him by the arm. “Maybe when you’re outside? So Buck doesn’t get too uncomfortable?”

“Yes, of course,” Bobby smiled wanly at Eddie. “You’re a good man, Eddie Diaz – and a good friend to Buck.”

Eddie shrugged. “Buck’s easy to be good to.”

Uncomfortable with the emotions raised during their short conversation, Eddie abruptly turned around and went back to the living room. “Who’s staying for pizza?”

“Nobody,” Chim replied before anyone else could answer.

Eddie was relieved; he hadn’t really wanted anyone to take him up on his offer.

Chim pointed at Bobby. “Your wife threatened me if I don’t drop you off at your house within 90 minutes of shift change. You might be my boss, but I’m more afraid of her than I am of you.”

“And me?” Maddie asked with a smile. “Are you afraid of me too?”

“Shaking in my shoes,” Chim said with a smile. He pressed a chaste kiss on her lips. “Now let’s go home and let Buck have some quality time with his BFF.”

Buck hadn’t lifted his head and for the first time Eddie began to wonder if maybe it was Buck who needed Bobby to stay, rather than the other way around. “That okay with you, Buck?”

His question got Buck to lift his head. Before answering, though, Buck glanced at Bobby and made a gesture with his hand. Only when Bobby answered did Eddie realized that Buck must have been using sign language.

“I’m fine, truly.” Bobby assured the young man. “You’re in good hands with Eddie.” He smiled sheepishly at Maddie. “The only better I can think of might be your sister.”

Only then did Buck turn to Eddie. Instead of using ASL, though, he just made a thumbs up gesture to show his approval.

“All right, I’ll leave you two to it,” Bobby reluctantly turned towards the door. “I’ll be over after lunch, though. You have your follow-up with Dr. Joy.”

Maddie paused long enough to give Buck a quick hug and then she let herself be escorted out by her husband. Bobby was right behind them and by the time the door shut behind them, Eddie could see Bobby talking quietly to Maddie; hopefully an apology was involved.

“Hungry?” Eddie asked when it was just the two of them. “We probably shouldn’t let the pizza get too cold.”

If they’d been at Eddie’s house or Buck’s old apartment, they would have taken the pizza into the living room, put their feet up on the coffee table and found something on tv to watch while they chowed down. This house didn’t belong to either of them, though, and Eddie didn’t feel comfortable with getting too comfortable. Instead, they sat at the table. Buck even got plates out of the cabinet.

“Did you have a good day?” Eddie asked and tried not to be too disappointed when Buck just gave him another thumbs up. Maddie had told them that Buck spoke the day before, although she hadn’t shared what her brother had said.

Although he felt a little guilty about it, Eddie subtly watched as Buck took his first bite of pizza. The guilt faded fast in the wake at Buck’s obvious pleasure. For the first time since he’d been rescued, Eddie saw a big smile on Buck’s face.

“Good, huh?” Eddie asked. Buck nodded enthusiastically back.

Eddie’s fingers twitched with the desire to take a photo of Buck’s happy face, but he managed not to. At some point Buck was going to get tired of all the pictures his family was taking.

“Here, I got us something to drink too,” Eddie got up long enough to retrieve the bottles of soda. He gave one to Buck and saved one for himself. He left the ginger ale in case the pizza caused Buck any stomach upset. 

Buck’s reaction to the soda was more extreme than with the pizza. He took a short drink and then set the bottle down on the table with a thud. Buck’s eyebrows had risen comically on his face and then he sneezed three times in quick succession.

“You okay?” Eddie asked, trying hard not to laugh.

Buck nodded absently. He picked up the bottle again and sniffed at the opening, eyeing the whole thing warily.

“Been a while since you had anything carbonated, huh?” Eddie asked. Buck nodded his head shyly. “Did I ever tell you what happened the first time I gave Chris soda? He told me that it bit his mouth.” Eddie shook his head in remembrance. “The worst thing about it was that it proved my mother right, he was too little for it.”

Bringing up Christopher alleviated the slight awkwardness between the two friends. Eddie spent the rest of the meal telling Buck stories of Christopher and then moved on to some of their most outrageous calls. He deliberately kept it light, though. Either way, he knew Buck would feel bad for not being there, but at least he wouldn’t feel guilty for not being able to help during some of the most intense incidents.

“No, I’m not lying,” Eddie said as they finished their meal. He was happy to note that Buck had eaten two pieces of the pizza. Take that, Bobby Nash. “A small meteor smashed through the roof and right through this woman who just laying on her couch. She was okay, though, because it cauterized the hole it left in her.”

Buck was shaking his head in disbelief as he picked up the leftover pizza to put in the fridge. Working seamlessly together as they usually did, Eddie put the plates in the sink. `After that, the two men stared at each other, not sure what to do next. Then Eddie noticed that Buck was restlessly tapping his hand against his thigh and that gave him an idea. 

“You want to get out of here for a while?” Eddie asked. “We’ve still got some sunlight left; we could take a walk.”

Buck had seemed to enjoy that at Athena and Bobby’s house, before a horde of reporters had descended on them. Instead of answering right away, Buck looked carefully at Eddie and then glanced outside. Eddie had a feeling he knew the reason for the hesitation.

“It’s dinnertime, most people will be eating. Besides, you can put your hood up if you’re worried about anyone recognizing you,” Eddie said. “It’s nice out and we had a really boring shift, I could stand to move around a little.”

Eddie could see Buck wavering between his obvious desire to go outside and his worry. Hearing that Eddie could use a walk, though, seemed to clear up his uncertainty. Buck smiled fleetingly and gestured towards the door.

“Great,” Eddie enthused.

After the two men walked out, Eddie watched as Buck set the security system; he could only imagine what being in control of even that small part of his own protection meant to Buck. The two men walked down the driveway and Buck seemed to relax a little when he saw no other pedestrians in sight. Without having to discuss it, they both headed to the left. The right led to a busier street and neither of them were in the mood for that.

The house was in a very nice, well-established neighborhood. That meant that there were palm trees for shade and other greenery too. Given how upscale the house was, Eddie wasn’t too surprised. In a dry climate like Los Angeles, a green tree canopy was another sign of wealth and, from the conversation they’d had when moving Buck in, Eddie knew Hen’s friend was not hurting for money.

A few blocks from the house and the street rounded a curve. At the apex of the curve was a park.

“Want to go check it out?” Eddie asked. 

Buck had pulled his hood up the minute they walked out of the house, but it had slipped back as they walked. As a result, Buck’s face wasn’t completely hidden in its depths. He nodded immediately and Eddie wondered if Buck was remembering all the times they’d taken Christopher to the park in Eddie’s neighborhood. He hoped so; being reminded of happy times could only be good for Buck.

As they approached the park, Eddie started to notice something different about some of the equipment. There weren’t any kids there, but it was still easy to see that this wasn’t an ordinary playground.

“It’s an adapted playground,” Eddie pointed out, delighted. “See the high back chairs they have for swings? That wooden fort has a ramp too.”

He glanced at Buck, who was smiling at him, no doubt thinking, as Eddie did, how great it was that the community had gone to the extra effort to create a playground that kids like Chris could enjoy.

“Man, Chris is gonna go nuts over this,” Eddie commented

He realized his mistake when Buck stiffened beside him.

“I mean, when you’re ready for him to visit,” Eddie quickly added. Buck had raised his hoodie up to hide his face again and Eddie couldn’t see the other man’s expression. “When that happens is totally up to you.”

Buck nodded, although he made no effort to look at Eddie. After a moment, Eddie started moving again and Buck followed. They passed the empty playground equipment and Eddie prayed that someday his son would have the opportunity to visit it. It wasn’t because Christopher lacked play areas closer to home, but him being at this particular playground would mean that Buck was ready to see Chris again.

There was also a paved path around a small pond and the two men started walking along it. There was a slight tension between the them that hadn’t been there before. Eddie walked with his head down, kicking himself for making Buck uncomfortable by bringing up seeing Christopher.

Eddie felt a light touch of his arm and looked up to find Buck watching him, his hoodie pushed completely back. Buck had stopped walking and so did Eddie. He was going to ask if Buck needed anything, but there was an expression of intense concentration on Buck’s face that caused him to stay quiet. Buck had initiated this, whatever it was, and Eddie had a feeling it should play out at whatever pace that Buck needed.

The walking path wasn’t busy, but Eddie still moved slightly off it so that they wouldn’t be interrupted by anyone. He watched Buck. The other man had a crease in his forehead and opened his mouth a couple of times, but was clearly having a difficult time expressing anything.

“Take your time, Buck,” Eddie encouraged him. “Neither of us has anywhere we have to be. There’s no rush.”

After a few moments of silence, Buck blew out an explosive sigh and looked away. When he looked back, his jaw had a determined set. “Chris. Not safe. With me.”

Each word was a struggle and Eddie didn’t try to help. From what he could tell, the few times Buck had spoken before seemed to be spontaneous. What was happening now seemed to be thought out and, while the words themselves broke Eddie’s heart, he was encouraged that Buck made the effort.

“There’s no one else I would trust more with my son than you, Buck,” Eddie replied, when he was sure that Buck had said all he intended. “That’s as true now as it was before the tsunami.”

Buck started shaking his head even before Eddie stopped speaking. “I’m . . . .” he visibly struggled for a word. “Dirty.”

Anger washed through Eddie, sudden and hot. He wanted to find each and every person who’d contributed to Buck thinking that way and beat them bloody.

“No, Evan, you’re not,” Eddie kept his voice gentle and used Buck’s given name in the hopes that it carried home to the other man just how serious Eddie was about what he was saying. “What they did to you? That’s 100% on them, not you. What they did put stains on their souls, not yours.”

“No,” Buck’s voice was a flat, raspy denial. He used his thumb to poke at his own chest. “Dirty.”

Eddie was grateful that Buck had a therapy appointment the next day. Bobby had been collecting the affirmation cards they’d all been making for Buck. Clearly, their friend needed them even more than they thought.

“I’ll have to respectfully disagree,” Eddie said, mindful of how fragile Buck was. If he went too far in telling Buck that he thought he was wrong, Buck might become reluctant to express an opinion in the future. “And I’ll have to keep telling you that until you believe me.”

From the expression on Buck’s face, he was far from convinced. Eddie didn’t want to have an argument with Buck, so he let the issue drop. “You want to keep going? Shouldn’t take too long to get around the pond. If you’re up to it?”

Buck looked relieved at the change in subject and nodded a yes to the question. Eddie didn’t try to talk much as they walked. Chatter had always been more Buck’s thing than his and it was a little eerie to have the other man be so quiet. Still, the silence wasn’t awkward and that was a relief. Their friendship was still healthy enough that it didn’t need a lot of conversation to survive.

By unspoken agreement, they headed back to the house when they were done with one lap. All in all, they’d been gone almost 45 minutes and it seemed like enough for the first walk in the new neighborhood. Buck seemed a little calmer, at least he was less jittery than he’d been before they left, so Eddie counted it as a win.

“Hey, I think I’m going to take a shower, if that’s okay with you?” Eddie asked once they got back inside. He’d been so anxious to get to Buck’s that he hadn’t done it before leaving the firehouse. It’d been a relatively quiet shift, but Eddie still felt grimy.

Buck nodded and pointed down the hallway where the bedrooms were.

“Great, thanks.” Eddie circled back to the kitchen where he’d left his duffle. When he picked it up, the contents shifted, reminding him of something.

Instead of walking through the living room and straight on to the bedroom, Eddie stopped and put his duffle down so he could look through his bag. Given that his duffle was mostly full of clothing, the hard items he was looking for were pretty easy to find.

“I almost forgot, I got you these,” Eddie said, handing Buck two books. 

The first book was “What to Expect While You’re Expecting,” a popular resource to guide new parents through pregnancy. Eddie remembered that it was one of the first things that Shannon had bought when they learned she was pregnant. He hadn’t looked through it much, but her copy was pretty well worn by the time Christopher was born. The second book was something similar, only about twins.

“I know you like to research stuff,” Eddie explained. “And as a first-time uncle, I figured you’d be interested in following Maddie’s pregnancy pretty closely.”

Buck’s grin was everything that Eddie had hoped for. For a fleeting moment, Eddie felt bad for Maddie. By giving Buck the books, Eddie was well aware that he’d unleashed on her a Buck-shaped storm of baby facts and little-known minutia about pregnancy. Eddie watched as Buck flipped through pages, imagining Buck’s happy chatter about what size the baby was or how likely it would to have inherited his blue eyes, Eddie came to the realization that Maddie wouldn’t mind at all. Not if it made Buck happy and especially not if it inspired him to start talking.

“I’m going to hit the shower,” Eddie stated, picking his bag up again. “Knock yourself out.”

He moved to leave, but a soft sound drew his attention back to Buck. The other man had looked up from the book and made a gesture with his hand. Eddie grinned, glad that Bobby had shown the whole team a few basic ASL signs.

“You’re welcome,” Eddie replied. He flashed Buck a grin and got a smile in a return. It was a shadow of Buck’s former grin, but Eddie was still glad to see it.

Eddie took his time with his shower, but it wasn’t because he was that dirty. He wanted to give Buck the chance for some alone time; Eddie figured that had been in short supply for the younger man. Eddie puttered as much as he could, but eventually grabbed his own book out of the duffle and headed back to the living room. 

When Eddie got to the living room, he stopped for a moment just to look. As he’d expected, Buck was completely immersed in one of the books. He was seated on the couch with his legs pulled up and there was a frown on his face. 

“Learning stuff?” Eddie asked as he came in.

Buck made some rapid hand gestures and, given what the younger man was reading, it wasn’t too hard to discern what he was saying. 

“Yeah, the babies are about the size of a banana right now, maybe smaller since there are two of them” Eddie agreed. “Hard to believe that Chris was ever that small.” He settled on the chair near the couch. “Do you want to watch something on TV or do you want to keep checking out your books?”

Buck shrugged, clearly not comfortable about making this decision. Eddie had been prepped by Maddie, however, and wasn’t having any of that. 

“Hey, this is your place,” Eddie replied. “I’ve got a book, so I’m happy to read, but if you want to watch something, that’s good too.” He grinned. “Although if we could steer away from anything animated, that would be great.”

It wasn’t easy for him, that was easy to see. Buck worried at his lip a bit, but eventually held up his book. 

“Reading, it is.” Eddie agreed readily. “Nice choice.”

The two men settled down for a quiet evening. Once in a while, Buck would make a noise and Eddie would look up from his own book to share in whatever information that Buck had found. There was no chatter, but they communicated easily anyway. Knowing each other so well helped.. Buck seemed interested in any details Eddie gave him about Chris as a baby and that was a relief, to know that Buck still cared about Christopher, even if he wasn’t ready to see him yet.

It would have been a little more pleasant had a beer or two been involved, but given Buck’s reaction to soda, it had been the right decision to introduce alcohol later. The only downer for the evening was when Eddie excused himself to say goodnight to Christopher. The boy couldn’t hide his hurt feelings that it was just his dad on the phone and not Buck too. Eddie felt a little bad about that, but he didn’t want Buck to feel any pressure to interact with Christopher before he was ready.

Eventually, Eddie noticed that Buck was trying to stifle his yawns.

“Go to bed if you want,” Eddie suggested to him. “I’m going to read a while longer.” 

Buck looked uncertain, but then yawned hugely. He smiled sheepishly and gathered his books before standing up. He hesitated before leaving and Eddie figured out what the issue might be.

“Good night,” Eddie told him. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

Evidently Buck didn’t know the sign for good night, but he did wave at Eddie before walking away. Eddie tried continuing with his book, but he really he was listening for Buck. The bedroom was too far away for Eddie to hear much, which was frustrating. After it had been quiet for too long, Eddie got up to get himself a glass of water. When he did, he looked up the hallway and couldn’t see a light under Buck’s closed door. Buck was safely in bed.

After that, Eddie felt he could relax. He slouched down in the chair and lost himself in the pages of his novel. It was a slice of heaven to get the chance to read without the needs of a ten year-old, the blare of a fire alarm or even the distraction of a friend interrupting him. Eddie didn’t often get a lot of quiet time.

He didn’t get much quiet this time either.

“Christopher! Christopher!”

Eddie was up and running before he was aware he was moving. He stopped just outside of Buck’s bedroom door, his concern for his friend warring with Buck’s need for privacy.

“Christopher!”

“Buck, I’m coming in,” Eddie compromised by announcing his intent. He stepped into the room and flipped on the light. 

Buck was tangled in his sheets and seemed to be fighting them. The chair bed he was sleeping on wasn’t that big and creaked ominously as he writhed. “No, Christopher!”

The sight broke Eddie’s heart. He wanted to go over and wrap Buck into a big, protective hug, but he knew it probably wasn’t a good idea while Buck was in the throws of a nightmare. Instead, he approached the bed and spoke gently, but firmly.

“Buck, you’re dreaming,” Eddie’s fingers twitched with the need to shake his friend awake, but he managed not to do it. “You’re safe, Buck. It’s Eddie, you’re safe. Christopher is safe.”

It wasn’t working. Something soft hit Eddie’s foot. He looked down and realized that the bear that Christopher had made for Buck had fallen onto the floor. Whispering a quick prayer of thanks, Eddie snatched it up and squeezed it.

“I love you, Buck! You’re my hero, thank you for saving me!”

“I love you, Buck! You’re my hero, thank you for saving me!”

Hearing the recording of Christopher’s voice did what Eddie couldn’t. Buck stopped struggling and opened his eyes. His gaze wasn’t focused at first, but when Eddie squeezed the bear a third time, Buck turned his head towards the sound.

“I love you, Buck! You’re my hero, thank you for saving me!”

“Christopher is fine,” Eddie assured his friend once he was sure Buck was in reality and no longer caught in a dream. “You did it, you saved him. He’s fine.”

Buck was gulping air in as though he’d just run a marathon; or just out swum a tsunami.

“It’s fine, Buck, just a dream,” Eddie grimaced. “Okay, not ‘just’ a dream, but a bad ass nightmare, but you’re safe. Christopher’s safe. You did it, you saved him.”

“Chris?” Buck blinked owlishly up at Eddie. His voice was raspy, but that could have been either from disuse or from the previous shouting.

“My aunt is staying with him tonight,” Eddie explained. “He’s just fine. He made this bear for you, remember?” He handed Buck the bear.

“I love you, Buck! You’re my hero, thank you for saving me!”

“I love you, Buck! You’re my hero, thank you for saving me!”

With each repetition, Buck seemed to calm down a little more. With the situation somewhat under control, Eddie looked around. The chair looked like a warzone and he was surprised to see that the sheets appeared to be in one piece.

“Hey, want to see Chris?” Eddie asked. When Buck hesitated, he was quick to explain. “Not in the flesh, but would you like to see a video of him?”

Buck nodded and Eddie got up from the crouch he’d assumed in order to easily talk to Buck. He offered his hand to the other man and was pleasantly surprised when Buck took it. He let Eddie help him to his feet almost absently, as though his mind still wasn’t entirely there.

Eddie led them both back to the living room. He had Buck sit on the couch and then got his phone, from where it was sitting on the coffee table. Eddie gingerly sat next to Buck and queued up a particular app.

“The tsunami didn’t just give you and Christopher nightmares,” Eddie explained as he worked. “I had a problem with them too. Or just worrying all the time, really.” 

Eddie handed Buck the phone. On the screen was a live video feed coming from Christopher’s bedroom, dim but still visible because of the soft lamp that Christopher still had on when he slept. It was focused on the boy’s bed and showed Christopher peacefully sleeping. They could even hear the soft whistling sound that Christopher sometimes made. Eddie thought it was the cutest snore ever.

“When I was on shift, I’d call home all the time to talk to him, to make sure he was safe,” Eddie explained. “And that was fine while he was awake, but you know how many overnight shifts we have. I couldn’t keep asking Carla or my aunt or my abuela to wake up in the middle of the night just so I could see my kid.” He nodded at his phone. “Got one of those computer cameras and an app, so I can check on him at night without disturbing anybody.”

Buck looked up at him with wide eyes, hastily wiping at his face with the hand not holding onto the phone. 

“Hopefullly I’ll outgrow the need for it before he gets old enough to object,” Eddie sheepishly admitted. 

The camera had been the therapist’s idea. Eddie still felt a little silly about it, but Frank had pointed out that Eddie had lost his wife and his best friend in a relatively short amount of time, that it was okay to be freaked out by almost losing his son too. Seeing how much comfort the video was bringing Buck, Eddie felt anything but silly. He’d have to give Frank a big thank you hug at his next session.

“Do you want to hang on to that for a while?” Eddie asked.

Buck touched the screen and shyly nodded.

“It’s all yours,” Eddie got up and moved to the chair. “Take as long as you need. I have an afternoon shift tomorrow and you don’t have anywhere to go until after lunch. We can sleep late tomorrow.”

Eddie moved to the chair and picked up his book again. He no longer felt like reading, but he knew it would be a good cover for keeping an eye on his friend. 

Yeah, they could sleep late the next day, but that assumed that either of them would be able to get any sleep at all.


	3. Chapter 3

Buck sat on the comfortable chair and tried not to vibrate out of his skin. His good leg bounced up and down, making the rolled tube of paper he’d brought with him rustle. The waiting room was as inviting as the first time he’d had an appointment with Dr. Joy, but just like that initial visit, Buck couldn’t relax. He liked Dr. Joy, but she’d warned him that healing would be a lot of work and most of it would be up to him. Since the healing wasn’t physical, Buck knew the session was going to deal with some pretty heavy emotions. Buck didn’t handle emotions well under the best of circumstances and the way he was now? He just he didn’t want to embarrass himself in front of Bobby.

“Buck?” Bobby’s voice was full of concern, almost as though he’d been privy to Buck’s thoughts. “You okay, kid?”

All Buck could do was nod. Bobby deserved better than that, but it was the best that Buck could do at the moment.

“I thought you liked Dr. Joy?” Bobby asked, eyebrows drawn together in a frown of concern. “But we can find a different therapist if you’d be more comfortable. . . .”

Bobby moved as though he was getting up and Buck quickly put a hand on his arm. When Bobby glanced at him, Buck shook his head.

“You don’t want me to cancel the appointment?” Bobby asked. “You want to keep the appointment?”

Buck nodded, relieved.

“All right,” Bobby settled back into his seat. “I just want you to be comfortable with whatever we do.”

Movement at the front of the room distracted both of them. Dr. Joy was in the doorway and smiled when she realized that she had their attention.

“Evan, are you ready?” She asked.

After exchanging a quick look with Bobby, Buck nodded and got to his feet, making sure to grab his paper. Bobby also rose and the two men walked towards Dr. Joy and followed her back into the offices. In the short walk to Dr. Joy’s, she and Bobby kept up small talk about the weather. Far from making him feel invisible, their chatter helped Buck relax.

Only once the three of them were seated did Dr. Joy directly talk to Buck again.

“How was your week, Evan?” Dr. Joy asked him. 

Buck gave her a thumbs-up.

“Good,” Dr. Joy smiled. “You do look a little less hunted this week. Are the reporters leaving you alone?”

That was a more complex question to answer, so Buck looked at Bobby. The older man took the hint and addressed the therapist.

“It’s not so much that they’re leaving him alone as that they can’t find him,” Bobby started. He then went on to explain the house and how Buck’s living arrangements had changed.

Eyes focused on his hands as they worried at the bottom of his hoodie, Buck only partially listened. He really wanted to get up and look at Dr. Joy’s photo wall, to see if there was anyone like him pictured there, as evidence that he could leave the Menagerie all the way, emotionally as well as physically.

“Well, Evan, I have to admit that I was wrong and I am delighted at that,” Dr. Joy’s statement got Buck to lift his head to look at her. “Last week I thought you had all the support that any traffick survivor could want and now I found out that you have even more. This arrangement with the house and having your friends and sister stay with you sounds ideal.”

Buck nodded, having to agree. Sometimes he felt like a little kid that needed to be babysat, but mostly he was just grateful to have the people he loved close by so he could see them with his own eyes.

Dr. Joy tilted her head as she studied him. “You do look a little tired, though. Have you been sleeping well?”

Damn. Buck’d hoped he’d been hiding it better. Neither he nor Eddie had gotten a lot of sleep after Buck’s nightmare. He didn’t want to have to admit that in front of Bobby. Instead of completely denying it, though, he just held up his hand and wavered it, trying to show that his sleep was okay, but not great.

“I see,” Dr. Joy didn’t look convinced. “Nightmares?”

Buck looked away as he nodded.

“That’s to be expected,” Dr. Joy’s tone was very matter of fact, she didn’t sound disappointed or sad. Interest piqued, Buck looked back her way. “If you remember, in our last session, I mentioned that under severe stress or trauma, one of the mechanisms the mind takes to protect itself is to create a little box that it shoves all that horror into? It’s a way for you to survive what’s happening to you, but in most cases, that box won’t stay sealed forever. When you’re safe,” she grimaced, “or at least, safer, the mind starts to lose its hold on the box and everything it contains. Nightmares are one way that your subconscious begins to process what’s happened.”

Process? It felt more like torture, having to relive those things again.

Some of Buck’s skepticism must have shown, because Dr. Joy smiled sadly.

“I promise you, it might not feel that way, but your mind really is trying to heal,” Dr. Joy assured him. “Let me guess, you’re having flashbacks too?”

After sneaking a worried glance at Bobby, who had a pained but stoic look on his face, Buck nodded. He wasn’t sure which was worse, having the memories sneak up on him when he was awake or having them slithering into his dreams.

Dr. Joy looked at Buck and then Bobby. “I was going talk about this with you later, but I think this is an appropriate time. I’d like to give you some suggestions for how you can help yourself during these episodes, Evan, and also some tips that your friends and family might find useful if they’re around when one hits. Does that sound all right to you?”

All he could do was nod, which Buck did gratefully. He could see movement from the corner of his eye and Buck realized that Bobby was doing the same.

“The most basic thing you can do is going to sound ridiculously simple, Evan, but it’s not,” Dr. Joy told him. “And that’s to realize that you’re having a flashback or a nightmare.”

Buck looked at her in disbelief. That didn’t sound simple at all. In fact, it sounded impossible.

“I know, easier said than done,” Dr. Joy admitted. “But there are some techniques you can use to help yourself learn how. The simplest one is to spend a few minutes before you go to bed, reminding yourself that you’re safe, that you’re no longer with the traffickers.” She smiled at him. “Do it often enough and, I promise you, it really will help.”

He wasn’t entirely certain, but Buck nodded anyway.

“Something else you can do is called grounding,” Dr. Joy said. “Once you’ve realized that you’re caught in a nightmare or flashback, or even if you suspect you are, you find things around you that you can use to anchor yourself to the real world.”

“What kind of things?” Bobby asked.

Dr. Joy shrugged. “Everyone is a little different. Some people concentrate on their senses, finding something they can see, something they can smell, etcetera. Other people count, like finding five things in the room that are yellow. The point is to take yourself out of the memory and back into reality. Evan, you’ll have to try a couple of different tactics and see what works best for you. The most important is to have a plan. Evan, do you think you can do that?”

Buck thought about it for a minute and then nodded. What she was talking about sounded a lot like muscle memory. The more he did it, the better he’d be at it. Buck had done enough physical training over the years to know how that worked.

“If you aren’t already, I suggest you sleep with a light on. It doesn’t have to be a big one, but if you’re coming out of a nightmare into darkness, it can be hard to snap yourself out of it.” Dr. Joy said. “I had one patient that turned on loud music. It’s hard for even nightmare to compete with that.”

“What can we do to help?” Bobby asked.

“Whatever technique that Evan decides to try, you can help walk him through it. Especially in the beginning when he’s still trying to establish what works for him,” Dr. Joy told him. “What I strongly suggest that you not do is to touch him. I know when you see someone you care about struggling, your instinct is to shake him awake or even hug him to provide comfort, but given what Evan’s been through, either of those actions are likely to cause more distress.”

Bobby grimaced. “We can do that.” From the expression on his face, it wasn’t going to be easy.

“One last suggestion,” Dr. Joy said. “Some people find it helpful to write their nightmares down. Or their flashbacks.”

“Writing it down helps?” Bobby asked.

“Sometimes,” Dr. Joy replied. “Sometimes it even helps to take that written account and add a new ending to it, but that’s something we can try later. Rome wasn’t built in a day. This is going to be a long process, Evan.”

Buck sighed, but nodded. She’d warned him it would be a lot of work.

“I sent you off with some homework after our last visit, Evan,” Dr. Joy nodded at the rolled paper that Buck had brought with him. “Am I correct that you were you able to make a collage?”

As an answer, Buck grabbed it and handed it to his therapist. As he did, he bit his lip nervously as she unrolled it on top of the coffee table. She’d told him that there was no right or wrong way to make a collage, but knowing a virtual stranger was going to be looking at it made Buck feel oddly exposed.

“Ah, this is lovely, I knew you could do it,” Dr. Joy praised him as perused the collage. She lifted her head to look at Buck with a smile. “I see that you’re a people person.”

She was right. Buck’s collage consisted of almost entirely pictures of his friends and family. There was a photo of the whole 118, taken a few months after Eddie had joined the team. There were a couple of pictures of Maddie, with and without Chim. And Christopher, there were several photos of Christopher. Maybe that’s why Dr. Joy focused on them first.

“Is this the boy you saved from the tsunami?” Dr. Joy asked, tapping one photo in particular.

Buck nodded, smiling as he usually did whenever Christopher was involved.

“He looks like a very special little boy,” the therapist added. “Was he glad to see you again?”

Bobby cleared his throat. “Buck hasn’t actually wanted to see Christopher yet.”

Dr. Joy nodded. “That makes sense.”

“It does?” Bobby blurted out. He seemed to realize how his question sounded, though, and clarified. “Buck’s had nightmares about Christopher, we just all assumed that he’d want to see for himself that Christopher is safe.”

“Evan risked his life to save this child’s life, yes?” Dr. Joy asked, but didn’t wait for an answer. “Would it be fair to say that he’s protective of him?”

“Yes,” Bobby answered without hesitation.

“Then it makes sense that Evan would want to protect Christopher from what happened with the traffickers, doesn’t it?” Dr. Joy asked.

Bobby sighed. “When you put it like that, yes.” He turned to Buck. “I’m sorry if it sounded like I was second guessing you.”

Buck knew that his friends were worried about his insistence on not see Christopher, but he just couldn’t. Not when he still felt strangers’ fingers on his skin or Carlyle and Cory’s hateful words still echoed in his head.

“All these people that make you happy,” Dr. Joy said, once again studying the collage. “But there’s one obvious person missing.”

Frowning, Buck looked at the collage again. Maddie. Christopher. Eddie. Bobby. Athena. Chim. Hen. They were all there, as well as their families. He hadn’t left anyone out. He looked up at Dr. Joy, hoping she could see the uncertainty in his face.

“You,” Dr. Joy said gently. “You’re missing from your collage.”

Him? Buck shook his head. No, he did not make himself happy – and that was an understatement.

“My hope for you, Evan, is that by the time you make your final collage for me, that you’ll be able to include a picture of yourself in your collage,” Dr. Joy said gently. 

Buck blinked back tears. He just couldn’t see that ever happening.

Dr. Joy rolled the collage back up and handed it to him. “Here, you need this. I suggest you find a place to display it where it’ll help when the nightmares come again. The nightmares aren’t true, not anymore. These people? They are your truth. I hope the collage can help you remember that.”

It didn’t appear like she expected an answer, which was good, because Buck didn’t have one for her. He felt all sorts of emotions roil through him and had to look down. To his relief, Dr. Joy turned her attention to Bobby.

“Bobby, I believe you had some homework too,” Dr. Joy said. “What do you have for me?”

Like Buck, Bobby had brought something with him. His was a backpack and, at the therapist’s question, dug into it. He handed Dr. Joy a thick pile of index cards.

“My goodness, you don’t mess around, do you?” Dr. Joy commented as she started to look through the cards.

“No ma’am,” Bobby replied, a slight smile played around his lips. “Everyone who heard about the project wanted to participate. Give me a little more time and I’d have three times that many.”

“I think this is plenty to start with,” Dr. Joy looked up at him. “But there’s no such thing as too many affirmations. You can add as many as you want.”

“There might be some duplicates,” Bobby warned her.

Dr. Joy shook her head and smiled at Buck. “Doesn’t matter. That just means that whatever is being written about is so intrinsic to who you are, Evan, that more than one person thought of it.” She handed the cards back to Bobby.

“Just like the collage, there’s no right or wrong way to do this,” Dr. Joy told Buck. “You can look through all the cards if you want, there’s no mystery to them. I do suggest, however, that you pick one every day to focus on. Stand in front of the mirror and stay it – or read it – several times a day. The traffickers spent months telling you how little you were, worthless. Use these cards to let the voices of your friends and family drown that shit out. Let them speak for you until you’re strong enough to speak for yourself.”

Even as she finished speaking, Dr. Joy reached into her pocket and dropped a quarter into the swear jar. “Some things are worth cussing for,” she told Buck, with a wink and then changed the subject. “It seems pretty obvious as this point, but no progress with the talking?”

Buck lifted his hand and wobbled it back and forth.

“He’s spoken a couple of times,” Bobby added. “From what I understand, not all of them were spontaneous too.”

“That’s good, Evan,” Dr. Joy’s face lit up. “How hard was it to do?” She lifted her hand and measured about an inch with index finger and thumb. “This hard?” She changed her measurement to about six inches. “Or this hard?”

Buck thought about it for a moment and took his hand and lifted it as high as it could go. He’d had to fight for every word that he’d said to Maddie and Eddie.

“Yet you were still able to do it,” Dr. Joy commented. “That’s impressive.”

She looked at her watch. “I think that’s about all the time we have for today, but I have to tell you, Evan, you are making remarkable progress. For next week, I’d like you to concentrate on using the affirmation cards. If there are any hobbies you could resume, that might be helpful too. “

“Buck and his sister are learning to knit,” the pride was obvious in Bobby’s voice. “Maddie’s pregnant with twins and they’re each making a baby blanket.”

“Wonderful,” Dr. Joy said. “A lot of patients find that activities that keep their hands busy, whether it’s painting or knitting or even just doing puzzles, helps them relax.” Her face turned serious. “One thing that I do not recommend at all is trying to drown your sorrows in drinking or drugs. They might be a crutch in the short term, but in the end only become a problem in themselves.”

Buck shot a quick look at Bobby. Whether people believed it or not, Buck could learn from the mistakes made by others. If someone as strong and good as Bobby could get lost in substance abuse, then it would be too easy for it to happen to Buck. There was no way that he was going down that road.

“Before you go, do you have any questions?”

“I do,” Bobby asked, when Buck just shook his head no. “It’s obvious that I . . . . I’m struggling and I’ve learned the hard way to ask for help. Can you recommend a therapist that works with the families of trafficking survivors?”

Buck made a soft noise of dismay and reached out to touch Bobby’s arm. Bobby gave him a smile, but it wobbled a bit. Bobby patted Buck’s hand. “Not your fault, Buck. All of the team went to counseling while I was in New Orleans with you. I just want to be the best I can be so that I can help you to the best of my ability.”

“And you can help Evan the most by stopping talk like that,” Dr. Joy said firmly. “Bobby, you clearly care for Evan very much and seeing someone you love hurt this way is not easy. You’re wise to seek help, but do it for your own sake, not just Evan’s.”

Bobby’s smile became a little more genuine. “Have you been talking to my wife?”

Dr. Joy snorted. “No, but it sounds like she’s a smart woman.”

“Oh, she is,” Bobby agreed.

After all three of them got to their feet, Dr. Joy went to her desk and picked up a couple of cards from the holder that was sitting there. She handed them to Bobby. “Here are the names of a couple of therapists that I know have experience in this area.”

“Thank you,” Bobby said. “We’ll see you next week.”

Buck made the thank you sign, wondering if he’d ever be able to thank Dr. Joy verbally. It didn’t seem to matter to the therapist, but it did to Buck.

Bobby was quiet as they made their way out of the office and, after a quick stop to schedule Buck’s next appointment, back to the vehicle. Before they got in, Bobby put his backpack in the rear seat. When he got behind the wheel, Bobby handed the stack of cards to Buck.

“I thought you might want to look at these.”

Buck did and yet he didn’t. It seemed really weird that his friends were writing nice things about him. He thought they’d struggle to fill out one or two cards, but the stack that Bobby handed him had to have at least 50.

Starting at the top, Buck started looking through them as Bobby pulled the SUV out of the parking lot.

_Buck is the most loyal friend ever._

_Buck big and buff, but he’s the most gentle person I know._

_Buck is my hero._

The last one was written in crayon and featured one of Christpher’s signature drawings. Buck felt the tears start.

“Hey, these are supposed to be positive,” Bobby sounded distressed.

Buck waved his hand from the cards to himself, gesturing wildly.

“Yes, they’re about you,” Bobby assured him. “And every one of them is true too.”

It was too much. Buck leaned over the seat to carefully stow the cards in the back. Bobby cleared his throat.

“Do you want to stop at the store and get some of that stuff so we can hang your collage on your bedroom wall?” Bobby asked.

Buck shook his head. Going to therapy was one thing, as was walking around the block. But going to a store, with all sorts of people he didn’t know? Any one of which might recognize him? No, Buck was not ready for that.

“All right, I’ll call Hen later and see if she can bring some with her,” Bobby told him. “She’s staying with you tonight.”

An uneasy silence fell in the vehicle for several minutes.

“Buck?” Bobby asked.

Buck looked at the other man expectantly.

Bobby took his eyes off the road long enough to confirm that he had the other man’s attention. “I’m proud of you.”

Shaking his head, Buck turned away.

“Hey,” Bobby said again. 

Almost against his will, Buck looked back. Bobby had one hand on the wheel, but the other was extended towards Buck. Buck took it and held on to the hand like it was a lifeline. Maybe it was.

“It’s going to be okay, kid,” Bobby’s voice was thick. “I promise you, it’s going to be okay.”

And at that moment, Buck believed him.


	4. Chapter 4

“Phone, phone, where’s my phone?” Eddie chanted under his breath as he looked around the living room. He knew he’d brought the phone out of his bedroom, where it charged overnight, but it wasn’t on the table by the front door where he normally put it. He did another scan of the room and finally spotted the familiar shape. It was on the coffee table.

“Huh,” Eddie picked the phone up. He didn’t even remember being near the coffee table, but then the morning was just as crazy as usual, even though it was a weekend. The only difference was the chaos started a little later in the day.

Being a firefighter wasn’t a Monday through Friday, 9-5 kind of job. Eddie didn’t often have two days off in a row that lined up with a weekend, so when he did, he usually jealously reserved that time to spend with Christopher. This Saturday, however, was a little different.

“But I want to come with you to see Buck,” Christopher protested. His voice was dangerously close to a whine, something that Christopher didn’t do very often.

Eddie put the phone back on the table and dropped to a crouch so he was more on the boy’s eye level. “I know, Chris, but we talked about this. It’s Buck’s choice and he just isn’t ready yet.”

Christopher crossed his arms over his chest. “He’ll never be ready.”

Personally, Eddie thought that Chris might be right, but he also knew that seeing Christopher absolutely had to be Buck’s decision. It was hard to see his son hurting, but all Eddie could do was to try to help him understand. As much as a child could, anyway.

“Do you want me to take you to the birthday party instead of Abuela?” Eddie asked.

Eddie had figured it would be safe to take his grandmother up on her offer to take Christopher. After all, it was a family party and she would be going anyway. Once he got there, Chris would be so busy playing with his cousins that he wouldn’t even notice that his father was absent and so Eddie could squeeze in some time with Buck.

That was the theory, anyway. The reality was that a little boy who missed his hero fiercely had decided to put up a stink about not seeing Buck.

“I tell you what,” Eddie compromised, silently saying goodbye to his time with Buck. Nothing, not even Buck, came before Christopher’s needs. “I’ll go with you to the party and afterwards, we’ll go to the park or see a movie or something. How’s that sound?”

And then Eddie’s amazing kid surprised him again.

“No,” Christopher said after only a moment of thought. “Buck needs you more today than I do.”

Eddie thought his heart would burst from pride. He cupped Christopher’s face with his hands and bent his son’s head enough that he could kiss him on the forehead. “You are one special kid, you know that?”

“Yeah,” Christopher smiled at him. “You tell me all the time.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re paying attention,” Eddie grinned back at him and gently poked him in the stomach, causing Christopher to giggle. “I wish you’d do that when I’m telling you to pick up your toys.”

“Edmundo!” Abuela called to him from the kitchen. “Don’t forget to take the tamales I made for Buck. You know he loves those.”

“That would make Buck sad,” Christopher said. “Don’t forget, Dad.”

“All right, buddy,” Eddie stood, ruffling Christopher’s hair as he got to his feet. “I’ll go get it right now.”

Eddie headed to the kitchen, where his abuela was waiting for him. As soon as he walked in, she handed him a covered dish.

“I made them a little milder than normal,” she told him. “Since you said Evan’s stomach was still tender.”

“He’ll love them,” Eddie bent down and kissed his grandmother on her cheek. “And he’ll love even more that you made him especially for him.”

“Christopher is not the only one who missed him,” she replied. “Such a beautiful man – and I don’t just mean the way he looks, although he’s beautiful that way too.”

“Abuela,” Eddie blushed. It wasn’t right that his grandmother noticed how handsome Buck was, even if she was 100% right.

“Go, go see your friend,” she shooed Eddie towards the door. “Christopher will have a wonderful afternoon.”

Eddie took a quick look at his watch. It was getting late. “Thanks, Abuela.”

With her laugh following him, Eddie went back to the living room on his way out. “All right, Chris, have a good time at the party. Listen to your abuela.”

“I will,” Chris didn’t look at Eddie, but otherwise seemed to be over his pout.

On the way to his truck, Eddie juggled his keys and the dish of tamales. As he pulled out, he had the feeling he was forgetting something, but chalked it up to the remaining guilt about Chris not being able to come along.

When he pulled up to Buck’s, Eddie wasn’t surprised to see other vehicles there. He wasn’t the only one with a day off. Chim had mentioned that Maddie had no plans to give up her days with Buck anytime soon and that he was going to join her. Bobby had stayed the night with Buck, but Eddie had a feeling that Athena was there too. 

Bobby and Chim knew he was coming, so Eddie didn’t bother to text his arrival. Instead he walked to the door and rang the bell, being sure to smile for the camera that he knew was trained on him. A few moments later, Athena opened the door. Eddie was surprised that he didn’t hear her unlock it first – or that she didn’t lock it behind him.

“Come on in and join the party,” Athena greeted him. She nodded at the dish that Eddie was carrying. “You’re not the only one to arrive bearing gifts. We’re about to have an impromptu potluck.”

Eddie followed Athena into the kitchen, where Maddie and Bobby already were. “How come the security system wasn’t set?”

Athena snorted. “An off-duty police officer is in the house, along with two fire fighters and one pregnant woman hyped up on hormones – and now we have a soldier here too. I think Buck’s safe.”

“Speaking of Buck, where is he?” Eddie asked as they walked into the kitchen. Buck was so tall, that he was hard to miss, even if seemed like he been trying to disappear into the background ever since he was rescued.

“He’s showing Chim his happiness collage,” Maddie explained. “Have you seen it yet?”

“No, not yet,” Eddie admitted. Maybe he could rectify that today.

“What did you bring?” Bobby asked, looking pointedly at the dish that Eddie was still holding.

“Abuela made some tamales for Buck,” Eddie found an empty spot on the counter and set it down. “And before you say anything about it being too spicy, she already told me that she made it milder than usual.”

Bobby held his hands up in supplication even as he smiled. “I didn’t say anything.”

Eddie laughed, glad to see that Bobby was able to joke about it. “Your reputation for being overprotective proceeds you. Besides, if you try to get between Buck and these tamales, then you’re going to have to be the one to explain it to my abuela.”

Intending to make good on his teasing threat, Eddie reached for his phone, only belatedly realizing that had been what caused the nagging sensation that he’d forgotten something.

“What’s the matter?” Athena asked. She’d moved the tamales into the oven to keep warm, but still managed to notice the chagrined look on his face.

“Forgot my phone,” Eddie shrugged. “Abuela’s taking Chris to a birthday party this afternoon and I like for him to be able to reach me if he needs to.”

“Better to forget the phone than the tamales,” Maddie quipped.

“Here, use mine,” Bobby handed his phone to Eddie. “Just tell Christopher to use this number if they need to reach you while you’re out.”

“Thanks, Bobby,” Eddie shot off a quick text to his son and handed the phone back to Bobby. “When do we eat?”

“We’re just waiting for the grill to warm up,” Athena said. 

“Grill?” Eddie asked. “I thought you said this was an impromptu potluck?”

Athena gave him a quelling look. “I didn’t ask you to bring tamales any more than I asked Maddie and Chim to bring an ice cream cake. You just did it because you’re too polite to come empty-handed.” Her expression changed and she smiled sweetly at him. “But you don’t have to eat any of it if you object to the perceived lack of spontaneity.”

“No, no ma’am,” Eddie backpedaled quickly. He wasn’t about to object to a free lunch, not when both Bobby and Athena’s cooking was involved.

“Good boy,” Athena reached out and patted his cheek.

“Hey, is that Eddie I hear?” Chim joined them, with Buck trailing behind.

When he saw Eddie, Buck waved shyly. Grinning, Eddie waved back.

“Who wants to help me put the burgers on?” Bobby asked.

“I didn’t even know this place had a grill,” Eddie said as he followed Bobby into the kitchen.

Bobby picked up a platter of hamburger patties and gestured for Eddie to take the one with hotdogs and chicken breasts. “And it’s a pretty nice one too. I’ve been eager to try it out.”

As the two men went out the patio door, Buck tagged along. That meant that the others followed too, none of them apparently wanting to let Buck out of their sight. Despite being winter, it was still warm enough that they could sit and talk outside, although there was enough chill in the air that they probably would go inside to eat once the food was done.

“Eddie, have you put your money in yet?” Chim asked.

“Oh, no, not this again,” Maddie complained, but she was smiling as she spoke.

“Not what again?” Eddie asked, feeling like he was coming into the middle of a discussion.

“I’m going to be in the delivery room when Maddie has the twins,” Chim explained. “There’s a bet going around the station about whether I faint or not.” He grinned widely. “Eddie, my man, you have confidence in my manliness, yes? You’ll put money down on me not fainting, right?”

“Keep me out of this,” Eddie shook his head. He had a feeling that Hen had started this one; she and Chim were always getting betting pools going.

“Aw, c’mon,” Chim cajoled. “You gotta put money on me not fainting.”

“What he’s not telling you is that you would be the only one betting that Chim won’t faint,” Bobby interjected.

“Timber,” Athena called out. “He is going down. Michael did and he hit the ground so hard that the whole maternity ward shook.”

Maddie laughed out loud, but when Eddie looked at Buck, the younger man was silent. He had a small smile playing around his lips, but wasn’t making any effort to join in the teasing, not even with gestures. To see Buck so subdued amongst his family made Eddie’s heart hurt.

“I’m a paramedic,” Chim protested. “A little blood isn’t going to scare me off.”

“It’s not that,” Bobby explained. “It’s seeing someone you love in so much pain.”

Eddie remembered when Chris was born and how close he’d come to losing it. He hadn’t, though, and being there for the birth of his son was the most amazing experience of Eddie’s life.

“I’m in,” Eddie said when there was a pause in the teasing. “Put me down for Chim not fainting.” He caught Buck’s eye. “You want in with me?”

Buck ducked his head when he realized everyone was looking at him. Only for a moment, though. He lifted his face and, smiling, gave Eddie a thumbs up.

“All right,” Chim crowed, rubbing his hands together. “We are gonna make a lot of money.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure of that,” Athena warned him. “Most twins are born C-section.”

“I know and that means that Maddie’ll be on the good meds,” Chim countered with a grin. “What Bobby said about seeing someone you love in pain won’t be a factor.”

Athena arched one delicate eyebrow. “So seeing the woman you love cut open and all her innards exposed won’t phase you a bit?”

Chim’s grin abruptly vanished. “That’s all behind a screen, right?”

“That’s right,” Maddie shook a finger at Athena. “No trying to work him up and influence the outcome.” She patted Chim on the hand. “All you’ll see is my shining face as we welcome our sons.”

“And on that note, I think the food is done,” Bobby announced from the grill. “Anybody hungry?”

There were a chorus of affirmatives, which made Bobby chuckle. Eddie watched as Buck reached for one of the trays of cooked meat, but Athena beat him to it.

“Let me, sweetheart,” she said to Buck as she took it.

Because he was watching, Eddie could see the disappointment that flashed briefly across Buck’s face. The expression made Eddie stop and think, in their happiness at having Buck back, were the people who loved him coddling Buck too much? It was something he’d have to bring up to the others. What might seem like a loving gesture to them could really be a hit on Buck’s self-esteem, which was fragile to begin with.

With Bobby and Athena laden with trays of food and Chim helping Maddie to her feet, Eddie hurried forward so that he could open the patio door. As he entered, a familiar voice called out his name.

“Edmundo, there you are!”

Eddie did a double take. And then he looked again. Why was his grandmother standing there? How had she even found the place, let alone had a reason to come there?

“I knocked, but there was no answer,” his grandmother said as she stepped forward. “I saw your truck outside, so I knew that Christopher had the right address.”

As if his abuela saying his name conjured him, Christopher stepped out from behind her. “Hi, Dad. We brought you your phone.” 

His son had an expression on his face that Eddie couldn’t quite place, was it defiance or pride? Given the glint in Christopher’s eyes, visible even behind the glasses, Eddie’s money was on defiance.

Even as it felt like time had stopped around him, Eddie felt his mind firing off a mile a minute. Suddenly a few trivial things from the morning made sense. The way it seemed his phone had been moved, Christopher not looking at Eddie when he left the house, and how his phone hadn’t been sitting out as a visual reminder for Eddie to grab it.

Unfortunately, time had not actually stopped, it just seemed like it, and the others entered the house behind him. He heard multiple gasps and one softly uttered “What the. . . .” that sounded like it came from Chim. Before he could turn around and warn Buck to stay outside, Eddie saw the expression on his son’s face change to one of pure joy. Eddie hadn’t moved fast enough.

“Buck!” Christopher called out, although he didn’t move forward. Eddie was grateful for that small miracle.

Eddie turned to look at Buck. As he did, he realized that they all were doing the same and it was small comfort that everyone else seemed as frozen with shock as he was. An important choice had just been taken away from Buck – and it was Eddie’s kid that did it.

Buck’s expression was completely, utterly, blank and it scared Eddie to death.

And Eddie wasn’t the only one it unnerved.

“Buck?” Christopher’s voice was fragile when he spoke again and Eddie started to turn to his son, but then something amazing happened.

It was like a switch had been turned on. One moment, Buck’s face was blank and the next, he was grinning hugely.

“Superman!” Buck bounced forward like a certain infamous tiger that had a spring for its tail. “How’s my favorite Diaz?”

“Buck!” All of Christopher’s confidence was back as he lurched forward to meet his hero in the middle. Buck swung the little boy up in his arms, heedless of the crutches clattering to the floor, and hugged him. “I missed you, Buck!”

“I missed you too,” Buck’s voice was rough, but Eddie couldn’t tell if that was from not using it or because it was clogged with tears. Eddie was just glad he didn’t have to speak right then, because he wasn’t sure he was physically able to.

“I love you and I missed you,” Christopher’s face was hidden in the crook of Buck’s neck. His voice, normally so soft, was full of emotion. “There was all the water and then you were gone and everybody said you were dead. Daddy told me you were my guardian angel, like Mom, but then you came back and I wanted to see you but Daddy said you didn’t want me to and - . . . .”

“Hold on, little man,” Buck interrupted Chris. “We’ve got a lot to talk about; let’s get comfortable.”

Without acknowledging anyone else was in the room, Buck brushed by them and walked to the living room, Chris still in his arms.

“Dios mio, que he hecho?” Eddie’s abuela murmured. She had her hands on her face. “Christopher told me that you wanted him to bring the phone here, that Evan wasn’t at the house and it would be safe to come in. The little one just wanted to see where his friend was staying. I never dreamed that he was wrong.”

Eddie didn’t have the heart to tell her yet that Christopher hadn’t been wrong, he’d been lying. 

“It’s all right, Mrs. Diaz,” Chim came forward and gently led the old woman to one of the kitchen table to sit down. “I’ll get you a glass of water.”

“Let’s give them some privacy,” Athena suggested, encouraging the others away from the living room and over to the table. “Eddie?”

Eddie gave her a bland look and then turned away. Athena probably wasn’t used to being ignored, but she didn’t push the issue. That was Eddie’s kid in there with Buck and he would be damned if he let anyone keep him away. He did, however, step back so that he wasn’t directly in view from the living room. Athena was right in that the two deserved some privacy, even if it wasn’t complete.

Buck settled in the living room’s large chair with Christopher in his lap. For several minutes, Buck did nothing but listen as the words tumbled out of Christopher’s mouth. Eddie could hear Buck murmur occasional things like “You were so brave, buddy” and “I’m sorry you were sad,” but mostly Buck just held Christopher and let him talk.

“And Daddy lied to me!”

Eddie flinched. As much as he liked to be called Daddy instead of Dad, the accusation about lying hurt.

“About what?” Buck asked.

“He said you didn’t want to see me,” Christopher said, sniffling back tears. “He said that you weren’t ready yet.”

“He was right,” Buck said gently, his voice gradually becoming less rough the more he spoke. “I wasn’t ready yet.”

Eddie startled. From Day One, Christopher had Buck wrapped around his little finger, so he’d expected Buck to tell Christopher that everything was okay or something else to let the little boy off the hook. Of all things he expected Buck to tell Christopher, the absolute last thing Eddie anticipated was the truth. Worried about what other truths Buck might tell his son, Eddie gathered himself to interrupt, but was stopped by a hand on his shoulder. He turned around to see Bobby.

“Trust him,” Bobby spoke quietly so that only the two of them heard. “Trust both of them.”

Bobby’s face was wet with tears and that was the moment that Eddie realized that he was crying too. He looked past Bobby to the table where the others sat. It looked like that Buck might be the only one in the house that wasn’t weeping. He nodded his agreement at Bobby and returned his focus on the conversation in the next room.

“But you looked happy to see me!” Christopher argued.

“I know,” Eddie could see Buck squeeze his son tighter. “But being happy to see someone isn’t the same thing as being ready to see them.”

Christopher just looked at his hero for a moment. “That doesn’t make sense, Buck.”

Behind Eddie, Bobby snorted and Eddie had to grin too. Trust Christopher to be so direct even during an emotionally laden moment.

Buck didn’t seem offended. “What did your dad tell you about where I’ve been and what happened to me?”

Eddie bit his lip, glad that Bobby’s hand was still on his shoulder and that the older man gave it a squeeze. This was the moment he’d been dreading, but Bobby was right. Eddie needed to trust Buck.

“He said they were mean and wouldn’t let you come home,” Christopher told Buck. “Daddy said they made you work for them and didn’t even let you call anybody to let us know you were okay.”

“That’s right,” Buck nodded. “But, Christopher, they weren’t just mean, they were really mean. Like really, really.”

“Really really?” Christopher repeated.

Buck took a deep breath. “Yeah. In fact, you could say they were bullies.” He smiled at the little boy, but even from across the room, Eddie could tell that it didn’t reach Buck’s eyes. “Before . . . . before the tsunami, you told me that you were learning about bullies at school. Do you remember?”

Christopher nodded. Eddie remembered too. The topic hadn’t arisen because Chris was being bullied, but he’d been very glad to see it addressed. Christopher had been lucky with bullying so far, but that wouldn’t always be the case and he was grateful for any teaching Chris could get on how to deal with it.

“Do you remember what your teacher said about why some people become bullies?” Buck prompted.

Christopher’s face scrunched up as he thought, but eventually he nodded. “Because they learned to be, that somebody bullied them.”

“That’s right,” Buck praised him. “And that’s why I wasn’t ready to see you yet. The people I was with were the worst kind of bullies and before I can be around you, I need to be sure that I didn’t pick up any bad habits from them.”

Eddie closed his eyes in pain and, behind him, he could feel Bobby flinch. How could Buck possible think something like that?

Christopher wasn’t having any of it either.

“But, Buck, you’re a hero,” Christopher told Buck. From the set of his jaw, the little boy’s defiance was back and this time Eddie was proud to see it. “You would never, ever, ever, in a million years ever be mean to me.”

Buck’s laugh sounded suspiciously wet. Maybe he was no longer the only one in the house not crying.

“I’m glad you think that, buddy,” he squeezed Christopher again, voice cracking. This time, Eddie was sure it was from emotion and not disuse. “But until I know that myself, really know down deep inside, I can’t see you again. I’m sorry, but I’m just not ready.”

There was silence for a few minutes and Chris sighed heavily. “Do you promise that you’ll be ready someday?”

Eddie could see the hesitation on Buck’s face, but eventually he nodded. 

“I promise,” Buck said, reaching one hand towards Chris, his smallest finger extended. “I’ll even pinky promise on it.”

“Okay.” Because of his CP, it took a little more concentration for Christopher to extend just his pinky, but the boy worked at it until he could do it. 

The two sat quietly for a moment and Eddie was beginning to wonder if he should go into the room when Christopher spoke up again.

“Buck, I’m sorry that I came to see you before you were ready.”

“It’s okay, buddy, I forgive you,” Buck answered. “Just do me a favor? Next time your dad tells you something, maybe believe him?”

“Okay,” Christopher nodded, but he wasn’t finished yet. “Until you’re ready, do you think I could talk to you on the phone sometimes?”

“I haven’t been talking much lately, but for you, I’ll try,” Buck told the boy. “I also have the bear you made for me. Thanks for that, it’s awesome.”

“Does it help?” Christopher asked. Eddie had already told his son how much Buck liked the bear, but apparently Chris wanted to hear it from Buck himself.

“Yeah, it does,” Buck told him. “It’s already gotten me through some tough times. Hugging it and hearing your voice even makes nightmares not so bad.”

Christopher nodded. “You know what’s even better after a bad dream?” He didn’t wait for Buck to answer. “A hug from my dad. They’re the best.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Buck said, face serious. Then, to Eddie’s mortification, he glanced over to where Eddie and Bobbie were standing. “Now that we’ve gotten things straightened out, I better let your dad come in here before he busts a gut.”

Eddie and Bobbie exchanged guilty looks. 

“Busted,” Bobby whispered. He gave Eddie’s shoulder one last pat and then he pulled back to join the others sitting at the table.

Eddie watched while Buck got to his feet, still holding Christopher. Buck turned and gently put the boy down in the chair and kissed the top of Christopher’s head. 

“I love you, Christopher,” Buck said. “I promise I’ll work hard so I’m ready to see you again.”

“I know you will, you made a pinky promise,” Christopher reminded him. “You have to keep those.”

Buck smiled. “Yes, sir. Now you be good for your dad and I will see you again soon.”

“Love you too, Buck,” Christopher said, but Buck had already turned away and was heading back towards the kitchen.

Eddie thought that Buck’s departure was a little abrupt, given how careful he’d been being with Christopher. As Buck stepped closer, however, Eddie could see the tension in Buck’s face. The conversation had clearly taken a toll on Buck and he was at the end of his emotional rope.

The best thing for Buck was to let him retreat like he clearly needed to. Eddie was a jerk, though, because he couldn’t resist touching Buck on the arm as he passed by. The touch was gentle, but it got Buck to stop and look at Eddie.

“Thank you,” Eddie said simply, letting his hand drop from Buck’s arm.

Buck just nodded at him and continued on to the kitchen. As Eddie turned back to the living room and his son, he heard Buck say that he wasn’t hungry anymore. Eddie imagined that the others would be dismayed at the message, but thrilled that it was spoken.

Knowing he’d put it off long enough, Eddie walked into the living room and pulled the upholstered ottoman over to the chair that Christopher was seated in. He wasn’t sure how to start the conversation, but as it turned out, he didn’t have to.

“Am I in trouble?” Christopher asked.

Following Buck’s lead, Eddie decided to go with the truth. “Yes.”

Chris sniffed. “I just wanted to see Buck.”

“I know, buddy,” Eddie told him. “But you did some naughty stuff in order to make that happen. You snooped on my phone, you took my phone and you lied to your abuela. And you did all of that knowing that Buck didn’t want to see you yet.”

“Does that make me a bully?” Christopher asked, lower lip wobbling. “Like the people who were mean to Buck?”

“No, not at all!” Eddie assured him. He reached forward and pulled Christopher into his arms. The little boy came willingly. “It makes you a kid and kids don’t always make good choices. You didn’t hurt Buck on purpose; you just didn’t understand. But that’s why you need to listen to adults, so we can help you understand.”

“Okay, Dad,” Christopher’s answer was a hoarse whisper.

“Okay,” Eddie squeezed Christopher before moving the boy back to the chair. “Now I’m going to check on Abuela and say goodbye to the others, then we’ll go home.”

Christopher sighed. “No birthday party.”

“No birthday party,” Eddie confirmed. “And we’re going to talk some more when we get home, but first, there’s something very, very important I need you to remember.”

“What’s that?”

Eddie smiled at him. “That I love you. I may not like what you did today and there are going to be some consequences, but I love you. That’s never going to change.”

To his relief, Christopher was not only able to smile back, but held out his arms for another hug. “Thanks, Dad.”

Eddie gave Christopher a hug and ruffled his son’s hair as he pulled back. “Stay put; I’ll bring your crutches to you in just a minute and then we’ll head out.”

Chris nodded and Eddie walked back into the kitchen to join the others. Maddie’s eyes were still wet and Chim hovered over her with a worried look on his face. His abuela was pale, but Eddie was glad to see that she was talking to Athena quietly.

“I’m sorry,” Eddie told them all. “I had no idea Christopher would find a way to follow me here.” Abuela opened her mouth to speak, but Eddie just shook his head. “It’s not your fault, Abuela.”

“I still feel responsible,” she answered. She must have figured out that Chris had misled her.

“All you did was trust your grandson,” Bobby told her.

“And let’s not forget the result,” Maddie added. When everyone looked at her, she smiled through her tears. “Buck talked. He said more to Christopher just now than he has since he was rescued.”

“When he told us he wasn’t hungry, it didn’t seem to be much of a strain,” Chim pointed out. “I’d say that’s a silver lining.”

“Thanks, guys,” Eddie appreciated the support. He wasn’t sure he believed them, but he appreciated the attempt. “Christopher and I are going to have a long talk when we get home.” He looked at his grandmother. “I’d appreciate it if you could still take his gift to his party and give Pepe my apologies for the sudden change of plans.”

“Por supuesto, Edmundo,” Abuela hesitated. “El nieto isn’t in too much trouble, is he?”

Eddie sighed. “He lied, Abuela. No matter how much I understand why he wanted to see Buck so badly, I can’t just let that slide. Are you busy tomorrow?”

“Once church is over, no.”

“All right, you can expect Chris and I to be over after lunch,” Eddie told her. “Try to think of some chores that Christopher can do for you, in addition to making an apology.”

“All right, just don’t fret too much,” his grandmother stood and kissed Eddie on the cheek. “You’re a good father, Edmundo.”

They all watched as the elderly lady stopped by the living room to give Christopher a kiss before leaving the house. Eddie sighed.

“I just hope that Buck doesn’t think I had something to do with Christopher showing up here,” Eddie said.

“Don’t worry about that,” Bobby told him. “Anybody who saw the look on your face would know you were just as surprised as anyone else.”

“Thanks, Bobby,” Eddie hoped the older man was right. “Okay, I’m going to get Christopher home. I’m sorry we killed the vibe we had going earlier.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Athena reassured him. “If you think this was bad, just wait until Christopher becomes a teenager.”

“I’m trying not to think about that,” Eddie groaned. He picked up Christopher’s crutches from where someone had leaned them against the wall. “Please let me know how Buck’s doing.”

“Always,” Bobby patted Eddie on the shoulder. 

“Come on, Chris, let’s go,” Eddie brought the crutches to his son. Christopher had fresh tear tracks on his face. Eddie’d been watching when his grandmother left and knew she hadn’t chastised Christopher; maybe the guilt of lying to her was catching up with him. 

Christopher was fiercely independent and lately didn’t want Eddie picking him up. Not this time. Chris held his arms up to his dad again and Eddie obliged. As his son nestled in his arms, Eddie brought one hand up and cupped the back of Christopher’s head. 

“We’re going to be okay, kid,” Eddie whispered into Christopher’s ear. He remembered how much more like himself Buck seemed while he was talking to Christopher. He had no illusions about Buck suddenly being cured of his trauma, but even if Buck’s choice on seeing Christopher had been taken away, there was the possibility of a silver lining. 

Maybe Buck was going to be okay too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even before I started this series (which was supposed to be a much shorter stand alone story), I had three scenes in mind. One was Bobby collapsing and telling Athena that they'd hurt his kid. The second was Buck standing in the sunshine and soaking up the light. The third was this scene, where a nonverbal, traumatized Buck manages to push that aside long enough to interact with Christopher.
> 
> I hope I made it clear that Buck isn't suddenly back to normal. There's still a lot of healing left to do.


	5. Chapter 5

After talking to Christopher, Buck managed to keep his composure until he made it back to his bedroom. Once there, he shut the door quietly behind him and leaned his back against it, as though securing it against anyone trying to force entry. He slowly slid down until he was on the floor, face hidden in his knees and his arm curled around his folded legs. Only then did he let himself completely break down.

The last thing Buck had wanted was for Christopher to see him like this. Broken. Filthy.

Polluted.

_“C’mon, Spot, spread ‘em wide, they don’t want to just see that ass, they want to fuck it!”_

Buck bit his lip until it bled, the iron taste of the blood reminding him that the words weren’t real. They were a flashback. 

With that thought, Buck’s eyes popped open and he looked for something else to help anchor him. He remembered Dr. Joy talking about each of the senses. Well, he already had taste. Buck desperately looked around the room, eyes landing on the bear Christopher gave him. It was sitting on the chair that Buck used as a bed.

Breathing so heavily that he started seeing spots, Buck scrambled over to the chair, not daring to get to his feet. He grabbed the bear and squeezed it hard.

_“I love you, Buck! You’re my hero, thank you for saving me!”_

_“I love you, Buck! You’re my hero, thank you for saving me!”_

_“I love you, Buck! You’re my hero, thank you for saving me!”_

Buck’s vision started to clear as his breathing improved, but he could still hear echoes of Cory’s voice. What was another sense?

Right, touch.

With trembling fingers, Buck stroked the bear, letting its faux fur slide across his skin. There had been no teddy bears in the Menagerie, at least not for Buck, and he let the sensation of softness soothe him.

Okay, he had taste, sound and touch. That left sight and smell. Buck looked around his room and one area of color caught his eye. His happiness collage. Already feeling steadier, Buck got to his feet and walked across the room to where it was fastened to the wall. Still holding the bear, Buck’s eye wandered over the collage and seeing the photos of his family and friends helped him relax. He leaned forward and put his forehead against the paper, as though he could absorb their love directly from their images.

Buck wasn’t sure how long he stood there when there was a gentle knock on the door.

“Buckaroo, can I come in?”

He wasn’t really ready for company, but there was no way that Buck could say no to Athena. He gently stroked the collage before walking to the door. Rather than calling out for her to enter, he opened the door himself.

Athena smiled at him. “How you doing, Buckaroo?”

Buck automatically started to shrug, but then stopped. He’d talked with Christopher and nothing terrible had happened. Athena deserved the same consideration. Unfortunately, though, he didn’t know how to answer her, so just shrugged after all.

“I guess that was a stupid question,” Athena sighed. “May I come in?”

Buck stepped back and Athena walked into the room, shutting the door behind her. “I’m sorry to intrude, but we were worried about you.”

That his friends and family cared so much for Buck was a comfort and a source of guilt. He hated what he’d put them through already.

“You drew the short straw, huh?”

Athena gasped. An expression of joy crossed her face, quickly followed by a frown. “Don’t get me wrong, Buckaroo, it’s wonderful to hear your voice, but not to hear you put yourself down.” She took a deep breath as it to settle herself. “I will have you know that I had to convince both Bobby and Maddie to let me be the one to come check on you.”

The only chair in the room was the one that Buck slept on. He glanced at it, wondering if he should offer it to Athena. As he did, he realized that he was still holding the bear. He went over and carefully placed the bear on the chair in its place of honor. The chair was still extended, but at least the covers were neat. Buck didn’t want Athena to think he was a slob.

“May I?” Athena had walked the few steps to the chair too.

Buck nodded, but instead of sitting on the chair, she sat down on the floor with her back supported by it. Once seated, Athena looked up at Buck and patted the floor next to her. Having no reason not to, Buck sat next to her.

“Maddie wanted to be the one to come see if you were all right and normally she’d be the best choice, but with her being pregnant, something tells me that you’re a little protective of her,” Athena told him.

Blushing, Buck looked away.

Athena nodded and continued. “As for Bobby. . . .” She chuckled. “Well, there’s really no reason that Bobby couldn’t come in here right now, but I wanted to.” Athena bumped her shoulder against Buck’s. “And then there’s this – no matter a big a man gets, sometimes a boy just needs his mama.”

Buck jerked his head so fast that he was surprised he didn’t pull anything. Words left him again and Buck just pointed from himself to Athena.

“Obviously not literally, but I’d proud if you were mine,” Athena put her arm across Buck’s shoulders. As she pulled him close to her, Buck realized that he was shaking. “Come on, Buckaroo, let it all out.”

Maybe it was because she was a woman and Buck hadn’t been hurt by any women in the Menagerie. Maybe because she’d just declared herself his mother. Or maybe it was just because Athena was Athena and exuded a sense of security. For whatever the reason, Buck let himself sink into her arms and fall apart again.

While Buck shook, Athena hummed softly and ran her fingers through his hair. It didn’t last as long as when he’d fought off a flashback a few moments earlier, but by the time he felt calm again, Buck was exhausted.

“Remember how we met?” Athena asked. She was facing forward instead of looking at him

Buck cleared his throat before answering. “Yeah. The baby in the pipe.”

“I didn’t like you at all; couldn’t understand how you could be so callous towards that girl. She was just a baby herself,” Athena continued. “Shortly after that you helped me save another little girl from a home invasion. As I got to know you better, I had a hard time reconciling how you could be so dismissive of that young mother and yet be so caring to everyone else. Eventually I figured it out.”

“Yeah?” Buck wasn’t comfortable about hearing a reminder of his Buck 1.0 days, but did want to see where Athena was going with this conversation.

“Kids,” Athena turned to look at him. “You’re compassionate with everyone, but kids have a special place in your heart. That young mother? You hadn’t seen her, but you helped save her baby, held her baby. I think if you’d laid eyes on the mother, you would have felt a lot differently about her.”

Buck remembered that call. How could he not? It wasn’t every day that they cut a newborn baby out of a pipe in the wall. When he’d rushed the baby down the stairs, he’d never held anything so tiny either. 

A hand on Buck’s knee brought of him out of his memories.

“I’ve watched you grow up so much in the years I’ve known you,” Athena’s eyes were shining as she met Buck’s. “You’re a fine young man, but I have never been more proud of you than I was when you were talking to Christopher.”

Embarrassed, Buck ducked his head, but Athena didn’t let him get away with that. She reached out and put her fingers under his chin, lifting his face until he met her eyes.

“You put aside your trauma to help Christopher understand,” Athena told him. “You got through to him in a way that even his dad couldn’t.”

“Eddie shouldn’t want me talking to Christopher,” Buck whispered. “I’m not. . . “ He struggled for the right words. “I’m not clean.”

Athena snorted. “That’s the traffickers talking, not you. Abusers are manipulators, Buck. I can’t tell you how many abuse survivors I’ve seen that believe they deserve it.” She shook him gently. “Well, I’m here to tell you that they didn’t deserve it and neither did you.”

Buck just shook his head.

“And what about Maddie?” Athena went for the jugular. “Did she deserve what her first husband did to her? Is she dirty too?”

Pulling back, Buck looked at her in shock. He couldn’t believe Athena had just said that. She lifted one eyebrow and looked at him pointedly.

“So if it’s not okay to think of Maddie that way, why is it okay to think of you that way?” Athena asked.

“It’s different,” Buck protested.

“Why, because she chose her abuser?” Athena countered. She sighed and cupped Buck’s cheek. “Look, I admire Maddie and other abuse survivors. It’s ridiculous to say that she’s tainted because of what that bastard, Doug, did to her or in any way imply that she chose to be abused.” She leaned forward. “I just want you to know that it’s ridiculous to say those things about yourself.”

Buck looked down. “I can’t help it, I feel dirty.”

Athena lifted his face again. “I know it, sweetheart, but that’s what we’re here for, to convince you otherwise. Therapy will help too. Will you let us try?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Good answer,” Athena patted his cheek. “Although the ma’am isn’t necessary. Just Athena will do.”

Buck smiled sheepishly. “Thanks, Athena.”

“You’re welcome.” She smiled at him and then got to her feet. “Now let’s get you some lunch, you’re still too skinny.”

Athena held her hands out to him and Buck took them. He didn’t need the help to get to his feet, but he enjoyed the feel of her hands in his. Like with Bobby and Maddie, there was nothing remotely sexual in Athena’s touch and Buck was coming to realize that he was craving safe touch.

Buck didn’t have the heart to tell Athena that he still felt dirty. As they walked towards to the kitchen and he could hear the voices of his friends and sister, though, Buck finally felt that maybe, someday, he might feel clean again.


	6. Chapter 6

Bobby didn’t dread going to work anymore. That wasn’t always the case; for nine months he’d hated walking into the firehouse. Being a strong shoulder to lean on for his firefighters had been difficult when he was so close to breaking himself. Athena and his faith had gotten Bobby through those dark times. Barely, but he’d gotten through. Things had been chaotic since Buck had been rescued, but it was the kind of chaos that the normally order-loving Bobby Nash could wholeheartedly embrace.

“How’s our boy, Bobby?” Hen leaned over the loft rail to ask.

“He had a pretty good night,” Bobby told her as he trotted up the stairs. “Still not eating at pre-tsunami levels, but at least we don’t have to rely on the protein drink anymore to keep him nourished.”

“That’s good,” Hen smiled. “Is he still talking?”

“He’s not his usual chatterbox yet, but yes, he’s still verbal,” Bobby smiled back at her. He reached the kitchen area and went straight for the coffee machine. “Am I remembering right, tonight’s your first night to stay with him?”

Hen snorted. “Like you need to ask, I know damn well that you have Buck’s schedule memorized by this point.”

She was right, of course, and Bobby admitted it with his self-depreciating grin. He took a sip from his freshly poured cup. Just then, Eddie came up the stairs, still in his workout clothes. He must have heard Bobby’s voice and came up for the ‘Buck Report.’

“Hey, Bobby,” Eddie greeted the other man. “Were there any nightmares last night?”

“Not that I’m supposed to know about,” Bobby answered him. Eddie grimaced, but didn’t ask for an explanation.

Buck never mentioned having nightmares unless it was too obvious. Screaming or flailing around in bed so much that he fell out made too much noise to be deniable. The people who stayed with him at night were aware, however, that those were far from the only times that Buck was plagued by bad dreams. Clearly, he didn’t want to tell his friends and family the extent to which the nightmares interfered with his sleep. Resting with half an ear open was a skill that firefighters develop, and so Buck wasn’t really fooling anyone, but they didn’t let on anyway, wanting Buck to have some sort of dignity.

“How do you handle it when he has a nightmare?” Hen asked, a worry frown creasing her forehead.

Eddie shrugged. “You’ll be able to tell when you need to intervene, I promise. Just remember not to touch him without asking. Helping him to find things to anchor on, like his five senses, helps to bring him out of it too.”

Bobby reached out and patted Hen on the shoulder. “Buck loves you, Hen, and you love him. You’ll do just fine.”

Hen did not look convinced. “It’s just he’s been hurt by so many people; I don’t want to add to that.”

“You couldn’t if you tried,” Bobby assured her. “You don’t have a mean bone in your body.”

Bobby’s cell phone began to ring and he took it out of his pocket. It wasn’t a local number, but Bobby recognized the area code. New Orleans.

“Excuse me, I have to take this,” Bobby didn’t pay any more attention to either Eddie or Hen. He went to his office and answered the phone as he shut the door. “Nash speaking.”

“Captain Nash, this is Agent Whittaker from the FBI,” a female voice on the other end said. “Do you have a moment to talk?”

“It’s as good a time as any,” Bobby told her. He knew that being contacted by the FBI was inevitable, but for Buck’s sake had hoped it would happen a little later. “What can I help you with?”

“I was hoping you could give me an update on Evan Buckley’s status,” Whittaker said.

Bobby had a feeling that this was more than a courtesy call. “He’s got a long way to go, but he’s much better than when you last saw him. Sleeping is still an issue, but he’s eating more.”

“And is he talking yet?” Whittaker asked.

It was tempting to lie and give Buck more time to recover, but Bobby knew that lying to the FBI was not a good idea.

“Just in the last couple of days, yes,” Bobby reluctantly told her. “He doesn’t speak often and then not as much as normal, but he is talking again.”

The next question wasn’t exactly a surprise.

“Do you think he’s ready to give a statement?” Whittaker asked. When a couple of moments went by without Bobby answering, Whittaker asked again. “Captain Nash?”

“I don’t know,” Bobby admitted. His instinct to protect Buck was at odds with his desire to do anything to get the traffickers behind bars for as long as possible. 

There was a pause on the other end. “Is Mr. Buckley in therapy?”

“Yes, of course,” Bobby told her.

“Maybe his therapist could provide an assessment of Mr. Buckley’s readiness to be interviewed,” Whittaker suggested.

It wasn’t a bad idea. If nothing else, Dr. Joy could be a lot more objective than Bobby could be.

“I’ll ask her,” Bobby said.

“With all due respect, it might be better if I do that,” Whittaker stated. “Could you give me the contact information?”

“What about patient confidentiality?” Bobby asked.

“I’m not going to ask anything that would breach that,” a touch of impatience colored Whittaker’s voice. “I’m only going to ask for a professional’s opinion on whether he’s stable enough to be interviewed.”

Bobby was irritated by her attitude. “Interrogate, you mean.”

When Whittaker next spoke, the impatience was gone. “No, I mean interview. I’ve been working with the trafficking survivors from the Menagerie since they were rescued. Believe me, I appreciate your protectiveness of Mr. Buckley and I share it. But the more time I’ve spent with the survivors, the more determined I’ve become on getting these monsters in jail for as long as possible. Mr. Buckley’s story will help with that, but I promise you that I have no intentions of allowing him to be traumatized any further. If his therapist says he’s not ready, then he’s not ready and if he is ready, then the greatest of care will be taken.”

Sighing, Bobby capitulated. He didn’t have any other option. “All right.” He gave Whittaker the name and contact information of Dr. Joy. “Buck has his next therapy appointment tomorrow. You might want to wait until after that before you contact her, so we can give her a heads-up that the FBI will be calling.”

“If you think that’s best,” Whittaker said, despite what she’d said earlier. Maybe letting Bobby broach the topic with the therapist was her way of compromising.

“Assuming that Dr. Marshall thinks that Buck ready to be interviewed,” Bobby asked, “When do you expect this to happen?”

“Probably not until next week,” Whittaker told him. “I’d like to come out to do the interview myself and I have some coordinating to do. Mr. Buckley isn’t the only survivor in the LA area and I’ll want to talk to them all.”

Bobby sighed with relief. This development wasn’t being sprung on Buck at the last minute.

After hammering out the details with Whittaker, Bobby ended the call, put his phone on the desk and rubbed his temples. Working with the FBI was a necessary step, but Buck had just started talking again and Bobby was worried that being interviewed by the FBI would cause a setback. 

The alarm bell rang, jolting Bobby out of his thoughts. Given the direction they’d been going, it was almost a relief. 

“Let’s go, people,” Bobby called out to his team as he left his office. As usually, his firefighters didn’t need the encouragement. They were heading towards the trucks from all parts of the firehouse. They were as efficient as ever, but still without Buck, maybe not as enthusiastic.

Luckily, the call was a simple one. A car accident on the freeway, but no major injuries. Bobby noticed Hen and Eddie giving him worried looks. Even Chim, who’d arrived at the station while Bobby had been on the phone, seemed uneasy.

Although simple, it did take time to deal with the car accident, just because of the number of vehicles involved. None of the injured even needed to go to the hospital, though, which was always a good thing. Bobby climbed into the cab of the truck, waiting for his firefighters to load into the back. He was surprised with the passenger side door opened and Chimney hopped in.

“Not going to ride with Hen?” Bobby asked. 

“Not this time,” Chim replied. 

Bobby knew that he was about to be questioned and Chim didn’t make him wait long. Bobby got the truck started and barely on the way back to the station before Chim spoke.

“What gives, Bobby?” Chim asked. “Hen and Eddie said that you got a call that you took in your office and then you were distracted during the call.”

“I was not distracted,” Bobby protested. He turned his head and looked at Chim as he spoke. When he turned back, Bobby realized that he’d swerved a little out of his lane and moved quickly to compensate. 

Chim gave him a pointed look. “Really? Do you know that you called Eddie ‘Buck’?” Bobby opened his mouth to protest. “Twice.”

“I did?” Bobby grimaced when Chim solemnly nodded. “I’ll have to apologize to Eddie.”

“Just tell us what’s going on,” Chim told him. “Obviously, it has to do with Buck.”

“The FBI want to interview him,” Bobby told him. “I know it needs to be done, but I’m worried about it causing a setback.”

“Can they do that?” Chim asked, turning in his seat to face Bobby fully. “Can they risk his mental health like that?”

“Agent Whittaker is going to check with Dr. Joy first,” Bobby grudgingly admitted. “If she thinks it’ll be risky for Buck, then it’ll be delayed.”

Chim took a moment to digest that. “You going to tell him?”

“I think I have to,” Bobby replied. “Dr. Joy can make recommendations, but the choice to do it has to be up to Buck.”

“Unless the FBI get a subpoena or something,” Chim pointed out.

“I don’t think it’ll come to that,” Bobby was in the odd position of defending Agent Whittaker. It was odd considering his own misgivings about the interview. “Agent Whittaker seemed pretty concerned about Buck’s wellbeing.”

“She better be,” Chim muttered.

Bobby smiled. Chim was almost as protective of Buck as Maddie and Bobby. He was taking the whole brother aspect of being a brother-in-law to heart.

“We’ll make sure of it,” Bobby told him. “That’s what we’re here for.”

Chim suddenly grinned sharply. “And if they’re not nice to Buck, we’ll sic Athena on them.”

Bobby grinned back. “And if they’re not nice to Buck, then yes, we’ll sic Athena on them.” 

Indeed, if that happened, they’d be hard pressed to hold Athena back.

The rest of the ride back to the firehouse was quiet. They got the truck back in the garage and got out. Hen and Eddie were waiting for them. From the way both of them looked to Chim, he’d obviously been given the task of wringing the information out of Bobby.

“The FBI want to interview Buck,” Chim stated before anyone could say anything. “But they’re going to check with Buck’s therapist first to make sure he’s up for it.”

“Damn,” Eddie swore softly. 

That pretty much summed it up for all of them. They stood there quietly for a few moments.

“Bobby, once you get your gear off, you should go,” Hen broke the silence. “Talk to Buck.”

“It can wait until after shift,” Bobby disagreed.

“No, it really can’t,” Eddie chimed in. “We got things here, Cap. Go.”

Chim clapped him on the shoulder. “Eddie’s right, Cap. You’re head’s not in the game right now anyway. It’ll do you and Buck good for you to talk to him now.”

It wasn’t easy for Bobby to relinquish control. As he looked from face to face, though, he realized that it was safe to do so now. He nodded and saw the tension leave the others.

“Do you want to come with me?” Bobby asked Chim. “This probably won’t be easy on Maddie either.”

Chim thought about it but shook his head. “I’ll stay here, tell Maddie to call me if she needs to.”

Bobby nodded and made haste to the locker room. There was no true reason to hurry to give Buck the news, but Bobby wanted to get it over with. He changed in record time and headed back to his SUV, waving to the others as he exited the building.

The drive to the house was tense for Bobby. He kept imagining Buck receiving the news and what his reaction might be. The worst case scenario would that the idea of needing to talk to the FBI would send Buck into silence again. What Bobby had told Hen was true; Buck wasn’t talking as much as was normal for the young man, but Bobby didn’t want to lose a single word.

The trip was over too soon and yet it seemed to have taken forever. Bobby parked his SUV and then pulled out his phone. He didn’t want to startle Maddie or Buck by walking in unannounced. He texted them both that he was coming inside and then headed towards the house.

Buck met him at the door, a frown of worry on his face. He looked around Bobby as though checking who was with him.

“What’s wrong?” Buck asked.

Bobby couldn’t help it, he smiled at the sound of that voice. “Nothing’s wrong, I just need to talk to you for a minute.”

“Is Howie okay?” Maddie stood behind Buck and had one hand resting protectively on her belly. 

Bobby frowned, he’d been sure that Chim would call his wife. “Chim’s fine, Maddie, I just got a phone call this morning and need to talk to Buck for a minute.”

“Did they catch Cory?” Buck asked, face bright with hope.

“No, I’m sorry, it’s not that, but I did talk to the FBI,” Bobby gestured to the living room. “Why don’t we all sit down?”

Bobby used the few moments it took to get them all settled to organize his thoughts. He’d lost control of the situation and caused unnecessary stress to both Buckleys.

“What’s this all about, Bobby?” Maddie asked. “What’s so important that you couldn’t wait until the end of the shift?”

Buck reached over and grabbed Maddie’s hand. Bobby wasn’t sure if the young man was seeking comfort or giving it.

“Carlyle didn’t escape, did he?” Buck’s voice dropped to a hoarse whisper.

“No, nothing like that,” Bobby assured him. “God, no.” He took a deep breath. “Do you remember Agent Whittaker from New Orleans, Buck?”

Buck’s forehead wrinkled while he thought. “She gave me Jackie’s letter?”

Bobby smiled, impressed, even if Buck was unsure enough to have made it a question instead of a statement. Buck had been so recently rescued at the point he’d met Whitakker, it was remarkable that he could remember an FBI agent that he’d had so little personal contact with.

“That’s right, she gave you the letter,” Bobby told him. “She also headed up the operation that resulted in the FBI raid on the Menagerie.”

“Why is she calling now?” Maddie asked, eyes narrowed in suspicion.

“She wanted to know if Buck was ready to be interviewed,” Bobby said, eyes never leaving Buck’s face. “Whittaker’s been working with all of the survivors and wants to get Buck’s story.”

“What!” Maddie reacted first. “It’s too soon for that, Buck needs more time to heal.”

Bobby had continued watching Buck and felt his stomach roil when Buck closed his eyes. He was terrified that Buck was trying to block everything out, maybe resulting in him backsliding in his recovery. 

“That’s what I told her,” Bobby assured Maddie. “She’ll be talking to Dr. Joy first to see if Buck is up to it, but even if Dr. Joy says he is, if Buck doesn’t feel ready, then it won’t happen.” 

To Bobby’s profound relief, Buck’s eyes popped open. Even better, those blue eyes showed the young man’s determination.

“I’ll talk to them,” Buck said, voice firm and no longer a whisper. “Whatever I need to do to make sure they all pay, I’ll do.”

“Buck, are you sure?” Maddie asked, putting her hand over one of Buck’s. The young man had both of his hands resting on his thighs and they were clenched into fists.

“I’m sure, Mads,” Buck assured her. “They need. . . they need to pay.” He turned his gaze onto Bobby. “When will the FBI be here?”

Bobby felt his chest swell with pride. “Next week.” He cleared his throat. “I’m proud of you, Buck.”

Buck looked puzzled. “Why? It’ll just be talking.”

“You make it sound easy,” Maddie warned. “But it won’t be.”

“I’ve done harder things,” Buck said quietly. “Lots harder.”

“You see Dr. Joy tomorrow,” Bobby interjected. “Let’s see what she has to say about it.”

“Doesn’t matter,” Buck said firmly. “I’m doing it.”

“All right, it’s your decision.” Bobby rose to his feet, Buck doing the same. “I better get back to the firehouse. I’m sure we’ll be talking about this later.”

Buck followed Bobby to the door. “Thanks, Bobby.”

Bobby smiled at him. “No need to thank me, Buck.” He put a hand on Buck’s shoulder. “I meant what I said before, I’m proud of you, kid.”

The younger man looked away and shook his head. He looked back almost immediately and smiled wanly at Bobby. He started to make the sign for ‘thank you,’ but stopped before it was finished. “Thanks, Bobby.”

With a final pat to Buck’s shoulder, Bobby left the house. If he’d stayed any longer, he might not have had the fortitude to leave. He was contemplative as he walked back to his SUV. Buck was a constant source of wonder. Bobby had been concerned that the thought of an FBI interview would send Buck into a tailspin, but if anything, the opposite had happened.

After getting into his SUV, Bobby stared off into the distance. Buck’s strength amazed Bobby, even as it shamed him. Bobby had something he needed to do, that he’d been putting off. With a new sense of determination, Bobby pulled out his wallet and removed a piece of paper that he’d ignored for too long. Then he got out his phone and, using quick, hard punches, entered a number.

“Hello? Is the counseling center for the families of trafficking survivors?” Bobby asked when his call was answered. He took a deep breath before making his next statement.

“I’d like to make an appointment.”


	7. Chapter 7

The drive to Eva’s house was familiar, but the emotion Hen felt upon arrival was relatively new. The friend that lived there was no longer Eva, but Buck, someone in a fragile emotional state. Despite Bobby’s reassurances that morning, Hen was worried. She didn’t want to mess up and traumatize Buck even more.

A tap on the window of her vehicle startled her. She jumped and, when she looked over, saw Chim’s laughing face.

“Not funny,” Hen said as she exited the car. “You just about gave me a heart attack.”

Chim snapped the gum he was chewing and grinned at her, mischief making his eyes twinkle . “Good thing I know a trained paramedic who could help if that happened.” 

When she just glared at him, Chim’s face got serious. “Look, Hen, you’re overthinking this. Remember the advice you gave me when I freaked out about Maddie being pregnant?”

Hen clicked the car’s trunk open and walked to the back of her vehicle.

“Which time you freaked?” Hen asked her friend as she pulled her bag out of the trunk. “Because, to be honest, there’s been more than one.”

“Hey,” Chim protested, then he sighed. “Okay, I resemble that remark, but to be specific, I’m talking about the time that you told me that I was a good man and to just relax and trust my instincts. The same is true for you.”

“I hate to break it to you, Chim, but I’m not a man,” Hen pointed out, deliberately missing the point. “And if you hadn’t noticed that, maybe you’re not as well trained a paramedic as you obviously think you are.”

“Hen. . . .” There was a chiding tone to Chim’s voice. “You know that wasn’t what I meant.”

Sighing, Hen put the bag on the ground and leaned against the car. “I know. It’s just that some of the foster kids that Karen and I have taken in have come from some pretty bad homes. I know firsthand how easy it is to in accidently hurt someone who is already fragile because of previous abuse.”

The speed of Chim’s gum snapping increased. “I hate to break it to you, Hen, but Buck’s not a kid.” He said, paraphrasing her own words back at her. “Granted, sometimes we used to treat him like he was, but Buck’s an adult. He’s smart enough to know an innocent mistake versus someone trying to deliberately hurt him.”

“Hen?”

Both of them turned at the sound of the quiet voice. Buck was standing in the front door, looking at them in concern. From the frown on his face, he had either overheard their conversation or was wondering what was taking them so long.

Hearing her name coming from that nearly-forgotten voice got Hen’s inside feeling all squishy. She left her bag on the ground and walked up to Buck with her arms open. She stopped just short of hugging, him, though, until Buck opened his arms too.

“Buckaroo,” Hen gave him a careful squeeze before letting go. It wasn’t the first time she’d seen him since he’d been rescued, but he seemed more Buck than he had before. “It’s so good to hear your voice.”

Buck blushed and ducked his head. “Thanks.”

“Hen, what do you have in here?” Chim asked as he approached with her bag. “I thought Eddie wasn’t bringing Buck’s hand weight set over until this weekend?”

“It’s not that heavy,” Hen told him as she took the bag from him. “I brought something I thought Buck might want to try, plus a couple of items I need to return to him.”

The three of them entered the house and when they got further in, a wonderful scent greeted Hen’s nose. “Something in here sure smells good.”

Maddie waddled out of the kitchen, one hand pressed to the small of her back. “Bobby put a chicken in the slow cooker before he left this morning. The smell’s been driving me and the boys crazy for hours.”

She patted her stomach, indicating why she’d used the plural.

The chicken prepared by Bobby went a long way to explaining why Maddie and Chim were staying for dinner. Hen had been worried that they were doing it so that she’d be more comfortable and it was a relief that it was really Bobby’s cooking that was the cause.

Buck and Maddie were regulated to the kitchen table while Chim and Hen finished things up. All that needed to be done was to set the table. The chicken had been cooking all day and either Buck or Maddie had put potatoes in to bake and veggies on a sheet pan to roast. 

Led primarily by Chim, the conversation during the meal was light and centered around the calls the 118 had taken in the last few days. Hen relaxed at the relatively normal feel of it all. Buck was quieter than the Buck she was used to, but he clearly was tracking the conversation, even if he didn’t participate as much as Hen was used to.

It wasn’t until the meal was over, the clean-up complete and Maddie and Chim were walking towards the door to leave that Hen’s nerves returned. Chim, a lot more sensitive than he was often given credit for, turned to Hen while Buck was giving Maddie a goodnight hug.

“You’ll be fine,” Chim said quietly. “And if you need anything, I’m only a phone call away.”

“Thanks, Chim,” Hen smiled at him. “I’m sure you’re right, we’ll be fine.”

When the door shut behind the others, Hen turned to Buck with a smile that was genuine, despite the nerves. “Well, what would you like to do now?”

Buck just shrugged and Hen tried not to take his silence personally. After all, she’d felt a little awkward about staying with Buck, it made sense that he’d feel the same.

“Eddie was saying that there’s this great park you like to walk to,” Hen suggested. “Would you like to do that?”

Because Hen was looking carefully, she could see a flash of emotion flick across Buck’s face. It was quickly gone, however. Expressionless, Buck shrugged again.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to,” Hen said gently. “I get it; the park is something you do with Eddie, just like you cook with Bobby and knit with Maddie.”

Not to mention that Buck probably felt anxious about going out of the house. If she were a trafficking survivor who still had a tormentor out there on the run, Hen knew that she’d want the reassuring presence of a ex-soldier like Eddie too. Hen was many things, but a fighter wasn’t one of them.

Buck looked relieved. “Thanks, Hen.”

It was Hen’s turn to shrug. “I’m sure we can find something to do. That reminds me, though. Knitting? I want to see proof.”

Her comment got a shy smile from Buck and he walked back to the living room. Hen followed. Sure enough, sitting next to the side of the couch was a basket that held yarn. Some of it was still loosely rolled, but the rest of it. . . .

“Wow,” Hen said in appreciation as Buck held up his knitting needles, the partially finished blanket dangling from them. “Color me impressed. Buckaroo, I never knew you had it in you.”

Buck blushed. “Thanks. It helps me think sometimes.”

“I get it,” Hen nodded. “Besides, you don’t need a reason to like something.”

As Buck bent to return the knitting to its basket, Hen could see that the blush reached all the way around to the back of his neck. It would be adorable if it wasn’t so uncharacteristic of the normally confident young man.

“I brought a couple of things for you,” Hen turned towards the bag that she’d brought to the living room after arriving. She stifled a grunt as she lifted it; Chim’d been right, it was heavy.

Buck watched as Hen put the duffle on the couch and unzipped it. Hen couldn’t tell, though, if he was excited or concerned.

“When Maddie emptied out your apartment,” Hen told him, “we all took some your stuff until she decided what to do.” She’d found the first item and pulled it. “I thought you’d want your laptop back; I know how much you like to research things.”

There was nothing hesitant about Buck’s grin as he took it from her. “Thanks.”

“Denny was using it,” Hen said. “We didn’t know you were coming back, so we wiped it. I’m sorry about that.”

Buck shrugged. “That’s okay.”

Hen remembered how leery she and Karen had been when they’d logged into Buck’s laptop to get it ready for Denny to use. Hen had expected a lot of questionable dating sites and porn, but to her chagrin, Buck’s laptop had none of that. Buck’s search history had been long and varied, showing just how big his sense of curiosity was. Hen had regretted not knowing her friend as well as she thought she had; something that she’d determined was not going to happen again now that she had a second chance.

“Does Denny still need this?” Buck asked, forehead creased with a frown.

“No, he got a new one for Christmas, one all tricked out for videogames,” Hen assured him. “And Denny said to tell you that you can play that racing game you like online and he’d be happy to race with you any time you like.”

Buck grinned. “I haven’t played videogames in a long time. He’ll wipe the floor with me.”

“Honesty, I think that’s the idea,” Hen chuckled. Denny was a loving boy, but he also loved to win. “But I think he also just missed you.”

“I missed him too,” Buck looked like he wanted to add to that statement, but just bit his lip instead.

Hen put a hand on his arm. “When you’re ready, Buck. When we heard about what happened with Christopher, Karen and I had a long talk with Denny. Trust me, he won’t be following Christopher’s lead on that.”

Buck shifted uncomfortably, but didn’t say anything. Obviously Christopher showing up at the house was still a sensitive topic and Hen decided to change the subject.

“If you want to get some practice in,” Hen pulled another item out of her duffle. “I also brought your game system. What do you say to a match?”

A smile started to spread across Buck’s face, but then morphed into a frown of concern. “You didn’t take this from Denny, did you?”

“I most certainly did,” Hen said, but then hurried to explain. “The boy doesn’t need games in his bedroom and games in the living room. He won’t even miss it.”

And she and Karen definitely wouldn’t miss it.

“All right,” Buck agreed.

It took a few minutes to set the game system set up and it didn’t take long for Hen to realize that it was a bad idea. Buck was more than rusty; he was tentative, nothing like the fierce competitor that he’d been before. Being sexually tortured for nine months could do that to a person. Hen felt bad for suggesting the game, since it just emphasized how much damage had been done to Buck’s personality.

Hen had been holding back, but she still trounced Buck soundly. She sighed, wondering if she owed him an apology. The last thing that Hen had wanted was to give Buck’s confidence another hit. Instead of being upset, however, Buck surprised her.

“Let’s go again,” Buck said after the first game was over, over much too quickly.

Looking over at him, Hen intended to tell Buck that he didn’t have to play just to make her happy. There was no way that losing by such a stunning margin would be fun for him. What she saw, however, was the determined set of Buck’s jaw. Buck might have lost the game, but it seemed to have ignited something in him.

“All right,” Hen agreed, blinking back tears. True, this was a small way for Buck to show that he hadn’t been completely broken, but Hen was happy to see it. “Prepare to lose again.”

Buck smiled at her. “Thanks for not taking it easy on me.”

Since that was exactly what she’d been doing, Hen flushed. She didn’t admit it however. Eddie had talked to Hen about how he thought that some of the others, notably Bobby and Maddie, were coddling Buck a little too much. In Eddie’s opinion, Buck needed to build his confidence, not to feel as though his friends thought he needed to be babied. Thinking about how earlier Chim and Hen hadn’t let Buck help finish getting dinner ready, Hen admitted that Eddie might have a valid point.

They played several more games and Buck started getting better as old skills started coming back to him. Finally, though, Hen laughingly called an end to it.

“All right, enough,” Hen put the controller down. “My fingers are starting to cramp.”

“Me too,” Buck admitted. He put his controller down too and started rubbing his wrist. “Did you want to watch a movie or something?”

Hen shook her head. “You can if you want to, but I’ve got some reading to do.” She suddenly felt shy. “I don’t know if anyone told you, but I’m thinking of trying to get into medical school.”

Buck’s eyes widened almost comically, and Hen prepared herself for a negative response. Chim’s initial reaction had been far from supportive at first. Although he’d eventually come around, Hen was still apprehensive when telling someone of her new ambitions.

“What’s awesome, Hen!” Buck exclaimed, for the first time sounded almost like his old self. “You’ll make a great doctor.”

Hen relaxed and smiled at him as she moved from the couch to one of the large chairs. It had a reading light next to it. “Thanks, Buck that means a lot.”

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Buck asked.

Of course Buck wanted to help. It was good to know, after all he’d been through, that Buck was still thinking of others.

“Not right now, but I’ll hold you to that later,” Hen assured him. “I’m going to need people to help quiz me before I take the MCAT. I’ll take all the help I can get. But go ahead and put a movie on; it won’t distract me. Compared to the attention that Denny needs when I’m home or the threat of the alarm going off at any minute at the station, a movie won’t bother me.”

“Nah,” Buck shrugged and picked his laptop up. “I’ve got some research I want to do.”

Hen hid a smile. Something told her that Buck’s research would either about pregnancy or about getting into medical school. Buck always was wrapped up in whatever was going on with his friends and family.

It didn’t take long for Hen to be engrossed in her reading. When she finished the third chapter, she realized that she’d forgotten that she was with Buck. She looked up quickly, relieved to see that Buck was still hunched over his laptop. While she watched, he yawned and scrubbed a hand across his face.

“You don’t have to stay up just because I am,” Hen told him. “Go to bed if you’re tired.”

Buck shrugged, but he did power down his computer. “It’s too early, but maybe I will watch some TV, if you’re sure it won’t bother you.”

Hen snorted. “Bother me? The quiet here was distracting me more than a little television will.”

Her comment got a little smile from Buck. She surreptitiously watched as Buck stretched out on the couch. She knew from the others that Buck’s sleep was plagued by bad dreams.

“If you’re interested in trying it, I’ve got one more thing for you,” Hen put her book aside. Buck looked at expectantly, but didn’t say anything.

Hen put her book down and moved over to her bag. She pulled out one last item, a fuzzy blanket that was heavier than it looked.

“This is a weighted blanket, have you heard of those?” Hen asked.

Buck shook his head.

“They were used first with autistic children, but have become popular beyond that,” Hen explained. “Karen and I became aware of them when we had a foster child that was on the spectrum. For some people, the weighted blanket is comforting, especially helping with anxiety. It’s called deep pressure stimulation.”

Buck looked at the blanket and then at Hen, face full of trepidation.

“Might be worth a try,” Hen held it out. “It might not do anything for you, but then again it just might help.”

With Hen’s encouragement, Buck laid back down on the couch and Hen spread the blanket out over him. They had a variety of them at home, but Buck was a big guy and Hen had brought the largest, and heaviest, blanket that they owned. She watched Buck carefully as the weight settled over him.

For a brief moment, Buck didn’t react at all, but then he exploded into motion.

“Get it off, get it off,” Buck cried out, limbs flailing as he tried to do just that. Instead of removing the blanket, however, his movement simply caused it to tangle around him.

“Buck!” Hen rushed forward. “Let me help.”

She almost had to fight to get the blanket off of Buck, but once it was removed, Hen quickly moved back. Buck pushed himself off the couch and scrambled back until his back was against the wall. Then he slid down it until he was on the floor. His breathing was loud and harsh in the otherwise quiet room.

“Buckaroo?” Hen moved as close as she dared. She wanted to break down and cry, but getting Buck calmed down was more important. “Sweetheart, listen to my voice. You’re here with me. You’re safe.”

Buck had his head hidden in his knees, but he looked up at Hen as she spoke.

“That’s right, Buckaroo, you’re safe.” Hen frantically thought of the ways of calming someone down who was having a panic attack. “Look around, do you see your laptop? Can you tell me where it is?”

“Table,” Buck gasped.

“That’s right, it’s on the table.” Hen reached out, not just desperate to comfort him, but hoping to give him another sense to focus on. “Can I touch you?”

Buck flinched away from her. Obviously the answer to that was no.

“Hang on, Buckaroo, I’ll be right back,” Hen told him.

Hen jumped to her feet and all but ran to Buck’s room. She quickly grabbed the bear that Chris’d had made for Buck and went back to the living room as fast as she could. Intellectually, Hen knew she’d been gone for seconds, but it felt a lot longer than that. Buck was still huddled by the wall, breathing hard and eyes glazed and unfocused.

“Here,” Hen thrust the bear into Buck’s arms.

It didn’t take Buck long to make use of it.

_“I love you, Buck! You’re my hero, thank you for saving me!”_

_“I love you, Buck! You’re my hero, thank you for saving me!”_

Hen was watching Buck carefully and so she could tell when his breathing slowed. “Better, Buckaroo?”

He nodded. “Better.”

Hen let out a deep sigh of relief. Taking care to move slowly, she slid until she was also sitting with her back to the wall, but made sure not to touch Buck.

“Can you tell me what happened?” Hen asked.

What she was really asking was for Buck to tell her how she’d fucked up so badly.

“The weight,” Buck’s breathing picked up again. “The customers . . . . they liked being on top of me when they . . . . “ He glanced sideways at Hen. “When they had me. Not all of them, but a lot of them.”

Unfortunately, the floor did not open up and swallow Hen the way she desperately wanted it to. Since it didn’t, she did her best to pull herself together. She owed Buck that much, to try and comfort him.

“Oh, Buck, I’m sorry,” Hen said softly. “I should have known that would bother –“

“No!” Buck’s voice was fierce when he interrupted her. “I’m glad you didn’t know what that was like. I wouldn’t want you to go through that. Ever. Don’t say that.”

“All right,” Hen agreed. At that moment, she would have agreed to just about anything that Buck wanted. “What do you need, Buck?”

For a minute, Buck didn’t speak, but then finally, “Talk to me. About anything except. . . . this.”

“All right,” Hen agreed.

And she started talking. Since her studies were freshest in her mind, Hen told Buck about all the medical material she’d been learning. As the minutes went by and Hen kept talking, she could tell that Buck was beginning to relax. She only stopped speaking when Buck’s head rested on her shoulder.

“Thanks, Hen,” Buck said quietly.

“You’re welcome,” Hen used an equally quiet tone of voice. “And for the record, I’m sorry that the blanket triggered you so badly.”

She felt Buck shrug. “Not your fault.”

Hen could have argued the point, but realized that wasn’t what Buck needed at the moment. “It’s getting late, do you want to go to bed?”

Buck snorted and he lifted his head off her shoulder. “No way.”

“Yeah, I hear you.” Hen groaned as she got to her feet. “Why don’t you find something you want to watch and I’ll just get rid of this.”

Hen gathered up the blanket and debated taking to the bedroom she would be using. Ultimately, she decided that was still too close, so she got out her keys and took it out to her vehicle. It didn’t take it long to stow it back in the trunk and return to the house. When she got to the living room, Buck had moved. He was still on the floor, but sitting with his back to the couch. The bear was next to him, within easy reach.

Settling down on the other side of the bear, Hen nodded at the TV. “What did you decide on?”

“The British Baking Show,” Buck replied, glancing over at her. “Is that okay?”

“Perfect,” Hen told him, although she had little interest in baking. She knew that Buck enjoyed cooking shows and, frankly, she couldn’t think of anything less scary than people with English accents baking.

As they settled in to watch, Hen spared a glance at the bear and admitted that she was jealous of a stuffed animal – or maybe the boy who had made it.

Some doctor Hen would be, when a kid still in elementary school knew better how to help Buck than she did. She dreaded telling Chim the next day that her advise to him had been wrong, at least when it was applied to herself. Hen might be a good person, but her instincts had been anything but right.

Hen only hoped that Chim had been correct about Buck and that he knew she hadn’t screwed up so badly on purpose.


	8. Chapter 8

“Buck, you doing okay, kid?”

The sound of Bobby’s voice caused Buck to take his eyes off the entrance to the waiting room. He glanced over at his mentor and saw that Bobby was looking at him in concern.

“Yeah, I’m good,” Buck reassured him. Bobby didn’t look convinced and Buck didn’t blame him. He wasn’t sure he was convinced either.

“If you change your mind, just let me know,” Bobby told him. “But for the record, I think you’re ready for this.”

Buck let his smile be his answer and then he turned towards the door again. It was his third appointment with Dr. Joy, so he knew the woman well enough that he wasn’t uncomfortable about her, but it was the first time he’d truly be talking to her and he wanted to go in alone. Buck had a feeling his therapy was approaching a point where he’d have to talk about some things that he definitely didn’t want Bobby to hear.

Since he was watching for her, Buck saw Dr. Joy approach and got up even before she could call for him.

“Good luck,” Bobby said before Buck could move away. “And, remember, if you need me for anything, I’m right out here.”

Buck nodded, but didn’t try to say anything. He had a feeling the words would stick in his throat at the moment and if Bobby saw him struggling, he might want to join Buck for the appointment. If Dr. Joy thought it strange that only Buck accompanied her, she didn’t let on. She simply kept up a patter of innocuous small talk as they made their way to her office.

Once they reached the office and were seated, Dr. Joy looked at Buck expectantly. “How was your week?”

“Kinda wild,” Buck answered, scratching at the back of his neck.

Dr. Joy grinned at hearing him speak. “You found your voice.”

Buck nodded. “Yeah, but it’s still hard sometimes.”

“That’s understandable,” Dr. Joy assured him. “Can you tell me how you started talking again?”

Without further prompting, Buck launched into the story about Christopher’s surprise visit. Dr. Joy listened attentively to the whole thing without interrupting.

“And since then, I can usually push through and talk when I have something I want to say,” Buck finished up.

“That’s amazing, Evan,” Dr. Joy said. “Christopher was the little boy you were in the tsunami with, right?” When Buck seemed startled, she smiled. “I read the story in the paper.”

“Yeah, that was him,” Buck smiled, as he tended to do when he thought of Christopher. “He’s a great kid.”

“A smart one too, to track you down like that,” Dr. Joy replied. “Do you really believe what you told him, that you’re worried about hurting him the way you were hurt?”

Buck looked away. “No.”

“That’s good, because it’s not likely to be true,” Dr. Joy told him. When Buck met her gaze again, she continued. “If the abuse took place during your formative years, then yes, I’d be worried about you continuing the cycle, but your very concern about it indicates that it won’t be a problem.”

Instead of looking at her, Buck’s fingers fiddled with the hem of his ever-present hoodie.

“Evan?” 

Buck looked up. “What they did to me was ugly.” He swallowed hard. “Dirty. And Christopher’s this innocent kid. What if I get him dirty somehow? What if all the dirty on me rubs off on him in some way?”

Dr. Joy nodded. “And that’s why you told Christopher that you didn’t want to see him just yet? Because you’re afraid that you’ll taint him in some way?”

Miserable, Buck nodded.

“Let’s unpack that for a minute,” Dr. Joy leaned forward. “What does Christopher know about why you were gone?”

“Just that the people who pulled me out of the water wanted me to go work for them and wouldn’t let me come home.”

“And what’s tainted about that?” Dr. Joy asked. “It’s the truth, just not the whole truth. Christopher hasn’t been lied to, he’s just been told something that’s age appropriate.”

Buck sighed. “I suppose.”

“It’s okay to set boundaries, Evan,” Dr. Joy told him. “In fact, I’d say in your case, it’s more than okay, it’s necessary. I think it’s great that you set boundaries for Christopher, I just wish you’d felt more comfortable setting them for your sake and not his.”

Frowning, Buck looked at her, but he didn’t feel like arguing about it. Christopher would always come first. That was just the way it was. Some of his obstinance must have shown in Buck’s face, because the therapist shifted the focus of the conversation away from Christopher.

“How does it feel, to be talking again?” 

Buck shrugged. “I think my not talking bothered other people more than it did me.”

Dr. Joy tilted her head as she looked at him. “And so there’s no relief in being able to express your feelings?”

“I guess,” Buck admitted. “I just . . . .”

When his voice trailed off, Dr. Joy sat forward in her seat. “This is a safe place, Evan. Nothing you say here is going to get you into trouble. For that matter, not saying anything at all won’t get you into trouble either.”

For a few minutes the two of them sat in silence. Buck was tempted to ask her to change the subject totally, but then he thought of the FBI. If he couldn’t talk to his therapist, how was he going to be able to talk to them?

“Carlyle used to say that my voice was ugly,” Buck said, knowing he was probably going to tell Dr. Joy more than she’d asked for. “So he told me not to talk and if I did, then he’d have Cory use a taser. In my mouth. Screaming, that was okay, they said that was part of what the customers were paying for, but nothing with words. And when my mouth got so messed up that the customers didn’t want to stick their dicks in it anymore, then they started using the taser on Jackie every time I messed up.”

As Buck’s words tapered off, he realized that he was breathing hard. He struggled to get it under control and watched for Dr. Joy’s reaction.

“Every time I think I’ve heard the worst that a human can do to another human, I hear of something worse,” Dr. Joy’s hands gripped the arms of her chair so hard that her knuckles turned white. “Those mother fucking sons of bitches.”

Buck blinked, not expecting his therapist’s outburst.

Dr. Joy closed her eyes for a moment. “Excuse me.”

While Buck watched, Dr. Joy got up and walked over to her desk. She rummaged around before coming back with a bill in her hand. As she got closer, Buck could see that it was a $20. She sat back down and put the money into her swear jar. The level of coins in the jar had risen, but the new addition was the only piece of paper money.

“Worth every penny,” Dr. Joy said with satisfaction, but then sighed. “I am sorry, Evan, that was unprofessional of me.”

“It’s okay,” Buck told her.

Dr. Joy shook her head. “Thank you, but it’s really not. You need to feel like you can say anything here and be safe. You shouldn’t have to worry about any reaction from me.”

“No, hearing you say that felt good,” Buck assured her. “I’m not ready for that yet, but I think I want to be.”

Dr. Joy smiled at him. “I imagine that you have a lot of built up feelings, Evan, and our goal is to eventually get you to a place that you feel safe expressing them.”

“I’d like that.”

“How are the flashbacks?” Dr. Joy asked. “Still having nightmares?”

“Still having both,” Buck said. “But I’ve been trying what you said, finding stuff to anchor me. It’s helping.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” Dr. Joy said. “And the affirmations?”

Buck blushed and dropped his head. “That’s not going so good.”

“Oh?” In spite of her tone, Dr. Joy didn’t seem very surprised. “Do you know why?”

“They just don’t seem . . . .” Buck struggled for words and ended up just shrugging.

“Real?” Dr. Joy suggested. “Like they were written about someone else and not you?”

“Yeah,” Buck went limp with relief. As with swearing about the traffickers, Dr. Joy seemed to be able to express what Buck was feeling.

“I know it’s hard to believe good things about yourself right now,” Dr. Joy told him. “But that’s the whole point of the affirmations. The people who love you know you the best and until you can believe in yourself again, you’ll have to trust the good things they say about you.”

“I suppose.” Believing in himself didn’t feel like anything Buck would be doing any time soon.

“I think you’ve made some real breakthroughs this week, Evan, I’m impressed.” Dr. Joy told him. “I think if this coming week, if you continue with the affirmations, you’ll see the progress continue.”

“I need to tell you something,” Buck said, realizing that the time for the appointment was running short.

“Anything,” Dr. Joy replied. “This is your time, Evan.”

“The FBI want to interview me,” Buck told her. “They’re going to contact you to ask if I’m ready.”

“I see,” Dr. Joy gave a steady look. “And are you? Ready, that is.”

Buck shrugged. “I hoped you’d tell me.”

Dr. Joy smiled. “Last week you mostly communicated through Captain Nash and for the last hour we’ve had a complex conversation. I think the real question is this – do you want to be ready?”

She didn’t need to explain. Dr. Joy thought he was ready, but would tell the FBI otherwise if that’s what Buck wanted.

“I think I’m ready,” Buck told her. “I want to try.”

“Then that’s what I’ll tell the FBI,” Dr. Joy told him. “I will warn you, however, that talking about your experiences may cause more flashbacks and nightmares.”

“Great,” Buck muttered under his breath.

“For what it’s worth, talking about it is sort of like lancing a wound, getting all of that nastiness out of your system will also help you heal in the long run. It’s just really unpleasant in the short run,” Dr. Joy reassured him. “And if you need to make additional appointments, we can do that.”

Buck smiled wanly. “Thanks.”

With that, the appointment was over and Dr. Joy walked Buck back to the waiting room. Bobby was still there and appeared to be reading a book. From the quick way he spotted them, though, it was obvious that he’d been keeping an eye out for Buck’s return.

“It was really good to talk to you, Evan,” Dr. Joy shook Buck’s hand. “I’ll see you next week or sooner if you need it.”

“Thanks, doc,” Buck told her.

Once Dr. Joy left the room, Buck turned back to Bobby. The older man had risen to his feet and was looking at Buck expectantly. 

“How’d it go?” Bobby asked. 

“Good,” Buck told him. They headed out of the office. “She thinks I’m ready to talk to the FBI.”

“That’s encouraging,” Bobby smiled and shook his head, not as a negative, but in wonder. “You’ve come so far, Buck. I’m proud of you.”

Buck started to shrug the praise off, but stopped himself. “Thanks, Bobby.”

Maybe – just maybe – Buck had done something to be proud of.


	9. Chapter 9

Eddie stopped right outside his grandmother’s door and put his hand on Chris’ shoulder. “You know this isn’t about punishment anymore, right?”

It had been a week since Christopher had manipulated Eddie’s abuela into taking him to the house that Buck was staying at. As Eddie had told the boy, there were consequences. The very next day, Eddie had taken Christopher to his abuela’s and, after church, he’d had his son help him do a number of chores around the elderly woman’s house. First, of course, Christopher had apologized to his great-grandmother, both verbally and with a hand-drawn card. The rest of the week, Christopher had television restrictions and extra chores.

Even though lying was a big offense, Eddie didn’t want Christopher to feel like a pariah either. He felt, at Christopher’s age, that one week of punishment was enough, so when Eddie’s turn came up again in the Buck rotation, he gave the choice to Christopher, to have a play date with Denny or spend the day with his abuela. To his surprise, Christopher had chosen to go to his great-grandmother’s.

“Buck needs you,” Christopher told his father seriously. “And I can’t help Buck, but I can help Abuela.”

Eddie thought his heart was going to melt. He bent down and hugged Chris.

“Dad,” Christopher protested. “You’re squeezing too hard.”

Reluctantly, Eddie let go. “Sorry, buddy. I couldn’t help myself, you’re just such a good kid. I’m very proud of you.”

Christopher wouldn’t look at him. “Even if I lied to Abuela and made Buck sad?”

“Even if,” Eddie assured him. He put his fingers under Christopher’s chin and raised the little boy’s head until he met his father’s eyes. “Everybody makes bad decisions sometimes. One bad choice doesn’t make you a bad kid, especially if you learn from it. Do you know now what you did was wrong?”

“Yeah.”

“And do you feel bad about doing it?” Eddie asked, even though the answer to that question was obvious.

“Yeah.”

Eddie asked the most important question. “Will you do it again?”

Christopher’s eyes widened and his response was immediate. “No!” 

Eddie stood and ruffled his son’s hair. “Then you’ve learned something and I’m proud of you for that. I’m also proud of you for wanting to help your abuela instead of having fun with your friend all day.”

As though Eddie’s words had summoned her, his abuela opened the door and smiled at the both. She clearly didn’t hold any grudges for what had happened the week before. “There are my boys.”

“Hi, Abuela,” Eddie bent down and kissed his grandmother’s cheek. “Are you ready for Christopher today?”

“Si,” Isabella answered firmly. “I always have time for this little angel.”

“All right, I’m going to head out now,” Eddie smiled at his grandmother and then glanced down at his son. “Listen to your abuela and call if you need anything.”

“Okay,” Christopher readily agreed. “Tell Buck I love him and hug him for me.”

“I’ll tell him, but I’ll have to ask him if he wants a hug,” Eddie told the boy.

Christopher sighed. “Okay.” He looked up at his dad from under his lashes. “And maybe he’d want to call?”

Eddie laughed. Christopher had totally stolen that expression from Buck. “I’ll ask him, kiddo, but no promises.”

“Give him my love too, please,” his grandmother added. “He’s been in my prayers every night.”

“Will do,” Eddie readily promised.

With a final set of goodbyes and promises, Eddie went back to his truck and backed out of the driveway. By the time he’d pulled into the street, both Christopher and his grandmother had gone into the house. Eddie was relieved to see that there was no sign of strain in their relationship

Eddie texted Buck as he got close to the house and he found both Buck and Athena waiting for him when he pulled up.

“Good morning,” Athena called out as Eddie got out of his truck. “I hope you came hungry, because we left you some eggs.”

Since Eddie had run out of his own sensible cereal, his breakfast had consisted of a bowl of Christopher’s more sugary brand and a cup of coffee. That hadn’t been that satisfying to begin with and had been a couple of hours earlier to boot. “I could eat, thanks.”

Athena snorted. “If there’s one thing I learned about you boys, it’s that you’re always hungry. If that’s what I have to look forward to with Harry when he gets older, I only hope I can afford his teenage years.”

Without waiting for an answer, Athena turned to Buck. “I will see you later, sweetheart.” She held her arms out. Buck smiled shyly and stepped forward to give her a hug. 

“Bobby will be here at dinnertime,” Athena said, looking at Eddie as she spoke. Buck probably already knew the schedule. 

“Great,” Eddie told her. “Christopher’s with my abuela today, so it doesn’t really matter what time Bobby gets here.”

“Have fun, boys,” Athena put her sunglasses on and sauntered to her SUV.

The two friends watched her drive off, waving at Athena when she tapped the horn lightly at them. Eddie turned towards Buck.

“I brought the weights, but if you don’t mind, could I dig into those eggs first?” Eddie asked.

Buck nodded and led the way into the house. There was a plate in the oven waiting for Eddie and he happily dug in. “Wow, this is really good. Thanks. For your sake, I hope Bobby shows up before dinner. I think you’d probably have better luck with Bobby helping you cook than if I were your sous chef.”

Buck blushed. “Thanks.”

Eddie frowned at him. “For what?”

“For assuming that I’d be doing the cooking,” Buck said quietly.

“I take it that Athena made breakfast,” Eddie said. It wasn’t exactly a guess.

“Most of it,” Buck told him. “I got to make the toast.”

Eddie sighed as wondered if any of them would ever get used to the little things that caused hits to Buck’s confidence. “If it makes you feel any better, she and Bobby still butt heads about who’s cooking.”

Buck looked away. “Yeah, I know. Forget I said anything.”

“No, I think I know what you’re saying,” Eddie said. “You don’t need to be waited on hand and foot.”

“Just to have fulltime babysitters,” Buck added, a tinge of bitterness in his voice.

Eddie found Buck’s attitude encouraging. The last thing that Buck needed was to become dependent on his friends. The fact that Buck felt comfortable enough to express wanting to do more for himself was encouraging.

“Hey, better one person staying with you at a time than all of us,” Eddie wasn’t being flippant, it was the truth. “Trust me, none of us are willing to let you out of our sight. Having one person here at time is a compromise.”

Of course, the fact that it was the truth didn’t mean that it was the whole truth. Until the missing trafficker was caught, Buck’s security was paramount. Not only that, but the flashbacks and nightmares were coming a little too frequently for anyone to be comfortable leaving Buck alone.

“So, what do you want to do first?” Eddie asked. He’d all but inhaled his breakfast and moved to put the dishes in the dishwasher. “Bring the weights in or go for a walk?”

When they’d divvied up Buck’s things when Maddie had closed his apartment, Eddie had taken Buck’s set of hand weights. They weren’t a priority to bring to the new house, so Eddie hadn’t rushed it. When he realized that Buck missed physical activity, though, he made sure load them up in his truck for his next time staying with Buck.

Buck thought for a minute. “A walk? The park will be busier later in the day.”

Eddie shrugged. “You don’t have to justify your reasoning to me, whichever you want to do is fine by me.”

“A walk, then,” Buck said, smiling shyly as he ducked his head.

“All right, let’s go.”

Buck wore his LAFD hoodie again, despite the fact that the weather had warmed up a little. Eddie didn’t suggest he change, though. Buck obviously took comfort from the hoodie. Maybe someday Buck would be willing to give it up on his own, but Eddie wasn’t about to influence him. At least Buck didn’t feel the need to keep the hood up anymore.

As they approached the park, Eddie was relieved that there weren’t many people about. That would make Buck more comfortable and what made Buck comfortable was what Eddie wanted too. There was, however, a small group of people off to the side. They had with them a group of animal-type cages, some of them on tables and others on the ground. A large circle of temporary fencing surrounded the area.

Both Buck and Eddie came to a halt as they assessed the situation. As they watched, a large banner was fastened to the back of the tables and stretched across several of them. In large, bold letters, it read “Tsunami Animal Rescue.”

“Huh,” Eddie said neutrally. “They must be doing an adoption event.”

“Adoption?” Buck asked.

“A lot of animals were left ownerless or homeless after the tsunami. Their owners either didn’t make it or they had to find alternate housing.” Eddie explained. “Various rescues had a lot of adoption events and fundraisers after the tsunami. I haven’t seen one in a while, though.”

Eddie glanced at Buck and saw a fleeting expression of longing cross the younger man’s face. “You want to go take a look?”

Buck bit his lip. “We don’t have to you if you don’t want to.”

“I don’t mind,” Eddie reassured him. “I like animals.”

They changed directions to walk closer to the animal rescue set up. Eddie was amused to notice that the closer they got, the faster Buck walked. In moments, they were through the gap in the fence. 

“Hello there,” a middle-aged woman called to them as they approached. 

Buck flinched back and Eddie automatically stepped between him and the rescue volunteer, trying to make it look casual. “Good morning.” He gestured at the cages. “Looks like you brought some friends with you.”

“Sure did,” the woman replied cheerfully. “And we’re hoping that a lot fewer go home with us too.”

As Eddie chatted with the volunteer, he noticed that Buck drifted over to the animal cages. The ones on the table held cats and while he peered into them, Buck went directly the cages on the ground, which held dogs.

“Your friend looks familiar,” the volunteer had noticed Eddie watching his friend. “But I can’t remember where.”

Eddie’s heart sank. They might never get Buck out of the house again if he was recognized. Thankfully, one of the woman’s compatriots called out to her.

“Violet, where do you want us to hang this other banner?”

“Excuse me,” Violet apologized to Eddie. “Duty calls. There aren’t many people here yet, so feel free to interact with any of the animals, they’re all sweethearts. We just ask that you only take one out at a time and that you use a leash. There should be one attached to every cage.”

“You sure you don’t mind?” Eddie asked.

“Not at all,” Violet said as she hurried off. “It’s good for the animals to get some interaction.”

Eddie breathed a sigh of relief and went to join Buck. The younger man was sitting on the ground in front of a large cage that had an equally large animal carrier with in it. As Eddie got closer, he could hear Buck speaking very quietly and when Eddie looked closer, he could see the tip of a snout peeking out behind the carrier. Moving carefully so he didn’t spook either man or dog, Eddie sat next to Buck.

“Who’s this?” Eddie kept his voice low and gentle.

“Card says her name’s Molly,” Buck said, never taking his off the dog. “She’s a good girl.”

“Violet, the woman who said hello to us, said you can take them out of the cage,” Eddie told him. 

Before he was finished speaking, Buck had the cage door open and was calling softly to the dog. Molly was clearly nervous. It looked like she wanted to go to Buck, but something kept her back. Eddie had a feeling that something was him, so he got to his feet.

“I think she’s scared of me,” Eddie told Buck. “I’ll stand over here and see if that helps.”

Sure enough, when Eddie stepped away, Molly crawled on her belly to get closer to Buck. Buck reached out and let her sniff his fingers. She did and then licked them, causing Buck to laugh. 

“That tickles, Molly.” Buck chided, even as he reached up to carefully pet Molly, prompting more licks and even a hesitant tail wag.

Eddie was beginning to get the glimmer of an idea. The more he watched Buck interact with the dog, the more it grew. With an excited grin, he pulled out his phone and impatiently waited for the other party to answer. “Hen?”

The whole time the two talked, Eddie watched Buck and Molly. Molly turned out to be a black and white medium-sized dog; Eddie didn’t know dogs well enough to identify the breed, but she was cute and looked to be healthy. Buck finally coaxed the dog out of the cage and the two sat forehead to forehead, with Buck gently petting the dog’s sides. It was the closest to content that Eddie had seen Buck since before the tsunami – since before the ladder truck, even. By the time Eddie had hung up with Hen, his idea had solidified into a plan.

“Hey, Buck?” Eddie called out softly as he approached Buck and his new friend.

Buck looked up, peace shining from his eyes for a moment, then the light died. “I’m sorry, Eddie. We probably should get going. Don’t want Molly wasting time with me and maybe missing a chance to get adopted.”

Eddie crouched by Buck and the dog. “I think Molly’s already found a new home.”

“Oh,” Buck looked down at Molly, who reached up to lick his nose. Buck’s smile at her antics was sad. “Hear that, Molly, you found a new family.” He looked around, trying and failing to look casual. “Which family is it?”

“You’d need a mirror to see him,” Eddie said, a grin spreading across his face. 

“What?” Buck was adorably confused.

“You, Buck,” Eddie couldn’t tease him any longer. “You and Molly look like you have a connection. Wouldn’t you like to adopt her?”

Buck’s eyes went wide with surprise. “Me?”

“Yeah, you,” Eddie told him. “Molly needs a home and you’re already in love with her. Why not?”

“Me?” Buck repeated. He glanced down at Molly, who must have sensed his turmoil. She whined and Buck almost immediately started petting her again. 

“How?” Buck asked. When he looked up at Eddie, Eddie could almost see the wheel’s turning in Buck’s brain. And, Eddie was glad to see, there was a look of growing resolve in his face. “I don’t even have my own place.”

“I talked to Hen,” Eddie explained. “She said that not only does their friend, Eva, own a dog, but the grad student who was going to stay at her house had one too.”

“But. . . –“

“And Hen told me that when she asked Eva if you could stay at her house instead of finding another grad student to do it,” Eddie went on. “She said that pets were okay, but smoking wasn’t. If you want to adopt Molly, there’s no reason you can’t.”

Buck looked stunned.

“You do want to adopt her, don’t you?” Eddie asked.

“What about when I can’t stay at Eva’s?” Buck asked. Eddie couldn’t help but notice that his fingers were buried in Molly’s fur. “It’s hard to find a rental that allows pets. Or if I get to go back to work?”

Eddie smiled at the other man. “We’ll figure it out, Buck, trust me. The important thing is, do you want Molly?”

Buck looked off to the distance, breathing hard. Molly whined and licked him under the chin. The action brought Buck’s focus back to the dog and he grinned. Not a shy smile, but an honest to God grin. His expression, when he looked at Eddie again, was determined.

“Yes, I do,” Buck wrapped one arm around Molly. “This is my dog.” His face fell. “Except, I might have to borrow some money. Adoptions aren’t free.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll cover you,” Eddie grinned. He felt almost drunk on how pleased Buck looked.

Eddie reached out and let Molly sniff his fingers before petting her head. Chris had been asking for a dog for years, but Eddie hadn’t been able to oblige. Not only was Eddie’s schedule too hectic to be good for a dog, but Christopher’s CP made it difficult. For a boy on crutches, a dog could become a speed bump or worse.

“Let’s go talk to Violet.” Eddie asked, rising to his feet. “You should probably get the leash.”

It didn’t take long to find Violet, she was right in the middle of the action, where she was assigning duties to the other volunteers. When she caught sight of Eddie and Buck, with Molly accompanying them, she grinned.

“Good golly, Miss Molly,” Violet said as she stepped towards them. “Looks like you found a new home.”

“Good golly,” Buck murmured. “I like that.”

“It’s from a song,” Eddie told him quietly. He knew that Buck had some gaps in his knowledge of popular culture. “It’s an old song, even before Bobby’s time. We’ll look it up later.”

“Now before you take Molly home, I should tell you a couple of things,” Violet said. “Molly was a puppy when the tsunami hit. She was chipped, so we could find her owners, but even though Molly survived the water, they didn’t.”

“Oh,” Buck said softly. He ruffled Molly’s ears, causing the dog’s tail to wag.

Violet saw that and smiled. “Puppies get adopted pretty quickly, but surviving a tsunami is traumatizing. Molly’s new family brought her back when they couldn’t deal with her fear of water.”

“How could they?” Buck asked, looking down at Molly.

Eddie wished like hell that he had his phone out and was recording. Buck was talking to a stranger. The others would be sorry they missed it.

“We arranged for a foster and she’s doing a lot better with water, but Molly’s a border collie mix.” Violet continued. “Border collies have a lot of energy and you have to keep them busy. The second family that took Molly returned her for being too much to handle.”

“I don’t think Buck will have that trouble,” Eddie assured him. “He’s got a lot of energy too.”

Or, at least, he used to. Eddie was hopeful that Buck would regain it and he was countng on Molly being able to help him do it.

“All right, I just would hate to see Molly get returned again.” Violet said. “Molly’s a sensitive soul; I don’t think she could handle another rejection.”

“She won’t,” Buck lifted his face to look at Violet. “I won’t. Reject her, that is.”

“You look so familiar,” Violet said, tapping his chin with one finger.

Just like that, all of Eddie’s happiness disappeared. “He’s got one of those faces, you know. Lots of people think they know him when they don’t.”

That might have been the stupidest thing that Eddie had ever said. With Buck’s good lucks, there were few that looked like him - and that wasn’t even considering his distinctive birth mark.

“I know where I’ve seen you before!” Violet exclaimed. “You’re that firefighter, the one that saved all those people when you were off duty.”

Buck looked frozen, but before he or Eddie could panic, Violet continued.

“Adoptions are free to first responders,” Violet told them happily. “We just need you to fill out this form and you’re good to take Molly home. And I’ll need to see a photo ID too.”

Eddie breathed a sigh of relief. Violet handed over the form, a clipboard and a pen. Eddie took them from her and looked at Buck. “You bond with Molly; I’ll take care of this.”

Buck knelt and hid his face in Molly’s fur. If Violet thought that odd, she didn’t say anything. Or maybe she was just too busy gathering a bag full of items to notice. By the time Eddie finished with the form, she was done too and handed it to him.

“Everyone goes home with some dog food, it’s donated by the manufacturer,” Violet explained. “There’s also a certificate in there that will get you a free initial visit with one of our participating veterinarians. And most of the local vet clinics participate. They will be mailing it back to us and if we haven’t received it within 60 days, we’ll be contacting you. We want to make sure our animals are going to responsible owners.”

“Of course,” Eddie assured her.

“There’s another certificate for an ID tag,” Violet went on. “She’s got a collar and tag with the rescue’s information, but I’m sure you’ll want one with yours.”

Eddie nodded, feeling a bit overwhelmed with information, but managing to remember one detail. “You said she was chipped?”

Violet nodded. “Yes, there’s a pamphlet in there about how to change that to your information too.” She held out a hand to shake with Eddie and he shifted the bag to the other arm so he could. “I have to say, it’s wonderful that Molly’s going to such a loving couple. She really does deserve the best.”

“Thanks, believe me,” Eddie didn’t bother to correct her; he just looked over to where Buck was petting Molly. “She’s got the best home now.”

More people were arriving at the adoption event and Violet took her leave. Eddie turned to Buck, grateful that the volunteer apparently had only recognized Buck as a firefighter and not a firefighter that had been rescued from human trafficking.

“You two ready to go?” Eddie asked.

Buck looked up, eyes shining. He stood, addressing the dog.

“Come on, Molly, let’s go home.”


	10. Chapter 10

From the moment he’d looked at the animals at the adoption event, Buck felt a strong sense of kinship with them. He knew what it was like to be caged and have strangers parade in front of you, peering in and judging you. He knew that sensation all too well, even if the cages he’d been held in were rarely built of wire like Molly’s was.

Buck wasn’t sure what made him stop at Molly’s cage. Maybe it was the way she tried hiding while the other dogs had pressed against the doors, begging for attention. Buck also knew what it was like to be afraid of being noticed. Once he stopped by Molly, he read the information card attached to her cage. She was a tsunami survivor, just like him.

Before he knew it, Buck had plopped down in front of Molly’s cage and started talking to her softly. Molly looked at him and whined, seeming like she wanted to come closer but was too frightened to do it. Buck had a feeling that without that wire between them, he could coax her, but didn’t know if he was allowed to open the cage.

A few minutes later, Eddie sat next to Buck and told him that he could take Molly out if he wanted to. Almost before Eddie was done speaking, Buck had the door open and was doing his best to convince the frightened dog to come closer. Much to Buck’s disappointment, it didn’t work. 

“I think she’s scared of me,” Eddie suggested. “I’ll stand over here and see if that helps.”

Eddie moved away and almost immediately Molly slunk forward towards Buck. Once she’d reached him, Buck held his fingers out and Molly sniffed them. She must have liked what she smelled because she licked his fingers.

“That tickles, Molly,” Buck was thrilled at her response and reached forward to pet her. That got him more licks and a hesitant tail wag.

The rest of the park seemed to drop away as Buck focused on the dog. Her fear rapidly diminishing, Molly leaned into his hands and seemed to become more comfortable by the moment. Buck felt a sense of pride; a frightened animal felt comfortable enough to emerge from her cage. 

He’d done that. 

Buck leaned towards Molly. For the first time in months, there was no unease in being close to another living being. Buck felt so much peace that he didn’t even startle when Eddie came back. Unfortunately, that peace was shattered when he realized that Eddie was probably there to move him along. He tried to make the best of it, making a comment about leaving so that Molly would have a chance to find a new family.

“I think Molly’s already found a new home,” Eddie responded immediately.

With a sinking heart, Buck looked around. There weren’t many people in the adoption area. Molly seemed to sense his mood and licked his nose. “Hear that Molly, you found a new family.” He looked around, hoping to identify who it was – and determine if they were good enough for this dog. “Which family is it?”

“You’d need a mirror to see him,” Eddie said, a grin on his face. His reply made no sense to Buck.

“What?”

Eddie’s grin grew bigger. “You, Buck.”

The discussion that followed was surreal to Buck. Although he’d made a connection with Molly, he never once considered adopting her himself. He found himself debating with Eddie over it, wanting to adopt the dog so badly, but having a hard time letting himself hope. Every issue that Buck brought up, however, Eddie shot down with a simple solution, Finally, Eddie asked Buck point blank if he wanted the dog.

Yes, Buck realized. He wanted to adopt Molly with every fiber of his being. He got Molly’s leash and followed Eddie over to where the volunteer had greeted them when they entered. She made a cultural reference that Buck didn’t know, but they way Eddie promised to explain in later warmed him. Buck listened carefully to everything the woman told him about Molly, trying to memorize it all. Hearing that Molly had been rejected twice made Buck angry. How could someone do that? He vowed to rescue volunteer that he’d never do that.

And that’s when something he’d been afraid of ever since that damn mayor had put Buck’s picture on television during the press conference. The woman recognized him.

Eddie immediately stepped between her and Buck, trying to explain it away, but the woman didn’t budge. To Buck’s surprise, however, she didn’t say anything about the trafficking, she just identified him as a firefighter.

Despite his relief, Buck gratefully hid his face into Molly’s fur while Eddie filled out the paperwork and finished the details of the adoption. By the time Eddie finally told Buck that everything was ready to go, Buck had mostly regained his equilibrium. 

“Come on, Molly,” Buck told the dog. “Let’s go home.”

The three of them walked back towards the house and it was a slower go than usual. Molly wanted to stop and sniff everything and Buck didn’t see why she couldn’t. 

“Have you ever had a dog before?” Eddie asked.

Buck shook his head. “No. You?”

“We had a cocker spaniel when I was a kid. Her name was Mariposa.” Eddie’s expression got soft. “She was more my mom and sisters’ dog, though. Real good at letting the girls dress her up and curling up with my mom when she reading; not so good at the more active stuff I wanted to do as a little boy.”

“That lady back there?” Buck said. He was usually better at people’s names, but she’d rattled him by recognizing him. “She said that Molly’s going to need a lot of exercise.”

“Good news, Molly.” Eddie grinned down at the dog. “No baby clothes for you.”

When they got to the house and Eddie unlocked the door, Molly strolled right in like she’d been living there for years. The two men stood and watched her. A pattern soon emerged. Molly would move around and sniff for a few minutes, then run back to Buck for pets and reassurance. Once, after she got her encouragement from Buck, she moved on to Eddie, apparently having decided that he was safe too. Buck loved to see how Eddie’s face lit up when she did that.

They made their way around the house and then outside. Once she got into the yard, Molly ran around. Buck could see what the adoption lady meant by having a lot of energy.

“Happy?” Eddie asked him.

“Yeah,” Buck turned to his friend. “Thanks.”

Eddie shrugged, clearly uncomfortable with Buck’s gratitude. “It’s good to see you smile.” His expression brightened. “Hey, let’s send a picture to everybody, introduce the 118 to the newest family member.”

Buck frowned. “Didn’t you tell them already?”

“Only Hen,” Eddie told him. “And I swore her to silence.”

Just then Molly ran back to Buck. She put her paws on his stomach and yipped, the first sound other than a whine that she’d uttered so far.

“See, I think she’s telling you how pretty she is and that your family needs to see her,” Eddie pointed out, mischief dancing in his eyes.

“All right,” Buck ruffled Molly’s ears and dug his phone out of his back pocket.

If Molly was camera-shy, she didn’t show it. Before he knew it, Buck had dozens pictures of Molly. Molly running around, Molly sitting with a doggy smile, Molly rolling on the grass. 

“Which one should I send?” Buck asked after he showed the pictures to Eddie.

Eddie’s reply surprised him.

“The one you haven’t taken yet,” Eddie suggested. “I think everyone would like to see a picture of you and Molly.”

“You think so?” Buck asked. He looked at Molly; it was clear which of the two of them was cuter.

“Absolutely,” Eddie sounded certain. “I think they would love how happy she makes you. Indulge me?”

“Okay,” Buck put his phone away and called for Molly.

“What are you doing?” Eddie asked.

Buck frowned. “Aren’t you going to take pictures with your phone so you can share them?”

“Nope,” Eddie shook his head. “I’m going to take pictures with your phone so you can choose the ones you want to share.” He held out his hand, flat with the palm up. 

Blushing, Buck brought his phone out again and gave it to Eddie. After that he called for Molly. She came immediately and bounced around Buck, seeming to get happier by the moment.

“Okay, settle down, Molls, I love you too,” Buck starting calming the dog by petting her. When he looked back at Eddie, his friend had a thoughtful look on his face. “What?”

“You know, you could change her name if you wanted,” Eddie pointed. “I mean, Molly’s a good name, but if you wanted something more meaningful to you, you don’t have to keep it.”

“No,” Buck replied firmly and without hesitation. “Names are important.”

Buck should know; Carlyle had taken his name from him.

“All right, all right,” Eddie backed off from the idea. “Just is a suggestion is all.”

After the first photo or two, Buck forgot that Eddie was taking pictures. Molly didn’t mind the attention at all. She danced around Buck, licking his face whenever she had the chance. She was so enthusiastic that she knocked Buck to the ground, making him laugh. Eventually she settled down enough that Buck could sit on the grass next to her, one arm around the dog.

“Wow, she’s one photogenic dog,” Eddie complimented Molly. As though she knew he was talking about her, Molly got up and bumped against Eddie, asking to be petted. He handed the phone over to Buck and got on one knee to oblige her.

Instead of looking at the pictures, Buck quickly snapped a couple of Molly and Eddie. It wasn’t often that he saw his friend grin so widely. Molly was good for him too. 

“Are any of them good enough to send?” Eddie had finished petting Molly or maybe Molly had finished with him. She was on the other side of they yard.

As an answer, Buck held the phone so that the both of them could look. Some of them were blurry because Molly wouldn’t hold still, but Eddie was right; the dog was photogenic. When they got to the photos of Molly and Buck, though, Buck hesitated. He didn’t like looking at pictures of himself anymore.

“Hey, those turned out great,” Eddie didn’t notice that Buck had stopped swiping through the photos. “That’s a good one. Could you send me a copy? Christopher’s going to lose his mind when he finds out you got a dog.”

The photo that Eddie requested was Buck kneeling and the camera had caught the moment when Molly licked Buck’s cheek. Buck had his head thrown back and was laughing. Even Buck had to admit that he looked pretty happy.

“I’ll send this one to the whole group,” Buck decided, then he did just that before he could change his mind. He used the caption, ‘Meet Molly, the newest member of the firefam.”

No sooner had Buck sent the message when he heard a growling noise. He first thought it was Molly, but she’d run to the other side of the yard. He looked at Eddie in surprise.

“Sorry,” Eddie patted his stomach. “It’s been an eventful morning.”

Buck looked up at the sky and, sure enough, the sun was almost directly overhead. More time had passed than he thought. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Eddie told him, then grinned mischievously. “I brought you a surprise – but you can’t tell Bobby.”

“What?” Buck asked, not entirely pleased. Surprises weren’t always good.

“I can’t tell you, it’s surprise,” Eddie gestured towards the house. “Come on, I’ll show you.”

Buck whistled for Molly and led her into the house. “Wait a minute, what if Molly is hungry?”

“Violet sent some food home with her,” Eddie moved towards the bag that the animal rescue had sent with them. “You look for a couple of bowls and we’ll get Molly fed first.”

Buck got two bowls out of the cabinet and filled one with water. As soon as he set it down, Molly was drinking greedily. It was partially satisfying, to see her enjoying something that he had provided, but also made him feel guilty. How long had the dog been thirsty and how had Buck not noticed?

“Don’t worry, you’ll get the hang of it,” Eddie encouraged him. He must have seen the doubt in Buck’s face. 

“But there’s so much to know,” Buck was well aware of how much he had to learn about having a dog.

“I know how much you enjoy researching.” Eddie had filled the other bowl with kibble and set it down. “By this time tomorrow, you’ll have scoured the internet and learned everything there is to know about taking care of a dog.”

Buck wasn’t so sure, but he trusted Eddie and felt a little better.

“Now come on, let’s get the lunch surprise.” Eddie headed towards the door and Buck followed.

When Molly saw that they were leaving, she followed close behind. 

“You stay here, Molly,” Buck told the dog. “We’ll be right back.”

Molly whined and Buck almost felt his heart break “Maybe we should bring her with us.”

Eddie shook his head. “We’re just going out to the truck and we’ll be right back. She has to learn that she can trust you to come back. This is a good place to start.”

“All right,” Buck reluctantly turned back to the dog. “Stay here, Molly. We’ll only be a minute.” She whined again, which almost broke his resolve. Before he could change his mind, Buck went out the door, careful to block her from following. Eddie was right behind him. 

Silently, the two men walked briskly to the truck. Once there, Eddie opened the passenger door and pulled out a pizza box, which he handed off to Buck. Buck was surprised that it was so light. He opened it and, sure enough, it was empty of pizza, although from the way the cardboard was stained, that hadn’t always been the case.

Eddie came out of the truck with a bag in tow. When he did, Buck held up the empty box.

“That’s a decoy,” Eddie said with a grin. He reached into the bag and pulled out a small box that was blue and gold. “It’s so Bobby doesn’t figure out what we’re really having for lunch.”

Buck smiled at what Eddie was holding. “I don’t know, Eds. Bobby can smell powdered cheese from half a mile away.”

“Yeah, but you love Kraft Mac and Cheese,” Eddie countered. “Bobby’d have a cow if he knew, but I’ll take all the evidence with me, leave the pizza box in the recycling, and he’ll never know.”

Knowing Bobby’s legendary loathing of boxed macaroni and cheese, Buck wasn’t so sure of that. Eddie was right, though, that Buck loved it. He didn’t protest anymore as they walked back into the house. Molly greeted them right at the door, whining and jumping on them as though they’d been gone a week.

While Buck reassured the dog, Eddie went to the kitchen to fix lunch. Eddie had a reputation as a bad cook, but even he couldn’t screw up this particular dish. Christopher loved it as much as Buck did, Eddie had made it so often that he could probably make it in his sleep.

“Why don’t you start your research?” Eddie suggested while he got out the ingredients that would need to be added. “This takes a little bit.”

Buck didn’t argue, even though he usually felt guilty when others were cooking for him. He did bring the laptop to the table so that he could talk to Eddie while he worked.

“We’ve got a collar and a leash,” Buck said as he looked through the basics. “And some food.” He frowned as he read more. “I’m not sure that’s the best brand, though. I want Molly to have the healthiest.”

“There’s time for that,” Eddie said. “What was sent home was enough for a few days. I doubt the animal rescue would send junk food and, even if it’s not the best, a couple of days won’t hurt her.”

“But she’ll need a dog bed and some toys,” Buck was beginning to feel dismayed. There was more to having a dog than he knew. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Eddie had finished the mac and cheese and set a bowl in front of Buck before sitting in the place opposite him. “We’ve got your back, remember?”

Buck pushed his laptop aside and took a bite of his lunch. He glanced down, Molly was laying at his feet, clearly tired out, but still wanting to be at his side. Once the mac and cheese hit his stomach, Buck realized that he was hungry. He took a few more bites before speaking again.

“There’s a lot to buy,” Buck said, worried.

“I don’t know what your money situation is, you’ll have to ask Maddie about that,” Eddie told him. He’d also been eating steadily. “We’ll get it figured out, you’ll see. Now, tell me what you’ve learned.”

While they ate, Buck told Eddie what he’d discovered about dog toys in the brief time he’d been researching. After a few minutes, Buck’s spoon was scraping the bottom of his bowl. Eddie had made a box of mac and cheese for each of them and Buck had eaten his whole serving. That was the first time he’d finished a meal since he’d been rescued.

“Do you feel up to a trip to the pet supply store?” Eddie asked, somewhat hesitantly.

The word immediately on Buck’s lips was no. He wasn’t up to going into a store, especially with the animal rescue lady having recognized him. On the other hand, he wanted to pick out supplies for Molly himself. Still, he remembered again that the lady had recognized him.

Buck just shook his head no, but Eddie had no trouble knowing what Buck was thinking.

“When Violet recognized you, do you remember what she said?” Eddie asked, but continued without waiting for Buck to answer. “She remembered you as a hero. Not as a victim, not as being rescued from trafficking, but as someone who saved lives.”

When Buck just shook his head again, Eddie chuckled and gestured at Molly. “And look at you today, rescuing another life.”

Buck ducked his head, blushing. “It was your idea.”

“But you’re the one that coaxed her out of her cage,” Eddie countered. “And gained her trust.” He looked at Buck’s laptop. “Why don’t pick out some things and have them delivered? Just until you feel comfortable going into a store again.”

“Won’t it take awhile to get shipped?” Buck asked.

“Molly’s got food and water, a collar and leash and you,” Eddie said with a smile. “She’s got the essentials and we can get shipping expedited for whatever else she needs.”

Buck wanted to dive into his research, but he didn’t think Eddie should have to clean up the kitchen by himself. While Buck washed the dishes, not wanting to leave them in the dishwasher to be discovered by Bobby, Eddie spent the time gathering up all the other evidence that would give them away. The boxes and other debris were returned to Eddie’s truck and the pizza box placed in the recycling.

When Eddie was finished, he checked his phone and smiled at whatever he saw there. “Have you looked at your phone lately?”

“No,” Buck admitted. He picked it up and found he’d missed over a dozen texts from his friends. All of them had nice things to say about Molly and asking when they could meet her.

“Hen’s the only one with a dog,” Buck said, confused. “I didn’t think they’d be so excited about me getting one.”

“It’s not just Molly,” Eddie told him gently. “But how happy she makes you. He scrolled back up his texts and stopped when he got to the picture of Buck and Molly. “Trust me, anything that makes you that happy is going to make them happy.”

Buck blushed again, but didn’t have anything else to say. He bent again to his research.

The rest of the day was spent quietly, but productively. Buck took his laptop outside and, of course, both Molly and Eddie followed. Molly continued exploring the yard while Buck researched. Eddie sat with them, taking advantage of the rare opportunity to read a novel.

Molly realized that they had a visitor before they did. She was sniffing of the bushes closer to where Buck and Eddie were sitting when her head shot up and she trotted to the back door, tilting her head inquisitively. A moment later, both Eddie and Buck’s phones vibrated with an incoming text. It was from Bobby, letting them know that he’d arrived for his evening shift with Buck.

“Remember,” Eddie put a finger to his lips. “Not a word about what we had for lunch.”

Buck smiled, but hoped that Molly would be a good enough distraction that Bobby wouldn’t see through how they’d staged the kitchen to hide any evidence. He knew that Bobby wouldn’t be made, but he’d probably get that expression that meant he was disappointed and that was almost worse.

The two men packed up their stuff and moved inside, Molly going with them. The doorknob turned and Molly barked. It was the first sound louder than a yip that Buck had heard her make. He thought his heart would burst when Molly stood in front of him as the door opened.

“It’s okay, Molly,” Buck called out softly. “Come here, girl.”

“Buck?” Bobby asked as he poked his head in. “Is it okay if I come in?”

“Sure,” Buck told him “I’ve got her.”

Bobby came into the house, carrying two large bags with him. “Well, hello there, Molly.”

Molly yipped and circled behind Buck, peeking around his legs at Bobby. 

“She’s not used to everything yet,” Buck apologized.

“Don’t worry about it,” Bobby assured him. “We’ve got plenty of time to get know one another.”

“Well, I’m going to head out,” Eddie told them. “I’m going to pick up Christopher.” He looked over at Buck. “Could you send me a few more pictures of Molly? I’m sure that Christopher is going to freak out at you getting a dog.”

“Sure,” Buck hesitated, but then added, “Maybe I could talk to him tomorrow? Use Facetime so that he can see her that way?”

Eddie’s smile brightened the room. “Sure, he’d love that.”

“Okay,” Buck ducked his head. He felt guilty that Christopher wanted to see him so bad, but he still wasn’t ready.”

After making arrangements for when to call the next day, Eddie left, but not after kneeling down for last pets for Molly. He laughed softly when he got a couple of licks in return.

Bobby had taken the bags into the kitchen. One bag held the expected ingredients for dinner, but the other was full of dog toys.

“Athena and I thought you might want something for Molly to play with,” Bobby looked a little embarrassed as he kept pulling things out of the bag.” He scratched at the back of his head. “We might have gone a little overboard.”

Buck looked at the toys in amazement. “I thought that you didn’t like dogs.”

“I like them just fine,” Bobby said as he bent down with a hand stretched out, trying to coax Molly to him. So far, it wasn’t working. “I just don’t think they belong in a fire house.”

The words froze Buck’s blood. If Bobby didn’t believe in having dogs at the station, what did that mean for Buck? Carlyle called him Spot and Cory bragged at how good Buck was at doggie style. What if Bobby found that out – would he ban Buck from the fire house too?

“Buck, you okay there, kiddo?” Bobby asked.

Buck came back to himself and realized that he was trembling. Not only that, but Molly was pressed against his legs. She looked up at him and whined. 

“It’s okay, girl. I’m okay.” He reached down and patted her head. She took advantage of his position and licked his face again.

“She looks really bonded to you already,” Bobby commented.

Buck nodded. “She’s a good girl.”

“I can see that,” Bobby said. He smiled at the dog. “You’re a good friend, Molly.”

“Yes, she is.” 

Bobby turned to the kitchen. “Shall we get dinner started?” He looked around, looking into the recycling container just a little too casually. “Pizza again?”

One good thing about not talking meant that he didn’t have to lie, something that Buck really didn’t want to do with Bobby. He decided to be vague. “Eddie brought it.”

While he’d responded, Bobby was looking in the refrigerator. Obviously, there were no leftovers. “It’s good that you ate everything, but you need more vegetables than what’s on pizza. Care to help me out?”

“Sure,” Buck replied. The moment Bobby’s back was turned, he smiled. Looking down at Molly, he put his fingers to his lips, pretending to reminder her to keep their secret. Molly’s tail started wagging so hard that, for a moment, Buck thought it might actually fall off.

Molly, clearly, was happy to be out of her cage. And something told Buck that he’d just taken a big step out of the cage of his own.


	11. Chapter 11

When Bobby woke up at Buck’s house, he noticed something unusual - he’d slept well. Bobby hadn’t been awoken by the sounds of Buck having a nightmare, even one that Buck tried to hide. Instead of being satisfying, the fact that Bobby’s sleep had been unbroken was alarming.

Bobby threw off his covers and immediately left his room to pad down the hallway to Buck’s. The door was cracked open about a foot. Before, Buck would have the door shut all the way, but they’d talked the night before about Buck wanting Molly to be able to get in and out as she pleased.

It was well after the sun was up, so there was light seeping into the hallway from the window in Buck’s room. Bobby peeked in, careful not to nudge the door any more open that it already was. Not only did he not want to wake Buck, if he were still asleep, but also wanted to limit his intrusion into Buck’s privacy as must as possible.

The sight that Bobby saw brought a smile to his face. Buck was still asleep, sprawled on his stomach, more relaxed that Bobby had seen him since Buck had been rescued. Curled up next to Buck and under his arm, was Molly. The dog’s head immediately came up when Bobby looked in. Bobby put a finger to his lips, hoping that Molly didn’t bark and wake Buck. She didn’t, although she did tentatively wag her tail. The two of them had become friends the night before, if not nearly as bonded as the dog had become with Buck.

“Good girl,” the whisper was barely louder than a breath. Bobby smiled at the dog and headed back down the hallway.

He had the refrigerator door open, contemplating breakfast options, when he heard the clicking sound of doggy toenails on the wooden floor. Bobby lifted his head and found Molly standing at the edge of the kitchen, looking at him expectantly. Bobby then glanced down and realized that the bowl being used as the dog’s food dish was empty. Luckily, the bag of dog chow was sitting the counter.

“I guess you’re hungry too,” Bobby said as he reached for the bowl. Molly came into the kitchen and watched his every move as Bobby filled first the food dish and then the water.

To Bobby’s surprise, the dog didn’t approach her filled bowls. Instead she moved a few feet away and turned back expectantly. Bobby obligingly followed and the dog led him to the sliding door to the back yard.

“Ah, I understand,” Bobby opened the door and Molly went outside to do her business.

Bobby went back to the fridge and decided the best thing to do was simple bagels with cream cheese. Athena, Hen and Karen were coming for brunch after church, so he didn’t want to fill up too much. When he let the fridge door shut, Bobby startled a little. Buck was standing where Molly had just been minutes before. Unlike Molly, though, Buck didn’t exactly look calm.

“Everything okay, kid?” Bobby asked.

“Where’s Molly? When she wasn’t with me, I thought for sure she’d be with you.”

Bobby smiled. “She’s outside, doing her morning ablutions.”

“Her ablu- what now?” Buck asked. He had a serious case of bed head and clearly wasn’t all the way awake yet.

“She’s outside, getting ready the day,” Bobby explained, stifling a smile. “In a dog’s case, that means going to the bathroom.”

The old Buck would have rolled his eyes and said something like ‘Why didn’t you just say so?’, but this new Buck was more subdued.

“Oh,” Buck turned towards the door to the backyard. “Okay.”

Bobby missed the younger man’s sass, but reminded himself how far Buck had come. A week ago, Buck hadn’t been speaking and now he was, not exactly a chatterbox, but being reasonably verbal. Bobby knew he was being greedy by wanting more, that it hadn’t been all that long since Buck had been rescued, but he couldn’t help it. He wanted Buck well now.

While Buck checked on his dog, Bobby went back to the kitchen. He put on a pot of coffee and while it was brewing, he opened the fridge and pulled out the bagels and fixings. By the time Buck and Molly came back in, Bobby was sipping at his coffee and slathering cream cheese on his freshly toasted bagel.

“I left the bagels out, in case you want one,” Bobby said by way of a greeting. When Buck didn’t answer, he looked at the younger man.

“Thanks for feeding Molly,” Buck stood awkwardly and watched while the dog ate. “I’m sorry, I should have gotten up and done that.”

“It was no trouble,” Bobby reassured him. “You looked so comfortable that I didn’t want to wake you. I take it you slept well?”

A look of amazement came over Buck’s face. “Yeah. Yeah, I did.”

“Good.” Bobby took his first bite and realized something was missing. He got up and after picking up the coffee carafe, turned to Buck. “Coffee?”

“Yeah, sure,” Buck said, although the majority of his attention was on the dog.

Bobby got out a mug, filled it and gave it to Buck, who took it absently. “Breakfast?”

“Hmm?” Buck glanced at him.

“Do you want breakfast?” Bobby asked. It hadn’t taken him long to eat his bagel.

Buck shook his head. “No, thanks.” 

Bobby was tempted to protested, but he held himself back by the smallest of margins. Buck was a grown man and could decide for himself whether he wanted to eat or not. It helped that Buck was starting to regain some wait; it was rare now for him to need the protein drink.

“All right,” Bobby said, keeping his tone affable. “I’m going to go take a shower.”

“Your ablutions,” Buck added with a shy smile.

Bobby grinned at him. “Right.”

There was no need to rush, so Bobby took his time getting ready for the day. Even so, he didn’t have much primping to do and it didn’t take long. Soon, he was back in the living room, looking out the patio doors and into the back yard.

Buck was playing with Molly and they were both clearly enjoying themselves. It seemed to be a modified game of tag, with Buck being ‘it’ and the dog running circles around him. Buck had a huge grin and Bobby could have watched that all day. Eventually, though, the two wore out and headed back to the house. Bobby hurriedly sat in a chair and picked up a book, hoping that Buck wouldn’t realize that he’d been watched.

“Have fun?” Bobby asked as Buck and Molly came back in.

“Yeah,” Buck was breathing hard. “The rescue lady said that Molly would need a lot of exercise.” He wiped a hand across his forehead. “She wasn’t kidding.”

“You have enough time to take a shower, before you help me with the egg strata,” Bobby said. “If, that is, you want to help.”

“Sure,” Buck smiled. “Be right back.”

Buck hurried down the hall, with Molly his faithful shadow. Bobby only hoped that Buck wouldn’t bring her into the shower with him. That would result in a bigger mess than Bobby was prepared to deal with.

The next hour felt almost normal. Bobby was the chef and Buck the eager assistant. Molly fell asleep in the living room, Buck having worn her out playing that morning. She was still the first one to notice that their company had arrived. The dog first raised her head and then leapt to her feet. A few moments later, Bobby’s phone vibrated with an incoming text.

“The ladies are here,” Bobby told Buck.

Buck didn’t have to be told twice. He flipped a dishcloth over his shoulder and walked to the door. Bobby was happy to see that, even though he’d announced who had arrived, Buck still looked through the peephole.

“Hey there, baby,” Athena was the first to step inside. She was carrying a large covered basket and had a bag hanging from her elbow. Buck hurried forward and took the basket from her. Athena tilted her head towards him and Buck kissed her on the cheek.

“So where’s the new member of the family?” Hen was right behind Athena. She spotted Molly in the living room. “There you are, Molly girl.”

“It’s obvious where Denny gets his dog craziness from.” Karen slapped her wife lightly on the arm. “You’ll have to forgive her, Buck.”

“It’s okay,” Buck shrugged. “I think Molly’s pretty special too.”

While Buck took Hen into the living room to introduce her to Molly, the other two newcomers helped Bobby finish getting their breakfast ready. Before long, the egg strata and hashbrown casserole came out of the oven and were on the table. Accompanying them was a fruit salad, homemade croissants and a pitcher of sweetened orange juice.

“Buck, Hen, we’re ready,” Athena called out to the other two.

“No thanks to you,” Karen teased her wife as Hen came into the kitchen.

“Sorry, baby.” Hen gave Karen a chaste peck on the lips. “We’ll do clean-up, right, Buck?”

“Right,” Buck promised.

The group dug into their meal with much enthusiasm. Molly circled the table and Bobby was surprised when Hen was the one who spoke up about it.

“Don’t get into the habit of giving her people food,” Hen suggested. “Once you go down that road, there’s no going back.”

“Should be easier for you,” Karen added. “Since you don’t have a toddler trying to feed the dog all the parts of his meal that he doesn’t want to eat.”

“I did some reading last night,” Buck said. “I know that table scraps are bad for dogs. I won’t do it if it’s bad for her.”

“We know you won’t,” Athena stated. “You’ll take better of Molly than you’ll take care of yourself.”

“You say that like it’s a good thing,” Bobby murmured.

Athena gave him a quelling look.

Luckily, Buck didn’t seem to notice. The conversation while they ate was dog-centric, but Bobby didn’t mind. Buck was fully engaged, which was an incredible thing to witness. When they were finished eating, Athena insisted on being properly introduced to Molly.

“I’ve got to meet this grandpuppy of mine,” Athena said as she linked her arm with Buck’s and headed towards the living room.

“Grandpuppy?” Bobby asked.

Athena shot him an amused glance. “Consider it practice.”

Molly was just as enthusiastic at meeting Athena as she’d been with Hen. The dog was so friendly that Bobby had a hard time believing Eddie’s description of how withdrawn she’d been when they’d first seen her.

While Karen was the next being introduced, Athena retrieved the bag she’d brought in when she’d arrived. The contents were revealed to be something that looked like a Frisbee, a pair of ceramic bowls and a red dog collar.

“Thanks, Athena, but you didn’t have to,” Buck said when he saw it. “Molly’s already got a collar

“Pshaw,” Athena scoffed. “The shelter sent her home with one, but not a collar fit for the dog of a firefighter.” She held the collar up so that Buck could see it closer. Not only was the collar fire engine red, but the tag was shaped like a little fire hydrant.

“Oh, wow,” Buck took the collar from Athena. “This is great, Athena. Thank you.”

Bobby and Athena didn’t stay much longer after that. Hen and Karen had given Athena a ride and then Karen would leave after supper. The plan was for Chim to pick Hen up in the morning when he brought Maddie over to stay with Buck. 

The rest of the day was normal. Blessedly normal, full of chores and small talk and the miracle of everyday life. Bobby cherished it. He didn’t begrudge Buck any time spent helping the younger man, but it was a relief to be away from his trauma, even if just for a little while. He couldn’t imagine what it would have been like to actually live it.

When the day was over and Bobby was laying in bed, with Athena in his arms, he felt grateful. 

“I can hear your mind working,” Athena lifted her head from his chest. 

“Sorry,” Bobby settled back against his pillow.

“Didn’t say I minded,” Athena said with a smile. 

She leaned up to kiss him. For the first time since Buck came back, Bobby felt desire stir. Hearing the little he had about what Buck had endured had quashed any desire Bobby had felt for making love to his wife. Seeing Buck doing so much better changed that. Athena had been a saint through it all and Bobby wanted to show her how much he appreciated it. Still, there was one aspect about earlier in the day that Bobby felt he could not just leave unaddressed.

“Mmmm,” that’s nice,” Athena murmured as she draped herself across him.

Bobby kept his face serious. “I don’t know, finding out I’m a grandfather is quite an adjustment. I’m not sure I’m capable.”

“Grandfather?” Athena’s voice rose at the end. “What do you mean –“

“It stands to reason that if Molly is our grandpuppy, then I’m a grandfather,” Bobby stated gravely. “It’s quite the shock.”

“Bobby. . . “ 

“And that makes you a grandmother,” Bobby continued. “A very sexy one, I might add.”

Athena looked at him with narrowed eyes. “Bobby Nash, you’re playing me.”

Bobby’s grin broke loose. “Maybe. Just a little. Grandma.”

“That’s the way it’s gonna be, is it?” Athena sat up enough to pull her nightgown up over her head. “Let’s me show me what this grandmother can do.”

And she did. Several times.

The next morning, Bobby was tired, but it was a good kind of tired. Sleep wasn’t the only activity that was restorative. His happiness lasted until he remembered what the day brought. Namely, his first therapy session.

Athena stepped up behind Bobby and wrapped her arms around him. “You going to be okay?”

“I think so,” Bobby turned in her arms and kissed her. “It’s not going to be pleasant, but it needs to be done.”

“You’re the strongest man I know, Bobby,” Athena told him. “But there’s nothing wrong to admitting that you need help”

“That’s what I keep telling Buck.”

“That’s because it’s true,” Athena replied. 

Bobby only wished he had half the confidence in himself that Athena had in him.

“I better get going if I’m going to be on time for the appointment,” Bobby said. “I’ll call you when I get back to the station.” He’d modified his shift so that they weren’t expecting him at the 118 until noon.

She kissed him quickly. “You better.”

When Bobby got into his SUV, he put his cell into the holder mounted to the dash and then turned on the radio, determined to lose himself in the music on his way to therapy. That lasted only a few minutes. His cell rang in the middle of the second song. A quick glance at his phone showed that it was a New Orleans area code. Bobby made short work of turning off the radio so that he could answer.

“Nash here.”

“Captain Nash, Agent Whittaker of the FBI,” a female voice said. “Is this a bad time?”

“I’m on the road, but with the pace LA traffic at rush hour, we should be fine,” Bobby said. “I’m assuming you’ve had a chance to talk with Buck’s therapist?”

“Yes, Dr. Marshall was most helpful,” Whittaker said. “She indicated that Evan should be up to being interviewed.”

“He’s eager to,” Bobby said. “That doesn’t mean he’s not fragile, though.”

“Understood,” Whittaker agreed. “Trust me, I will do everything in my power to make this process more comfortable for Evan.”

Comfortable. It was a nice thought but Bobby couldn’t imagine any part of the process being anywhere close to comfortable for Buck.

“When would you like to do the interview?” Bobby asked.

“Tomorrow, if that works into Evan’s schedule,” Whittaker said. “I’m at the airport now. I know that seems fast but I’ve found that it’s best to get these things over as quickly as possible, otherwise the anxiety builds. It’s kinder to get it over with.”

“All right.” Bobby agreed. “What time?”

When they got all the details worked out, Bobby turned the radio back on. He wasn’t quite as successful as before at distracting himself. As a result, he was pensive when he arrived at the therapist’s office. He was tempted to reschedule, but he remembered what Whittaker said. It was better to get it over with or the anxiety would just overwhelm him.

Besides, if Buck could do it, so could Bobby. 

By the time Bobby was checked in to his appointment and sitting in his therapist’s office, Bobby was feeling almost impatient to get started.

“Tell me, Bobby,” the therapist, who introduced himself as Ned Turner, said. “What brings you in?”

“Dr. Joy Marshall recommended you,” Bobby told him and Turner nodded. He clearly recognized Dr. Joy’s name. “A young man that’s like a son to me was recently rescued from a human trafficking ring. I want to be at my best so that I can help him.”

“Was he the firefighter that was on TV?” The therapist asked.

Bobby grimaced. He hated reference to that stupid press conference. “That’s Buck.”

Turner gazed him calmly. “You flinched when I mentioned the television story. Why is that?”

“I wasn’t able to protect him from that,” Bobby explained. “I wasn’t able to protect him at all.”

“I see,” the therapist commented. “And that’s your job, to protect this young man?”

“I’m his captain,” Bobby said.

“But you said he was like a son to you? Which are you, boss or father figure?”

Bobby shrugged. “Can’t I be both?”

The therapist smiled. “Of course you can.” He tilted his head slightly to the side. “Do you have this type of relationship with the other firefighters under your command?”

“No,” Bobby shook his head. “But Buck’s special.”

Turner was relentless, prying details out of Bobby in a way that would make Athena jealous. “Why is that?”

Bobby took a deep breath, reminding himself that this main was trying to help him, but that it would only work if Bobby did his part. “Before Buck came in to the station as a probie, I had put up some emotional walls. Buck didn’t just ignore them, he smashed through them.”

“These walls,” the therapist probed. “What caused you to build them? Were you always that way?”

“Not always,” Bobby met Turner’s calmly. “Only since I killed my family.”

To his credit, Turner’s expression didn’t change at that blunt admission. “Something tells me there’s more to that story.”

There was and Bobby told the whole thing. By the time he was finished, the therapist was watching him solemnly. Bobby hadn’t told the whole thing in one sitting since unburdening himself with his priest. Even with Athena, it had come out in bits and pieces. 

“You’ve been through a lot,” the therapist said. “I’m hoping this isn’t your first stint in therapy.”

“No, although I tend to lean on my faith more than counseling,” Bobby replied. “I have a great support system, but what happened with Buck, it’s been difficult.” He smiled humorlessly. “I’ve been told I’ve been difficult.”

“In what way?” 

“It’s been suggested that I’m being overprotective of Buck, to the point of suffocating him,” Bobby admitted. 

“And that’s all your family is worried about?” Turner asked. “How you’re protective of Buck?”

For the first time, Bobby looked away. “They might be worried about me too.”

“And that’s upsetting to you.” It wasn’t a question.

“I’m supposed to protect them,” Bobby swallowed hard. “Including Buck. I didn’t know he was in danger in the first place and then I just let those people torture him while I wallowed around, feeling sorry for myself because I thought he was dead.”

“Just like your first wife and children,” Turner added.

“Yeah, something like that,” Bobby said.

There was silence between the two men for a moment.

“Bobby, I think you are a very strong man. You would have to be to survive the loss of your family, not to mention being so successful in getting control over issues with substance abuse,” Turner told him. “I think it’s possible that you’re being so protective of Buck because you couldn’t protect your wife and children.”

Bobby took a deep, if shaky, breath. “That thought has occurred to me.”

“My suggestion to you is to give yourself permission to feel,” Turner said. “This hyper protective state you’ve described might be at least partially because of lingering feelings regarding the family you lost.”

“Feelings aren’t the problem,” Bobby said, but choked up before he could continue.

Turner nodded. “Maybe expressing the feelings is the issue?”

Bobby nodded jerkily. 

“Have you tried journaling?” Turner asked.

“Yes,” Bobby said, although he thought the list of victims from the fire that also cost his family their lives probably wasn’t what the therapist had in mind. “I haven’t in a while, though.”

Not since Athena became a large part of his life. Bobby hadn’t needed a journal when he had her.

“Why don’t you try it again?” Turner suggested. “You can tell me how it goes in a couple of weeks when we have our next appointm  
Knowing a dismissal when he heard one, Bobby rose to his feet and shook the therapist’s hand. “Thank you.”

As he walked back to his vehicle, Bobby felt drained. Rather than calling Athena once he was in his SUV, he texted her that his appointment was over. After that was accomplished, Bobby leaned his head back against the headrest and closed his eyes. He was exhausted from telling his therapist the story about his family; it had been painful, but an old pain that he’d learned how to live with. 

How much worse would it be for Buck during the interview with the FBI, when the memories were so raw? 

Bobby sighed. He couldn’t do the interview for Buck, but at least he could break the news to him as gently as possible. Something told him, however, when he was done, he’d have the first entry for his journel.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be advised that this chapter includes frank discussion of sex trafficking and sexual assault. Please skip if this could disturb or trigger you.

Buck was getting tired of sitting in waiting rooms, especially while being almost consumed by anxiety. At least it was getting better with Dr. Joy; he almost looked forward to seeing her now. Unfortunately, the appointment he was currently waiting for wasn’t with his therapist, but with the FBI and was the interview that he’d been dreading for weeks.

“You all right there, Buckaroo?” Athena’s voice was soft.

Athena sat on one side of Buck and Bobby on the other. Buck would have protested that it was overkill, but that would have been a lie. The truth was that he felt grateful to be sandwiched between the two, their support palpable. Buck desperately wanted to contribute to Carlyle and Cory spending the rest of their lives in jail. If telling his story would help do that, then Buck was all for it.

That didn’t mean he had to like it, though.

Buck hadn’t told any one person more than bits and pieces of his ordeal. Now he was going to have to tell the whole, ugly thing and he was afraid that it would be like reliving it. Buck’d been expecting the interview, but still had felt faintly nauseous ever since Bobby had told him it would be the next day. Eating had been a no go and sleep had been nearly impossible, even with Molly a warm, comforting presence next to him. When Buck had slept, he’d been plagued by nightmares that even Molly had a hard time pulling him from.

“Buck?”

Hearing Bobby’s voice reminded Buck that Athena had asked him a question.

“I’m okay,” he said, looking from one and then another. When Buck saw skepticism in their expressions, he sighed and admitted defeat. “All right, I’m not okay – but I’m not gonna bail either.”

“Didn’t think for a second that you would,” Bobby assured him with a faint smile. “You’re the strongest person I know.”

Buck snorted. “You wouldn’t say that if you knew how scared I am right now.”

Bobby shook his head. “Courage doesn’t mean the lack of fear, Buck. It means being afraid and doing what needs to be done anyway. Talking to the FBI today? That takes even more courage than any crazy rescue you ever did on the job.”

Buck shrugged, not really believing Bobby. “It’s just talking.”

“If that’s all it is, why didn’t you eat supper last night or breakfast this morning?” Athena was calling Buck on his bullshit but in a gentle tone of voice. “Why are those circles under your eyes?”

He couldn’t answer that, so Buck just shrugged and looked away.

“That’s what I thought,” Athena’s voice became even more gentle. “Chippy and the others were caught red-handed, so there’s no doubt they’re going to jail for a good long time, hopefully for the rest of their miserable lives. Any detail you can give law enforcement might lead to additional charges. Besides, call me greedy, but what you know might also help identify additional scumbags related to the Menagie.”

Buck turned back, frowning. “What do you mean?”

“Chippy’s customers are guilty too,” Athena explained. “I want their sorry hides nailed to a wall right up there with his.”

Her bloodthirstiness got Buck to smile wanly. Then he thought on a detail of what she said. “Why do you call him Chippy?”

“Because that’s his legal name,” she replied easily. “Why should that bastard get called a name he prefers instead of the one his mother gave him?”

Buck swallowed. He was pretty sure that he never told anyone what Carlyle – no, Chippy – had called him. It would probably come out at some point, but Buck would be damned if he was the one who told his family and friends that he’d been given a dog’s name.

“Mr. Buckley, we’re ready for you now.”

There was a brunette standing in the doorway who looked familiar. She was dressed in a plain gray jacket and dress pants, with her hair pulled back into a messy bun.

As Buck slowly rose to his feet, so did Bobby and Athena.

“Remember, we’ll be right out here if you need us,” Bobby reminded him.

“And there’s no shame in that,” Athena added.

Buck nodded but didn’t dare speak.

“Right this way, Mr. Buckley,” the woman gestured towards the door and, without looking back at Bobby and Athena, Buck followed her.

The LA FBI office was in the Wilshire Federal Building. It was a large structure, but the FBI shared it with other agencies, like the passport office. When Buck, Bobby and Athena had arrived, they’d had to go through security and then they’d been escorted to a waiting room. Buck had expected looks of pity, but while everyone had been polite, no one seemed to know who he was. Buck knew that the woman escorting him did and he was glad she didn’t try to make small talk. He was too nervous for that.

They finally stopped at a room that looked like a small conference room. Unlike tv shows and the movies, there was no large mirror, so definitely no two-way observation. That realization made Buck look up at the ceiling and, sure enough, there were some cameras. Unlike the ones that freaked him out at the New Orleans hospital, however, these were small and there were no bright lights. Buck didn’t particularly like it, but he could handle having them there.

The room was already occupied. There was another woman there, also in a pants suit, but navy instead of gray. She was African American, with braided hair that was wrapped into a crown on top of her head. She was a little older than the first agent and wore eyeglasses with clear frames. She’d been writing on a pad of paper but stopped when Buck and the other agent entered.

“I’m not sure if you remember me, Mr. Buckley.” The first agent said. “I’m Agent Tamara Whittaker. I was there in New Orleans when you were rescued.”

Buck nodded. “I remember; you gave me Jackie’s letter.”

Whittaker smiled. “It’s impressive that you remember, you were still pretty traumatized at the point. I’m glad to see that you’re so much better.”

The other woman stood and Whittaker turned to introduce her. “And this Agnes Johnson, also with the FBI.”

Williams stepped over to shake Buck’s hand. “I’m a victim advocate,” she explained. “I’m here to make sure that this process is as comfortable as possible for you.” She wrinkled her nose. “Not, mind you, that it’s going to be at all comfortable, but I’m here to look out for your wellbeing; the FBI certainly doesn’t need to add more trauma to what you’ve already been through.”

“Thanks,” Buck said.

“Mr. Buckley, please, take a seat and we’ll get started.” Whittaker gestured towards the conference table in the room.

It was a small table and there were only a couple of chairs left. Buck chose the one that put his back to the wall. As the agent and advocate took their seats, Buck took the opportunity to ask a question of his own.

“How is Jackie?” He asked, looking at Whittaker. “Is she doing okay?”

Whittaker took a quick glance at Johnson before answering. “There are privacy issues involved, Mr. Buckley. I can’t tell you a lot except that she’s doing okay. She’s already been through the process of telling us her story.”

Johnson pulled a business card out of her papers and handed it to Buck. “If’ you’d like to write her a letter, send it to me. If she’s willing to receive it, I’ll make sure it gets to her.”

“Thanks.” 

“All right, in a minute, I’m going to turn on the recorder and we can get started,” Whittaker explained. “Before I do, though, I’d like to ask you what you prefer to be called. Should I address you as Mr. Buckley or Evan? Or the one that Jackie used, Buck?”

“No!” Buck responded vehemently. The women looked a little startled, so he struggled to explain. “Buck is for my friends and family. I don’t want to be called Buck when I’m talking about this stuff.”

“We understand,” Johnson said. Buck hated that she was using a soothing tone of voice. How lame was he that someone from the FBI felt she needed to do that? “Would you prefer Evan or Mr. Buckley?”

“Would you mind using Mr. Buckley?” Buck asked after a moment’s thought. The only people who referred to him by Mr. Buckley didn’t know him well. Buck thought he would be less likely to feel that name was tainted by using it to talk about the Menagerie.

“Of course,” Whittaker assured him. “It’s your choice.”

There was a small control board set into the surface of the table. Agent Whittaker pressed a button and started speaking. 

“Today is Tuesday, February 24, 2020. Speaking is Agent Tamara Whittaker. Also in the room are FBI victim advocate Agnes Johnson and trafficking survivor, Evan Buckley.”

“Mr. Buckley, I want to be very clear about what we’re doing today,” Whittaker explained. “You are not here as a suspect. The FBI acknowledges that you are the victim of a crime, not a perpetrator. Our purpose is to get your story so we can prosecute the people who hurt you to the fullest”

“Okay,” Buck said when she waited, as though needing him to reply. 

“Let’s start at the day of the tsunami. Can you tell me why you were at the pier and who you were with?”

“I was still on medical leave and my friend, Eddie, needed someone to watch his son, Christopher.” 

Buck launched into the story. He told the bare bones of it as quickly and objectively as he could, hoping that he could distance himself from the emotions involved. He was only partially successful.

“As the water dragged me away, I could hear Christopher calling for me.” He cleared his throat, overcome momentarily. There was no way he could distance himself from the fear he remembered in Christopher’s voice.

“Mr. Buckley, would you like some water?”

Buck looked up. It was the advocate who’d offered and even behind her eyeglasses, he could see that her expression was full of sympathy.

“That’d be good, yeah,” Buck answered.

Johnson got up and went to a side cabinet that Buck hadn’t even noticed when entered the room. There was several bottles of water there and Johnson grabbed one and handed it to Buck. He quickly uncapped it and drank almost half of it one long gulp. 

“Thanks,” Buck belated said to the woman.

“Of course,” she smiled at him. “Frankly, we should have offered you water from the get-go.”

“Are you ready to continue, Mr. Buckley?” Whittaker asked. When Buck nodded, she continued. “You’d been pulled away from the fire truck refuge you’d found. . . .”

Buck nodded. “I tried to fight it, but the current was too strong. I was pulled out into open water.” He played with the label on the water bottle as he told them about finding first Jackie and Melanie and then the other man.

“Jackie Unger was able to identify Melanie Wood,” Whittaker interjected. “If we showed you photos of men reported missing and believed to have been lost during the tsunami, do you think you might be able to identify the man you helped?”

“Yeah,” Buck nodded. He still saw that man’s face in his nightmares.

The FBI agent made a note on her pad. “All right, we’ll arrange that later. Please continue.”

“We were out there for hours. The sun went down and it was pitch black.” Buck swallowed. “I couldn’t see Jackie or the others and I didn’t know if they were still alive or not.”

“Do you have any idea how long you were on the water?” Whittaker asked.

Buck shrugged. “It seemed like forever.” 

No one commented on that.

“After I don’t know how long, I saw a light and heard an engine,” Buck laughed bitterly. “I actually thought I was being rescued. How stupid was that?”

“Not stupid at all,” Johnson stated. “You had no way of knowing who they really were.”

“Could you identify what kind of boat it was?” Whittaker asked.

“I’m not so good with boats,” Buck shook his head. “And it was dark. It was big enough that a bunch of people were on the deck, that’s all I know.” He thought a bit more. “I think whoever was driving it wasn’t very good at it, though.”

Whitttaker jumped on that comment. “Why do you say that?

“It just seemed clumsy,” Buck struggled for the right words. “It almost swamped me and I lost the cooler I was using as a float. For a minute I thought I was going to drown after all, but then someone grabbed me and pulled me onboard.”

“Did you get a good look at who took you out of the water?” Whittaker asked.

“Yeah.” Buck looked down at the table. “It was Cory.”

“You found that out later, though, correct?” Whittaker asked. “You hadn’t known him before that moment?”

“No, I didn’t know him before,” Buck confirmed. “I heard someone call him by name on the boat and later, I got to know him too well.” Buck shuddered.

Whittaker opened a folder that was next to her and pulled out a piece of paper. “Is this the man you knew as Cory?”

Buck reluctantly took the sheet. The sketch that had been drawn of Cory had been tweaked more than Buck had done in New Orleans. Still, although it was accurate, the two-dimensional rendering of that face didn’t manage to capture the evil in Cory’s eyes. 

“That’s him,” Buck whispered softly. He shoved the paper back at Whittaker. 

Whittaker glanced at the panel that controlled the recording. “Let the record show that Mr. Buckley has identified the suspect known only as Cory.”

“Have you found him yet?” Buck asked.

“No,” Whittaker pursed her lips and then looked him straight in the eye. “But I promise you that we will, if it’s the last thing I do.”

There was silence for a few moments before Johnson spoke. “Mr. Buckley, do you need a moment?”

Buck immediately shook his head. “No, I want to get through this.” 

Before he was prompted, Buck continued the story. “The first thing I noticed was that they weren’t dressed like first responders and they didn’t act like it either. I asked for water and Cory called the boss over to see if I was worth it.”

“Were those the words he used?”

“Yeah,” Buck licked his lips, feeling an echo of that desperate thirst he’d had when he was first rescued. He took another long drink from the water bottle, emptying it. Before he had a chance to ask for more, Johnson got up and got him another.

“The boss came over and it was Carlyle.”

Whittaker pulled out another photo. “Is this him?”

This one was a photo and it was definitely the man Buck had known as Carlyle, although he looked more unkept than Buck had ever seen him. Buck guessed that it was the man’s mugshot. “Yeah.”

“Let the record show that Mr. Buckley has identified Leonard Chippy,” Whittaker said quietly. “What was your initial interaction with Chippy like?”

“He, um, patted me down and said something about my lips,” Buck remembered the exact words, but was purposely vague. “He told Cory to get some water and said I’d be a money maker.”

“He said those exact words?” Whittaker’s words and expression were sharp.

“Yeah.” Buck nodded. That seemed to be important because Whittaker made another note on her paper. “And then Cory got me some water. I saw Melanie and Jackie and the guys with them were groping them. The girls kind of looked out of it, but I didn’t feel so good either. I figured they were just wiped out from being in the water so long.”

“And then the boat stopped again,” Buck swallowed hardly. “The pulled the little guy from the water, the one I found a board to float on. But Carlyle, I mean Chippy, said he wasn’t good enough and told the others to put him back in the water.”

Whittaker interjected a question. “Are you sure it was Chippy?”

“Yeah,” Buck was certain. “It was him.”

There was silence for a few moments. 

“What happened next?” Johnson asked.

Buck shook himself, as though he was shaking off the memory. “I thought I was just tired from being in the water, but then it got hard to talk. The water was drugged and I . . . I lost consciousness.”

“How long were you out?” Whittaker asked.

“I dunno,” Buck admitted. “When I woke up, I was in some sort of warehouse. Carlyl – I mean, Chippy – and Cory told me that it’s been a week and that I wasn’t in California anymore, but they might have been lying.”

“Could you tell anything about the warehouse or what it might have been storing?” Whittaker asked.

Buck shook his head. “No.”

“There weren’t any identifying features? Maybe some signage,” Whittaker pressed. “Even some boxes.”

“I don’t remember. I was a little distracted,” Buck snapped at her. “I was nude, shackled and two strangers were groping me like I was a dog in a dog show. Oh, yeah, and they were raping women near me and I couldn’t stop that either.”

Whittaker closed her eyes. “Of course, I’m sorry. 

Johnson looked sternly at her colleague. “Please, Mr. Buckley, continue at your own pace.”

“They told me what they had in store for me and the others. They even bragged that their merchandise was superior.” Buck’s mouth twisted with distaste. “And when I objected, they used Jackie to punish me.”

“You said that they raped women,” Whittaker asked, although more subdued than a few minutes earlier. “Did they rape her to punish you?”

“No, they already did that,” Buck’s voice dropped. “They used a taser on her. Said they’d do it again if I objected.”

“Objected to what?” Whittaker asked. “Were you sexually assaulted at that point?”

Intellectually, Buck knew he’d have to talk about the sex at some point, but he was exhausted. He put his elbows on the table and hid his head in his hands.

“We’ve been at this for a while,” Johnson suggested. “Would you like to break for lunch? Take some time to just breathe.”

“Yeah,” Buck pulled his head up. “I’m not hungry, though.”

“We can bring Captain Nash and his companion in here if you’d like,” Whittaker suggested.

Buck was so drained that he didn’t realize at first that the ‘companion’ the FBI agent was referring to was probably Athena. Then it occurred to him that she’d just suggested bringing them into the conference room where he’d been spilling his guts about becoming an unwilling sex toy.

“No.” Buck stated firmly. “They are not coming in here. I don’t want them anywhere near this.”

He didn’t want Chippy and Cory touching Bobby and Athena, not even indirectly.

“All right,” the advocate spoke kindly. “I’ve got an idea; it will probably do you good to be out of this room for a little bit. Would you like to use my office? It will be quiet and give you an opportunity to regroup. While you do, Agent Whittaker can update your friends so they don’t get worried about you.”

Buck didn’t have the heart to point out that Bobby and Athena had been worried about him for a while already. Having someone going out and talking to them was a good idea, especially if the one doing the talking wasn’t him. 

“Yeah, that’d be good.”

In short order, Buck was settled into an office that was pretty cozy, considering it was in a government building. Once Johnson had left him alone, Buck put his head down on the desk and reminded himself that what he’d talked about was in the past. Chippy was in jail and Cory was on the run. They couldn’t hurt him anymore.

A little while later, Buck’s phone vibrated. He ignored it and it was quiet for a few moments, then it vibrated again. Groaning, Buck lifted his head and dug his phone out of his back pocket. There were two messages, one from Bobby and one from Athena, both asking if he was okay. He gave them short answers and turned the phone off.

Buck sat back in the desk chair and closed his eyes, trying to empty his mind. That didn’t work. Every time he tried, he kept going back to that first session with Chippy and Cory in the warehouse. The growing terror as he realized that he was completely at the mercy of people who clearly had none. Seeing rape happen and not being able to stop it. Seeing Jackie suffer because of what he’d done.

The first taste of Cory in his mouth.

His eyes flew open as Buck tried to control his breathing. There was no happiness collage to sooth him, no teddy bear to remind him that he was back with people who loved him, no doggy kisses from Molly.

“You can do this, Buckley, just count your senses” Buck muttered to himself. “Sight.” He looked at a piece of fabric art that Johnson hanging on her wall. It was made of soothing blues and greens and Buck let his eyes wonder over its sophisticated curves. 

“Okay, next one.” Buck took his phone out again and turned it on. While it powered up, he ran his fingers across its slick surface. “Touch.” He reveled in its artificiality, even in the state he was in, Buck recognized that he was touching an object and not flesh. 

When the phone turned on, Buck navigated to saved texts. He went right to one Eddie had sent that had a video of Christopher. He played it and the knot in his stomach loosened a bit at the sound of the boy’s voice. “Sound.”

He had two senses left when tapping came at the door and then it opened. Johnson peeked inside and seeing that Buck was aware of her, she stepped inside. She was carrying a tray with a bowl on it, with a little bit of steam wafting into the air.

“Captain Nash was concerned that you hadn’t eaten anything, so I went down to the cafeteria and got you something.”

Buck sighed. “Bobby worries.”

“After hearing what you went through, I can see why.” She smiled at him briefly. “I know it’s been a difficult morning, so I brought something light, just some chicken soup and lemonade,” Johnson put the tray down on the desk. “It’s not my place to tell you what to do, but I will point out that low blood sugar isn’t going to make you feel any better.”

After telling him to return to the conference room when he was ready, Johnson left Buck alone again. He appreciated that. Keeping in mind her comment about blood sugar, and imagining Bobby’s concerned expression, Buck picked up the spoon. A scent that said comfort wafted up from the bowl.

“Smell,” Buck counted off the fourth sense. He took a sip of the soup and felt the last of his panic fall away. “And taste.”

Buck managed a few spoonfuls, but then he gave up. He’d barely begun telling the FBI about what he’d endured; there was a whole lot of pain and humiliation yet to describe. From the way his stomach was roiling, Buck knew if ate too much, it would just come up again. He stood and, not knowing how to dispose of the food, left the tray on the desk. Johnson’s office wasn’t too far from the conference room and remembered the way easily. As he entered, he saw both women were waiting for him.

“Are you ready to continue?” Whittaker asked.

“As good as I’m going to be,” Buck told her and steeled himself to relate more ugliness.

Whittaker restarted the recording and dove back in. “You told us that another victim, Jackie Unger, was punished to get you to cooperate and that she’d been sexually assaulted just prior to that. Were you sexually assaulted at that point?”

“Kinda,” Buck swallowed. “Just . . . . just my mouth. Chippy wanted a client to be my first for the whole, the whole thing.”

“And how did that happen?” Whittaker went deeper with the question. “The night that the FBI raided the Menagerie, it was set up like a lounge, with traffick victims on display. Was it always like that?”

“Not always,” Buck whispered hoarsely. “Sometimes a customer would come sometimes already knowing who they wanted. Sometimes they had like, a special auction.”

Buck’s memory flashed back. A sling. Men’s voices all around him, bidding and counter bidding. Hands touching him, lewd comments made. Silence when the bidding was done and the crowd left. 

Then blinding pain when the winner took his prize.

“Mr. Buckley, are you okay?” Johnson asked, voice and expression full of concern. “Do you need to stop?”

“No, let’s keep going,” Buck replied, voice hoarse with remembered pain.

“And did they always threaten Jackie to get your cooperation?” Whittaker asked.

“Yeah,” Buck flushed with shame. “Sometimes I messed up and tried to fight back. Jackie paid the price. Sometimes they used tasers on her, sometimes they’d make me watch while she was raped. One time they whipped her. They thought my voice was ugly, so they didn’t want me talking.” He grimaced. “Screaming was okay, but not talking. Sometimes they’d punish me directly for that and use the taser on me.” He smiled bleakly. “Taser marks don’t show up when they’re in your mouth.”

Whittaker’s expression was stony. “Did they use those tactics with other traffick victims?”

Buck shrugged. “Depended on who they were and if their value went down if they were bruised or bleeding before the client got to them.” He swallowed bile. “Waterboarding didn’t leave marks, so that was used a lot.”

“What about the clients?” Whittaker asked. “Did you hear any names?”

“Yeah,” Buck said, to the obvious surprise of both of the FBI personnel. “I tried to remember them in case I got out. But then I realized that they were fake names.”

“How did you figure that out?”

“Hugh Hefner isn’t a common name, so by the time I came across the third one, I figured it was fake,” Buck answered. “Then there were multiple Casanova’s and Valentino’s. Most of the time they wanted to be called Sir or Master or even Daddy.”

“Were there repeat clients?”

Buck nodded. “Yeah. The girls were really scared of this guy called Ted.”

“Why?”

“He liked to strangle them,” Buck replied. “I think he killed one. I remember Chippy crowing because he got extra money out of him for doing that.”

“Did that happen a lot?” Whittaker asked. “One of the traffick victims being killed?”

Buck nodded. “Sometimes. I thought Jackie was dead, that’s what they told me. And there was Melanie.”

“Can you tell more about Melanie?” Whittaker asked. “Jackie Unger told us that she died, but every time she tried to tell us how, Jackie shut down. Her therapist advised us not to ask again, that it was too traumatic for her.”

It took long minutes for Buck to answer.

“I think Jackie and Melanie were friends before, you know?” Buck didn’t want for Whittaker to respond. “And Melanie had this scar on her lip from a repaired cleft palate.”

“Yes,” Whittaker murmured softly. “Once Jackie gave us her name and we pulled up Melanie’s driver’s license photo, we saw that.”

“Chippy had a schtick for most of us. Mine was that I had to be forced, every time. They dressed Shyla up like a Catholic school girl with a short skirt and pig tails, like Britney Spears back in the day. She had to call the clients ‘Daddy.’ You get the idea?” Both Whittaker and Johnson nodded. “Melanie was really in shape, so at first her schtick was as an athlete, but then Chippy figured out that some guys got off on the scar. So, they decided if one scar was good, more would be better.”

“My god,” Johnson whispered.

“They started calling her Sexy Frankenstein and they cut her all over. Not by a doctor, because they didn’t care if she scarred. Hell, they wanted her to scar. Even if they cut too deep and had to put stitches in, they did it badly so it would leave a mark.” Buck took a moment to calm his breathing. “One day after they’d let a client cut on her, the guard didn’t tie her just right. Melanie used her fingers to open up all the cuts. She bled out.”

Buck had cried at Melanie’s death, but envied her too. She’d freed herself.

Johnson got up and grabbed three bottles of water. She came back to the table and gave one to Whittaker and Buck, before sitting and opening the third bottle for herself. “Are you sure you want to continue?”

“Yeah, I want to get this over with.” Buck said. “What more do you want to know? If I tell you every minute and every dirty little detail, we’re going to be here for days.”

“Let’s try asking you some specific questions,” Whittaker suggested. “Are you all right with that?”

“Yeah, that’d be good.”

“We know that the Menagerie was a mobile operation, how did they transport you?”

“Semi-trucks for the stuff and panel vans for us,” Buck said easily. Transport days had been good; it was one of the few times he knew that no one would try to mess with him. “They’d drug the water when they moved us, so we’d be good and groggy and no one would try to get away.”

“Could you ever tell where you were? What city or what state?”

“Not really,” Buck told her. “The most I could tell was if it was warm or cold, humid, that kind of stuff.”

Thankfully, the interview continued with questions that were more about the Menagerie’s logistics. Buck talked himself dry and still the questions came. He started to droop.

“Excuse me, Special Agent Whittaker,” Johnson finally spoke in-between questions. “We’ve been at this for hours. I think Mr. Buckley has been incredibly cooperative, but it might be time to call it a day.”

Buck glanced at the clock on the wall, surprised to see that it was nearly 5 pm. 

“Mr. Buckley?” Whittaker asked. From the pursing of her lips, she wasn’t very happy with the advocate.

“Yeah, that’d be good. I’m pretty done in,” Buck admitted.

Whittaker nodded, although Buck could tell she was disappointed. “Of course, you’ve been incredibly helpful, Mr. Buckley. Would you be willing to come back later in the week? Just a follow-up to look at some photo line-ups.”

“All right,” Buck agreed. After all, he had nothing else to do. It had been torturous, but if going through all of those awful memories helped convict everyone involved with the Menagerie, he’d doing it again.

The two women led Buck back down the hall and once they received the waiting room, Whittaker held out her hand as though to shake with Buck. 

She didn’t have a chance. 

An excited yip was Buck’s only warning. He turned and saw a black and white, furry bullet headed right towards him. Buck barely had time to get on one knee before Molly flung herself at him, her entire body wiggling in doggy delight at seeing him again. Buck ended up sitting on the floor, while he hid his face into Molly’s fur. 

Buck wasn’t sure how long he spent petting Molly and hiding his tears in her fur. By the time both of them were calmer, he looked up and realized that the both Whittaker and Johnson were gone. The room wasn’t empty, though. Bobby and Athena were sitting nearby, watching him with equal measures of concern and fondness.

“How?” Buck gestured towards Molly. He knew that they’d left the dog behind with Maddie when they’d left for the appointment, much to Molly’s displeasure.

“Athena went and got her when the FBI advocate said it was an intense morning,” Bobby explained, looking at his wife in what could only be called adoration.

“And they just let a dog in?” Buck asked.

Athena raised one eyebrow. “You really think anyone was going to say no to me?”

A laugh burst out of Buck, the first genuine laugh he’d had all day. “When you put it that way. . .” He looked at both of them. “Can we go home now?”

“Sure,” Bobby agreed readily. He held out a hand to Buck and helped him get up. “I can see you’re at your limit, so I’m not going to ask you anything about the interview, but I want you to know that whenever you want to talk about it, I’m here.”

“Me too.” Athena asked. She started digging through her purse and came out with a familiar bottle. “And while we’re talking about no one saying no to me, how about you drink this? You look absolutely gray.”

Buck accepted the protein drink without protest and downed it while they were still waiting for the elevator. Soon they were out of the building and Buck felt a little bit lighter with every step he took. He felt a hand at the small of his back and looked over. Bobby was looking at him.

“I’m proud of you, Buck,” Bobby told him. 

The praise felt good, but was also a little confusing. “I thought we weren’t going to talk about the interview?”

“I’m not,” Bobby reassured him. “I’m just talking about you – and that I’m proud of you.”

“Me too, baby,” Athena wrapped her arm through Buck’s. Molly was trotting slightly ahead of them, the leash keeping her close even if she would have been willing to be more than a few feet from Buck.

Once they reached the SUV, Buck gratefully climbed into the back with Molly. She had calmed down considerably and perched on his lap. Buck wrapped his arms around her and was soon nodding off. No doubt he’d brought up a lot of bad memories with the FBI and nightmares were sure to follow, but surround by two people and dog that loved him, Buck let himself drift off to sleep.

The interview had reminded Buck that it had been a whole group of people who'd hurt him, not just Chippy and Cory. But the care of Bobby and Athena, not to mention Molly, reminded Buck that he had a whole group of people taking care of him. The Menagerie had been full of scumbags and rapists, while the firefam was full of heroes of all types. 

Buck could sleep, knowing that he was safe, even from the nightmares that were sure to come


	13. Chapter 13

Eddie kept a close eye on the door the firefighters used to enter the 118. It wasn’t shift change yet, but he was eager to talk to Bobby and see how Buck’s night went. Luckily, Bobby was always early for his shift. Even so, Eddie was impatient.

“Try not to pounce on the man as soon as he walks in,” Hen cautioned him.

“Pounce?” Eddie protested. “I don’t pounce.”

“MmmmHmmm,” Hen was skeptical. “Every time Bobby comes through that door, I can’t even count to ten before you’re on him.”

Eddie thought to his past behavior and sighed. “I didn’t know I was that bad.”

Hen touched his arm gently. “We’re all worried about our boy, but maybe Buck’s more your boy than ours?”

Eddie blinked at her, surprised at what she was implying. Like with checking with Bobby about Buck as soon as the captain set foot in the 118, Eddie thought he’d been more subtle about how he felt. Thankfully, Bobby saved him by entering the building, with Chim close behind.

Impatiently tapping his foot, Eddie watched as Bobby responded to a few greetings called his way as he made his way to the loft. Eddie thought it was perfectly reasonable to talk to Bobby when he reached the kitchen area. It would be rude not to, right?

“Hey Bobby,” Eddie said. “How’d Buck’s night go?”

Next to him, Hen sighed, but Eddie didn’t pay any attention to her. He was focused on Bobby’s tired expression.

“About as well as you might think, given how talking to the FBI brought up all those memories,” Bobby told them, his gaze bringing in Chim and Hen.

“Nightmares?” Eddie asked.

Next to him, Hen lightly swatted Eddie’s thigh. When he looked down, she flashed first five fingers and then four. Hen’d been right, it had taken Eddie less than ten seconds to ask Bobby about Buck.

“Yes,” Bobby answered Eddie’s question and then went on. “I don’t know what possessed you to adopt a dog for Buck, but Molly’s been a godsend. She can get through to him when I can’t.” He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “And he’ll accept comfort from her easier than he will me too.”

“Buck’s basically dealing with PTSD,” Eddie stated. “Emotional support animals can be good for that. Heard a lot about them when I came back from my second tour.”

Bobby sighed. “Now I’m worried about what will happen when Buck has to leave her behind when he comes back to work – or what Molly will do when she’s suddenly home alone all day.”

Eddie grinned at Bobby’s confidence that Buck would be coming back to the job. “We’ll figure something out. Carla told me that she likes dogs and she’d be willing to watch Molly and Christopher at the same time.”

“You know, Bobby,” Hen said, using a tone that was just a little too nonchalant. “Some stations have an emotional support dog they take on calls to give victims comfort.”

“No.” Bobby’s expression was firm. “I love Buck like a son, but I don’t want dogs in my station.” He startled and took his phone out of his pocket. “Excuse me, this is the chief. I have to take the call.”

As Bobby walked off towards his office, Hen gave a shrug and grinned at Eddie and Chim sheepishly. “Well, it was worth a try.”

“Buckaroo’s not likely to be coming back to the station any time soon,” Chim stated. He headed to the coffee machine. “We’ll have plenty of time to wear him down.”

Eddie followed him, Chim saw Buck almost every day and was Eddie’s most consistent source of information. Hen shook her head at him before curling up on the couch to conquer the newspaper’s daily crossword puzzle.

“Wait a minute, you think there’s a chance Buck won’t be coming back?” Eddie asked. 

“I didn’t say that, Eddie,” Chim reassured him as he poured himself a mug. “It’s just obvious that it’s going to take Buck time to heal, that’s all.”

The two men settled at the table.

“Buck’s come a long way, when I think about that first video phone call he had with Maddie. . . . it’s amazing. Now it’s like I see a new change in him almost every day.” Chim continued. He looked at Eddie in sympathy, “but he does have a long way to go.”

Eddie nodded. “He’s doing awesome, but Buck needs to get out more. He’ll go to the park with me, but other than that, it’s just to therapy.”

“And he still won’t see Christopher,” Chim interjected before lifting his mug to take a sip.

“But they’ve had a couple of calls,” Eddie felt like he needed to defend Buck. “They mostly talk about Christopher’s school or Molly.”

“You might want to warn Chris not to expect any calls for a day or two,” Chim’s eyes were sad. “Buck was super quiet this morning. I hadn’t realized how much he’d started talking again until he stopped.”

“We’ve got to get Buck out of his head,” Eddie murmured. “Or out of the house.”

“I don’t think the last one’s going to happen until he feels safer,” Chim pointed out. “Although Molly might help with that. She’ll need to be exercised and you know how Buck’s always willing to do more for others than he is for himself.”

“What if there was another place he felt safe?” Eddie asked, an idea starting to form.

“There’s Athena and Bobby’s,” Hen called out, proving she wasn’t working on the puzzle as much as she was eavesdropping. “He feels safe there.”

“I’m thinking bigger,” Eddie lifted his arms and gestured around him. “What if he came here?”

“How will that work?” Chim didn’t look impressed. “He’s worried about what people are going to think of him.”

“Strangers,” Eddie corrected. “Buck’s afraid of strangers figuring out who he is. But everybody here? We all know him and know that he’s a hero more than anything else, no matter what those Menagerie creeps tried to make him think.”

“And how would you get him here?” Hen questioned. “Would he just hang out in between calls?”

Eddie shook his head. “I’m not talking about Buck spending the whole day here, but what if he came here to work out? You know that was a big part of his routine before and all he has at the house is hand weights.”

“That might work,” Hen gave up on her puzzle and got up to join them at the table. “It would be an activity he enjoys with people he knows.

A small crash and the tinkle of broken glass came up from the lower level, along with a loud, “Son of a bitch!”

Hen sighed. “At least, mostly with people Buck knows.”

“I’ll see what Half-Baked has done now,” Chim got up from the table and pointed at Eddie before he walked away. “You stay there.”

It had taken months, but after Buck “died,” Bobby was eventually forced to fill his empty spot on the team. Several men and women had slotted in and out, but none of them stuck. The latest was Harold Baker, aka Half-Baked, who was so reckless that he made Buck look absolutely stodgy. Hen, Chim and Eddie had side bets on how much long Half-Baked would last, not just because of the way Baker did the job, but because of his attitude.

Eddie was self-aware enough to know that he wouldn’t easily accept anyone replacing Buck on the team and he had new appreciation for how Buck had reacted to Eddie’s introduction years before. Most of the replacements were good people whoes only problem was that they weren’t Buck. Baker, though, was an idiot of the highest order. He and Eddie had butted heads regularly.

“Don’t get your panties in a twist, Han,” Baker’s voice came up from the lower level. “It’s just a picture and, besides, Saint Buckley is a live and doesn’t need a shrine anymore.”

His mug hit the table with a loud thunk and Eddie launched himself from his chair.

“Eddie!” Hen called out to him. “Be the bigger man.”

A photo of Buck was displayed in a prominent place on the lower level. Eddie had started stroking the bottom corner when he headed in to suit up for a call and the others had followed suit. The corner was worn smooth and Eddie knew that it was as important to the other firefam members as it was to him. No one had talked about taking it down after Buck was rescued.

When Eddie got to the lower level, the picture of Buck was on the floor, the glass front broken and pieces of it strewn across the floor. Chim stood with his arms across his chest, while Baker smirked across from him.

“What happened?” Eddie asked. The framed photo had laned with the picture side up, Buck’s face staring seriously up at them.

Baker shrugged. “Buckley took a fall.” He snorted. “I guess he’s been doing a lot of that the last year, huh? Although instead of landing on his back, he was bent over.”

“What the hell, Baker?” Eddie surged forward, but Chim put a hand on his chest, effectively stopping him.

“Hang on, Eddie,” Chim tried to calm him. “I’m sure it was an accident.”

“Yeah,” Baker chimed in. “It was an accident.”

Eddie glared at him, but then got moving to clean up the mess. He didn’t want Buck on the floor, even if it was just a picture. “I can pick up a new frame after shift.”

“Why do we need to put it back up?” Baker argued. “The guy’s back and I’m not sure that where’s been for the last nine months is something we should celebrate.”

“What do you mean about that?” Eddie snarled. He could vaguely hear Hen coming down the steps behind him.

Baker’s smirk widened into a grin. “I’ve heard stories about Buckley. I don’t think he was sex-trafficked, I think he was on an extended vacation, doing what he does best and I don’t mean putting out fires.”

“Be careful, Baker,” Chim warned, getting between Baker and Eddie.

“Come on, the dude used to call himself Firehouse and was caught literally fucking around on the job,” Baker laughed. “And since he’s been back? I’m really tired of the ‘poor Buck’ routine; he probably enjoyed himself.”

Eddie saw red. He threw himself forward, but could feel Hen pulling him back from behind and Chim strong arming him from the front.

“Eddie!” Chim’s voice was tense. “You still have a black mark on your record from the street fighting – you can’t afford to be written up again. He’s not worth it.”

“Do you really want to tell Christopher that you got in trouble for fighting?” Hen’s voice came from behind him.

The thought of his son learning that Eddie had been violent at work cooled Eddie down a bit. He stopped fighting his friends and let his muscles relax. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” Chim patted Eddie on the chest. “You good?”

“Yeah,” Eddie had been glaring at Baker, but turned to look at Chim. “Thanks.”

Chim patted his cheek. “Good.”

Then Chim turned around and hit Baker with a closed fist. Chim was almost a foot shorter than Baker, but he felled the man with just the one punch.

“You son of bitch,” Chim growled as he stood over the other firefighter. “That is my brother you’re talking about. You’re a piece of shit for talking about him that way.”

Baker covered his nose, not quite stopping it from bleeding. “What did you do that for?”

“You’re just lucky my wife isn’t here,” Chim ground out between clenched teeth. “Even six months pregnant, she’d wipe the floor with you.”

Eddie stared at the scene in front of him in disbelief. With the possible exception of Hen, Howard Han was the least violent person that Eddie knew. While he was processing what had happened, Hen came out from behind him. 

“Come on, Chim, calm down,” Hen spoke to her partner as she gently moved Chim away from the man he hit. “You do not need to be suspended, not with a baby on the way.”

“Fuck suspended,” Baker rose to his feet. “I’m gonna get your ass fired, Han.”

Hen turned to Baker. “Let’s take a look at you.” She reached out to the other firefighter and turned his face from side to side, gently touching his nose. “Too bad, it doesn’t look like anything was broken.”

“Too bad?” Baker asked. 

“Yeah,” Hen hauled off and hit Baker, landing him on his ass again. “Buck’s my brother too.”

The commotion had brought other members of the 118 over to see what was happening. In the midst of a shift change, there were a lot of people in the station. Baker looked at them, moving his hand away from his nose long enough to show the onlookers the blood.

“Look what they did to me,” Baker called out to the other firefighters.

“Yeah, we heard,” a firefighter named Trevino said. Still dressed in workout clothes, he walked over and stood right behind Hen. Several of the other firefighters lined up behind him.

“What are you doing?” Baker demanded.

“Waiting our turn,” Trevino answered easily. “Buckley knocked me out of the way of ceiling collapse his second day on the job. He’s my brother too,” he glanced at Chim and Hen. “And no one talks about my brother that way.”

There were murmurs of agreement from the others that had gathered. 

“He donated time to me when the twins were in the NICU.” 

“Pulled me out of a backdraft.”

Baker paled as he realized that, far from being supported, the rest of the 118 were against him. His fists clenched as though preparing to defend himself.

“Baker!” Bobby’s voice cut through the building attention. He was at the loft looking down on the action.

“Captain –“ 

Bobby didn’t give the bloodied firefighter time to verbalize a complaint. “You’re suspended three days without pay.”

“But Cap-“

“It’ll give you time to recover from your fall down the stairs,” Bobby slowly walked down to the group. “By the time you get back, I’ll have determined which station gets to put up with you next.” Baker opened his mouth to protest, but Bobby talked right over him.” If, that is, I can find a station that will take you.”

“We’ll be walking him out,” Trevino offered. “Make sure he makes it to his car okay.”

“Thanks, Vinnie,” Bobby nodded at the firefighter and waited until he and Baker started moving away before addressing Chim, Hen and Eddie. “You three, my office.”

“But Eddie didn’t do anything,” Chim protested.

“I know.” Some of the tension left Bobby’s body. “My office.”

The three meekly followed Bobby back upstairs. After they filed into the office, Bobby shut the door behind them and took his seat behind his desk. Now that Eddie could see Bobby’s face closely, he could tell that the captain’s eyes were rimmed red.

“I’m not going to apologize,” Chim said with calm defiance. “The things he said about Buck were indefensible.”

“I’m sure they were,” Bobby said, with equal calm.

“And Eddie didn’t do anything,” Hen glanced at Eddie and smiled tightly. “Not that he didn’t want to, but Eddie still has a mark on his record about the street fighting.”

Bobby shook his head. “Baker has been on thin ice for a long time; he knew one more strike and he’d be out. Transferring him was a kindness, as opposed to being fired. Hopefully that will keep him from submitting a complaint, but if not, I can honestly say I had a strict talk with the three of you.” He grinned at them. “As your captain, I want you to know that you were very naughty today and if you do it again, there will be more severe consequences.”

Eddie saw Chim and Hen look at each other. Hen mouthed the word ‘naughty.’ As one they turned back to Bobby. Something was bothering Eddie and it wasn’t the almost giddy way that Bobby had ‘lecture’ them.

“As your friend, and Buck’s friend,” Bobby continued. “I’m very proud of you.”

“What’s going on, Cap?” Eddie asked. He didn’t point out that it looked as though Bobby had been crying.

Bobby thought for a minute, then shrugged. “I guess there’s no harm telling you now; I just ask you not say anything to Buck yet. I’ll be telling him later this afternoon when I take him to his therapy session.”

“That call was from the chief,” Bobby explained. “The negotiations with the union about Buck’s situation have been completed.”

“Negotiations?” Eddie asked, confused, but Chim nodded as though he knew what Bobby was talking about.

“There’s the question of Buck’s pay and benefits,” Bobby said. “Buck was on medical leave at the time of the tsumani, but it was assumed that he drowned, so his benefits cut off. And then he came back and there was the question about reinstating him and if he was due any back pay.”

“Getting kidnapped was hardly his choice,” Hen pointed out.

“I know, but it’s a unique situation,” Bobby rubbed his forehead. “It was decided that from the tsunami to his rescue, Buck would be considered to be on unpaid leave.”

“That’s not fair,” Chim complained.

“It’s only part of the package,” Bobby replied and then grimaced. “And it’s not like he was accruing living expenses during that time.” He continued before the others could take issue with that comment. “Then from when the day he was rescued, Buck will have the last of his short-term disability. He’d used five months of that before the tsunami, so he’ll have a month of that left. Plus his medical benefits were reinstated, so that will cover his hospitalization in New Orleans and his therapy here in LA.”

“Bobby, you know better than anybody that Buck won’t be ready to come back in a month,” Eddie protested. “And half of that is gone already.”

Was that why Bobby had been crying?

Bobby cleared his throat before continuing. “The chief told me that he’s been working with the union on that. Firefighters from all over the city have been donating paid time off, like we did when Farley’s twins were in the NICU.”

“That’s a great idea,” Hen smiled, but it faded quickly. “No one asked us.”

“You can donate if you want, but the 118 wasn’t asked because the chief knew we’d all be using a lot of our time helping Buck heal,” Bobby smiled at her. “You’re welcome donate if you want to, though.”

“How many days?” Chim asked.

“Nine,” Bobby told them, eyes bright. “And it’s not days, it’s months.”

That’s when Eddie realized that, while Bobby had been crying, they had been happy tears. Eddie was misting up himself, the LAFD firefighters had really stepped up to help their comrade.

“Nine months,” Hen murmured. “The same amount of time he was gone. That’s fitting.”

Chim’s expression was serious. “Bobby, you’ve spent more time with him than the rest of us. Do you think nine months will be enough.”

Bobby nodded. “I do.”

“I absolutely do.”


	14. Chapter 14

“You seem pensive for a man who’s made so much progress this week.”

Buck had been looking down, pretending to study his hands, when Dr. Joy made the statement. It wasn’t a question, so he just shrugged his shoulders. He did, however, raise his head so he could look at her. There was no disappointment in her expression, just what seemed like genuine concern.

“You’ve saved yet another life by adopting Molly and you also survived your initial FBI interview relatively intact,” Dr. Joy pointed out, referring to topics they’d already discussed. “Something tells me that those two events are related.”

“What do you mean?” Buck asked, frowning.

Dr. Joy smiled at him. “Adopting a dog gave you an additional support in the form of unconditional love and having that might have helped you weather the emotional storm of going into detail about your ordeal with the FBI.”

“I suppose,” Buck admitted. 

Personally, Buck wasn’t sure how well he’d handled the whole FBI interview. It’d been hard enough while he’d been talking, but he’d managed to power through. That night, however, had been harder. It seemed like every time he closed his eyes, there was a new horror unfolding in his mind. Molly had helped, as had Bobby, but it had been a long night.

“So is the reason you’re being so quiet because you’re processing the memories that were brought up?” Dr Joy asked. When he didn’t answer, Dr. Joy made another guess. “Or because you’re not getting the support you need?”

“No, I’ve got plenty of support” Buck emphatically disagreed with her second statement. “It’s just that everybody is being too nice to me.”

Dr Joy’s eyebrows lifted in surprise. “Too nice to you? Can you explain that, please?”

Buck sighed. “Bobby told me how the LAFD chief and the union decided how to handle my salary and benefits.”

“And you’re not happy with the results?” Dr. Joy continued to probe.

“No, it’s not that,” Buck shook his head. “They did right by me.”

“But. . . . “ She prompted.

“A bunch of firefighters donated days off to cover the time between when my short-term disability runs out and when I’m ready to go back to work.”

“How much time?” Dr. Joy asked.

Buck swallowed. “Nine months.”

“And that’s bad because. . . “

Feeling the need to move, Buck got up and began to pace. “It’s too much! That’s over 250 days, I don’t even know that many firefighters in LA. It’s like a fourth of the department – and LA’s a big city.”

“I’ve always heard that first responders are very dedicated to one another, even those they don’t personally know,” Dr. Joy said. “Is this the first time anyone in the LAFD has donated time to another firefighter?”

“No,” Buck admitted grudgingly, dropping back into the couch he’d been seated in previously.

Dr. Joy tilted her head as she contemplated Buck. “Have you ever donated time?”

“Yeah,” Buck was quick to clarify his answer. “But that was for Fran Nolan, her twins had to be in the NICU right after they were born. They needed their mom.”

“And by donating your time, you weren’t being too nice to her?”

Buck looked at her warily. He had a feeling he knew where the therapist was going with her questions and didn’t like it. “No, she was a mom wanting to take care of her kids.”

“And that makes her more worthy than you?”

“Yeah.” Buck swallowed. “A mom needing to be with her kids, that’s always going to be more important.”

“I didn’t say important, I said worthy,” Dr. Joy corrected him. “Are you the only firefighter that has had hours donated because of an injury?”

“I wasn’t injur-“ Buck broke off when Dr. Joy shook her head.

“Evan, I assure you, with what the traffickers put you through, that you were injured. I think it’s wonderful that the other firefighters are willing to help another firefighter in need.” Dr. Joy didn’t say anything more for a few moments. When Buck didn’t say anything either, she continued. “How has your use of the affirmation cards been going?”

Buck grimaced. Dr. Joy was as good as Athena at digging out details. “Not so good.”

The therapist nodded as though she’d been expecting that answer. “Why is that?”

“What it says on the cards is nice and all,” Buck struggled for the words. “But they just don’t seem true. I don’t see how they were written about me.”

Dr. Joy sighed, but again didn’t seem surprised. “Sex traffickers are very good at manipulating their victims to believe a lot of crap. About themselves, about the situation they’re in, about why they’re in that situation. That’s what the affirmation cards are designed to counteract, to remind you of the truth about yourself. Not only how wonderful you are, but that your friends and family see it too.”

That didn’t seem to be a question, so Buck just shrugged again.

“Have you been using one card a day?” Dr. Joy asked.

“Kinda,” Buck said, rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment. He’d been missing more and more days lately.

If Dr. Joy was disappointed, she didn’t let it show. “I suggest that we change it up a bit. Instead of picking one card a day, let’s have you do one card a week. That’ll really give you time to let it sink in. How does that sound to you?”

Buck shrugged. He didn’t know if it would help, but at least he wouldn’t be faced with a new untruth about himself every day. “Okay, I suppose.”

“Are you still keeping a journal about your flashbacks and nightmares?”

“Yeah.” That one had been easier to do, he just had to remember what he’d been doing right before the flashback hit, what it was about or what the nightmare was about. Buck had thought it would have been harder to write some of the stuff down, but it wasn’t. It was almost like writing it down gave the bad memory a little less control over him.

“That’s great, Evan. Now, in that notebook or a separate one, I’d like you to write down what the affirmation card says and then add at least three instances where you’ve exhibited it.”

“Three?” Buck’s voice was uncertain and that’s how Buck felt. “What if I can’t think of three?”

“Then ask your friends and family; maybe even ask the person who wrote that particular card, I think they’ll be able to help you out with that.” Dr. Joy suggested. “You’ll most likely find that it will get easier as you go. And three is just a suggested minimum for you to try. You can write more if you think of them.”

Buck gulped. He knew that Christopher had written several cards; he’d used crayon so they were easy to pick out. On one of them, Christopher had written ‘Buck is Superman.’ Buck wasn’t sure he could find one instance of that, let alone three. Even so, Dr. Joy was his therapist and had to know what she was talking about.

“All right.”

Dr. Joy smiled at him. “Thank you for trusting me and trying it again.”

“You’re the doctor,” Buck shrugged while he answered.

“But what I’m doing is giving you suggestions,” Dr. Joy continued gently. “It’s your choice about whether or not you take them.”

“I want to get better,” Buck said, uncomfortable with the idea that he was in control of his own treatment. “I’ll do whatever it takes.”

“I believe you,” Dr. Joy reassured him. “And with your determination, I know we can get you feeling more comfortable and return to a normal life.”

“That’s what I want,” Buck met her eyes.

“Then that’s what we’ll do,” Dr. Joy assured him. “We’re running low on time, but there is one more thing I want to discuss.”

“Okay.” Buck was feeling exhausted, but he trusted Dr. Joy.

“I was contacted by the FBI again.” Dr. Joy told him. “Not Agent Whittaker, but someone named Agnes Johnson, a victim advocate.”

Buck immediately sat up straight. “Did I mess up the interview?”

“No, not at all.” Dr. Joy was quick to reassure him. “She couldn’t tell me about the interview, but then she didn’t need to. I could tell from our discussion today that you aced it.”

“Then why was she calling?” Buck asked.

“Ms. Johnson told me that four of the five survivors from Los Angeles are now back in the city and, like you, are in counseling.” Dr. Joy told him. “She asked me to see if you’d be interested in meeting up with the other survivors, sort of like group therapy.”

“More therapy?” Buck appreciated his sessions with Dr. Joy, but wasn’t sure he wanted to add more.

“Not exactly counseling, but a chance for the four of you to get together and talk. No one knows what you went through better than others in that same situation,” Dr. Joy explained. “Ms. Johnson would be there as a facilitator and she asked if the sessions could be held here at Traffick Stopped; it’s a more casual environment than at the FBI office.”

Buck didn’t say anything but was thinking feverishly. Did he want to see the others? Would it bring back more bad memories or trigger flashbacks? As his thoughts thrashed around, Buck realized that Dr. Joy had a point, no one knew better what he’d been through than someone who’d been there. They didn’t have the exact same experiences, but enough that he could relate to them better than anyone else right now. Well, anybody but Jackie, but that wasn’t an option. 

“Okay.”

“Okay?” Dr. Joy repeated. “That’s not very enthusiastic.”

“It wouldn’t be something I’d look forward to exactly,” Buck said slowly. “But I think talking to the others would be good for me.”

“I’m delighted that you think that way, Evan,” Dr. Joy told him. “It shows what long way that you’ve come. I hope you realize that.”

Buck shrugged. “I dunno.”

“Well, I do.” Dr. Joy said decisively. “And you will too, I promise.” She rose from her chair. “I’ll be in touch soon about the session with the survivors.”

“Thanks, Dr. J,” Buck stood and shook her hand before making his way back to the lobby. Bobby, per usual, was waiting for him.

“Everything go okay?” Bobby asked.

“Yeah, she says I’m making progress,” Buck said. “And she didn’t have to put any money in the swear jar today.”

Bobby grinned. “Well, that must have been a good session.”

As they made their way out of the building and towards the SUV, Buck told Bobby about the group discussion that was being organized.

“What do you think about it?” Bobby asked him once they got in the vehicle.

Buck thought about it for a moment and nodded. “I think it’d be good for me.”

“For what it’s worth, I do too,” Bobby assured him. “We love you and will do whatever it takes to support you, but we’ll never truly understand what happened. I think it can only be helpful to talk about it with people that do.”

The ride was quiet, but then Buck got the courage to ask a question that he’d been wondering about the last couple of days. “Hey, Bobby, whatever happened to my Jeep?”

“I was wondering when you’d ask about that,” Bobby said with a smile. “Michael is storing it at his place. Maddie wasn’t ready to get rid of it and Michael has a two-car garage.” He hesitated a moment and then asked a question of his own. “We’ve been wondering ever since the tsunami; why did you take an Uber to get to the beach that day? Why didn’t you drive?”

“My timer belt was starting to go,” Buck replied. That might have been the most normal sentence he’d said since leaving the Menagerie. “I was going to get it fixed later in the week. Didn’t want to be out and about with Christopher and have the car not start.”

“You’re always looking out for Christopher, aren’t you?” Bobby continued before Buck said answered that. “Well, you’ll still need to get that timing belt fixed, but once you get your license back and get the insurance current, you’ll be on the road again.”

Buck blinked. Even though he’d asked about his Jeep, he hadn’t connected it to be driving any time soon. “I’ve got to get used to being on the road before that happens.”

When they back to the house, Molly met them at the door with a wagging tail and lots of doggy kisses for Buck.

“How’d it go?” Maddy stood in the kitchen doorway, one hand on the small of her back.

“Fine,” Buck got his answer out the way quickly. “You need to get off your feet.”

“Who’s taking care of who here?” Maddie asked with a smile as Buck took her arm and guided her back to the living room and its comfortable couch.

“We take care of each other,” Buck replied firmly.

Bobby followed to the edge of the room. “I can see you’re both in good hands, I’ll head back to the station.”

“Thanks, Bobby!” Both Buckley siblings called out.

“Molly do okay?” Buck asked after Bobby was gone. He was sitting on the floor by the couch and laughed as Molly rolled over to get her belly rubbed.

“She was fine,” Maddie assured him. “She freaked a little yesterday when you went to do the interview, but I think she was better with you leaving today because you came back before. She kept me company watching a ‘90-Day Fiancé’ marathon.”

Buck frowned. He didn’t want his sister to corrupt his dog with trashy television.

“Don’t look like that,” Maddie teased. “She can’t watch nature documentaries all day.”

The idea of having a conversation about a dog’s television habits suddenly seemed absurd. He ducked his head and grinned. “Thanks, Maddie.”

“So I’m not going to lose my dog sitting privileges any time soon?” Maddie asked. When Buck shook his head, she breathed a dramatic sigh of relief. “Good, because I’m very fond of Miss Molly.”

The dog heard her name and pulled away from Buck long enough to lick Maddie’s hand.

“I wonder if Chim likes dogs,” Maddie asked thoughtfully. “A boy should grow up with a dog.”

“Yeah,” Buck agreed, remembering the sadness he’d had as a kid who hadn’t been allowed any sort of pet. “Since you’re having twins, you should get two.”

“Two! Two babies and two dogs?” Maddie looked at him with narrowed eyes. “Are you teasing me Evan Buckley?” She took a close look at Buck’s face and he started to grin. “You are, you’re teasing me!”

Maddie lightly swatted Buck’s shoulder and then she started to cry.

Buck shot to his feet, the quick action causing Molly to bark. Buck sat next to Maddie on the couch, his arm around her shoulder, while Molly paced in front of it, whining softly. “Maddie, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Maddie turned to Buck and gently cupped his face. “These are happy tears, Buck. You feel comfortable enough to tease me. You don’t know how much that means to me.”

Buck looked down at Molly. “Older sisters are weird.”

“Pregnant,” Maddie corrected him. “Pregnant older sisters are weird.”

The two siblings sat on the couch, heads touching while Molly settled down across their feet. Maddie calmed down and looked up at Buck with a mischievous grin.

“You’ve got to use that two dogs for two boys bit on Chim,” she said. “And promise me that I’ll be there when you do. I want to see the look on his face.”

Buck knew he had a long way to go to feel normal again, but this moment, teasing Maddie and then sharing a cuddle, that felt normal.

And normal felt good.


	15. Chapter 15

Hen hopped out of her SUV with a lot more enthusiasm than she had the last time she’d stayed with Buck. She could hardly wait to get inside and give him the news.

“Whoa, hold on there,” Chim called out to her as he exited his own vehicle. “Buck’s not going anywhere.”

“I know,” Hen reluctantly waited for her friend. “It’s just after that whole weighted blanket fiasco, I have something that truly is awesome for Buck.”

Chim clapped her on the shoulder. “I get it. I’m just selfish; I want to see how he reacts too.”

In short order, they were at the door being greeted by Buck and his doggy escort. Hen was glad to see that Chim liked the dog. From what she’d heard of Maddie’s reaction to Molly, Chim might be papa to a fur baby before he was a father to their twins.

“You’re lookin’ good there, Buck,” Chim commented once Molly had turned her attention to Hen. “Dog ownership agrees with you.”

And he was right. Only half of Hen’s attention was on the wiggling ball of fur in front of her as she crouched down to say hello. The other half was on Buck. He was beginning to look more like himself. His face had more color in it; playing outside with Molly was clearly doing him some good. His clothes also fit Buck better; he’d gained some weight. Now if they could only get him to wear something other than an LAFD hoodie.

“He’s right, Buckaroo,” Hen said as she stood. “You look more like yourself.”

Buck ducked his head shyly. “Thanks. I feel a little more like myself.” He sighed. “But I’ve got a ways to go yet.”

“You’ll get there,” Chim assured him. He glanced at Hen, clearly bursting at the seams, but managed to keep himself from blurting anything out.

“What’ s going on?” Buck picked up on the tension. With a worried look on his face, he glanced from one to the other. 

“Nothing bad, I promise,” Hen patted him on the arm. “This is nothing but good news, I promise.”

“Hey, I want some good news!” Maddie called out from the living room. “I want to hear.”

“Coming, babe,” Chim tilted his head towards the living room as he addressed the other too. “Come on, we don’t want Maddie to miss anything.”

“Oh, you are so whipped,” Hen laughed, but she started moving.

Chim laughed. “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

Suddenly, it occurred to both of them who they were with and why joking about being whipped might not be a good idea. 

“Sorry, Buck.” Hen apologized. She felt terrible.

“Yeah, sorry,” Chim added.

A little of the brightness left Buck’s face, but he rallied. “Maddie’s my sister,” he replied, avoiding the ‘whipped’ word. “Chim better be wrapped around her little finger.”

“Thanks, buddy,” Chim looked and sounded relieved. “And trust me, I’m wrapped, good and tight.”

The three of them went into the living room, where Maddie waited for them, anticipation written on her face. Hen had made Chim promise not to tell her about it and he’d managed not to, but she clearly knew something was up. Chim immediately went to the couch where she was sitting and kissed her on the cheek.

“A package arrived today at the firehouse,” Hen didn’t make the Buckley siblings wait for her news. “It was from someone named Penelope Garcia, she’s with the FBI.”

Buck frowned. “I don’t remember meeting her.”

“You didn’t, she’s not an agent.” Hen explained. “She’s a technical analyst and apparently a whiz at wrangling forms.” She handed Buck an envelope. “Here.”

Buck took it from her tentatively. “What is it?”

“Look inside and see,” Hen encouraged him.

Moving slowly, Buck did what she told him. The envelope had already been opened and there were two items inside. When he realized what they were, Buck looked up at Hen, eyes open wide in disbelief.

“Really?” Buck asked.

Hen grinned back. “Really.”

“What is it?” Maddie leaned forward as much as her baby belly would allow.

“It’s me,” Buck stated, a tone of wonder in his voice.

He pulled the items out and, with trembling fingers, showed Maddie his driver’s license and a bank card.

“Wow,” Maddie was impressed. “The FBI did this for you?”

“I was looking into it, but this Garcia woman beat me to it,” Hen explained. “It’s not like either of them had expired, just got lost during the tsunami.”

“I remember,” Maddie grimaced. She’d had to handle some of Buck’s banking issues while they all thought him dead.

“It’s like I exist again,” Buck said, fingers almost caressing his driver’s license. 

“You always existed,” Maddie gently corrected him. 

“Didn’t always feel that way,” Buck had a faraway and Hen shuddered at the thought of the memories that must be haunting her de facto little brother. He visibly shook it off and brandished the license at them. “But look, it’s in writing. My name and everything.”

Hen had a feeling there was more to Buck’s pleasure at seeing his name than she knew – and that maybe she didn’t want to know the reason why.

Chim and Maddie stayed for dinner and conversation was lively. Buck didn’t participate at a pre-tsunami level, but he clearly was enjoying the dialogue. Even so, Hen noticed how Buck’s eyes often drifted over to the coffee table in the living room, where his returned cards were sitting. 

After the meal was over, Chim and Maddie got ready to leave, although one of them wasn’t happy about it.

“We can stay and help clean up, right, Chim?” Maddie protested.

“It was just warmed up leftovers from Bobby,” Hen pointed out. She wasn’t as protective as either Chim or Buck, but she wasn’t about to let a woman pregnant with twins do the clean-up. “I think Buckaroo and I can handle it.”

“You need to get off your feet,” Chim put his hand under her elbow and started guiding her towards the door.

“Yeah, Mads,” Buck added softly. 

“All right,” Maddie conceded. Hen couldn’t help but notice that she didn’t acquiesce until her brother had chimed in.

Chim grabbed Maddie’s tote bag from the living room and led his wife towards the front door. Molly followed them and Maddie stopped to pet her.

“Goodbye, sweet girl,” Maddie ruffled the dog’s ears. “I will see you tomorrow.”

“Looks like you’ve been replaced, Buckaroo,” Chim teased, although it was hard for Hen to tell which Buckley was the target.

“Never,” Maddie declared. She left off with the dog and gave Buck a hug. “I will see you tomorrow too.”

“Yeah, I’ll be here,” Buck promised.

Finally, Chim had Maddie out the door and Buck shut it behind them.

“Is it always that hard to get her to leave?” Hen asked.

Buck shrugged. “Not always.” 

It was clear that Buck’s mind was elsewhere as he started clearing the table. They soon got into a rhythm of scraping plates and loading the dishwasher. It included frequent glances by Buck into the living room.

After they were done, Molly wanted out into the backyard and Hen was a little surprised that Buck didn’t go with her. Instead, he stood at the sliding door and stared out at the yard pensively.

“You’re doing a really good job with Molly,” Hen came up to stand next to Buck. He turned to look at her with question marks in his eyes. “She didn’t beg because she knew she wasn’t getting any people food. That’s great. Once you go down that slippery slope, there’s no going back.”

“You talking from experience?” Buck asked.

“Oh, yeah,” Hen admitted. “Of course, Denny is a sucker for Paisely’s puppy dog eyes like Karen and I are for his.”

Hen had a feeling that there was something that Buck wanted but was reluctant to verbalize. That was okay. Hen was patient; she could wait.

“Do you have much studying to do tonight?” Buck finally asked.

Hen bit back a grin and instead shrugged. “No more than normal. Why, do you want to go for a walk with Molly?”

“No,” Buck glanced down at her. “Would it be okay if we went to the pet supply store?”

His request took Hen by surprise. Buck hadn’t shown interest in going anywhere other than therapy or to the park with Eddie. She was thrilled that he was asking, but was confused by what prompted it now. Then she saw him glance back at the cards sitting on the coffee table and she knew.

“You want to buy something for Molly with your own money,” Hen said. 

Buck blushed and rubbed at the back of his neck. “I appreciate Eddie helping me order stuff, but I’d just . . . .”

“It’s not the same,” Hen said when Buck’s words trailed off. “I get it. Sure, we can go. Do you want to bring Molly?”

“Can we?” Buck’s eyes were wide.

“Sure, she’s got a leash, right?”

“Yeah,” Buck started to smile. “She does.”

Buck whistled the dog in while Hen grabbed her keys. Molly seemed excited when Buck clipped the leash onto her collar. He grabbed his drivers license and bank card from the table but then stopped. Hen then realized that Buck didn’t have a wallet to put them in. Hen thought about offering to put them in hers, but it was clearly important for Buck to purchase something for Molly on his own. Having Hen hold on to his card like he was a little kid would lessen the step forward that he was making.

“Just put them in your back pocket,” Hen suggested. “I think they’ll be safe enough. Maybe later, Bobby or Eddie can take you shopping for a wallet.”

Buck blushed and put the cards away as Hen had suggested. 

“Ready?” Hen asked.

“Yeah,” Buck had a determined look in his eye that Hen remembered from being on the job. She was glad to see it, even if she was sad that he needed that much grit just to go to the store.

They left the house, stopping long enough for Buck to set the security system. As they walked to the SUV, Hen offered Buck her keys.

“Do you want to drive?” Hen asked.

Buck stopped. “What?”

“Do you want to drive?” Hen repeated. Buck looked so torn that she almost regretted asking. Almost. “You’re legal, you’ve got our license.”

After thinking about it for a few moments, Buck sighed explosively. “I don’t think I’m ready yet.”

“Okay,” Hen agreed amicably. “It’s your decision, Buckaroo.”

Molly took to riding in the SUV well; Hen only hoped that their dog Paisley wouldn’t go nuts from scenting her the next time she was in the SUV. Buck was quiet during the ride, so Hen tried to draw him out with chatter about dogs. When she only got monosyllables back, she stopped trying. Thankfully the nearest pet supply store was relatively close, so the ride didn’t last long and they were soon pulling into the parking lot.

“All right,” Hen said after she put the SUV into park. “You ready for this?”

Buck’s shoulder’s straightened. “Yeah.”

The closer they got to the door, the slower Buck’s steps became. Molly, on the other hand, strained at her leash, eager for an adventure. When Buck saw that, he turned to Hen.

“That doesn’t look very comfortable,” Buck said, gesturing to how Molly’s pulling against the leash caused her collar to cut into her throat.

“No, maybe we could look at a harness for her,” Hen suggested.

Buck set his jaw and walked into the store, a very proud Hen walking beside him. The store was big and, while not busy, it wasn’t empty either. Buck gulped and looked around with eyes that were a little wild.

“Look,” Hen pointed. “The dog section is over there. Just keep an eye on Molly, make sure she doesn’t leave a deposit on the floor.”

“Molly wouldn’t do that,” Buck protested. Hen patted herself on the back for distracting him. “She’s a lady.”

“I know, but this place and all the smells are new to her,” Hen told him. “Just be careful.”

When they got to the display of dog collars and leashes, there was already a man shopping there. Buck came to a stop and Hen got the feeling that if she let him turn around, he’d walk out of the store and not come back. She reached out and gently took his hand. Buck looked down in surprise and when he saw their clasped hands, smiled shyly at her, and walked into the aisle.

“What are you thinking, a new collar or a new leash?” Hen asked. Knowing Buck, he’d probably thoroughly researched the best option. 

“A harness,” Buck said firmly. “And one of those frisbee toys.”

The more involved Buck got in picking out a harness for Molly, the less he seemed aware of the other customer in the aisle. He even dropped Hen’s hand in order to try harnesses on Molly for the best, most comfortable fit. He finally settled on a bright red one.

“That’s perfect,” Hen praised his choice. “Not only does it go well with her coat, but it’s fire engine red too. Very fitting.”

Buck’s smile was less shy than before and almost his normal grin. “That’s the idea.”

Hen grinned back. “What’s next?”

“Toys,” Buck said firmly. “I think Molly needs a toy that I can throw for her to catch. I was reading that border collies are really good at that.”

It was hard to tell who was happiest when they got to the dog toys; Buck or Molly. Hen stood back and let them go through the detailed, but joyful, task of picking out the perfect Frisbee-like toy. While Buck was distracted, she took a surreptitious photo and sent it to the group.

Eventually a decision was made about the toy and they headed to the check out. Buck stopped again just short of the register. Hen stood close to him.

“You got this, Buckaroo,” Hen encouraged him.

Buck took a deep breath and stepped up to the register. A young woman stood behind it and smiled as Buck and Molly approached.

“Well, hello there, aren’t you a cutie!” The woman greeted them in a bright, cheerful voice.

Hen’s heart sank as Buck hesitated. The last thing he needed was to be objectified. She started forward, but before she could say anything, the cashier spoke again.

“Border collie mix, right?” The young woman addressed Buck. “Is it okay if I give her a treat?”

The cashier had been talking to Molly and not Buck. Buck’s shoulders had tensed when she’d first spoke, but relaxed as he realized the same thing.

“Sure,” Buck replied. “Go ahead, Molly.”

Hen relaxed as the cashier kept up a steady patter of words, talking so much that it wasn’t noticeable that Buck was rather quiet. When it came time for Buck to use his bank card, Hen held her breath, but the transaction went through without any hiccups. 

The Buck who walked out of the store with her was far more confident than the Buck that had walked in.

“What’s that you’ve got?” Hen asked, nodding at the white card that Buck was holding.

“She was telling me that there’s a group that gets together at a dog park,” Buck told her. “They throw Frisbees for their dogs and have a competition.”

“Sounds like fun,” Hen said carefully. Just going to the store was a huge step, she didn’t want to push Buck any more.

“I don’t think I’m ready yet,” Buck replied. “Or Molly. But maybe some day.”

“Yeah,” Hen agreed. “Some day.”

And that day felt a whole lot closer than it had before.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be advised that this chapter includes frank discussion of sex trafficking and sexual assault. Please skip if this could disturb or trigger you.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come in?”

Buck looked over at Bobby’s concerned face. “Yeah, I’m sure. Thanks, Bobby.”

They’d pulled up to Traffick Stopped, the facility where Buck went for his weekly sessions with Dr. Joy. This time, however, Buck was meeting the FBI victim advocate, Agnes Johnson, and three other survivors of the Menagerie. Another difference from Buck’s weekly visits was that he insisted on going in alone; Bobby wouldn’t even be waiting in the lobby.

A yip from the back seat diverted Buck’s attention from Bobby. Molly had come along, although like Bobby, she wouldn’t be going in. Buck turned to the dog, feeling Bobby’s eyes on him the whole time.

“Be good for Uncle Bobby,” Buck petted his dog. “I’ll only be gone an hour.”

“Uncle Bobby?” 

When Buck looked back at Bobby, the older man was smiling wryly.

“Um, sorry?” Buck blushed.

“Don’t be,” Bobby told him. “I suppose it’s better than Grandpa Bobby.”

“I appreciate you being willing to bring her along,” Buck said. He petted the dog, ruffling her ears the way she liked.

“It was my idea,” Bobby replied. “It was obvious how much she helped after your FBI interview. Hopefully today won’t be as tough, but better safe than sorry, right?”

“Right,” Buck agreed.

But he didn’t make a move to get out of the vehicle.

“Buck?”

Bobby had noticed his reluctance. 

“I’m okay,” Buck assured him. “I’m just not looking forward to this.”

“That’s understandable,” Bobby replied. “I’m proud of you for doing this, Buck, but remember, I’m only a phone call away if you need to leave.”

“Thanks, Bobby,” Buck smiled at his mentor, gave Molly one last pat and stepped out of the vehicle. He leaned back in, though, before he shut the door. “What are you and Molly going to do?”

“There’s a park not too far from here,” Bobby told him. “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of your girl.”

Buck nodded and pulled back. He shut the door and knocked on the top of the roof as a way of telling Bobby that he could go. Bobby pulled off and Buck watched for a moment before he turned to go into the building. His shoulders slumped a little once Bobby’s SUV was out of sight. 

Despite his reassurances to Bobby, Buck wasn’t at all confident about today’s meeting with the other survivors. Most of them had been used one time or another as leverage to punish him. He’d tried his best, but he wasn’t always successful and they’d been hurt because of him. Part of Buck’s reluctance was dread over the memories that were sure to be raised, but some of it was uncertainty over how the others would react to him.

Still, the pull to interact with people who’d been through what he had made Buck want to try. He thought of all the times one of his friends or family had said that they couldn’t imagine what he’d been through. They were supportive, but it was obvious that they couldn’t really wrap their minds around what had been done to him – and he was glad. The only way someone could truly understand was if they’d been through it themselves. Buck didn’t want that for his family, but the other survivors? They’d experienced what he had. He wouldn’t need to worry about shocking or traumatize them by telling them anything about the Menagerie.

After a deep breath to fortify himself, Buck went inside and headed to a different side of the building than he used with his therapy appointments. He checked in at a front desk and was directed down a hallway. Sooner than he was really ready for, Buck found himself outside the appropriate door.

Buck would have preferred to wait outside the room for a few more minutes to gather himself, but the door was open. The FBI victim advocate, Agnes Johnson, was seated where she could see the door and she spotted him right away.

“Evan, I’m so glad you decided to come,” she greeted him as she motioned him in. “Please join us.”

Ready or not, there was no backing out now. Buck stepped into the room and immediately stopped. There were three women with Johnson; Buck was the last to arrive. He knew the other women; their faces were familiar. It was beyond weird to see them in a normal setting and not at the Menagerie.

Memories swirled around Buck’s brain. These same faces, twisted in pain. Buck closed his eyes, willing the thoughts to go away. When he opened them, four sets of eyes looked at him in concern.

“Evan, are you all right?” Johnson asked.

“Yeah, sorry,” Buck moved into the room. Before he got too far, however, Johnson gestured at him again.

“Since we’re all here, please close the door,” she asked. 

Buck did as he was asked. As he went to take his seat, he realized it wasn’t set up as a conference or interview room. Instead, it was a large open space, with chairs arranged into a circle. He took the last open seat.

“Am I late?” Buck asked. He was certain he’d been early. With Bobby as his driver, there was no other option.

“No, not at all,” Johnson told him. “You’re right on time.”

“I realize that you’ve all met before, but I think it would be good to start over,” Johnson addressed the group. “When you met before, it wasn’t under circumstances that were of your own choosing. Here, you’re allowed to be your authentic self. Please tell us your name and something not related to the Menagerie that you’d like us to know about you.” 

It was tempting to remind her that, thanks to that press conference that the mayor had held, Buck already knew everyone’s real names. He had a feeling, though, that there was more to the introductions than just putting a real name to each person.

Johnson looked to her right and addressed the woman there. “Would you like to start?”

The woman nodded. “Sure.” She turned to the group. “My name is Margo Kingsley. I guess the most important thing I’d like you to know about me is that I’m the mother to Lexi and Phillip.”

Buck remembered her as the NILF, but she wasn’t just sold as a nun. Sometimes she was presented as an ex-wife or school teacher, but always as a female in authority that the customers could demean. She was older than Buck, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t beautiful. Athena was gorgeous and she was older than Buck too. Margo had gray hair in the Menagerie, but now it was more a silvery blonde. 

“Hello, Margo,” Johnson said to her. “This is a safe place for you.” She turned to the next woman. “Would you like to go next?”

The second woman was closer to Buck’s age. She was a pretty redhead that Buck knew as Miss America. Sometimes she’d been dressed in a ballgown and tiara for the customers, but often it was just a sash. When Buck had last seen her, she’d had long, curly hair but now it was in a short mohawk. There was no hint of a pageant queen in her ripped jeans and leather jacket either.

“I’m Cara, Cara Battson,” she said, clearly not as comfortable speaking as Margo had been. “And the one thing I want you know about me is that I’m never wearing a fucking tiara again.” 

She glared around the room, but Johnson only nodded at her calmly. “Thank you, Cara. This is a safe place for you.” She looked at the woman sitting next to Buck. “Your turn.”

The last woman was a little younger than Buck and Cara. She had long, dark hair and features that reminded Buck of Chim, although he wasn’t sure if she was Korean. In the Menagerie, she’d been sold as the China Doll.

Unlike Margo and Cara, this young lady didn’t respond right away.

“Allison?” Johnson prompted. She leaned forward, eyes dark with concern. “Are you all right? Do you want to continue?”

Allison had her arms wrapped around herself and a far away look in her eyes. When Johnson said her name, however, she seemed to come back to herself. 

“No, I’m okay,” she looked around the circle quickly and then ducked her head. “I’m Allison, Allison Peterson.”

“Is there something you’d like to tell us about yourself?” Johnson asked gently.

“No,” Allison whispered hoarsely.

“All right,” Johnson told her. “Welcome, Allison, this is a safe place for you.” She then turned to Buck. “Would you like to finish it up for us?”

“Hi,” Buck waved and them awkwardly. “I’m Evan Buckley and what I want you to know about me is how sorry I am.”

Johnson’s veneer of calm was cracked. “Sorry?”

“Chippy and Cory, they used them,” Buck nodded at the women. “To punish me, they hurt everyone else. And I’m really sorry about that. I did my best, but sometimes I just lost it.”

“Hello, Evan,” Johnson ignored his statement and finished the welcome. “This is a safe place for you.” She took a deep breath before continuing. “Now it’s my turn. I’m Agnes Johnson, a victim advocate for the FBI. I’m also a licensed counselor and I’ve spent the last decade working with survivors of human trafficking and other trauma. My role here today is to lead the conversation.”

“Let me tell you what is not going to happen today,” she continued. “Unless I have your explicit permission, I will not be relating information to your individual therapists or to the FBI. Not unless I think you’re at risk for harming yourself or others. There will also be no judgement here, it’s a safe place for everyone to discuss the trauma that you went through.”

That said, Johnson turned back to the others. “How do you feel about Evan’s apology?”

There was quiet for a moment and then Cara spoke.

“I’m not gonna lie, seeing his face doesn’t make me happy,” Cara said. She glanced at Buck and then away. “It brings up a lot of shit.” She took a deep breath and looked, speaking directly to him. “But I know it wasn’t your fault.”

“Agreed,” Margo added. “You’re remembering the times you failed, but I remember the times you didn’t. They put you through hell and you let them, just so we wouldn’t be hurt.”

“They hurt me,” Allison whispered. “You didn’t.”

Buck found himself blinking back tears. Never in a million years had he thought they’d forgive him, let alone never blame him in the first place. 

“There’s something you should know,” he told them. He glanced at the FBI representative to see if she would try to stop him. “Jackie’s not dead.”

To Buck’s surprise, his announcement didn’t seem to be new to the others.

“Oh, honey, we know,” Margo told him. 

“Yeah, we knew she’d been sold,” Cara added. “They told us if we told you that we’d be punished.”

Buck was speechless. He’d been overcome with guilt when he thought Jackie had been killed and they knew all along. Any one of them could have whispered the truth to him; he wouldn’t have betrayed them to Chippy or Cory. He opened his mouth to speak angrily at them, but then took another look. Allison was huddled in her chair, Cara wouldn’t look at him and Margo had tears coming down her cheeks. They knew what they’d done to him with their silence. After all the trauma that the Menagerie had piled on them all already, Buck couldn’t add to it with his anger. Besides, he’d asked for their forgiveness for his inability to protect them, he could do no less.

“Okay,” Buck said. His throat was tight and he needed to clear it before saying anything more. “I guess I understand that.”

“Just like that?” Cara demanded.

Buck shrugged. “You were scared and hurt and you didn’t want to be hurt more.” He smiled wanly at Cara. “I won’t lie, I don’t like it, but I get it.”

“Thank you, Evan,” Johnson spoke up. “There’s not much I can tell you about Jackie Unger’s situation other than she is free and safe.”

“Good to know,” Margo said softly, apparently speaking for all of the women, from the way Cara and Allison nodded.

“You’ve all probably noticed that Shyla Sommers isn’t with us today,” Johnson said. “Due to privacy concerns, all I can tell you about her is that she is home now, but her family didn’t feel she was well enough to participate.”

Buck flinched. Shyla had been used to punish him often, maybe because she seemed more frail than the others. If she’d been present, no doubt the conversation about his apology would have gone a lot differently.

Johnson looked intently around the room. “You’ve all been free for a few weeks now, how are you adjusting?”

“It’s good,” Buck surprised himself by being the first to speak. “My family’s been real supportive, even if they don’t exactly understand.”

“It’s scary,” Allison admitted, still speaking in a hoarse whisper. “I don’t like going outside.”

“The reporters didn’t help,” Margo’s tone was angry. “We have a meeting with the mayor later this week, the city’s trying to avoid a lawsuit. Any of you are welcome to join us if you like.”

“Are you working in your family’s law office again?” Johnson asked.

“No.” Margo shook her head vigorously. “Only this one case.”

“You go, girl,” Cara encouraged her. “Nail that bastard’s ass to the wall for outing us that way.”

Johnson turned to the angry young woman. “And how about you, Cara, what was it like coming back for you?”

“Just peachy,” Cara snorted. “Seeing my parents was great. And my fiancé. Of course, then he introduced me to his new girlfriend. His pregnant new girlfriend. He sure got over my ‘death’ pretty quick.”

“That’s awful,” Allison spoke in a normal tone for the first time.

“Not so much,” Cara shrugged. “Anyone with a cock comes near me again, I’m gonna cut it off.” She glanced at Buck. “No offense.”

“None taken,” Buck murmured.

“That’s a good point,” Johnson interjected. “You were all hurt by men, but that doesn’t mean that all men are evil.”

“That’s easy for you to say, sister,” Cara disagreed hotly. “Anything with a cock is evil.”

There was silence. Buck forced himself to sit still. So much anger was radiating off her that his instincts were telling him to cross his legs or cup his groin.

“Is a knife evil?” Johnson asked, seemingly out of the blue.

Margo answered. “That depends on who’s using it.”

Johnson pointed at her. “Exactly. A knife can be used for something as innocuous as chopping vegetables as you make your family dinner. Or Evan,” she pointed at Buck. “You’re a firefighter, you’ve probably used knives during rescues.”

“Yeah,” Buck answered. “Usually when we have to cut a seatbelt after a car accident.”

“And at the other extreme, the scalpel that a surgeon uses to save someone’s life is a knife too,” Johnson spoke directly to Cara. “So does the fact that a knife can also be used to threaten or hurt someone negate all the good it can do? Make it evil?”

Cara folder her arms across her chest and looked away. “A cock’s different.”

“I know your experiences have colored how you’re considering men right now,” Johnson said. “I’m just asking you to consider the fact that having a penis doesn’t automatically make someone evil. You were hurt badly by men, but not all men are going to hurt you.”

“She has a point, though,” Margo spoke up. “It is very difficult to be around men right now. God knows that Carl, my husband, is trying to be understanding, but I can’t stand him touching me.”

“I don’t even want my dad near me,” Allison added.

“It will take time,” Johnson assured them. “Therapy will help you.” She turned to Buck. “I’m sorry, Evan, this conversation must be difficult for you.”

“I get it,” Buck said. “I’ve always been into women, but before . . . . well, before, there was this guy I was thinking maybe I could be into. Now, though, I’m not so sure.” He shuddered. “How could I ever want anyone to do that stuff to me?”

“By stuff, do you mean sex? With a man?” Johnson asked.

Buck nodded.

“That wasn’t sex,” Margo answered before the FBI advocate could. “That was rape.”

“I have to agree,” Johnson added. “I highly recommend that all of you give yourselves time to heal before you return to or begin sexual relationships.”

The conversations continued from there. Buck discovered that he had a lot in common with the three women. They all had been plagued by nightmares and flashbacks, all had been feeling a sense of displacement from normal life and all had been struggling to find new routines. As the hour wound up, Buck realized that he was glad he’d come. It had felt good to talk to people who’d gone through a similar experience.

“All right, that’s all we have time for today,” Johnson wrapped things up. “Has this been beneficial for you? Would you like these sessions to continue?”

Buck nodded and saw that the others did the same.

Johnson nodded. “All right, let’s keep to the same day and time next week.”

Oddly enough, given the frank conversation that they’d been having for the last hour, none of the Menagerie survivors felt the need to chat as they walked out. Buck pulled out his phone to call Bobby, but saw a text indicating that the older man was already there and waiting outside for him.

Buck hurried outside and, yes, Bobby was standing there with Molly. Buck wasn’t sure which one was happier to see him. Without speaking, Buck walked right up to Bobby and wrapped his arms around him. For a moment, Bobby stiffened, but then he returned the hug.

“Buck, are you all right?” Bobby’s voice sounded worried.

“Yeah,” Buck pulled back and knelt to greet Molly. “Just . . . . thanks. For all you’ve done for me.”

“You’re welcome, but that’s what family does for each other,” Bobby answered. He didn’t seem to be entirely convinced that Buck was all right. “You sure you’re okay? This session wasn’t too much for you?”

“It was good,” Buck answered. “Tough, but good.”

Molly yipped, causing both men to look down at her. Buck chuckled and ruffled her ears. “You want to go home?”

“That’s a good idea.” Bobby agreed. 

On the way back to the house, Buck told Bobby a little bit about the session. He didn’t want to go into too much detail, not just to protect Bobby but also because he didn’t feel it was right to reveal what the other survivors had said. His voice trailed off as he was thinking about the conversation about the knife and how it wasn’t inherently evil. 

“Hey, Bobby?” Buck asked.

Bobby glanced over briefly, then turned his eyes back to the road. “Yeah, Buck?”

“Do you mind if I make a phone call?”

“Not at all,” Bobby assured him. 

“Thanks.”

Buck pulled out his phone and looked at it for a long a minute. Firming up his resolve, he pulled up a contact and let it ring. When he heard the voice that answered, he knew he’d made the right decision.

“Hey, Eddie? Does Christopher still want to see me?”


	17. Chapter 17

Even a month ago, if someone had told Athena Grant that she would be on an evening stroll with her chosen son, Evan Buckley, she would have told them that they were foolishly optimistic. She might even have gotten out a breathalyzer or a rapid result drug testing kit to make sure they weren’t under the influence.

She would have been wrong.

Normally the last thing Athena liked was being wrong, but life was full of exceptions and this was the most pleasant one she’d had in a long while.

“You warm enough?” Athena asked. Buck was, as usual, dressed in a LAFD hoodie.

“I’m fine, Athena,” Buck told her, smiling at her a little as he did.

Buck had allowed Athena to take his arm and so the two were walking side by side. Athena let herself lean into him a little, glad that the young man no longer seemed fragile to the point of breaking. He wasn’t his old, boisterous self yet, but Athena could finally see that he one day would be.

The park they were walking at was the same one that Buck and Eddie discovered and where Molly was adopted. If the dog remembered, she didn’t act like it. She padded along with them, perfectly happy to be going wherever Buck was. Athena was a little flattered that Buck had asked her to go. To her knowledge, only Eddie and Bobby had gone with him to the park. They’d moved through the grassy part of the park and were now walking around the small lake.

Athena noticed that Buck was quiet, but then that was still normal for him. She could sense, though, that he was thinking hard about something and she reminded herself to be patient. It was important for Buck to know that he could talk to her on his own terms.

Her patience paid off.

“Thena?” Buck asked quietly. “Can I ask you something?”

“You sure can, baby,” she assured him. It still took a good minute or two for him to answer.

“You’ve worked with a lot of,” he stopped and gulped before continuing. “Rape survivors, right?”

“Yes,” she answered softly. “Way too many.”

There was another short silence before Buck spoke again. “Were any of them first responders?”

“A few,” she answered. She had a feeling she knew where he was going with his line of questioning, but she made Buck articulate it.

“Were they able to go back to work?” Buck asked.

“Some do,” Athena told him. “Some don’t or they choose a different role, something not so public facing.”

Buck sighed.

“Are you worried about going back to the job?” Athena asked him.

“Yeah,” Buck admitted. “I can’t even come to the park by myself, how am I supposed to be a firefighter again?”

Athena snorted. “Are you sure it’s not us that won’t let you out of our sight?” When Buck looked away, she tried again. “You’re healing from nine months of hurt, Buckaroo. I think it’s a little early for you to be worried about a job.”

Buck came to a stop. “But it’s not. All those firefighters gave their time to me, I have get back so that it’s not wasted.”

“Sweetheart, time healing is never time wasted,” Athena reached up to cup Buck’s face with her hands. “Bobby told me about the time donations. The idea wasn’t to make you feel guilty, you know that, right?”

“I know.”

Athena dropped her hands. “But you feel guilty anyway, don’t you?” She didn’t wait for him to answer. “I guess I can understand that.”

Buck looked surprised. “You can?”

Nodding, Athena took his arm again and gently got them walking. “It was a generous gift, maybe too generous. One that’s awfully hard to live up to anyway.”

“Yeah,” Buck said and Athena knew she’d gotten it right. “And most of them don’t even know me.”

“Maybe it wasn’t about you, then,” Athena suggested. “Maybe it was firefighters just looking after their own.”

She glanced at Buck and saw him chewing at his lower lip. That was a good sign, he was seriously thinking about what she said.

“Maybe,” Buck finally agreed. It was a one word answer, but his tone was a little lighter than it had been before, so Athena took it as a win.

“Bobby said that you’re going to see Christopher?” Athena prompted when Buck didn’t comment further.

Buck immediately smiled. “Yeah, on Saturday. Eddie thought Christopher’d get too wound up if we did it on a school night.”

“That’s marvelous,” Athena said, then cautiously added a question. “What made you change your mind?”

“Something that came up when I was talking to the other survivors,” Buck told her, blushing. “That just ‘cause I have the . . . . equipment . . . . to hurt someone like that, doesn’t mean I’m going to.”

Athena stifled a smile at Buck’s euphemism. “I’m glad they were able to convince you. I know that little boy misses you like crazy and I think you might miss him too.”

“A little.”

That might be the understatement of the year, but Athena let it slide. She gathered her thoughts for the next topic she wanted to broach.

“A friend of mine from the academy is on the LAPD’s Human Trafficking Unit. She’s been appointed as the liaison with FBI on the Menagerie case.”

She felt Buck’s muscles stiffen where her arm looped with his.

“Have they found Cory yet?” He asked.

Athena decided not to sugar coat her words, but made sure to keep her tone gentle. “No, but they think they know who he is.” She stopped and dug out her phone, sliding screens until she found the image that he wanted. “Anton Cory. Is this him?”

Buck took the phone from her to look closer and she didn’t need him to say anything. The way the blood drained from his face was answer enough. With trembling fingers, he handed the phone back.

“How?” Buck said.

“He was discharged dishonorably from the army,” Athena explained, she took Buck’s arm and encouraged him to start walking again. “One of his former platoon members remembered him.”

“Army?” Buck whispered hoarsely. “Eddie won’t like that.”

“At least the army was smart enough to kick the bastard to the curb,” Athena told him.

“Dishonorable discharge,” Buck said. “That means he did something bad, right?”

Athena nodded. “It probably won’t surprise you to learn that he was brought up on charges for sexual harassment and assault. The people he hurt were too afraid to testify against him, so he wasn’t court martialed. The worst they could do to him was kick him out of the military.”

“Will knowing who he is help find him?” Buck asked.

“It should,” Athena told him. “The FBI have put Cory on their 10 Most Wanted list. He’s soon going to find a distinct lack of places to hide.”

“But he hasn’t been caught yet,” Buck pointed out. No color had come back to his face. “Cory’s still out there.”

“If he’s smart, he’ll stay the hell away from you,” Athena assured him. “Los Angeles is almost two thousand miles from New Orleans. Cory will be too busy finding a rock to hide under to mess with you.”

“He’s smart and he’s evil,” Buck stated. 

“That may be,” Athena assured him. “But he’s got a million things other than you to worry about right now. Look, Buck, I’m not telling you not to worry about Cory. It’s reasonable to take precautions, just try not to let it take over your life.” She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. “And, besides, if he comes near you, I will shoot him flatter than dead.”

Her bland statement caused Buck by surprise and he let out a bark of laughter, although he quickly sobered. “You’d do that for me?”

“Yes,” Athena assured him. If anything, she’d probably have to get in line behind Maddie, Bobby and Eddie, but since they didn’t own guns, Athena was pretty sure she’d get to be the one to pull the trigger.

While they’d been talking, they’d finished their circuit of the lake and were back in the grassy area. Athena was glad to feel the sunshine on her face; the walking path around the lake was tree-lined. It was getting towards sunset, but feeling the light against her skin still felt good. Maybe it was the topic of their discussion, but Athena felt her skin prickle, a sensation that usually meant that she was being watched.

Athena let her arm fall loose from Buck’s and took a look around. She saw a couple walking, a baby in a carrier strapped to the man’s chest. There was a woman jogging, an elderly couple sitting on a bench and a man on his phone while two small children ran around in the play area. All perfectly innocent.

“Athena?”

She turned back towards Buck and made herself smile brightly. She didn’t want her nerves infecting Buck too, not when they were over nothing. He had enough to deal with. “Yes, Buckaroo?”

“You mind if I play with Molly a little bit?” Buck asked shyly. He pulled a disk-like toy out of his back pocket. Whatever it was made out of was flexible enough to have been folded. “Eva’s house has a good back yard, but I think Molly’d like to run.”

“Sure,” Athena assured him. “I’m just going to sit on a bench over there.”

Buck’s face fell. “You aren’t going to play with us?”

Athena laughed. “Buck, honey, it’s been years since I threw anything that looks like a Frisbee.”

“Oh,” Buck looked down. “Okay.”

He wasn’t even trying to turn the big blue eyes on her, but Athena cracked anyway. Buck had been denied so much for so long, she couldn’t refuse him something as simple as playing with his dog.

“Give me that thing,” Athena took the throwing disc from Buck. “How do you throw it anyway?”

They played until the sun started to go down and Molly visibly got tired. Athena’s throws were a bit wobbly at first, but she soon got the hang of it. Molly didn’t mind, she just loved running and jumping, then returning the disk so she could do it all over again.

“You’re good at that,” Buck told Athena as they started the walk back to the house. 

“Please,” Athena shook her head. “The expert here is Molly.” The dog heard her name and yipped happily. “You tell him, Miss Molly.”

Buck grinned and it was so like his old smile that Athena’s breath caught.

“You know what Bobby said the other day?” Athena asked, but didn’t wait for Buck to answer. “He said he thought Harry might be lonely now that May’s at college and that maybe we should get a dog.”

“He did?” Buck’s eyes were wide. “I know he likes Molly, but I didn’t think he’d want a dog. He already said that dogs and firehouses don’t mix.”

“I don’t think that Bobby dislikes dogs, he just doesn’t believe they belong at a fire station,” Athena assured him. “But your Molly has definitely won him over.”

“Do you think that he’d let Molly come to the station?” Buck asked, then hurried to clarify. “When I go back to work, that is.”

Athena considered. “Just as a pet, no? But as a trained emotional support animal? Maybe.”

She could almost see the gears turning in Buck’s mind and Athena silently apologized to her husband. She’d just knowingly unleased Hurricane Evan on Bobby. No doubt by next time Bobby stayed with Buck, he’d be inundated with all sorts of factoids about the benefits of support animals.

When they got back to the house, everything was lowkey. Athena settled in with a good book while Buck had a cooking show on. He’d finished one baby blanket and started the second, Maddie having given up on the project. Athena was amazed how well Buck had picked up on knitting, but as she watched him, she could see the benefit. The rhythmic motion clearly settled him.

Athena knew that there would eventually come a time when Buck wouldn’t need anyone to stay with him. As much as she wanted that for him, Athena also knew she’d miss these evenings. It was quiet and comfortable, as much as respite for her as it was support for Buck.

By the time they both turned in for the night, Athena fell asleep quickly, her uneasiness at the park completely forgotten.


	18. Chapter 18

Buck pulled Eddie’s truck up in front of the Diaz house and put it into park. He left his hands on the steering wheel and let out a huge sigh of relief.

“See,” Eddie’s voice was full of pride. “I knew you could do it.”

Even knowing it was just the two of them in the truck, Buck still had to look over at Eddie to confirm that the other man was talking about him. Eddie’s smile, though, made it obvious. Buck blushed and looked away, getting a good look at his fingers where they still gripped the steering wheel. They were holding it so tightly that the skin over the knuckles was white.

“You okay, Buck?” Eddie asked him.

Buck made himself let go and put his hands down, flexing them open and closed to get the blood flowing again. “Yeah. I guess I was more nervous than I thought.”

That was an understatement.

It was Saturday, a day Buck was already nervous about, since it he would be seeing Christopher again. When Eddie had picked Buck up, he’d suggested that Buck trying driving. It was a relatively short trip, so Buck had let Eddie’s enthusiasm to convince him.

In the quiet neighborhood that Eva’s house was in, it hadn’t been so bad. Driving was sort of like riding a bicycle, you never really forgot. As they went through a busier neighborhood, though, Buck’d had a harder time. It felt like there were cars flying at him from everywhere. He’d persevered, although Buck was very glad that it was just him and Eddie in the truck. He didn’t know if he’d ever feel up to driving with Christopher or any of the other kids in the vehicle. He was even glad that Molly wasn’t with them.

“Ready to go in?” Eddie asked.

Buck reminded himself that this visit had been his idea. “Yeah.”

“Great, let’s do this,” Eddie popped his door open and got out of the truck.

Moving a little more slowly, Buck did the same. He put his hands in his pockets as they walked up the driveway. The door opened when they were still several yards away.

“Buck!” Christopher cried out; his smile so wide that Buck’s cheeks hurt in sympathy.

The little boy launched himself down the stairs. Buck’s heart stopped when one of Christopher’s crutches caught on the bottom step, sending him sprawling. Luckily, Christopher landed on soft grass instead of concrete. 

When Christopher stumbled, both Buck and Eddie surged forward. Surprisingly, Buck made it to Christopher first. Even as he was kneeling to check on him, Christopher lifted his head, smile still in place and arms open.

“Buck! You’re finally here!”

Moving carefully, Buck gathered Christopher into his arms and stood. The little boy didn’t cry out as though anything hurt and Buck breathed a little easier. He glanced at Eddie, who was watching them, but didn’t seem overly concerned. Buck had the impression that the other man had let Buck reach Chris first.

“You okay, Superman?” Buck asked softly. “Didn’t hurt anything when you fell?”

Buck felt rather than saw Christopher shake his head no; the boy’s face was hidden in Buck’s neck.

“I’m fine now that you’re here,” Christopher said.

“Let’s get inside and have your dad take a look, just to be sure,” Buck suggested. He glanced at Eddie again, who nodded at him.

It was harder than it should have been, but Buck stood up while holding Christopher in his arms. Eddie grabbed his son’s crutches and then moved ahead to open the door. Eddie’s grandmother was standing in the entrance and she made a soft sound of dismay when she saw them come in.

“Take a seat on the couch,” Eddie instructed. “I don’t see any blood, so I don’t think this’ll be too messy.”

He was right. Eddie quickly determined that there were red marks on Christopher’s palms and knees, but nothing more serious. For the whole cursory exam, Christopher refused to be moved off Buck’s lap.

“I’m going to give you guys a few minutes,” Eddie said when he was finished. He reached out and ruffled Christopher’s hair and then walked away to join his abuela in the kitchen.

“Are you better, Buck?” Christopher asked.

“Yeah, I am,” Buck told him, smiling. “I’m not 100% yet, but I’m getting there.”

Christopher peered at him solemnly before nodding. “Your smile is more real. I can tell because it’s in your eyes too.”

“It is, huh?” Buck asked. It never ceased to amaze him how smart Christopher was.

“Yeah,” Christopher broke out into a big grin. “You kept your promise. You pinky promised that you’d get better and you did.”

“I didn’t want to let you down, Superman,” Buck told him. “Besides with all the help I’m getting from your dad and the rest of the 118, I couldn’t help but get better.”

“Helping,” Christopher told him seriously. “That’s what family does.”

His nerves from before forgotten, Buck hugged Chris tightly. “That’s right.” He glanced towards the kitchen. “Speaking of family, was that your abuela I saw?”

“Yeah, she wanted to make lunch for you.” Christopher looked at him with a pleading expression. “You’ll stay for lunch, right?”

“I am not going to say no to your abuela’s cooking,” Buck assured the boy. His stomach growled right on cue, startling them both. Christopher giggled and Buck looked at his belly in mock dismay. “Traitor.”

Lunch, however good it sounded, was not the reason Buck was there. 

“So what have you been up to while I was away?” Buck had practiced the wording of that question, not wanting it to lead into any detail of his experience. 

“Lots!” Christopher told him. “School, drawing, PT, taking care of Dad.”

“Taking care of your dad?” Buck latched on to the last point. “Isn’t he supposed to take care of you?”

“We take care of each other,” Christopher told him firmly. “I was sad after the tsunami and you were gone, but Dad was sad too. We needed lots of hugs, so we hugged each other.”

“I’m sorry you were sad,” Buck told him. He knew it wasn’t his fault, but Christopher had been hurt by Buck’s disappearance. Buck never wanted to hurt the boy, even indirectly.

“Were you sad too?” Christopher asked. “When those mean people wouldn’t let you come home?”

“Really sad,” Buck admitted. “It was the worst thing ever.”

Christopher wrapped his arms even more tightly around Buck. “Then Dad and I will take care of you. Lots of hugs until you’re not sad anymore.”

“Thanks, Superman,” Buck lowered his head until was his face was nestled on top of Christopher’s soft hair. He blinked back tears at Christopher’s innocent generosity. “I feel better already.”

Even though he was mature for his age, Christopher was still a child and couldn’t sit still forever. Thankfully, by the time he got squirmy, Eddie was in the doorway again.

“Anybody in here hungry?” He asked.

“Yeah, Buck’s tummy is growling,” Christopher answered for both of them as he slid off Buck’s lap. Eddie had left his crutches nearby and Chris was soon making his way to the kitchen. “C’mon, Buck!”

To Buck’s surprise, Isabel was headed for the door.

“Mrs Diaz, are you leaving?” Buck asked her.

His question made the elderly woman turn around. “I think my boys need some time together.” She wagged a finger at him. “And, Evan, how many times have I told you to call me abuela?”

Buck blushed and ducked his head. “Sorry.”

The next he knew, she was standing in front of Buck and reaching up to cup his face. He lifted his head and saw that she was looking at him with tears in her eyes.

When she saw she had Buck’s attention, Isabel started speaking. It was in Spanish and though Buck knew a few words of the language, he couldn’t follow what she was saying. There was no mistaking, however, her gentle tone.

“Gracias,” Isabel said as she finished. “Thank you for saving my grandson’s son.” Before Buck could answer, she turned to Eddie. “You will tell him the rest.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Eddie replied.

“All right,” Isobel said. “Now, eat. All three of you boys are too skinny.”

They watched her walk out of the house. When the door shut behind Isabel, Eddie turned to his son. “Chris, go wash up.”

“But Buck’s not washing up,” Christopher protested.

“Buck didn’t play outside this morning,” Eddie pointed out. He gently urged Christopher towards the bathroom. “Go, the sooner your hands are clean, the sooner we eat.”

When Christopher was out of sight, Eddie turned back to Buck. “Do you want to know what she said now or later?”

“Now,” Buck swallowed heavily. He didn’t think he’d have much of an appetite if he had to wait until after lunch.

Eddie smiled and patted Buck’s arm in reassurance. “It’s nothing bad, I promise.”

Buck tried to be reassured. “Okay.”

“She said that you have a beautiful soul and that nothing you were forced to do could dirty it,” Eddie told him. He cleared his throat before continuing. “And she said you should never hang your head because you shine brighter than the sun.” He smiled sheepishly. “And you understood the part about saving Christopher, which if I haven’t made clear by now, I appreciate too.”

Buck blushed, but didn’t know what to say, so he instead relied on an old standby and just shrugged. Luckily, Christopher came back into the room and broke up the suddenly charged atmosphere.

“Buck, where’s Molly?” Christopher asked. “You didn’t bring her.”

“And you’re just noticing now?” Eddie pointed out with a grin.

Christopher gave his father a look that said clearly that he doubted his father’s intellect. “I really want to meet Molly, but seeing Buck’s more important.”

“That’s why I left her at home,” Buck explained. “I wanted to concentrate on you. I’ll bring her next time, promise.”

The little boy’s face lit up. “Next time?”

“Yeah,” Buck smiled. “There’s going to be a next time, real soon. I promise.”

“C’mon, let’s eat,” Eddie said, hustling both of the others towards the table.

Lunch was near perfect in Buck’s opinion. The food was delicious, but with Eddie’s abuela cooking, that was to be expected. No, what was really special was listening to Christopher doing his level best to catch Buck up on nine months’ worth of activities. The little boy was so intent on telling Buck everything, that Eddie had to admonish him to eat several times.

“No way!” Buck exclaimed at the end of the last story. “Amy can squirt chocolate milk out of her nose? On demand?”

“Yeah, it was so cool!” Christopher nodded enthusiastically.

“You need to marry that girl,” Buck told him. “She obviously has serious skills.”

Christopher giggled. “I’m too young to get married, Buck.”

“And thank God for that,” Eddie said. He got up from the table and pressed a kiss to the top of his son’s hair. “But you’ll always be my little boy.”

“Da-a-a-a-a-d!” Christopher protested, but he was smiling.

“Chr-i-s-s-s-s-s,” Eddie used the same tone, his smile just as big as Christopher’s.

Buck wasn’t sure which Diaz was cuter. The thought startled him so much that he dropped his fork. Thankfully, neither the father nor the son figured out why.

“Done eating?” Eddie asked. He’d already picked up his and Christopher’s plates, but seemed to be hesitating before reaching for Buck’s.

“Yeah,” Buck grabbed his plate and stood.

Eddie looked like he was going to protest Buck cleaning up after himself, but he didn’t. Buck appreciated that. Eddie’s house had been his second home; Buck didn’t want to feel like a guest while he was there. Christopher pitched in too and it didn’t take long for the dishwasher to be loaded, the table wiped and the leftovers were put into containers.

“Come on, Buck, I want to show you my new Legos,” Christopher took Buck’s hand and tugged him towards his bedroom.

“Easy, Chris,” Eddie admonished his son. 

“No, it’s okay,” Buck assured him.

And it was. 

Buck very happily let himself be led to Christopher’s bedroom. The boy tried to get Buck to sit on the bed, but Buck instead took the chair from the desk. He watched as Christopher pulled out his Legos and showed Buck some structures he’d already made. Next was a scrapbook full of drawings.

“Dad said we could keep more in this than on the walls,” Christopher leaned against Buck as he turned the pages so Buck could see.

As the pages flipped, Buck could see the drawings change. At first, there were a lot of images of water and Buck figured they’d been drawn right after the tsunami. There was even one with a figure with blond hair and a red spot on his face – and wings coming out of his back.

“Is that me?” Buck asked quietly.

“Uh-huh,” Christopher nodded. “After the tsunami, Dad said that you were my guardian angel.”

“Wow.” It was surreal. The whole time Buck was being forced into the most degrading acts ever, Eddie and his son had been calling Buck an angel. 

“I’m glad you’re here, though,” Christopher told Buck. “I like you better as you and not an angel.”

Buck nodded. “Me too.”

After Buck was finished admiring the drawings, including the new one that Christopher had done of Molly, Christopher started showing Buck how many books he’d read since he’d seen Buck last.

“You have been busy,” Buck was impressed.

“Would have been more fun if you’d been here,” Christopher told him.

Buck heartily agreed with that. “Yeah, but I’m here now.”

“And we’re not letting him go again.”

Both Buck and Christopher turned towards the voice. Eddie was leaning against the door frame, smiling at both of them. 

“No, he’s ours,” Christopher nodded. “The mean people can’t have him again.”

“We’ve got a couple of hours before Bobby comes to pick our Buck up,” Eddie said. “What say we get a movie in before that happens?”

“Yeah!” Christopher was happy with that idea. “We need to watch ‘Finding Nemo,’ Dad. Buck and I ‘kept on swimming’ just like Dory.”

Eddie looked at Buck, concern written on his face. “You okay with that?”

“Yeah,” Buck said. He was pretty sure he could get through an animated movie without a flashback.

Christopher led the way to the living room. It didn’t take Eddie long to queue up the film and the three of them arranged themselves on the couch. Buck always thought the phrase about someone’s heart swelling with emotion was just that, a phrase. As the comfort of watching a movie with the Diaz boys sank in, Buck realized that it wasn’t just a saying, it was the truth.

And the best thing was, Buck was spending the day with his favorite boys and he hadn’t felt dirty, not even once.


	19. Chapter 19

Eddie read the text on his phone and grinned. He’d been at the station for almost an hour and finally got the alert he’d be waiting for. Excited, he all but bounced up the stairs to the loft.

“Buck and Bobby are on their way,” Eddie explained to the others. “They should be here in a few minutes.”

“You’re not excited about that at all,” Hen said, grinning widely.

“Shut up,” Eddie said, although he didn’t try to deny it either.

Being a firefighter meant everything to Buck. Even before the tsunami and the Menagerie, Buck had been out of commission for months, thanks to the ladder truck bomb incident. As a result, Buck hadn’t been in the firehouse in nearly a year and Eddie knew he wasn’t the only one who’d missed him. 

“Remember, guys,” Eddie called out loudly so everyone could hear him. “Try not to crowd him. I know a lot of you haven’t gotten to see Buck since he got back, but he’s still shy around people.”

“That might be one of the saddest things I’ve ever heard,” Fran Nolan said. She was the firefighter that Buck had donated time to after her twins were born. “Evan Buckley was not meant to be shy.”

“He’s getting better,” Hen assured her. “Our Buck’s in there, it’s just taking him a little way to find his way back.”

“Buck’s coming to work out,” Eddie reminded them. “So maybe leave the gym alone while he’s here.”

“Relax, Eddie,” Hen patted his arm. “Everybody loves Buck and just want him to be comfortable.”

“Yeah, now that Baker’s gone,” Eddie muttered.

“Half-Baked was an embarrassment to the uniform,” Hen told him. “Besides, he’s right where he deserves to be now.”

After Harold Baker came back from his three-day suspension, Bobby had a new fire station lined up for the troublemaker. It was on the other side of the city as the 118 was, so they wouldn’t have to worry about bumping into Baker on a shared call. Best yet, the captain was Jessica Brandt, who was notorious for running a really tight ship. Baker would toe the line with her or his firefighting days were over.

“Buck staying for lunch?” Trevino asked.

Eddie shrugged. “I guess it depends on how it goes.”

Trevino looked hopeful. “But Bobby’s cooking lunch either way, right?”

Hen slapped the other man’s shoulder. “You and your stomach.”

“I’m a growing boy,” Trevino protested.

“Be careful or you’ll grow yourself to a new pants size,” Eddie warned.

“Well we can’t all be underwear models like you, Diaz,” Trevino grinned.

Eddie was getting ready to retort when the side door opened and first Bobby and then Buck walked in. The firefighters who’d been joking around fell silent and, despite Eddie’s warnings, they all stared at Buck. Sensing the attention, Buck lifted his head to look up at the loft. When he saw them all staring at him, he winced and dropped his head. He had a duffle bag slung over his shoulder and Eddie could see from the loft how tightly Buck was gripping it. Bobby noticed too and put his hand on the small of Buck’s back, gently guiding the younger man towards the gym.

“Smooth, guys,” Eddie’s tone was sarcastic, and he didn’t wait for the others to respond. Instead, he pushed his way through them and hurried downstairs. 

Eddie found Buck and Bobby in the gym. The two men were standing awkwardly. Bobby was looking at the equipment like he hadn’t seen it before, while Buck was looking at the floor. He was wearing an LAFD hoodie and had the arms pulled down to cover his hands.

“Good morning,” Eddie decided to ignore how uncomfortable Buck looked. “I’m glad you could make it.”

“I think it’s been a little overwhelming for Buck, walking back into the building again,” Bobby said. He looked at Buck in concern, the motion reminding Eddie that Bobby hadn’t been enthusiastic about this idea.

“Everybody’s glad to see you, Buck,” Eddie said. “I asked them to give you a chance to catch your breath, though. They won’t be coming in here.”

Buck wrapped his arms around himself. “I – I don’t want to put anyone out. This is their room; they should get to use it.”

“It’s your room too. You’re a firefighter, just on medical leave.” Eddie pointed out. “That’s why I suggested you come to the firehouse to work out.” Buck didn’t look completely convinced. “The other day, when Christopher fell, you had a hard time standing up while holding him, didn’t you?”

“Yeah,” Buck admitted, blushing all the way to his ears.

“Hey, not your fault,” Eddie reached out and patted Buck on the arm. “Come on, let’s get you moving again, huh?”

Buck smiled wanly. “Okay.”

“Buck, you’re obviously in good hands,” Bobby looked relieved that Buck looked slightly more comfortable. “I’m going to go up and get started on lunch.”

“Trevino will be happy about that,” Eddie grinned at him.

Bobby rolled his eyes. “That man is a bottomless pit.” He glanced at Buck. “You good?”

To Eddie’s relief, Buck nodded. “Yeah, I’m good.”

“Come on, let’s warm up,” Eddie suggested.

Bobby left and the other two men got busy. As they went through their stretches, the silence became more comfortable. 

“Maddie has her doctor’s appointment today?” Eddie asked. He was sitting on the floor, legs spread in front of him while he stretched over first one leg and then the other side.

“Yeah,” Buck confirmed. “She and Chim didn’t come over this morning. Bobby just stayed and he’s going to take me to therapy later.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Eddie replied. “You’re going to stay for lunch?”

“I think so,” Buck sounded unsure. “Bobby said that we didn’t have to.”

“You don’t,” Eddie assured him. “I’m sure everyone would understand if it’s too much. It’s your first time back.”

Buck surprised him.

“No, I want to stay,” Buck told him. “Maddie and Chim are coming here after their appointment; I want to know what the doctor says.”

“Sounds good.”

When their muscles were sufficiently warmed up, Eddie and Buck slowly worked through a modified set of exercises on the various pieces of equipment. Eddie knew that Buck couldn’t jump in at the levels he was at before and Buck knew it too because he didn’t push it. As they worked, Eddie saw Buck relax more and more. By the time they were done, Buck was smiling.

“That’s an excellent start,” Eddie said as they finished. “You’re going to feel this tomorrow.”

“But it’ll be good,” Buck replied. He noticed Eddie’s lack of sweat. “Not much of a workout for you, though.”

Eddie shrugged. “Any workout is worth the time.”

After a brief detour to grab Buck’s duffle, they headed towards the showers. Just short of going in, Buck stopped and it didn’t take much brain power on Eddie’s part to know what the issue was.

“I’ll stay out here,” Eddie told the other man. “Don’t worry, no one’s coming in while you’re showering.”

Buck smiled shyly. “Thanks.”

Eddie puttered around in the locker room while Buck cleaned up. He didn’t have to stay busy for long; Buck’s was the shortest shower in history. In fact, while Eddie was still idly looking at the locker that was labeled ‘Buckley,’ Buck snuck up on him.

“You kept it?” A hint of wonder tinged Buck’s voice.

Eddie recognized the voice and didn’t turn around. “Of course we did.”

“Wow.”

“You’re not replaceable, Buck,” Eddie told him, finally looking at him. “As the half dozen people who cycled through here while you were gone can attest.”

Buck frowned. “But you thought I was dead.”

“We did,” Eddie agreed. “But none of the replacements that were hired seemed right. I guess, deep down, none of us was ready to let you go.” He grinned at his friend. “And we were right too.”

Blushing, Buck shrugged. Eddie had been around his friend enough the last couple of weeks to know that gesture meant Buck was overwhelmed and didn’t know what to say. He took pity on his friend and clapped him on the shoulder.

“C’mon, lunch should just about be ready by now,” Eddie reconsidered and looked at Buck carefully. “Are you still interested in lunch?”

“Yeah,” Buck nodded. “I am.”

“Well, what are we waiting for?” Eddie led Buck out of the locker room area.

As the two men made their way towards the stairs to the loft, Eddie realized that his were the only footsteps that he could hear. He looked back to see what had happened to Buck and saw the other man had stopped, his attention fixated on the wall.

The wall where Buck’s picture was hung.

Eddie retraced his steps and came to stand next to Buck. He didn’t need Buck to ask the question. “You know that the LAPD displays the photos of firefighters that have fallen. We wanted yours here we could see you on our way out to a call, to inspire us to do our best.”

“But I wasn’t even active during the tsunami,” Buck whispered hoarsely. “And you’ve known I was alive for weeks, why didn’t you take it down?”

“First, active or not, you were the epitome of a first responder during the tsunami, don’t ever think differently,” Eddie countered. “Second, you survived the tsunami and everything that came after. That’s even more of an inspiration.”

Buck bit his lip, obviously struggling with the concept that anyone would look up to him. “Does the picture have to stay up?”

Eddie thought hard. After the incident with Baker, the last thing that Eddie wanted was to get rid of Buck’s photo. It was why he’d worked so quickly to get it into a new frame. On the other hand, he could also understand why the other man would feel weird about it.

“How about this, the picture stays – until you’re back on duty at the 118. After that, we’ll take it down.” Eddie felt that was a safe promise. Having Buck back in person would be even more inspiration that his picture.

Clearly, Buck thought about it for a minute, but to Eddie’s relief, he nodded. “Yeah, that’s okay.”

“It’s a deal,” Eddie grinned. 

“You really think I’m coming back?” Buck asked. The doubt was clear in his voice.

There was no doubt in Eddie, not about Buck returning to the team. “Absolutely.”

“Hey you two,” Chim’s voice drifted down from above him. He was leaning over the rail and grinning at them. “Get a move on, we’re hungry.”

To Eddie’s surprise, Buck hurried towards the stairs. He’d though that Buck would be more reluctant, given that there were several firefighters in the building that he hadn’t seen since he was rescued. A familiar peal of feminine laughter sounded, however, and Eddie had his answer. Buck’s desire to hear about Maddie’s doctor’s appointment was overcoming his shyness.

By the time Eddie got to the top of the stairs, Buck was already hugging Maddie. Chim looked on with satisfaction, Bobby was taking plates to the table and the rest of the on-duty firefighters were watching eagerly.

“What did the doctor say?” Buck asked when he let go enough to look Maddie in the face.

“Everything’s fine,” Maddie’s expression was joyful. “The way I’ve been taking it easy has helped and they want me to keep doing it until the boys are ready to be born.”

“You want to see a picture?” Chim stepped closer, holding out black and white copies of the ultra sound photos.”

“Wow,” Buck let go of Maddie to accept the pages. He looked at them for a long moment before gazing back to Maddie. Even from several feet away, Eddie could see the tears in Buck’s eyes. “There really are babies in there.” He made an obvious look at Maddie’s belly. “Can’t be comfortable.”

Maddie laughed. “If that’s your way of telling me that my stomach isn’t actually as big as a barn, thanks.”

“C’mon, folks, soup’s on,” Bobby called them to the table. “Let’s eat it while it’s hot.”

“Or before the alarm rings,” Chim added. “Oh, that’s right, I’m not working today, doesn’t matter to me if the alarm rings or not.”

“Oh, that’s mean, Chim,” Hen scolded him. “You know what they say about karma?”

“Yeah, that it’s pronounced ha-ha-ha,” Chim quipped. “Karma owes me one or two.”

Eddie figured that the two friends were distracting Buck from noticing Nolan and Trevino and the others that were coming to the table. As it was, Buck became really still as he realized that people were around who hadn’t seen him since he’d been rescued. For their part, the other firefighters kept quiet and didn’t address him directly. Soon, Buck was seated at the table, with Eddie on one side and Maddie on the other. Chim sat across from Maddie, with Noland and Trevino sitting next to him. Bobby was at the head of the table and for this meal, Hen was on the other end. To Eddie’s relief, the rest of the firefighters took their food and moved to other areas. With only two ‘new’ people to deal with, Buck was less likely to be overwhelmed.

As usual, the food was excellent. Bobby had made pepper steak, with rice and salad. At first the conversation revolved around the food, but slowly the talk expanded to other things.

“It’s good to see you,” Fran Nolan was the first to broach Buck’s return. “I know a couple of twins that will be happy to have their favorite babysitter back.” She realized what she said and rushed to clarify. “Not that I expect you to babysit any time soon.”

Eddie’s breath caught in his throat and he tried not to glare at Nolan. After all, she wasn’t aware of the struggle to get Buck willing to see Christopher. Although that had finally happened and been a resounding success, it didn’t mean that Buck was ready to see other children. He was terrified how Buck would react. 

Eddie should have had more faith in Buck.

“I bet they’ve grown a lot,” Buck replied. 

“They sure have,” Nolan grinned. “Want to see pictures?”

Eddie let out a quiet sigh of relief. He glanced up at the head of the table and saw Bobby doing the same. In some ways, Buck’s recovery still seemed glacially slow. In others, though, it seemed like he was making progress in leaps and bounds.

“Hey, Bobby, is there enough for seconds?” Trevino asked.

Bobby chuckled. “Aren’t there always?”

“Awesome,” Trevino got up, but to Eddie’s surprise, he didn’t bring his plate over to where a pot still sat on the stove. Instead, Trevino brought the pot to the table. He dished himself up some more food, but then reached over and plopped more on Buck’s plate too. “Never thought I’d say this, Buckley, but you need to eat more.”

“Vinnie,” Buck protested. 

“He’s right,” Nolan agreed. “You’re too skinny.”

“He’s working on it,” Hen came to Buck’s defense before turn to Buck himself. “Just eat what you can, Buck, and don’t worry about it.”

“And if you don’t want it, hand it over to me,” Maddie chimed in. “I’m eating for three.”

“I remember that,” Nolan replied. “I wouldn’t want those days back for anything.” She looked at Buck. “You said it didn’t look comfortable for two babies in your sister’s stomach. I can guarantee you that it’s not comfortable for her either.” She turned back to Maddie. “But it’s worth it.”

“I know,” Maddie answered. She reached across the table to take Chim’s hand.

At just that moment, the alarm sounded. 

“Chimney!” Hen used her fork to point at her friend, even as she pushed herself away from the table. “This is on you!”

“Don’t worry, we’ll clean up,” Bobby told the on-duty firefighters.

Eddie gave in to the inevitable and moved to follow the others. He reached the ground floor, grabbed his turnout gear and headed to the truck. Before he climbed on, Eddie looked over his shoulder and back towards the loft.

Buck was standing there, watching. Eddie knew that he and Bobby would be gone before the Eddie got back, but for the moment, Buck was at Station 118.

Right where he belonged.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: (Minor) original character death, discussion of suicide

Buck hopped out of Bobby’s SUV and automatically paused, looking back at his mentor. Bobby had been smiling, but that slowly bled away as he noticed Buck watching him.

“What?” Bobby asked.

“I thought you might ask if I was sure,” Buck admitted blushing. It was a question Buck had been getting a lot lately, especially from Bobby.

Bobby winced. “I’m sorry, Buck, I don’t want you to think I’m second guessing you.”

“It’s okay,” Buck shrugged. “It just means you care.”

“I do,” Bobby smiled softly. “But I’ll try not to let my worry overcome being supportive.”

“Thanks, Bobby,” Buck smiled back. “And, for the record, I am sure. Today anyway.”

He shut the SUV door and lightly tapped the roof, indicating to Bobby that he was good to go. Buck waved as Bobby drove off and then he went into the building. It was his second day in a row at Traffick Stopped. Yesterday was his session with Dr. Joy and it had gone really well. She was impressed that he’d not only visited Christopher, but had also gone to the station. Buck was looking forward to talking to the other Menagerie survivors and hoped that their recovery was going as well.

Buck was familiar with Traffick Stopped, since he’d been having sessions with Dr. Joy there for weeks. The group sessions were on the other side of the building and it didn’t take him long to check in and make his way to the right room. Even though he’d made every attempt to not be the last to arrive, like Bobby would even let him be late, Buck realized that he was again the final one to reach the room.

“Evan, please join us,” Agnes Johnson greeted him. “Margo is going to tell us about her conversation with the mayor.”

“If you can call it that,” Margo’s voice was bitter. “I wasn’t expecting much from a professional politician like our mayor, but even so, I was disappointed.”

Cara snorted. “And that surprised you?”

“Yes, it did,” Margo was unruffled by the younger woman’s sarcasm. “I was expecting at least a modicum of genuine sympathy and all I got was manipulation.”

Her repeated use of the word ‘I’ concerned Buck. “You didn’t go by yourself, did you?”

“No, my husband, my parents and my father-in-law came with me,” Margo told them. “I didn’t think that anyone could outtalk three lawyers and a retired judge, but Mayor Keely managed.” She smiled tightly. “My mother was the one he had a hard time with. Mom didn’t react to anything he said, she just pinned him with her maternal death glare and wouldn’t let up.”

“It’s my understanding that his concern was that if it was announced that five people presumed dead had survived the tsunami without identifying who they were, that too many people would have false hope that one of you was their loved one,” Johnson said carefully. 

“Bullshit,” Cara growled. “That bastard’s been watching too much Star Trek.” When they all looked confused, she explained. “That the needs of the many outweighs the needs of the one.” 

“You sound like you approve of what he did,” Margo challenged the FBI advocate.

Johnson shook her head. “I don’t. Just wanted to indicate that the mayor had a reason for what he did, even if I don’t agree with the choice he made.”

“Did you get an apology?” Buck asked Margo.

Margo wrinkled her nose in disgust. “He’s sorry for any inconvenience the announcement might have made, but he’s sure we can understand the need not to raise anyone’s hopes.”

“Inconvenience?” Cara threw up her hands in disgust. “It took having police at my parent’s place 24/7 to get the press to leave me alone.” She glanced at Buck. “Thank you for that, by the way.”

Buck was confused. “Me?”

“That kick ass friend of yours, the one that schooled Taylor Kelly when she showed up, apparently she got her bosses at the LAPD to give everyone police protection,” Cara explained. “I saw the video, that woman is fierce.”

“That’s Athena,” Buck smiled with pride. “She’s kind of protective.”

“Kinda?” Cara snorted. “That might be an understatement. I don’t suppose you could turn her loose on my ex-fiancé, could you?”

“What’s your next move, Margo?” Johnson asked before Buck could respond.

Margo took a deep breath. “We’ve decided to go ahead with the lawsuit. Revealing not just our names, but our pictures was wrong and there need to be consequences for that. If we don’t, there’s a chance that the city will continue to release private information about sexual assault survivors, including others that got out of trafficking. Would any of you like to join the suit?”

“Are you suing the city or the mayor?” Buck asked. He remembered feeling humiliated and hunted after his picture was shown. Even now he was still hesitant to go out in public.

“The city,” Margo told him.

Buck shook his head. “I’m employed by the city and they’ve been good to me.”

“Legally, there can’t be reprisals against you because of a lawsuit,” Margo pointed out.

“I know, but still. No.” Buck held firm. “They’ve had my back. It would feel disloyal to sue them.”

“I’m in,” Cara declared. “And there’s that video of Taylor Kelly trying to get to Evan; that’s pretty damning about the impact.”

“Exactly,” Margo nodded. She turned towards Allison and her tone gentled as she spoke to her. “How about you Allison?”

“I don’t know,” she whispered hoarsely. She wasn’t curled up in her chair the way she had been during the last session, but the dark curtain of her hair hid most of her face. “Do I have to?”

“No, not at all,” Margo assured her. “Think about it and let me know.”

“All right, let’s talk about a success you’ve had this week.” Johnson changed the subject. “Cara, let’s start with you.”

Buck listened as each of the other survivors shared their stories. Margo had gone into the law office she shared with her husband and father-in-law and Cara had gone grocery shopping with a friend. Allison declined to participate when it was her turn. As for Buck, he was happy that he had a couple of things to choose from. The decision of which one to share wasn’t hard; he just talked about the one that was closest to his heart.

“I saw my friend’s son, Christopher,” Buck told the others. “He’d been wanting to see me, but I just wasn’t ready yet.”

“I hear you,” Margo commented. “My daughter, Lexi, convinced everyone that she should be the one to come get me in Louisiana. And I was glad to see her, I really was, but I never wanted her to see me like that. Part of me’s still angry with my husband about that.”

“There’s nothing wrong with those reactions,” Johnson assured them. “You have the right to recover in your own time and your own way. Evan, what changed? Why were you ready to see Christopher now when you weren’t before?”

“It was what we talked about last week,” Buck said. “I was afraid to see him before, thought that maybe all the stuff that happened in the Menagerie would somehow rub off on him. But now I know that I control the way I act, that even though I have a. . . .-” He couldn’t say the P word in a room full of women, so he just looked down at his crotch briefly. “Doesn’t mean I’m going to use it to hurt anybody.”

“That’s an important distinction to make,” the advocate praised him. 

She was about to continue when a knock at the door interrupted. After a brief moment, a woman popped her head in. Buck recognized her as the receptionist.

“My apologies, Agnes, but the FBI office is trying to get hold of you,” the woman said. “They said it’s an emergency.”

Johnson immediately got up. “Excuse me, I’ll be back in just a moment.”

Cara barely waited until the door was closed behind the woman before speaking. “What do you suppose that’s about? Do you think that bastard, Chippy, escaped from prison?”

“Maybe they finally found Cory,” Buck felt his stomach clench. He’d be a lot happier if that man were behind bars. “Did anyone tell you guys that his first name’s Anton?”

“No,” Margo leaned forward. “What else do you know?”

“Not much,” Buck admitted. “Just that he was dishonorably discharged from the Army because he’d assaulted some people.”

“Well, there’s a shock,” Cara was sarcastic again. “That the rat bastard got in trouble for hurting people.”

“Could we not talk about him?” Allison was on the verge of tears. “Please?”

“It’s not like he’s Voldemort or something,” Cara scoffed. “Saying his name won’t make him appear.”

“Back off, Cara,” Margo said. “Can’t you see she’s terrified?”

“We’re all scared of Cory,” Buck added. “We have reason to be.”

Cara did not look happy at being scolded. Before she could protest, though, Agnes Johnson came back into the room. The four Menagerie survivors fell silent at the expression on Johnson’s face; clearly there was something very wrong.

“OMG, I was right, Chippy escaped,” Cara exclaimed. 

Allison whimpered and Johnson patted her on the shoulder as she made her way to her seat. “No, Leonard Chippy is still in federal prison, right where he belongs.”

“So what’s wrong?” Margo asked. “And don’t say nothing, because it’s obvious.”

The FBI advocate sighed. “You’re right, Margo, something has happened. The call was from Agent Jenna Atkins, the local SSA with the Civil Rights Unit, the entity with the FBI that works with human trafficking victims. She thought, and I agree, that you should not hear about it from the media.”

“Did you find Cory?” Buck couldn’t help but ask, even though he knew that Cory’s capture would not cause the unhappy expression on the woman’s face.

Johnson looked at him in sympathy. “No.” She directed her gaze to the group as a whole. “I’m sorry to have to tell you that Shyla Sommers has passed away.”

Shyla was gone? Buck remembered the younger girl, often used to punish him because her fear was always so obvious. “What happened?”

“Her mother went to wake Shyla this morning and found her hanging from the rod in her bedroom closet,” Johnson told them. “She’d gone to bed early the night before, but since she spent a lot of time in her room, her family didn’t think anything of it.”

“Suicide?” Margo asked. 

Johnson nodded. “The medical examiner will have to make that determination, but that’s the assumption.”

By the looks of it, Buck wasn’t the only one stunned by the news. Margo seemed shocked and Cara’s characteristic anger had given way to silent tears. Allison, on the other hand, seemed contemplative. 

“She’s free,” Allison whispered. “Shyla’s free of them for good.”

Buck, along with the others, turned to her in concern.

“You realize that you’re free too, Allison,” Johnson told her. “

“Am I?” For once, Allison seemed confident. “I wake up afraid someone will drag me back there. I go to sleep the same way and praying that I don’t dream about it, but I always do. Shyla doesn’t have to worry about that anymore.”

“But she also can’t hug her parents or feel the sunshine on her face,” Johnson reminded her. Her gaze took in them all. “How are the rest of you doing? Are you having any ideas about hurting yourselves?”

“No,” Margo was the first to deny the idea. “I have my kids, I won’t leave them, not of my own volition.”

“And what about you? Is there any reason you want to live just for you?” Johnson asked gently.

Margo looked away, but when she brought her gaze back, there was a slight smile on her face. “Someday, a long time from now, I want to be a grandmother and spoil my grandchildren rotten.”

Cara didn’t wait for Johnson to ask her. “I want to see Chippy and his minions in court and watch them squirm. I want to see that bastard in leg irons.”

“Evan, how about you?”

“It’s been hard, since I got home, but it’s getting easier,” Buck answered. “I like being with my family again – my sister’s having twins and I can’t wait to meet them. There isn’t one thing to live for, there’s a whole bunch of them. And. . . .” Buck’s voice trailed off. He wasn’t exactly proud of the last reason.

“And what?” Johnson prompted.

Buck thought of Bobby’s compassion and Athena’s fierceness. Maddie’s love and Eddie’s friendship. The twinkle in Chim’s eyes and the smile on Hen’s face. All of them were part of why Buck wanted to live, but there was another, less noble reason too.

“Chippy, Cory and the others,” Buck said in a clipped tone. “Killing myself because I couldn’t get over what they did? That means they win and there’s no way I’m letting that happen.”

The conversation continued for the rest of the session, although Buck was distracted. As a first responder, he’d been on the scene at suicides before, including when hanging was involved. How did an adult, even someone as short as Shyla, hang themselves from a rod in a closet? It didn’t seem nearly tall enough. Buck had a bad feeling and it was more than sadness over Shyla’s death.

“I urge you to reach out to your therapists,” Johnson told them as the session wrapped up. “There’s nothing to be embarrassed about if you need more support right now.” She smiled as they got up and made ready to leave. “Allison, could you stay back for a moment?”

Buck was relieved. Allison seemed envious of Shyla’s death, not sad and that was concerning. He should have realized that Johnson would pick up on that; it was probably not a good idea for Allison to be alone right now. He hoped that he’d see her at next week’s session.

It was a subdued group that left Traffick Stopped, none of them inclined to linger or chat. Bobby was waiting for Buck and he couldn’t have been more relieved to see the familiar SUV. Buck climbed in and greeted Molly, who was in the back seat and very happy to see him. The same couldn’t be said of Bobby, who had a very solemn expression.

“Look, Buck, I have some bad news.” Bobby said.

Buck had a feeling he knew what the older man was going to say. “They told us. Shyla’s dead.”

“Yes,” Bobby glanced at him, concern written on his face. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Buck replied. “I mean, I’m sad, but I’m not going to follow her or anything.”

Bobby looked relieved while obviously trying not to look like he’d been worried in the first place. “That’s good.”

“How did you find out?” Buck asked. He was turned in his seat so that he could pet Molly’s head. 

“Athena called a few minutes ago,” Bobby told him. “Her friend, Darla, informed her.”

Buck nodded. “They told us, didn’t want us to find out on the news.” He hesitated and then continued. “Did Athena say if they were sure it was a suicide?”

Bobby looked over at Buck in surprise. “From what she said, it seemed pretty cut and dried. Why, are you worried that it was something different?”

“No, not really,” Buck assured him, even though he was anything but sure.

“You’re safe, Buck, I promise.”

Buck thought about his concerns; maybe he was off base. Johnson and the FBI seemed sure it was suicide. From what Bobby said, so was Athena. Buck tried to be convinced, but something just felt off. Maybe, Buck told himself, he just didn’t want to think that someone could have survived the Menagerie only to give up when she was free. 

Maybe he was wrong, but maybe he was right. He didn’t want to worry the others, so Buck determined to keep his concerns to himself. In the meantime, he would keep an eye out.

And continue to hope that he was wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .


	21. Chapter 21

The Grant-Nash house was the default site for most 118 -related gatherings and Bobby wouldn’t have it any other way. He’d lived in an emotional wasteland in the years after Marcy and the kids’ deaths. It was a miracle to Bobby that he again had a house with a family that he wanted to share with his work family.

Even if some of their current guests weren’t sure that they wanted to be there.

“Just because I’ve had a kid, doesn’t mean I’ve been to one of these things before,” Eddie protested to Chim.

Chim looked at Bobby. “How about you? You’ve done this before, right?”

Bobby shook his head. “Back in my day, baby showers were ladies only.”

Maddie was partway through her sixth month of pregnancy. Since she was having twins, it was unlikely that she would go the full nine months, so her and Chim’s closest friends were having a baby shower while they still could. No one wanted to add more stress to Maddie, even if it was good stress, so the guest list had been kept to a minimum. After the babies were born, the call center would host a far larger gathering, so only Josh and Maddie’s boss, Sue, were present from Maddie’s work. Michael had even taken Harry, Christopher, Denny and Elijah, Hen and Karen’s foster child, to a matinee, although that was more for Buck’s comfort than Maddie’s. May was at school and not expected to come home for the weekend.

Everyone at the 118 wanted to support Chim, but the male members were struggling with the concept of a baby shower.

“Seriously?” Josh laughed at them. “Have none of you been to a baby shower before?”

“Not a lot of baby showers in the military,” Eddie pointed out.

“You literally had a baby, didn’t you?” Josh pointed out. “Someone had to have a shower for you then.”

“I’m from Texas,” Eddie retorted. “Guys don’t do baby showers in Texas. Besides, Shannon did all that stuff.”

Josh turned his attention to Buck, Chim and Bobby. “And didn’t one of your firefighters have twins a while back?”

“Fran Nolan,” Bobby confirmed. “But with her twins in the NICU for so long, we took the party money and donated it towards medical bills.”

“Aren’t a lot of female firefighters,” Chim added. “It’s never come up before. When a guy firefighter has a kid, we take him out for drinks and give him a gift card. Easy.”

“Well, welcome to the 21st century,” Josh declared. “Guys really can go to baby showers and you don’t have to be gay to have a good time at one.”

“Can you tell us what to expect?” Eddie asked. 

Josh rolled his eyes. “It’s just a party, guys.”

“But with party games,” Chim shuddered. “And I’m not talking about poker, either.”

“Shannon told me about diaper changing races or identify the poop games,” Eddie added.

Bobby cleared his throat. “Does Athena really strike you as the type to have a poop game at one of her parties?”

He watched while the other men sagged in relief as they realized that Bobby was right.

“Look, all you have to do is reassure Maddie that she looks beautiful - . . . .” Josh told them.

“Which she is,” Chim interrupted. There was no doubt in his face about that.

“Which she is,” Josh agreed. “Other than that, all you need to do is coo whenever she opens one of her presents.”

“Coo?” Eddie asked.

“You know,” Josh explained. “Say something like ‘oh, for cute!’ when she opens up a gift that’s a baby outfit.”

Eddie frowned. “Oh for cute?”

Josh rolled his eyes again. “Or something like that. Come on, it’s not that difficult.”

Buck spoke for the first time. “We just want to get this right.”

“Trust me, Buck,” Josh’s tone softened. “There is nothing you could say, no reaction you could have, that would make your sister upset.”

“That doesn’t hold true for the rest of us,” Chim retorted. “Pregnancy hormones are in full swing.”

“Chim!” Maddie’s voice came from the other room. “I need you!”

Without a word, Chim rushed out of the room. Concerned, the other men followed, hoping that Maddie wasn’t in labor. They came to a stop when they got to the living room and saw Chim helping Maddie get out of her chair. 

“I don’t care if the doctor says it’s impossible, I swear both of them are doing the Riverdance on my bladder,” Maddie grumbled as she made her way to the bathroom. 

“Calm down,” Hen told Chim, noting the stressed look on his face. “False alarm.”

“I’m not going to make it three more months,” Chim said, rubbing at his chest.

“Don’t worry, Maddie probably won’t make it that long,” Karen cheerfully told him. 

“Baby, be nice,” Hen chided her wife, although she was struggling not to grin. “Chim’s nerves are shot already.”

“I need a drink,” Chim said.

“Here, try some sparkling grape juice,” Athena handed Chim a wine glass that was full of a liquid that definitely wasn’t wine. When Chim looked at the glass with dismay, she crossed her arms and gave him a quelling look. “The guest of honor can’t drink alcohol, so that means the rest of us won’t either.”

Chim sighed. “Fair enough.” But he downed the whole glass in one gulp and held out the glass. “Hit me again.”

Bobby patted Chim’s shoulder as he passed him on the way to the kitchen. Bobby remembered impending fatherhood and how inadequate he’d felt. Unlike Bobby, though, Chim would be a great dad.

The meal was casual, with everyone eating in the living room, where Maddie could sit in a chair more comfortable than the ones around the table. As was usual, the conversation revolved around memorable calls, but this time they all had the theme of women giving birth. 

“A room full of pregnant women and three of them went into labor?” Karen wiped tears of laughter from her eyes. “With you just you and Buck to deal with it? I would have paid money to see that.”

“And none of them named a baby after us,” Buck said, blushing furiously.

“I’m tempted to boot Howie as my labor coach and have you instead, Buck,” Maddie teased.

“Hey now,” Chim protested. 

“Just kidding,” Maddie smiled at her husband. “No one could replace you, Howie.”

“That’s right,” Chim claimed. “If I’m not in the delivery room, then I can’t prove that that I won’t pass out and Eddie will lose his bet. I can’t let Eddie down.”

Maddie narrowed her eyes at him. “Really. You want to be there when our sons are born so you won’t let Eddie down?”

Eddie held his hands up and shook his head emphatically. “Leave me out of this, Chim!”

Chim held his earnest expression another couple of moments and then started chuckling. “Had you fooled.”

“Very funny,” Maddie rolled her eyes at him, then winced, her free hand coming up protectively over her stomach. “Ouch, was that a contraction?”

Chim’s eyes got wide. He hastily put his plate down and reached for Maddie’s. After it was safely on the coffee table, he put an arm under Maddie’s arm and started to lift her to her feet. “Come on, let’s get to the hospital. Athena, do you have a siren we can use?”

Maddie suddenly relaxed and turned to her husband with a huge grin on her face. “Gotcha!”

“What?” Chim dropped her arm. “You’re not in labor?”

“No,” Maddie shook her head. “But serves you right for trying to make me believe that you only wanted to be at the delivery so you could win some dumb bet.”

“The lady’s got a point, Chimney,” Sue said. “Teasing the mother of your children about why you want to be in the delivery room is not the smartest idea.”

“Although there’s something to be said for crying wolf,” Hen defended her best friend. “When you really do go into labor, you don’t want Chim to think you’re joking again.”

Bobby interrupted before the conversation turned unfriendly. “If everyone’s done eating, how about we do presents?”

“Good idea,” Athena must have sensed potential tension because she stood and started cleaning plates. 

Everyone but Maddie and Chim got up and helped. While the remnants of lunch were cleared and the presents brought out to where Maddie was sitting, Maddie and Chim talked quietly. By the time everyone was done, the couple were smiling and holding hands. The rest of them took their previous seats – except for Buck. He folded himself down on the floor at Maddie’s feet. Bobby saw Maddie’s eyes go soft and she laid her hand on her brother’s shoulder. 

“Let’s get this started,” Chim rubbed his hands together. 

The ladies almost immediately had a system down pat. Athena would hand a gift to Maddie, who would read the card out loud, and Karen would write it down in a notebook. Once the gift was documented, it was passed around the room for everyone to admire.

The first gift was from Sue. It was clothes and the theme was obvious. There was a onesie for each twin, one said ‘Future Firefighter’ and had a drawing of a firefighter helmet. The other one said ‘My Mommy Tells My Daddy Where to Go,” and it had drawings of a headset like the 9-1-1 operators used and also a firefighter emblem. In addition to the onesies, there were two miniature firefighter suits that were entirely crocheted.

“OMG, these are so cute!” Maddie exclaimed. “Where did you find them?” She held up one of the crocheted pieces. “Did you make these?”

“Oh no,” Sue said. “I’m all thumbs when it comes to crafts; they’re all from Etsy.”

“What do you think?” Maddie asked, holding up one of the crocheted pieces for the firefighters in the group to see.

Eddie cleared his throat and glanced at Josh before commenting. “Oh, for cute.”

All of the women turned and looked at Eddie in disbelief. He squirmed in his seat. “What? It really is cute.”

Josh wiped his hand across his face. “Smooth, Diaz.”

Athena rolled her eyes and handed Maddie the next package. This one was from Eddie and Christopher. Those that knew Eddie and his son weren’t too surprised to see that it was full of books.

“Oh for cute?” Buck said. 

Josh let out a snort of laughter, but Eddie looked at Buck with gratitude.

“Those were Christopher’s favorites,” he explained. “He thought your boys would like them too.”

“I’m sure they will,” Maddie assured him. 

“I can’t wait to read them,” Chim added. 

“Wait until the twins are born,” Eddie advised. “Trust me, it won’t be long before you can recite them by heart.”

The third package was from Hen and Karen. It contained a set of bottles and related equipment.

“I know you want to go natural and breastfeed,” Hen told the couple. “But sometimes formula is just more convenient.”

“I used to do a lot of babysitting back in the day,” Maddie held up one of the bottles. “I don’t remember them being shaped like this.”

“Huh,” Chim looked impressed. “It almost looks like a real breast.” 

Bobby shifted in his seat, not entirely comfortable with the talk about breastfeeding and breast shapes. He felt like an idiot, especially when he noticed Karen giggling softly as she wrote in her notebook.

The next package was from Josh and contained two coordinated knit outfits. What really drew a reaction were the tiny tennis shoes that completed the outfits.

“Oh, for cute.” 

“Oh, for cute.” 

Eddie and Buck said the phrase at the same time. Eddie grinned at Buck, with Buck returning a shy smile. It did Bobby’s heart good to see their interaction. Seeing them so in sync was almost like the old times.

“I didn’t know they came this small!” Maddie all but squealed. “They’re so adorable when they’re so tiny.”

“Snazzy,” Chim admired the shoes. “Although I don’t know how much running the boys are going to be doing for a while.”

“From what I understand,” Athena replied as she handed the next gift to Maddie. “The first couple of years are you and Maddie running around, taking care of two babies.”

The next gift was from Buck and Bobby watched as Buck tensed. Although he’d been avidly watching while Maddie opened the other gifts, when it came to his own, he looked down.

“Buck, this is from you?” Maddie was surprised. “But you already knit the two baby blankets.” She looked around at the group. “Has Buck shown you yet? He made two beautiful baby blankets.”

“They were very well done,” Bobby agreed. “Buck’s a natural.”

Buck still wasn’t looking up, but Bobby could see the tips of his ears were turning red. Above Buck’s head, Bobby and Maddie exchanged a look.

“Well, let’s just see what we have in here,” Maddie said as she started unwrapping the box, the action successfully taking the attention off of Buck. “A sound machine.”

“I read that newborns sometimes have a hard time adjusting to not hearing their mother’s heartbeat,” Buck said. “I figured with twins, it might be worse, because they’re not just missing their mom’s heartbeat, but their brother’s too.”

Bobby never thought he’d be so happy hearing Buck report on one of his research obsessions again. Buck had agonized for days over which sound machine to order for his nephews.

“This is awesome, dude,” Chim praised Buck’s choice. “This’ll help get the boys sleep trained.”

A series of gifts were opened from firefighters who weren’t at the shower. It included a lot of clothing and eventually the entire group was saying “oh for cute” when each was revealed.

The last gift was from Athena and Bobby. It was bulky, so Bobby hurried to pick it up before Maddie could. He knew his wife was perfectly capable of handling it, but Bobby liked to do things for Athena when he could. 

The package was too big for Maddie to handle, given her current physical condition, so Chim helped her. Soon they’d unwrapped a set of baby swings.

“Perfect!” Maddie exclaimed.

“Swings are a life saver and that’s just with one baby,” Athena said, exchanging a glance full of satisfaction with Bobby.

Maddie teared up. “You guys. All of you guys. This is incredible. Your support means the world to Howie and me.”

“Wait a minute,” Karen spoke up. “We’re not done yet.”

Even Hen looked at her wife in confusion. “What do you mean, hon?”

Karen was grinning ear to ear. “Well, a little known fact is that the night the twins were conceived, we planted a microphone in the bedroom and recorded some of the things that were said during the, uh, conception process.”

Hen dropped her head briefly and then gave Athena a pleading look. “Please don’t arrest my wife.”

“I have a very bad feeling about this,” Chim murmured.

“First we have a comment from Maddie,” Karen continued. “To quote what she told Chim, ‘I didn’t know they came this small!’”

Chim put a hand over his face while the others in the room laughed.

“Which was quickly followed up with,” Karen continued. “They’re so adorable when they’re so tiny.”

“Hen!” Chimney complained. “Your wife is picking on me.” Maddie had one hand over her mouth, trying to hide the fact that she was giggling. “My wife is picking on me too!”

“Oh, we have a quote about Maddie too,” Karen said. “Chim was heard to say ‘It’s almost like a real breast, isn’t it?’”

Maddie whacked her husband on the arm. “Chim!”

“I didn’t mean it that way,” Chim protested, although he’d started to laugh too. 

Everyone in the group was laughing loudly, except for one. While the others were giving Chim a hard time, Buck quietly rose to his feet and moved out of the room. Bobby got up to follow. As he did, Bobby saw that Eddie had noticed Buck’s leaving too. The two men exchanged a quick glance and Bobby nodded at Eddie. He’d take care of this one.

Bobby caught up to Buck in the back yard. The younger man was leaning over the deck railing, staring up at the sky.

“Hey, you okay?” Bobby asked as he approached. Buck looked like he was deep in thought and Bobby didn’t want to startle him. 

“I’m fine,” Buck claimed, although he wouldn’t look at Bobby either.

Bobby stood on the deck next to Buck and took a similar pose. “I’m sure that Karen and the others didn’t mean to upset you.”

“Upset me?” Buck did turn to look Bobby then. “The joking about sex didn’t upset me.”

“No?” Bobby frowned. “Then what did?” Buck looked like he was going to protest. “You wouldn’t be out here if you weren’t upset.”

Buck bit his lip. “It’s stupid.”

“Not if it’s troubling you,” Bobby said firmly.

“It’s just,” Buck hesitated and then caved. “I don’t like thinking about Maddie having sex with Chim. It’s gross. I mean, she’s my sister, I don’t want to think of her doing. . . . that.”

Bobby stifled a laugh. After all, he’d told Buck that whatever was bothering him wasn’t stupid. Bobby remembered that Buck hadn’t been comfortable with the idea of Maddie and Chim being intimate, even before the tsunami. That told Bobby something about Buck’s relationship with his sister and, by comparison, his relationship with his parents. Normally people didn’t like thinking about their parents as sexual creatures. Since Buck felt that way about Maddie, that told Bobby that she’d been something of a mother figure to her little brother.

“Don’t tell anyone,” Bobby admitted. “But I’m not really comfortable with talking about Maddie and Chim conceiving their twins either.”

The two men lapsed into a comfortable silence. Bobby was about to ask if Buck was ready to go back inside again when an unexpected voice called out.

“Buck!”

Along with Buck, Bobby turned. May was coming through the side gate into the backyard. Bobby was surprised to see her, since she’d said she was staying at the dorm for the weekend.

“I thought you had a journalism club event?” Bobby said as May walked towards them.

May didn’t take her eyes off of Buck. “Nothing’s more important than family.” She stopped just short of them and directed her next comment to Buck. “Can I hug you?”

Unlike the younger kids, May was old enough to have an idea of what had happened to Buck. Bobby could see that knowledge on her face, tempered with compassion. Bobby thought that May had never looked more like her mother.

“I’d like that,” Buck answered her and held out his arms. May very carefully stepped into them. “I’m sorry I missed your graduation.”

“Not your fault,” May’s voice was choked with tears. “I’m just sorry that those awful people had you.”

Bobby moved away, intending to go back into the house and give them some privacy. As he approached the door, though, Athena came through it from the other side. She had her phone to her ear and a frown on her face. Quickly seeing that Buck and May were close by, Athena moved to the side of the house, motioning for Bobby to follow her.

“Thanks for the heads-up, Darl,” Athena sighed. “I’ll go back out and reinterview the family first thing in the morning. Will do. All right.”

“What happened?” Bobby asked as Athena ended the call and put her phone back in her pocket. 

Athena sighed. “The medical examiner released her report. The cause of Shyla Sommer’s death is officially inconclusive.”

“Not suicide?” Bobby was surprised.

“Apparently there were some inconsistencies,” Athena rubbed her eyes. “Suicide can’t be ruled out entirely, but neither can homicide.”

Bobby rocked back on his heels. “What does that mean?”

“It means that things just got a lot more complicated.” Athena was grim. “This poor girl’s life was normal before the tsunami. If she was murdered, it has to be linked to the Menagerie.”

“Cory.” Bobby ground out the name from clenched teeth.

“That’s my thought too,” Athena agreed. “It can’t be a coincidence that he was the only member of the Menagerie that wasn’t arrested.”

Bobby sighed. “What are we going to tell Buck?” He glanced over to where Buck was still talking to May. The young man looked at ease, something Bobby wasn’t sure would happen again after Buck got the news about Shyla.

“Now that we know Cory’s identity, we’re going to have to release his photo to the public. Maybe someone will recognize an actual picture better than the sketch.” Athena said. “If Shyla was murdered, then there’s a good chance that Cory’s in the area.”

“Is it possible that Shyla actually did commit suicide?” Bobby asked. Even as he spoke, Bobby felt guilty for hoping for such a thing. “Maybe we’re getting ahead of ourselves here.”

Athena shook her head, although her expression was gentle. “It’s possible, the ME did say inconclusive instead of homicide, but do you really want to take a chance with Buck’s safety by assuming Cory isn’t a threat?”

“Cory was always a threat,” Bobby corrected her. He sighed. “But I see what you mean and you’re right.”

“I know that Maddie is a very protective older sister, but she’s also pregnant and that makes her vulnerable. I’d feel a whole lot better if it wasn’t just her and Buck in the house during the day,” Athena said. “I can see if I can arrange to have a car outside, but Cory might not know where Buck is. If he doesn’t, we don’t want to advertise it.”

“Maybe you, me and Eddie can take more turns with Buck,” Bobby was thinking out loud. “Or, Buck’s visit to the station went okay, maybe he’d be safer there?”

Athena wrapped her arms around Bobby. “We’ll figure it out, Bobby. We’ll keep our boy safe.”

Bobby leaned into his wife’s warmth. “I know we will.”

They had to, because the alternative was too terrible to contemplate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I used to work in an office that was about 3/4 women. One guy liked to go the baby showers (I think he liked the food) and sometimes he'd manage to get another guy to come with him. Several times I heard him give the "Oh, for cute" instructions to a male baby shower newbie.
> 
> If you want to have some fun, go to Etsy and do a search under "firefighter baby." Much of that stuff definitely fits in the "Oh, for cute" category.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter contains strong language and implied violence.

Be careful for what you wish for.

Ever since the ladder truck explosion, Buck had longed to be back at the 118. Now that he was, however, he found that he wasn’t all that happy to be there. Of course, back in the day, Buck had really been yearning to be back on the job and have everything normal again. Now he was at the 118 regularly, but life was anything but normal.

Buck’d had a major panic attack when Bobby and Athena broke the news that Shyla’s death might have been a homicide. It hadn’t been pretty. The only saving grace was that they’d told him when Molly was around and the dog had draped herself across Buck’s lap and licked his face until he’d come out of it.

It was two weeks later and they had a new routine. It was deemed no longer safe for a woman heavily pregnant with twins to be Buck’s only company, so his days alone at the house with just Maddie were over. It had taken some fast talking to convince Maddie, but even she had finally conceded when Athena had pointed out that if Cory showed up, Maddie could be used to control Buck. It was seeing Buck’s reaction to that potential scenario that had finally convinced Maddie.

Ever since then, when schedules couldn’t be arranged for someone from the 118 to stay with Buck at the house during the day, he came to the station. The first few days were rough, with Buck on pins and needles the whole time, but slowly he acclimated. It helped that Bobby finally relented and allowed Molly to come too. Hen teased that she wasn’t sure which pair of puppy dog eyes did the convincing, Buck’s or Molly’s. Another point in Molly’s favor was that she was a smart dog and no longer howled or hid when the siren went off. She did get excited, causing more than one member of the team to say that she was as gung-ho for the job as Buck was.

The teasing was starting to extend, gently, to Buck himself. He still wore a LAFD hoodie every day and the others were starting to make delicate jokes about it. Buck was starting to see a day when he could be without it, but clearly being identified as being with the LAFD gave Buck a sense of security. And if wearing Eddie’s gave Buck an even bigger sense security, well, no one else needed to know.

Therapy and the sessions with the other Menagerie survivors helped too. Dr. Joy helped Buck accept that he wasn’t overreacting and that was supported by the way the other survivors responded. Allison couldn’t even venture out for the session the week they got the news. Even Cara was subdued and Margo unusually quiet. He was sorry for their pain, but it did Buck good to know he wasn’t alone. After this week’s session, they’d even exchanged phone numbers; no one understood better what they’d been through than another survivor. So far, Buck hadn’t gotten a call from one of the others, but just knowing he could reach out to one of them if needed was a comfort.

While he was at the station, when Buck was feeling too overwhelmed, he hung out with Molly in Bobby’s office. Most of the time, though, he sat in the loft or was in the gym, where Eddy was giving him some self-defense lessons.. At least once a shift, Buck took Molly for a walk, usually accompanied by Eddie. Maddie appeared to as anxious about the separation as Buck was; they spent at least an hour on their respective tablets every day, streaming their favorite show while they talked on the cell phone.

With all the change and tension, it had been a long two weeks and not just for Buck.

“I hate this,” Maddie said. They were using Facetime, so Buck could easily see and hear her frustration through the cell phone. “I just got you back and I feel like I’ve lost you again.”

“I’m still here,” Buck told her. He didn’t like to see his sister so stressed, especially while she was pregnant.

Maddie smiled wanly. “I know, I guess I just need to be able to see you with my own eyes or touch you to be able to believe it.”

“You and Chim should come over for dinner tonight,” Buck suggested. He missed Maddie too; it’d been a few days since he’d seen her in person. There was no need to ask if Maddie liked his idea; her entire face brightened. “It’s Eddie tonight, so we were just going to get some takeout on the way home.”

“Chim and I can pick up food too on our way over,” Maddie said. “We’ll make it a BuffWednesday.”

Buck smiled. “Sounds like a plan to me.” He thought of something and suggested a plan change. “Unless you’d like us to come over to your house instead?”

Maddie shook her head. “No way. I’m anxious to get out of this house!”

“I get that,” Buck said and was surprised to find that it was true. Despite how uncomfortable he’d been coming to the station more, neither did he find the idea of hiding away in the house so much of the time appealing either.

“All right, I’ll see you tonight, baby brother,” Maddie said. “Love you.”

“Love you too, Maddie.” Buck responded. They said that more often to one another and Buck liked that. Just thinking about it made Buck smile.

“I like that smile,” Chim walked over, having seen that the call had ended. “That means you probably didn’t make my wife cry.” He looked at Buck suspiciously. “You didn’t, did you?”

“No,” Buck shook his head. “But we are doing BuffWednesday at the house tonight.”

Chim didn’t look as happy about that as Maddie had.

“What’s wrong with that?” Buck asked, concerned by Chim’s reaction.

Chim thought about it for a moment, then sighed and sat down next to Buck. “There’s nothing wrong with it right now. It’s just the farther along Maddie gets, the more her doctor is making noises about bedrest. Real bedrest this time, not the hybrid kind she was on right after you were found.”

“I offered for Eddie and I to come to your place, but she said she wanted to get out of the house,” Buck explained. “Will it be dangerous for her?”

“No, I’m overreacting,” Chim said after a moment’s thought. “Maddie’s right, she’s been cooped up a lot in the last couple of weeks. She might as well get out now before the doctor really does put her on bed rest.”

“Only if you’re sure - . . . “

Buck’s statement was left incomplete as the siren blared. Chim gave Buck a crooked smile and head for the steps down to the trucks. Bobby briskly came out of the kitchen, with the others spilling out of the gym. As they all made a beeline for the trucks, pulling on gear as they walked, Molly stood with her front paws on the back of the couch. She yipped in excitement from the noise and the bustle, but didn’t attempt to join the team.

“Bye, Molly,” Hen called out to the dog. “Keep an eye on our boy for us!”

“Don’t worry, Molly, we’ll do you proud,” Fran Nolan added.

“Be safe, Buck,” Bobby told him.

Buck snorted. “Shouldn’t I be saying that to you?”

In less than two minutes, the trucks were loaded and the team was on their way to whatever emergency had caused the call.

“Sure does suck to be man behind.”

Buck turned to look at the firefighter who’d spoke, but he didn’t startle. The first week he’d stayed at the station, Bobby was careful that the man behind was always one of the team that Buck was most comfortable with. Despite the situation, Buck was proud that he now able to stay with some of the others that he wasn’t as close to, including Vinnie Trevino, who was the man behind this shift.

“Yeah,” Buck said softly. He might be more comfortable with Trevino, Nolan and some of the others, but not enough to be chatty with them.

“You mind if I listen to the rest of that harassment seminar?” Trevino asked, somewhat sheepishly. “Bobby told me if I don’t finish by the end of the week that I’ll be on bathroom duty for a whole month.”

“Sure, no problem,” Buck answered readily.

“Thanks, man,” Trevino looked back at the table in the kitchen where his laptop sat and sighed. “I’ll use the earbuds. No sense in both of us being bored silly. Let me know if you need anything.”

Buck settled back on the sofa and picked his tablet up again. Maddie didn’t like cooking shows as much as Buck did and Buck was only up to the sixth season of the British baking show. Before he could get into it, though, his phone rang. Buck dug it out of his pocket and looked at the screen.

The call was from Allison.

Scrambling, Buck swiped the screen and lifted the phone to his ear. “Allison? Are you okay?” At first he didn’t hear anything, but then he heard a quiet sob. “Allison?”

“Evan,” her voice was trembling so much that Buck almost didn’t recognize his own name.

“Allison, what’s wrong?” Buck asked, immediately concerned.

“He, he hurt me again.” Another sob. “He hurt my mom.”

Before Buck could react, there was the sound of a familiar chuckling over the phone. Buck froze. He knew that chuckle all too well. He sat perfectly still, like a mouse frozen in front of a crouching cat.

“Hello there, Spot,” Cory’s voice replaced Allison’s. “Did you really think you could hide from me?”

Cory. Buck could feel himself form the words, but no sound actually came out of his mouth.

“What’s that, Spot?” Cory’s voice got tighter, a sure sign that he was angry. “You need to speak up now and I better like what I hear.”

“No, sir,” Buck whispered. “I knew I couldn’t hide from you.”

“That’s more like it,” Cory’s voice grew smug. “Now turn on the Facetime feature. I’ve been watching you, but I want so see your face up close.”

With shaking fingers, Buck did as he was told. He flinched when Cory’s face was revealed and knew why the trafficker hadn’t been caught. Cory had let his hair grow out and dyed it a dark brown. Before, he’d always been cleanshaven, but now had a generous amount of stubble on his face. Only his cold reptilian eyes looked the same.

“Look at you, Spot,” Cory had been assessing Buck while Buck stared at him. “You’ve gained weight. Don’t worry, we’ll get you back in shape in no time.” When Buck didn’t respond, Cory frowned at him. “What do you say to that?”

Buck swallowed, knowing the answer that Cory was looking for. Even so, he spared a thought for Allison before speaking, knowing she’d pay the price if he was insolent. “Thank you, sir.”

“Good boy,” Cory said. “Now I’m going to tell you what to do and you need to listen carefully. You’re going to leave this phone on and leave it before you go downstairs and get in your Jeep. You are not going to let anyone see you leave. When you get in that piece of shit you drive, you’ll see a phone on the seat. When it rings, answer it and I’ll tell you what to do next. Do you have that?”

Although he knew what Cory wanted, Buck couldn’t bring himself to answer. The idea of going willingly to his former captor was too overwhelming. Cory growled and made a movement that Buck couldn’t see on the small screen. He could hear the result, though, as Allison whimpered.

“See what you made me do? I’m only going to ask you one more time and then I’ll start cutting things off her. I think I’ll start with a nipple,” Cory said in a voice that was disconcertingly polite. “Do you have that?”

“Yes, sir,” Buck answered.

“Then get moving, Spot,” Cory ordered. “You and me? We’ve got some catching up to do.”

Buck closed his eyes briefly and swallowed, then he placed his phone on the coffee table and carefully got up. Trevino was still concentrating on his webinar and, with his earbuds in, wasn’t hearing Buck move.

Knowing that Cory was listening, Buck didn’t try to get Trevino’s attention. Instead, he carefully made his way downstairs. Molly followed, her tail wagging frantically. When they got to the bottom, she pressed against his side, sensing his fear and trying to offer comfort.

It was tempting to take the dog with him, but Buck knew that Molly would try to protect him. If Cory was willing to hurt a person, there was no telling what he’d do to an animal. Making a quick detour, Buck went to the supply closet and quickly keyed in the code to open the door. He felt like a traitor leading Molly in.

“This is for your own good, Molls,” Buck knelt on one knee to tell the dog goodbye.

While he was at dog level, Buck spotted something on a shelf – a bulletproof vest. Firefighters didn’t need them often, so it was less bulky than what police wore, to better fit under their gear. They had a couple stashed on each truck and, as Buck was just reminded, kept one with the supplies as a spare.

Buck knew he didn’t have a lot of time, so he immediately stood and stripped off his hoodie. He didn’t bother with the t-shirt and hurriedly got into the vest. Once it was secured tightly, Buck put his hoodie back on, glad that he had his own today. He didn’t want Eddie’s name anywhere near Cory.

With a last pat for Molly, Buck exited the closet, keeping his body such that the dog couldn’t get by him. He shut the door behind, wincing as Molly immediately began to whine to get out. A quick glance up the stairs assured him that Trevino wasn’t coming to check on anything.

All the fire stations in Los Angeles had been fitted with security cameras on the main floor, where the expensive rigs were housed. Buck spotted one on his way out. Even though he knew that he was running out of time, Buck turned to the camera and made some signs with his hands. What little skill he’d built using ASL was rusty, so he couldn’t say everything in his heart, but he gave a short message.

It would have to be enough.

Buck turned his back on the camera and hastily exited the station. Since coming to the 118 to spend most of his daylight hours, Buck had taken to driving his Jeep there, giving him more driving experience. He rarely locked it, though, feeling safe enough in the fire station’s parking lot. Sure enough, when he opened the door, there was a cell phone on the driver’s seat.

Reluctance in every movement, Buck climbed in and picked up the phone. It rang a few moments later.

“What took you so long?” Cory snarled into the phone.

“It took a minute to get out without anyone seeing,” Buck told him. He hoped Cory believed it. Since he’d had Buck leave his own phone behind and still connected to Cory’s call, Buck knew that Cory would have heard how quiet the station was.

“I’ll do you a favor and say that I believe you,” Cory said after a moment of silence, silence that took at least a year off of Buck’s life for worrying. “You’re going to put the phone on speaker and you’re going to drive to the address I’ve already loaded into it. And don’t think of doing anything funny on the way, I’ve got the Find My app going and will see if you deviate even an inch. You got that, Spot?”

“Yessir,” Buck answered.

With his heart rapidly beating, Buck started the Jeep up and carefully navigated out of the parking lot.

911--911--911--911--911--911--911--911--911--911--911--911--911--911--911--911--911--911--911- 

All calls were important, but some were more of a nuisance than others. When the 118 pulled up on the scene, Bobby grimaced when he realized it was a dumpster fire. The problem with dumpster fires was that they could fool you. They seemed commonplace, but the reality was that anything could be in that dumpster and a firefighter who didn’t take it seriously could be injured or worse.

Bobby took all fires seriously.

“All right, everyone, get your oxygen on,” Bobby reminded his team. Since they didn’t know what was in the dumpster, they didn’t know if any of the smoke was toxic. “Eddie, I want you on the hose. Nolan, assist.”

“On it, Cap,” Eddie trotted to the right area on the truck.

“These are the times I miss Buckley,” Bobby heard Fran say. “He’s got those ridiculously long legs.”

Bobby knew what she meant, although he wasn’t thinking about how Buck’s height gave him an advantage on directing the stream of water over a dumpster’s sides. No, Bobby just generally missed having Buck on a call, period. Even after a year, Buck’s absence still could hurt, even now that he knew that Buck was alive.

“It’s an auto repair shop,” Hen called out.

Bobby nodded. Knowing what the building was gave them a better idea of what might be fueling the fire. Still, it was an educated guess and Bobby wasn’t taking any chances. He kept Eddie on the hose until all signs of flame were extinguished and had Hen and Chim check bystanders for any smoke inhalation or other physical issues related to the fire.

When the team’s activity changed from active firefighting to mop up, Bobby turned his attention to the rest of the scene. While they’d been working, Athena had pulled up. She had her notebook out and was questioning possible witnesses.

As though she sensed her husband’s eyes on her, Athena flipped her notebook closed, nodded her thanks to the people she’d been talking to and sauntered her way over to Bobby.

“What a waste of time,” Athena said when she got close enough.

“Fighting a fire’s never a waste of time,” Bobby replied primly, although he was doing his best not to smile. Athena was always beautiful to him, but she was especially fetching when she had that spark in her eyes. Since, at the moment, the spark was caused by irritation, Bobby was just glad it wasn’t directed at him.

“Any damage?” Athena asked, then sighed with relief when Bobby shook his head no. “Well, that’s something anyway.”

“I take it no one saw anything?” Bobby asked, although from Athena’s attitude, that was pretty much a given.

“’No officer, nobody smokes anywhere near the dumpster, no way a lit butt got thrown in there.’” She parroted back to Bobby. “They also haven’t seen anyone lurking and swear that no one has a vendetta against the shop, not even as much as a disgruntled employee. The dumpster’s supposed to be locked anyway.”

“Must be one of those spontaneous combustion dumpster fires,” Bobby said drolly. He was mostly joking, but if the right discarded substance got hot enough from the sunlight and California’s heat, it was possible. Highly unlikely, but possible.

“Hey, cap,” Eddie jogged towards them, something in his hand. “Look what we found.”

Eddie held the item out and Bobby took it from him. The mystery object was a metal padlock and it was twisted, not from heat, but from being cut.

“Well, maybe there was a vendetta here after all,” Athena commented dryly.

They were close enough to the truck that Bobby could hear his cell ringing. He nodded briefly at Athena and moved to retrieve it. His eyebrows went up as he saw who was calling. Trevino was the last person that Bobby expected.

“Go for Nash,” Bobby spoke into the phone, the beginnings of anxiety stirring in his belly.

“Cap, he’s gone. I looked, but I can’t find him anywhere – he’s just gone!”

Bobby knew Vinnie Trevino as a seasoned firefighter that was able to keep his head even in the most dangerous situations. Trevino was anything but cool at the moment and as Bobby realized that there could only be one person that Trevino was talking about, Bobby tensed.

“What do you mean you can’t find Buck?” Bobby demanded.

Athena caught the urgency in Bobby’s tone and moved forward. Having wrapped up with their duties, the other members of the team were approaching the rig. Athena motioned for them to hurry.

“He was there right after you guys left, I swear it,” Trevino claimed. “But I looked up from my laptop and he was gone.”

Athena interrupted. “Put it on speaker, Bobby.”

Judging from the confused faces that now surrounded him, Bobby thought that was a good idea. He put the phone on speaker and held it out so they could all hear.

“Slow down, Trevino,” Bobby instructed his firefighter. “Tell us everything and start at the beginning.”

They could hear Trevino take a deep, calming breath. “When you guys left, I thought it would be a good time to finish off that harassment training. Buck said he didn’t mind, so I got started. I only had about a half hour left and when I finished, Buck was nowhere to be found.”

“So he wasn’t in the loft, did you try the gym?” Bobby suggested.

“Cap, I looked everywhere. The gym, the bunks, your office,” Trevino paused before continuing. “I even looked into the rigs that were still here in case he was taking a nap in one and that’s when I heard Molly. She was locked in the supply closet. Then I looked outside and Buck’s Jeep is gone too.”

“And you didn’t hear him leave?” Eddie demanded.

“No, I had my earbuds in.” Trevino admitted. “It was harassment training, I was worried that something might come up that would upset Buck, after all he’s been through.”

The man behind was supposed to keep an eye on the station and be prepared to offer aid to the public or to the team that was on a call. They were not to supposed to be so submersed in what was playing on a laptop to be oblivious to what was going on around them.

“You idiot,” Eddie growled. He would have said more, but Bobby made a slashing motion with his hand.

“Enough, we’ll discuss that later,” Bobby told Eddie. “Right now let’s get back to the station and see if we can figure this out. Is everything buttoned up?”

“Almost,” Nolan told him.

“Get it finished so we can roll,” Bobby told his people. He addressed his next comment to the phone. “Trevino, we’ll be on our way back in a couple of minutes. Keep looking.” 

“Buck’s probably fine,” Athena tried to reassure him. “He probably needed something and didn’t want to bother Trevino. You know how he is. By the time we get back to the station, he’ll already be there and both he and Vinnie will be feeling mighty foolish.”

“When we get back to the station, huh?” Bobby said, smiling softly in spite of his worry. “So you’re coming too, even if it’s just something foolish?”

“It is Buck we’re talking about,” Athena sighed heavily. “Better safe than sorry.”

The team moved at double speed and soon the rig was packed up and ready to go. Bobby was behind the wheel and hit the sirens as soon as they pulled out. Normally they didn’t on the way back to the station, but Bobby’s bad feeling was growing by the moment. 

The dumpster fire had been at the far edge of the territory the 118 typically was responsible for. Every second it took them to get back to the station was a second too long. There wasn’t any sound of conversation coming from the jumpseat area were the rest of the team sat; they were worried too.

Finally they pulled in to the station and the rig was barely shut down before Bobby hopped out. Trevino was waiting for them.

“Any word?” Bobby asked.

Trevino was shaking his head no before Bobby was finished speaking. “No and I found this.” He held up a cell phone. 

“That’s not good,” Chim spoke for them all.

Athena had been trailing behind them and she came striding in. Bobby took one look at her face and new something had changed.

“What’s happened?” Bobby asked.

“I got a call.” Athena told them tersely. “Allison Peterson’s little sister came home from high school and found their mother beaten and bloody. No sign of Allison.”

“Dios mío,” Eddie muttered.

“I put a BOLO out on Buck and his Jeep,” Athena informed them. “Trevino, what can you tell me?”

“I found Buck’s cell phone,” Trevino held it up again. 

When Athena held her hand out for it, Trevino dropped it into her palm. She quickly looked at Eddie. “What’s the password?”

“The year Christopher was born,” Eddie told them. “2011.”

Athena quickly navigated through the menu and located the number for the last call received. She made short work of calling back to the LAPD. “I need an emergency phone identification.” Athena rattled off the number. 

They all waited impatiently for her to get an answer. When she did, Athena rolled her eyes. “Of course it is.” She held her phone away for a minute so she could address the worried firefighters. “The last call was from a burner phone.” She turned her attention back to speaking to the person on the phone. “Patch me through to Captain Maynard.” 

When Athena walked a few steps away to talk with her boss, Bobby turned to his team. “We need to look at the security footage.”

For once, Bobby didn’t chastise anyone for not storing their gear properly the minute they walked into the station. Instead, they draped turnout coats over random things as they headed to Bobby’s office, where the security video could be accessed. Bobby made short work of sitting in front of his computer and pulling the footage up.

“Call came in on Buck’s phone at 3:02, Bobby,” Eddie told him.

“I’m going to go back just a little further,” Bobby clicked on a couple of additional keys and then his computer screen flared to life.

The cameras were only on the main level of the station, where the rigs and supplies were. Bobby had chosen the camera that had the widest view. They watched as Buck trotted down the stairs from the loft, with Molly hot on his heels. The footage was in black and white, but even with the lack of color they could detect the pallor in Buck’s face. He disappeared offscreen for a few minutes and when he came back into sight, Molly wasn’t with him. That must have been when Buck had locked Molly into the storage room.

Bobby expected the video to show Buck exiting the building and he almost switched to a different camera. Bobby’s finger hovered over the key, but as he watched the video, he saw Buck stop and face the camera. Looking straight into it, Buck began signing. The message was short and when it was done, Buck turned and walked out.

“What did he say?” Fran Nolan asked. Buck had been talking by the time she was reunited with him and she didn’t know any ASL.

“He said ‘I’m sorry,’” Bobby said, having a hard time talking around the lump in his throat. “And ‘I love you all.’”

“Damn it, Buck,” Eddie muttered under his breath. 

It seemed like a final goodbye and Bobby was very afraid that was exactly what it was.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter includes explicit and derogatory language, violence and implied sexual violence

As a firefighter, Buck had taken a lot of tense drives through the streets of Los Angeles. Sure, there’d been the adrenaline rush that came with the anticipation of saving people, but there had always been a little bit of trepidation too.

“Some of your regulars have been asking for you. Your ass is going to be busy and I mean that literally.” Cory’s voice came out of the phone, which he’d insisted that Buck put on speaker.

Having his sociopath captor spewing filth while Buck drove towards a reunion that he did not want was way more tense that anything he’d experienced before. He desperately wanted to tune Cory’s voice out, but if a response was expected and Buck missed it, he’d hear something even worse – the sound of Allison crying out in pain.

Hearing Cory’s voice at the fire station, one of Buck’s safe places, had shocked Buck into his Menagerie headspace. Obviously, Cory intended to continue to undermine Buck’s confidence with the descriptions of what he would do to Buck when he got him into his hands.

“Got some Viagra for you,” Cory continued. “Remember that?”

Unfortunately, Buck did remember, all too well. Being raped was bad enough, but having a drug forcing an erection that made it seem like he was enjoying himself was a whole other level of humiliation. Buck heard echoes of voices jeering at him. He closed his eyes briefly and only realized that the Jeep had started to drift into the other lane when another vehicle honked at him.

“Careful, Spot,” Cory warned; he’d heard the honking through the phone. “If you get pulled over, little China Doll here dies.”

“Sorry, sir.”

“A stupid mutt like you shouldn’t be behind the wheel, Spot,” Cory taunted. “You’re good for one thing and one thing only and that’s fucking. I’m going to have fun teaching you that again.”

Buck shifted nervously in his seat. As he did, he heard a rustling noise, reminding him that he had one of his affirmation cards in his back pocket. At the next light, he took it out and looked at it. It was one of the cards that Christopher had made; Buck could tell from the colorful crayon that had been used. It showed a large wave towering over the figures of a boy and a man. From the crutches that the boy used and the red spot over the man’s eye, Buck knew who they were supposed to be. Underneath the drawing, it said, ‘Buck is brave.’

Buck is brave.

That changed everything. Christopher thought that he was brave and Buck couldn’t let him down. He took a deep breath and worked past the fear to start considering his options. Cory had stacked the odds against Buck, that was for sure. His friends didn’t know where he was going. Hell, Buck didn’t know where he was going. At least they’d know soon that he was gone and under strange circumstances, if they didn’t already. Buck locking Molly into the storage closet would show them that. 

Athena would soon be on his trail; Buck knew that for a fact. What Buck had to do was give her time to work. He’d been driving for a while, but it was rush hour and traffic was slow. After the map app had him leave the highway, Buck noticed that it had him heading towards the waterfront area. Not the beaches that locals and tourists both loved, but the more industrial area used for shipping. That made sense, the Menagerie had often set up their mobile operation in that kind of space.

Finally, inevitably, the map app directed Buck to one warehouse in particular. It was still daylight out, but the area was deserted. There would be no use yelling for help. Buck brought the Jeep to a stop and killed the engine. Moving quickly, he hid the affirmation card in the glove compartment. Buck wasn’t sure what was going to happen next, but he knew he didn’t want something that Christopher had touched anywhere near Cory.

“Get in here,” Cory’s voice sounded eager.

Buck gulped but didn’t hesitate. He hopped out of the Jeep, leaving the phone and the keys behind before Cory could order him to bring them in with him. Looking around and trying to commit everything to memory, Buck walked to the door and walked in. 

He’d expected the interior of the warehouse to be dark, but the lights were on. Not only that, but there was a wide strip of skylights that ran down the middle of the ceiling, letting in more light. The beams in the ceiling were orange. The combination pricked Buck’s memory. His eyes flicked to the right and back. He saw an open mezzanine, just where he expected it.

He’d been in this warehouse before.

Buck felt sick. At some point during his time with the Menagerie, maybe more than one time, he’d been in the same city as his family and never known it. 

“There you are, Spot,” Cory’s voice called out.

At the sound, Buck’s head snapped to the right. Cory was walking from the near corner, a lot closer than Buck was expecting. Or hoping. Cory had Allison with him. One arm was around her throat and was holding a knife. The other arm was grabbing her breast. Allison was wearing a pair of panties and a camisole, making it easy to see the livid bite mark on her shoulder. The young woman’s eyes were glassy, either with fear or because of drugs. Maybe both.

“I’m here,” Buck said, trying to sound braver than he felt. “You can let her go now.”

Cory laughed at him. “Let China Doll go? Why would I do that?”

It wasn’t the answer that Buck was expecting. “You have what you want, you don’t need her anymore.”

“She’s a little worn around the edges, I’ll give you that,” Cory replied. “But if I’m going to rebuild the Menagerie, it’ll help to have some stock that’s already trained.”

Cory was going to rebuild the Menagerie? More people would be put through the hell that Buck had endured? At that news, Buck’s resolve firmed.

Buck is brave.

“I was going to start with my favorite school girl, but she was a little too broken,” Cory looked down in disgust and shook Allison. She whimpered but didn’t protest. “I’m starting to wonder about China Doll too.”

“You killed Shyla,” Buck whispered hoarsely. 

“Did the bitch a favor,” Cory bragged. He shook Allison again. “Just like I did for this one’s mom. Gave that biddy the ride of her life.” He pinned an expectant stare at Buck. “Now it’s your turn.”

Cory shoved Allison aside, apparently not caring where she landed. There were various pieces of debris laying around, luckily Allison landed on a pile of cardboard and hopefully wasn’t injured. Buck couldn’t take any time to be concerned about her, because as soon as Allison left his grip, Cory, reached behind him and pulled out a taser gun.

“Remember this?” Cory grinned as the weapon crackled and hummed.

Buck licked his lips and, despite his determination, took a step back. 

The motion caused Cory to chuckle. “Yeah, I guess you do.” 

Without saying anything more, Cory raised the taser and fired. The prongs needed to touch Buck’s skin in order to work. Had he just been wearing the hoodie, the metal prongs would have torn through the knit fabric easily. The bulletproof vest, however, was made of sterner stuff. Buck felt the impact as they hit and the heard the crackle of the charge, but it didn’t reach him.

Buck was too familiar with the effect of a taser on the human body and he knew how to mimic it. He dropped to the ground and moved so that it looked like his muscles were twitching and his limbs spasming. He was careful to land on his stomach; Buck did not want Cory to get a good look at his face.

“I’m also going to need some new blood for my new Menagerie,” Cory bragged as he watched what he thought was Buck writhing from the effects of the taser. “I considered obtaining your sister. There are some customers who like a pregnant fuck, but not when they’re that far along. Besides, once they give birth, the pussy’s so stretched that it doesn’t do anybody any good.”

It took everything Buck had to keep up with his act. He wanted to leap up and choke the man out.

“That cutie that came late to the baby shower was ripe for the picking,” Cory’s voice was louder as he came closer. “I even followed her to her dorm, but she’s a smart one. I didn’t have to watch her long to figure that she’d be more trouble than she’s worth. For now, anyway. Once I have production up and running, I plan on revisiting her and she’ll have you to thank for bringing her to my attention.”

Buck saw Cory’s shoes stop a few inches from his face. “I even thought about acquiring that crip boy you’re so fond of, but Carlyle was right to stay away from the kiddies; they’re popular, but they’re an added risk.” He paused dramatically. “Might make an exception for that kid, though. What’s name? Yeah, that’s right. Christopher.”

Buck is brave.

While Cory had been talking, Buck had slowed his body’s movements, making it seem like the first effects of the taser were diminishing. The flailing had allowed him to feel out what was around him and as Cory got even closer, Buck put his hand on a narrow piece of wood. He was ready when Cory put a hand on his shoulder. 

Cory started to turn Buck over and Buck didn’t resist. In fact, at the apex of the turn, he grabbed the wood and swung as soon as Cory entered his line of sight. Cory had fast reflexes; the wood connected with his head, but it wasn’t as solid a blow as Buck intended.

As Cory staggered back, Buck got to his feet, the wood still in his hand.

“You little cunt,” Cory lifted a hand to his temple. When it came away red with blood, he growled. “You’re going to pay for that.” He jerked his head towards Allison. “She’s gonna pay for that. Maybe I’ll use that stick you’re holding to fuck her.”

Buck narrowed his eyes and set himself. He’d taught Maddie self-defense and Eddie had been working on expanding Buck’s repertoire the last couple of weeks. Buck knew, though, that he wasn’t a fighter at heart. Cory, on the hand, was former military. He was a killer both by nature and training.

Buck is brave.

Cory rushed him and Buck dodged, bringing the piece of wood down on Cory’s back. The wood broke, but worse, Cory didn’t slow down at all. He turned and punched a fist into Buck’s side. All of Buck’s air left his body with a loud ‘oof’ and he thought he felt a rib crack. Before he could recover, another fist rammed into his stomach. Buck fell to the floor, gasping, and Cory’s large hand slammed his head into the ground. 

Buck knew he needed to get up, but with no air coming into his body, it was all but impossible. He tried to push up anyway, but a kick to his side flattened him again. While Buck lay prone and tried to breathe, Cory bent over him.

“Pathetic,” Cory was grinning. “I don’t know why we needed to threaten someone else to keep you in line, you’re a puss- . . .”

Cory stopped speaking abruptly and, while Buck watched in confusion, the other man fell to his knees and, from there, dropped flat on his face. Allison was standing behind him, a board of wood almost as tall as she was gripped in her hand.

“You shouldn’t have hurt my mom.”

Buck didn’t believe his eyes, but he also knew he couldn’t let this unexpected turn of events go to waste. Wincing, he struggled to his feet, one arm wrapped around his side. Maybe there was more than a cracked rib. His gaze darted around the immediate area, looking for anything that could be used to tie Cory up. In the corner that Cory had approached from, Buck could see shackles attached to the wall, along with several cameras and lights mounted on tripods. He glanced back at Cory and realized that there was no way he’d be able to haul Cory to the restraints before Cory regained his senses.

Just then, Cory groaned and started to move.

“Come on,” Buck held his hand out to Allison. “My Jeep’s outside.”

Allison took Buck’s hand and the two of them hobbled towards the door.

“I’m going to kill you for that!” Cory was getting to his feet – fast.

“Go, go, go,” Buck chanted under his breath.

Buck used his shoulder to open the door with a bang. The Jeep was right where he left it and Buck had never seen anything so beautiful. They started towards it, but Buck was tackled from behind and hit the ground hard. Allison screamed, but was able to stay on her feet.

“Go!” Buck yelled at Allison. He was praying that her moment of courage lasted long enough to bring back help. “Go!”

Allison scrambled towards the Jeep and Cory put a knee to Buck’s back, causing pain to rip through Buck’s body. Cory lifted his arm and pointed the taser at Allison. Buck saw the man’s finger tighten, but instead of shooting prongs at Allison, the taser sputtered and died. 

With a snarl, Cory threw the taser down and started to lift off Buck. Allison had made it to the Jeep, but if Cory reached her in time, he could pull Allison out of the vehicle and then any hope of rescue was gone. Buck rolled, crying out in pain as he did, but it was worth it. He managed to tangle himself in Cory’s legs, bringing the big man down. 

By the time Cory regained his feet, Allison had started the Jeep and was driving away. Buck smiled, but the expression was short-lived.

“You’re going to regret that, Spot,” Cory buried his hand in Buck’s hair and lifted, forcing Buck’s head up.

“You’re going to regret that for the rest of your short life.”

911--911--911--911--911--911--911--911--911--

“Bobby, did you contact the chief?” Athena asked Bobby as she walked back to the group. Her conversation with her boss had been inconclusive; there wasn’t enough information yet. Captain Maynard was going to contact the FBI, however, and see if they could offer assistance.

“Yeah, he’s bringing in a replacement team,” Bobby’s face was ashen. “There’s no way our minds will be on our work right now.”

She glanced at Chimney. “Did you tell Maddie yet?”

“No,” Chim’s face was as serious as she’d ever seen it. “Not yet. I asked her boss, Sue, and her friend, Josh, to go to our place first, then I’ll call. I want someone with her when she finds out.”

“Don’t you want that person to be you?” Athena asked, surprised.

Chim shook his head. “Yeah, but Maddie wouldn’t thank me for it. Maddie would want me to help find her brother, so I’m staying right here.”

Athena’s phone rang. She didn’t recognize the number, but she did recognize the area code and hurried to take the call. “Sergeant Grant.”

“Sergeant Grant, Agent Whittaker with the FBI,” came the unfamiliar voice. “I understand you lost one of our Menagerie survivors?”

“That’s one way to put it,” Athena snapped. “Another way to phrase it is that the human trafficking scumbag you let get away has come back to hurt a young man who should have been safe.”

There was a brief silence on the other end of the line. “Point taken. What do you know so far?”

“I’m going to put you on speaker phone,” Athena said and then did just that. “I’m at Fire Station 118 with Evan Buckley’s teammates. He was spending the day here when he was lured away, probably with a threat against Allison Peterson.”

“Are you sure that’s what happened?” Whittaker asked. “Would Evan Buckley really turn himself over to the people who tortured him, all to help out a woman he barely knows?”

“Yes!” 

Athena, Bobby and the rest of the firefighters said it at the same time. Whittaker was silent, so Athena added a more professional answer.

“As certain as we can be without being there. Most of the team was out on a call and so Buck only had to elude one of them.” Athena told her. “Buck left his cell phone behind and we determined the last call he received was from a burn phone. He snuck out of the firehouse shortly after receiving the call and left his dog behind.”

“I see,” Whittaker said, which Athena found most unhelpful.

“You’ve been researching the Menagerie for months, even before you busted them,” Athena said. “Have you learned anything useful? Do you know if Cory might have any hidey holes in Los Angeles?”

“Chippy didn’t invest in a lot of real estate,” Whittaker told them. “We’ve tracked the Menagerie’s financials and they used a variety of rented spaces around the country. He tended to use the same commercial property companies and they seem on the up and up. There’s been conjecture that maybe someone on the inside of the company was getting a kickback or even a Menagerie discount.”

“Are any of those locations in Los Angeles?” Athena asked.

“Two. I’ll text you the addresses.” Whittaker promised. “That’s all we have at this point.”

“That will give us a place to start looking.” Athena said. She grimaced as she forced herself to say the next words. “Thank you.”

“I’ll call the local FBI office and see if they can provide assistance,” Whittaker replied. “As you so graciously pointed out, it’s on us that Cory was still free to cause trouble.”

“Hope you don’t mind, but we’re not going to wait for them,” Athena told her. “Have them coordinate with Captain Maynard at the LAPD. Grant out.”

“Bobby, I need that map of LA you have in your office.” She glanced briefly around the room. “See if you can bring it out and put it on the table out here so we’ll have more room. I’m going to update Captain Maynard.”

Once again, Athena walked a few steps away. She hit her boss’ contact and waited for her to answer.

“Maynard.”

“Captain, the FBI provided the addresses of two local locations that the Menagerie has used before,” Athena wasted no time in bringing her boss up to speed. “Can I get some units to help me search?”

“Of course, but Athena, are you sure you should be working on this one?” Maynard’s voice was a combination of compassion and authority.

“I can keep it professional,” Athena assured her. “Now, about those back-ups?”

Maynard sighed. “You’ll have them. Give me the addresses when you get them and I’ll have units meet you. I’ll also see if I can catch a judge to sign a search warrant. Until then, you’re limited to asking for access or, if the place is empty, shining flashlights in windows.”

“Got it,” Athena promised. She’d expected no less.

“And Athena,” Maynard said before signing off. “Don’t make me regret this.”

“I won’t,” Athena said before ending the call.

By the time Athena walked the short distance back to the loft, Bobby and the team had taken the large, framed map of LA off the wall in Bobby’s office and laid it across the table. Athena looked at her phone again and saw that Whittaker had already texted her the addresses.

“I’ll read them off, somebody mark the map,” Athena instructed.

Bobby held up a marker. “Ready.”

Athena read off the addresses and Bobby circled them. There were only two, but in different parts of the city.

“Sergeant Grant?” A voice called out from the first level.

Athena looked over the rail. Two uniformed police officers waited for her. She recognized one of them. “Reilly, is that you?”

“Yes, ma’am.” Officer Reilly was a petite redhead whose long, curly hair was pulled into a tight bun. “And this is my partner, Officer Devon Walsh.”

“Good, welcome to the team.” Athena nodded at them. “Come on up.”

“Three of you?” Eddie said incredulously. “Warehouses in two different parts of the city and you’re going to check them out with only three officers? Those places are huge.”

“We were just the closest to the station, sir.” Reilly didn’t take offense to Eddie’s tone. “Captain Maynard said she’d send more when Sergeant Grant can direct them where to go.”

Athena turned back to the map. “All right, this is what we’re going to do. I’ll take this one,” Athena pointed to the warehouse that was farthest away but seemed the most isolated. “Reilly and Walsh, you take the other one. I’ve already texted Captain Maynard the addresses, so backup will available.”

“What about us?” Bobby asked.

“You?” Athena lifted one eyebrow. “The last time I looked, you don’t have a badge, Bobby.”

“No, but we’re first responders,” Bobby countered. Her husband had that stubborn look in his eye that Athena secretly found sexy. Under other circumstances, that was. 

He stepped closer and spoke in a quiet, desperate voice that only Athena could hear. “Please, Athena. I can’t lose another kid.”

Athena reached up a hand and cupped Bobby’s cheek and then looked over his shoulder at the rest of the 118. She saw the desperation he’d just voiced mirrored in their faces.

“All right,” Athena relented. “You can ride along.”

Bobby closed his eyes in relief. “Thank you.”

“Just don’t make me regret it,” Athena said, wincing as she remembered that her captain had said those words to her not too long ago and tried not to think about what Maynard would have to say if she knew what Athena had just agreed to. 

“Come on, we’re losing time. We can take two per car,” Athena pointed at Bobby and Eddie. “You two are coming with me, where I can keep an eye on you. Bobby, you can decide who’s going with Reilly and Walsh.”

“Chim, Hen, you’re riding with other unit. Trevino, Nolan,” Bobby looked at the two firefighters he just named. “Stay here.”

“Boss, if this is because Buck snuck out on my watch. . . ” Trevino protested.

“When Buck’s found, he’ll probably want the people he’s most comfortable with,” Bobby told Trevino, without commenting on Buck sneaking out. It wasn’t really Trevino’s fault; Bobby knew better than most people just how determined Evan Buckley could be. Bobby made a mental note to do what he could to bolster Trevino’s confidence later. In the meantime, Bobby looked at the others. “We can’t strip the ambulance of supplies, so make sure to grab a mobile emergency kit.”

Athena looked at the two other officers. They didn’t look happy at having ride-a-longs. “If they give you any trouble, you can shoot them in the leg.”

Walsh laughed until he got a good look at her face.

“Got it, Sarge. Send them out when they’re ready.” Reilly headed towards the door. “Come on, Dev.”

“She was kidding, wasn’t she?” Walsh asked as his partner led him away.

Instead of questioning Bobby, Nolan had run to the storage locker. She trotted back with two of their emergency med kits. “Here.”

Eddie took one of the med packs and Hen the other. Chim nodded as he and Hen hurried out to the police car where Reilly and Walsh were waiting for them. As far as Athena knew, Chim still hadn’t told Maddie about Buck’s disappearance. Him wanting to have someone with her when she got the news was smart, but Athena wouldn’t want to be in Chim’s shoes when his wife found out that he’d put off telling her.

“Come on, boys,” Athena strode towards her own police unit. Bobby walked along side of her but took a quick detour when they went by one of the rigs. Athena stopped and watched as her husband casually opened up a compartment and retrieved an axe.

Athena opened her mouth to admonish Bobby, but the look on his face stopped her cold. She remembered the desperation in her voice when he told her he couldn’t lose another kid. She mentally apologized to Captain Maynard, but didn’t say anything to Bobby. Truthfully, if Cory had done anything to Buck, Athena wasn’t sure of her own control.

As soon as they were all in the car, Athena pulled out and quickly activated the lights and siren. The inside of the car was silent and tense for several minutes as they were each lost in their own thoughts and fears. Finally, Eddie broke.

“Buck got the call at 3:02,” Eddie reminded them. “We’re almost an hour behind. That son of a bitch could be doing anything he wants to Buck.”

“We’ve got something that Buck didn’t,” Athena pointed at the roof of the car where the lights and siren originated. “We’ll cut through the traffic a lot faster than he would have.”

“And if we’re going to the wrong place?” Eddie challenged.

Athena used the mirror to look at the younger man. Eddie was perched on the edge of his seat and his hands were opening and closing in fists.

“Right now these warehouses are the only leads we’ve got,” Athena reminded him. She was actually relieved that they’d come up with potential destinations so quickly. They had a BOLO out on Buck’s Jeep, but even with hundreds of LAPD units on the lookout for it, with such a huge city, it was like finding a needle in a haystack. “If the warehouse lead doesn’t work out, then we’ll go on to the next lead and then the next one, until we find him.”

Eddie turned his head to look out the window, but not before Athena saw the tears in his eyes. “And what kind of shape will be Buck be in when we do?”

Surprisingly, given his own obvious emotional turmoil, Bobby was the next one to speak.

“Buck’s come so far in the last weeks,” Bobby reminded them. “We’ll just have to trust him, that no what happens, he’ll be able to hold on until we can reach him. After we get him back, then we’ll help him deal with whatever’s happened.”

The inside of the car grew silent again. They all kept an eye on the navigation device that Athena’s car was equipped with, so when they were five minutes out, they all knew it. Athena said it anyway.

“Almost there.”

“Dispatch to Sergeant Grant,” Athena’s radio squawked. “Are you there, Sergeant Grant?”

Athena snatched the handset from the dash. “Grant here.”

“We’ve got some action on your BOLO,” the woman on the other end of the line said. “The Jeep has been recovered, but not the driver. Someone else was in the vehicle and the officers onsite said it’s a probable 261. An ambulance has been dispatched.”

“What’s the address?” Athena asked. Her breath caught when the answer came back. It was only half a mile away. “I’m less than three minutes out. Tell the officers on scene to hold the driver there unless immediate medical attention is needed.”

“10-4, Sergeant Grant.”

“What’s a 261?” Eddie asked.

“Rape,” Athena answered grimly. “If whoever’s in that Jeep isn’t Buck, my money’s on Allison Peterson.”

The tension in the car ratcheted up several notches. Thankfully they soon saw the blue/red lights that announced that they had arrived at the scene. Athena hit the locks, knowing that Bobby and Eddie would be out of the car before she could put it in park. From what the dispatcher had said, they knew Buck wasn’t there and it was better for the firefighters if they didn’t rush policemen who might not know that they were the good guys. 

“Stay put until I can brief the other officers that you’re with me,” Athena cautioned them. “The only person shooting either of you today is me and that’s only if you don’t listen.”

Both men had looked frustrated at first, but they nodded when she explained. Reluctantly, but they seemed to understand.

Warning given, Athena unlocked the doors so that they could join her when she gave the signal. Hopefully one of them would be looking for that rather than having their eyes were fixated on Buck’s Jeep, which was what they were doing at the moment.

“Sergeant Grant,” Athena introduced herself briskly as she walked closer.

One of the Jeep’s tires was halfway on a sidewalk, but the vehicle itself didn’t seem to be worse for wear. She’d been right about the driver being Allison Peterson; the young woman was sitting on a curb nearby with a silver emergency blanket wrapped around her shoulders. A young female officer was crouched in front of her, talking too softly for Athena to hear.

“I’m Caldwell, that’s Smythe,” a grizzled policeman told her. He had his incident notebook open. “We were responding to a request for backup when we saw this vehicle moving erratically. We ran it and it matched a recent BOLO, so when we saw it jump the curb, we responded. The driver is a female of Asian descent, early twenties and she’s definitely shocky. From the injuries we could see without doing an invasive search, it’s obvious that she’s been assaulted.”

“You did the right thing, Caldwell,” Athena assured him. There’d been the slightest defensiveness in his tone when he described how they’d pulled off the backup request to investigate the Jeep. “This is Allison Peterson, you probably have the BOLO for her kidnapping too.”

“Athena!”

At the sound of her name, Athena turned around. Bobby and Eddie both had their doors open. So far, their butts were still in their seats, but she could see the anxiousness on their faces.

“Those two are LAFD and they’re with me,” Athena told Caldwell. She waved Bobby and Eddie over. “They’re teammates with Evan Buckley, another person you should have a BOLO for.”

Eddie came directly towards Athena but passed her by when he caught site of Allison. He was carrying the med pack and joined the young officer in caring for the clearly traumatized young woman. Bobby, on the other hand, stopped to look in the Jeep. While Athena watched, she saw him bend down to look inside and she also saw him reach in for something.

“Bobby?” Athena called out as she trotted towards the Jeep. “Be careful of any evidence.”

“Look at this,” Bobby turned around. He was holding a cell phone, but not one that Athena had seen before. To her relief, Bobby was using a tissue to hold it. “The address is different than the one the FBI gave you.”

“Let me see,” Athena took the cell phone, careful to not touch it with her skin, but use the tissue to hold it.

“What is it?” Eddie had left Allison and joined them.

The phone was on a navigation app and Bobby was right, the address was different on it than the one the FBI gave them. Athena looked at the Jeep and cursed herself. From the way the Jeep was positioned, it was obvious that it had come from the direction of the address on the phone and not in the direction of the address the FBI had given them.

“We were going to the wrong place,” Athena finally Eddie’s question. She looked at him. “Is Allison stable?”

“Yeah,” Eddie answered. “Nothing life threatening.”

“Wait here.” Athena jogged back to Caldwell. As she did, she saw emergency lights in the distance; the ambulance was on its way. “Caldwell, we’ve got a new location on our kidnap victim. I need you to come with me while your partner stays with this victim.”

Caldwell didn’t even blink. “Smythe, you got that?”

“Go,” she called back. “We’re fine here.”

Athena gave the officer the address and jogged back to her squad car. Bobby and Eddie were already inside of it waiting for her.

“Hang on, Buck,” Athena said under her breath as she accelerated down the right street. “We’re coming.” 

“Just hang on.”


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter includes explicit and derogatory language, violence and implied sexual violence

Buck was dizzy from having his head slammed to the ground and nauseated from the pain in his side, but he still felt oddly euphoric as Cory manhandled him back into the warehouse. He’d done it. He’d stood up to Cory and helped Allison escape and he was still alive.

“When I’m done with you, you’ll wish you’d never been born,” Cory growled as he pushed Buck through the door so hard that Buck almost fell.

Those words made Buck amend his previous thought – for the moment, he was still alive. He wasn’t sure how long that would last.

“Shouldn’t,” Buck had a hard time catching his breath. Cory had an iron grip on his arm and Buck wasn’t struggling. “Shouldn’t you. . . be run. . . ning?”

“It’s like a rabbit warren down here on the waterfront. That stupid cunt will get lost and, even if she finds her way out, she’s not coming back for you,” Cory assured him. “We’ve got time to have some fun.”

Buck grimaced. Cory’s idea of fun usually meant a lot of pain for other people.

Cory locked the door behind him using a key rather than just turning a knob and, after pocketing the key, started pulling Buck along. Buck was dismayed to see that key. Without it, he’d have no chance getting out that way. He and Allison had been ridiculously lucky earlier that Cory hadn’t thought to lock it after Buck first entered.

They were halfway across the narrowest side of the warehouse and were approaching the corner that Buck had previously noticed was outfitted with lights, cameras and shackles. Buck knew there was no way he could allow himself to be chained; that would be a death sentence.

“My family. . .” Buck gasped. “Will find . . . you.”

Cory snorted. “Yeah, cause they’ve done such a bang-up job of it so far.”

“Athena . . . will kick . . . your ass,” Buck managed to say. He wasn’t resisting Cory yet, instead gathering his strength for one last attempt to get away.

“I’d like to see her try,” Cory’s smile was predatory. “That’s the mom of the little cutie from the baby shower, isn’t it? She’s got a fine ass, maybe I’ll have to do a mother/daughter thing.”

They’d reached the corner and Cory took one hand off of Buck while he reached for the shackles. Buck knew it was his last chance. He twisted in Cory’s grasp so that the other man had to let go of his grip of Buck’s arm. Then, when Buck was free, he pushed Cory as hard as he could, causing his captor to fall into the lighting equipment with a loud crash.

Buck was tempted to kick Cory while he was down, but he didn’t waste the time. There was a possibility that Cory could grab Buck’s leg and trip him up. Similarly, he didn’t try to fish for the key in Cory’s pocket. Instead Buck started to run, not to the locked door, but to the mezzanine. Buck was hoping that from there he could get on the roof or find another way to escape Cory.

Running was agony, but Buck pushed through it, knowing that he had no other choice. To be caught was to die – or worse. Cory’s shouting behind him was an extra incentive.

“I’m going to make you hurt, Spot!”

Buck reached the mezzanine area and hit the stairs running. He got to the landing when he felt a hand on his ankle. He kicked back and the hand let go, giving Buck enough time to reach the mezzanine level. It was equipped like an office, which was unfortunate because there were no handy pieces of wood laying around. Instead, Buck grabbed a desk lamp and yanked it so the cord ripped out of the socket. By the time Cory made it to the same level, Buck was brandishing it in front of him like a weapon.

Unfortunately, Cory had found his knife somewhere. Lamp vs knife did not bode well for Buck.

“You’ve been a bad dog, Spot,” Cory growled. “And bad dogs get punished.”

The thought of what Cory could do to him frightened Buck, but not as much as being called a dog pissed him off. Buck’s family had been telling him for weeks that he was a good person. Buck could choose to believe them or Cory. When he thought about it that way, it ended up being an easy decision.

“My name is. . . Evan Buckley,” Buck gasped. “And I . . . am not a . . . dog!”

Cory’s smile was not comforting. “Carlyle was always adamant about the merchandise not keeping the names they came with, but he shot himself in the foot with you. Your friends call you Buck, imagine the fun we could have had with that. Sucked by Buck. Fuck a Buck.” His grinned widened. “Or, my personal favorite, Fuckaroo.”

If Cory thought the taunts would hurt Buck or drive him to do something stupid like rush the other man, he was wrong. Buck moved back each time as Cory stepped forward, but otherwise stayed outwardly calm.

“Is that . . . the best you . . . can do . . . Anton?” Buck said. He’d been hearing jibes like Cory’s since he was in middle school. He’d backed as far as he could go and had hit the guardrail. The only other thing behind Buck was empty air.

Cory’s smile dropped from his face. He clearly did not like Buck’s lack of fear or his use of Cory’s first name. “No, you won’t survive the best I can - . . . .” 

Before he finished his statement, Cory launched himself at Buck, clearly hoping to take him by surprise. At first Buck just stared as the large, angry man welding a knife came at him, but that only lasted for a half a second. He didn’t think he could win a direct confrontation, so Buck did the only thing he could, he darted aside at the last possible moment.

Anton Cory was a big man and once he’d started his rush at Buck, it was impossible for him to stop. He crashed into the guardrail that went around the mezzanine and despite grasping at it desperately, he fell over the side and out of Buck’s sight.

A moment later, Buck heard a loud thud. He sat down on one of the abandoned desks and closed his eyes. It was over.

At least he thought it was.

As Buck sat and tried to catch his breath, he heard a noise coming from the level below. It took some effort to stand, but once he had, he staggered over the guardrail and looked down. Cory was splayed face-up across the floor below. His eyes were closed. Like with Allison, there was cardboard in a messy pile and Cory had partially landed on it. From the unnatural angle of one of Cory’s legs, Buck knew it was broken. He also saw some blood seeping from underneath Cory’s torso. Not in gushing torrents that would indicate an arterial bleed, but fast enough that something needed to be done about it. While Buck watched, the fingers on one of Cory’s hands twitched and the big man made another moaning sound.

Cory had survived the fall, but if Buck didn’t do something, there was the chance that he wouldn’t survive much longer. As soon as that thought entered his mind, Buck knew what he had to do.

Buck wrapped an arm around his waist to stabilize his ribs and slowly made his way back down the stairs. As he approached Cory, it became clear where the blood was coming from; the knife was sticking out of Cory’s side. Buck’s flicked to Cory’s face, but there was no sign of consciousness.

“Quit being a baby,” Buck whispered to himself.

Moving carefully, Buck lowered himself to his knees. He reached for Cory’s neck, but for once didn’t feel a sense of relief when he detected a pulse. 

Buck knew he couldn’t risk moving Cory, the possibility of a spinal injury was too great and he had nothing to immobilize him with. Buck set aside the possible spinal issue as being beyond his capability. The real concern was the bleeding and the need to stop it. He glanced back at the corner with the lights, trying to see if there was anything there that could be used the staunch the flow of blood. Deciding it was too far away given his current condition, and the chance of finding anything too slim, Buck concentrated on what he had at hand. It wasn’t very much.

Emergency or not, Buck was not about to use his hoodie, so he slipped each arm out and then pulled it over his head. Even doing it that way hurt and black spots danced in front of his eyes. When his vision cleared and Buck didn’t think he’d pass out, he undid the bulletproof vest and let it fall to the ground. That left him with his t-shirt and Buck got it off as quickly as he could. Like with the hoodie, it took him a moment to recover.

From his training, Buck knew not to remove the knife; it was stopping up the wound and keeping it from bleeding even worse. Instead, Buck carefully wrapped his t-shirt around it and pressed down. As he did, Cory groaned loudly and opened his eyes. It took everything Buck had to leave his hands where they were and not flinch back.

“Finishing . . . the job?” Cory asked. He seemed to be struggling to breathe. Buck felt not an ounce of sympathy for the man.

“I’m not. . . . like you,” Buck was gasping too. Taking his shirts off had done his ribs no good. “I . . . . save lives.”

Cory glared at him and Buck saw movement out of the corner of his eye. He looked and saw Cory’s hand raise up as though to strike him, but then it flopped back down. The look of surprise on Cory’s face would have been comical under other circumstances.

“You’ve lost . . . a lot of . . . . blood,” Buck told him. He didn’t mean the information to be comforting. “You can’t . . . hurt a fly . . . right now.”

Cory ignored him. “My legs. . . can’t feel them.”

Buck wasn’t happy to have been right about the spinal injury, but he was bothered by his lack of sympathy for the other man. Had Cory’s personality rubbed off on him?

“My fam. . . family will . . . be here . . . soon,” Buck said, more to reassure himself than anything else.

Please, let them be here soon.

911--911--911--911--911--911--911--911--911--

For a second time in the same day, Eddie found himself in the back of a squad car that was speeding with lights flashing and siren wailing. Hopefully this time they really were heading towards the place where Buck was being held. The tension inside the car could have been cut with a knife, with each of them lost in their own thoughts.

Eddie sat on the edge of the back seat of the squad, leaning forward as though his will alone could make the car go faster. He wasn’t sure what they were going to find when they reached their destination. All he did know was that if Athena tried to leave him behind again, there was going to be a problem.

After only a few minutes, Athena slowed the car down and came to a stop next to a warehouse. Eddie hopped out of the squad before Athena could lock the door. She got out just as quickly and, while she glared at Eddie, she didn’t try to order him back in either.

“What’s the plan, Sarge?” Caldwell asked as he got out of his own squad car.

“We don’t have a search warrant,” Athena told the other officer, frustration clear in her voice. “So we’re limited in what we do.”

“Understood,” Caldwell acknowledged.

Athena turned to Eddie and Bobby, who’d also exited the car. “We can only go in if we see or hear anything that shows that someone inside is in imminent danger. Otherwise, we can only be let in voluntarily.”

“You’re just going to knock on the door and ask the psychopath if Buck can come out and play?” Eddie said sarcastically.

Bobby put a hand on Eddie’s shoulder. “Athena knows what she’s doing.”

Eddie deflated. “I know. Sorry.”

Athena nodded at him. “You two hang back while Caldwell and I try the door.”

Eddie watched as Athena and the other officer pulled their weapons and approached the door. To Eddie’s relief, Athena stood still and listened first. Unfortunately, she must not have heard anything because she shook her head and Caldwell used his metal flashlight to bang on the door.

“LAPD!” Caldwell shouted. “Open up!”

There was still no response and the windows they could see were far too high for them to peer into. Athena did not let that deter her.

“All right, Caldwell, you stay here in case we flush anybody out,” Athena gave directions. “Bobby, you and Eddie look down that side,” she pointed to the side of the building that was to the right of the door, “And I’ll go down the other. If there are any windows that can be looked into from the ground, shout out but do not – and I repeat, DO NOT – try to enter or investigate.” 

Eddie didn’t bother with a reply, he just started running to the side that Athena indicated, not caring as the med pack he was carrying bounced against his hip. He heard Bobby behind him, but didn’t wait for the older man. As Eddie rounded the corner, he didn’t see any windows that could be reached from the ground, but he saw something better – stairs.

Vaguely, Eddie was aware of Bobby calling to Athena, but he didn’t pay a lot of attention and he completely ignored her warning about leaving any investigation to her. He attacked the stairs, taking them by twos. He was stopped at the top by a metal door that, when he tried it, was locked.

“Buck!” Eddie yelled as he pounded on the door with his fists. “Buck, are you in there?”

Bobby caught to him as Eddie listened for a reply. When there was none, Bobby shouldered Eddie aside. “Let me try.”

Unlike Eddie, Bobby didn’t use his bare hands. He hit the door with the blunt side of the ax, the metal ringing with the blow. After hitting it three times, Bobby stopped and they both listened.

“Help, down here!” It was faint, but Eddie was sure it was Buck’s voice. “We’re down here!”

Bobby lifted the ax towards the lock, but was stopped by his wife grabbing his wrist. Athena had joined them and she had a determined look on her face.

“Don’t even think about it,” Athena told him.

“We heard Buck calling,” Eddie told her. “I know it was his voice.”

Athena’s expression lightened as she realized they had probable cause to enter. “Well, go ahead then.”

Bobby hit the lock with the ax a couple of times and then he shoved the ax head into the gap between the door and frame. Caldwell joined him with a crowbar and Eddie had to step back to give the other two men room.

“Hang on, Buck,” Eddie shouted as loud as he could. “We’re coming!”

When Bobby and Caldwell got the door open, Athena was the first one through, but Eddie was right behind her. The stairs opened up into an office space on an open mezzanine. The warehouse didn’t have any racking and it was easy to see that it was mostly empty. Eddie despaired when he didn’t see Buck.

“Down here!”

Eddie rushed over to the guardrail and looked down. Buck was on the lower level, kneeling on the floor next to a man that Eddie didn’t recognize. Although he wasn’t normally religious, Eddie briefly closed his eyes and breathed a prayer of thanks. That delay, as brief as it was, let Bobby and the others get ahead of him. By the time that Eddie got to the lower level, Bobby had an arm around Buck and was encouraging him to move away from the figure prone on the floor, letting Eddie get his first good look at Buck.

Buck was shirtless and dozens of reasons for that came to Eddie’s mind, none of them good. Worse, Buck’s hands were red with blood.

Moving automatically, Eddie reached for the med kit. “Where are you hurt?”

“Not . . . me,” Buck gestured towards the man on the floor. “Him . . . . C-c-cory.”

Eddie took another look at the man on the floor. He would not have recognized him from the photo and sketch that had been distributed, but once Buck told him who it was, he recognized the planes of Cory’s face. He glanced down Cory’s body and saw the knife sticking out and hoped that was where the blood on Buck’s hands came from.

“Good,” Eddie said, voice tight with anger. “That bastard can bleed out for all I care,” he took a closer look at Buck’s face. The other man was pale and while Bobby was holding on to Buck, Buck was holding his arms around his torso as though he was in pain. “You’re more important.”

“No,” Buck shook his head and that’s when Eddie noticed the tears running down his face. “We . . . save lives.”

“Firefighter Diaz,” Athena’s voice was soft, but her grip on Eddie’s arm as she turned him around was firm. “Buck triaged this man,” Athena said in Eddie’s ear. “Can you imagine what that took, for him to take care of the man who tortured him?” She looked Eddie in the eye. “Don’t let that sacrifice be in vain.” 

Eddie took another look at the pain in Buck’s face. Eddie couldn’t give a rat’s ass if Anton Cory lived or died, but Eddie knew Buck. If Cory died, Buck would no doubt feel guilty about it and Eddie wasn’t about to add to Buck’s burden. 

“I got it,” Eddie jerked his arm away from Athena. He knew what he had to do and why, but he didn’t have to be happy about it. He approached Cory and knelt where Buck had, his back to the person who he really wanted to be attending. “What happened?”

He could faintly hear Buck’s voice, but it was too weak to make out the words. Bobby must have realized the problem, because he conveyed information to Eddie. 

“Cory fell,” Bobby said. “From the mezzanine, while he was holding a knife. Buck says the patient has reported loss of feeling in his lower limbs.”

Bobby had tried to keep things professional, but Eddie smiled when he heard about the possible paralysis. “Spinal injury, huh? Those are a bitch.”

Spinal injury or no, Eddie knew he had to treat the bleeding first. He mentally congratulated Buck for not removing the knife, it had probably kept Cory alive. The t-shirt that Buck had used the staunch the flow of blood was drenched in it, but Eddie left it for the moment while he got out a hemostatic dressing and unwrapped it. Moving quickly, he jerked the shirt away and applied the treated bandaging. He wasn’t trying to be gentle and the action caused Cory to moan and open his eyes.

Eddie wanted to tell the man that he hoped it hurt, but managed to hang on to his professionalism. Since it wasn’t likely that he was capable of saying something remotely comforting, he chose silence. Eddie continued to work, taking Cory’s vitals and feeling the weight of the man’s gaze on him the whole time.

“You . . . you’re Chris-Christopher’s dad.” Cory grimaced. “Ed . . . die.”

Hearing his son’s name coming out of Cory’s mouth made Eddie’s blood go cold. “Don’t you say his name.”

Cory chuckled, a wet sound. “You and . . . Spot. . . are BFFs. . . . maybe . . . more.”

Eddie assumed that ‘Spot’ referred to Buck and for a moment, he was too angry to speak. He glanced behind him, were Bobby was tending to Buck, grateful that the younger man hadn’t heard Cory. Buck had never said anything about being called ‘Spot’ and Eddie could see why. It wasn’t exactly a nickname born of fondness.

“You . . . want him,” Cory said. “Just . . . . remember. I . . . had him . . . first.” He smiled, showing his bloody teeth. “Shoulda. . . . heard him . . . squeal.”

It was hard to hear the man who’d tortured Buck brag about it. Eddie clenched his hands into fists to keep them from reaching out and strangling Cory.

“His . . . ass will . . . always . . . be mine.”

Eddie saw red, but before he could move, a warm hand pressed down on his shoulder. He looked up to see Athena standing next to him.

“Mr. Cory is trying to bait you, Eddie,” Athena said. Her voice was calm but had a frostiness to it that seemed odd. Eddie looked at her face and realized that her anger had gone cold. “You see, rapists and human traffickers are about the most cowardly creatures there are. Mr. Cory is scared that the feeling will never come back to his legs. He’s trying to get you to kill him because the gutless bastard can’t face the idea of living paralyzed.” She took another look at Cory’s face. “And because having you in jail for killing him would hurt Buck.”

Cory glared at her. “You. . . . bitch.”

Athena smiled at him. “That’s Sergeant Bitch to you, asshole.” She patted Eddie’s shoulder and removed her hand, apparently deciding he’d calmed down enough to be safe. “Good work, Eddie.”

“Eddie,” Bobby called out. “If that piece of crap is stable, Buck could use some attention.”

“Ambulance is three minutes out,” Athena told him. “Go, I’ll keep an eye on this one.” 

“Gladly,” Eddie got up and grabbed the med bag.

It was a relief to leave Cory behind. Bobby was sitting on the ground and Buck was leaning heavily against him. Buck was even paler than when they arrived and his eyes were closed. Eddie had no doubt that Bobby was the only thing keeping Buck upright.

“What do we have?” Eddie asked as he knelt next to Buck.

“Probable broken ribs, possible internal bleeding,” Bobby’s voice was right with emotion. “Possible concussion. He’s having a hard time breathing.”

Eddie nodded as he took in the information. He reached out to take Buck’s pulse, but pulled his hand back at the last moment. “Buck, it’s Eddie. I need to examine you, that okay?”

“K.” Buck’s eyes opened, but only to slits. “Al . . . Allison?”

To say that Eddie wasn’t surprised that Buck asked about the other victim was an understatement. Of course he did, that was Evan Buckley in a nutshell.

“She’s doing better than you right now,” Eddie told his friend. “You got her out and she got us here. You both did good.”

“That’s what I’ve been telling him,” Bobby’s voice was full of fondness and pride. “Maybe he’ll believe you.”

“Let’s just concentrate on you,” Eddie told Buck. He took Buck’s vitals and then turned his attention to Buck’s torso. Buck’s shirtless state made it easy to see where the bruises were forming. Eddie winced; one of them looked like a boot print.

“Hang on,” Eddie warned Buck. “This is going to hurt.”

As gently as he could, Eddie pressed in over Buck’s ribs, where the worst of the bruises were. Buck hissed, but didn’t cry out. “At least a couple of broken ribs.” Eddie turned away long enough to grab the stethoscope out of the bag. He rubbed the end of it briskly against his hand before pressing it against Buck’s skin; the last thing Buck needed was to startle because of the touch of cold metal. 

“I don’t think the lung’s been compromised,” Eddie said after he listened to Buck breathe. He took the stethoscope off and carefully pressed Buck’s abdomen, looking for any hard spots that might indicate internal bleeding. “We might have lucked out on internal bleeds too.”

“Told . . . you,” Buck gasped. “That I . . . was okay.”

Bobby snorted. “Your idea and my idea of okay aren’t exactly the same, Buck.”

“We’ve got one last thing to check,” Eddie gently put one hand on either side of Buck’s face and turned it from side to side, looking intently into Buck’s eyes. “If there’s a concussion, it’s a mild one. He’ll need to be scanned at the hospital.”

“See?” Buck insisted. “Okay.”

Eddie rocked back on his heels, feeling like he could breathe for the first time in hours. Buck was found and safe, if not exactly unhurt.

“When you feel better, we’re going to have a long talk about this,” Bobby told Buck. His words were stern, but his expression wasn’t. The older man seemed almost giddy with relief. “But first you’re going to have to make an apology.”

“Yeah,” Buck readily agreed. “M-molly. . . not happy . . . with me.”

Both Bobby and Eddie laughed at that.

“Her too, but I was thinking about Trevino,” Bobby said. “I couldn’t be prouder of you, Buck, but there’s so many ways this could have gone wrong.”

“Had . . . to” Buck insisted. He was flailing around with one hand, trying to emphasize his words.

Eddie grabbed Buck’s hand. That waving around movement couldn’t feel good to the injured man’s ribs. Once Buck’s hand was in his, though, Eddie had to admit that the touch helped him feel grounded.

“I get it,” Eddie disagreed with Bobby. He lifted his eyes to meet the Buck’s. “Like the man said, we’re in the business of saving lives. You did good, Buck.”

“Yeah,” Buck replied. “I . . . did.”

And for the first time since his friend came back to them, there was no shadow in of doubt in Buck’s eyes.


	25. Chapter 25

Buck paced the floor, glancing up at the clock every few minutes. The hands were moving so slowly that he was pretty sure it was broken. Buck was about to suggest to Eddie that they track down a stepladder and get up there to fix it when Bobby called out to him.

“Maddie’s going to be fine, Buck.” Bobby assured him.

After stopping momentarily, Buck started pacing again. “You don’t know that.”

Athena tried next. “Pretty sure women have been having babies for a long time, Buckaroo.”

“Not like this they haven’t,” Buck didn’t even bother to stop his pacing for Athena’s comment. “They’re cutting her open and taking the babies out. Do you know what kind of complications there are for Cesarean section births? The incision could get infected, they could cut something wrong . . . .”

“Buck, we told you not to do any internet searches about this,” Hen cautioned him. “But you went ahead and did it anyway, didn’t you?”

“Of course I did,” Buck threw up his hands in disgust. “That’s my sister and my nephews.”

There was a quiet warmth next to him and Buck didn’t have to look to know it was Eddie. The scent of the other man’s aftershave gave it away.

“Come on, Buck,” Eddie said as he put a hand on Buck’s arm. “Let’s go for a walk and burn off some of that nervous energy.”

Buck resisted. “I want to be here when Chim comes in to tell us it’s over. I don’t want to miss that.”

“You won’t,” Eddie assured him. “They took her back ten minutes ago; she’s probably not even fully prepped yet. We’ve got some time.”

Giving in, Buck let himself be encouraged away from the group and out to a nearby balcony. Once there, Buck rested his elbows on the metal railing and looked out over the hospital grounds pensively.

“You’re really invested in this,” Eddie observed.

Buck shrugged. “Maddie’s my sister.”

“Hey, I have sisters, I know how it goes,” Eddie replied. “This just seems like a little more extreme than that. Maybe because you’ve spent so much time together?”

“Maybe,” Buck said, although he didn’t think that was right.

In the seven weeks since Anton Cory had been captured, Maddie and Buck had been practically tied at the hip. First at the house where Buck was staying and then, once Maddie was put on real bedrest, at the townhouse she shared with Chimney. At some point the arrangement had become less of Maddie keeping an eye on Buck to Buck taking care of his sister. Turning the tables like that had felt good, like Buck was finally contributing.

Buck still went to both therapy and the group sessions with the other survivors. Dr. Joy was pleased with his progress, especially that the affirmation cards had been such a tangible help. The other survivors had listened eagerly about how Cory was taken out by his own stupidity. Allison didn’t join them for a few weeks, but she’d finally returned and reported that her mother was recovering well. They all felt better knowing that Cory was behind bars, even if Cara gave Buck crap for not killing Cory when he had the chance.

Margo and the others who participated in the lawsuit settled with the city outside of court. No one was saying how much money they got, but to Buck, the apology the mayor issued as part of the settlement had been priceless. After the news broke about Cory being captured, Athena and the FBI had managed to downplay Buck’s part in it, which is just what Buck had wanted. So far, Taylor Kelly hadn’t been successful in tracking him down and he didn’t want her to have any additional incentive to try.

“What’s wrong, Buck?” Eddie asked gently. “There’s more going on than just being worried about Maddie. You can tell me.”

Buck wouldn’t look at the other man. “You’re going to think it’s stupid.”

“I won’t, I promise.”

Eddie’s voice sounded sincere, so Buck took a chance and looked at him. Eddie was looking right back at him with a soft expression on this face that was normally reserved for Christopher. That gave Buck the nerve to answer the question. He turned around and put his back to the rail and crossed his arms over his chest.

“It’s just that everything’s going good right now,” Buck admitted. “Really good. Chippy and Cory are in jail and it looks like they’re never getting out. Therapy’s helping and I’m building back to the shape I was in before the ladder truck. It’ll be a couple of months before I can take the firefighter qualifications again, but I know it’s gonna happen. Bobby even relented and said if I got Molly trained as a certified emotional support dog, I could bring her to the station and along on calls.”

Eddie didn’t laugh. In fact, he nodded his head. “And you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop, right?”

The tension that Buck had been holding suddenly eased and he let his arms drop down to his sides. Eddie got it and that was a huge relief. “Exactly. Everything’s going so good that something bad’s bound to happen. That’s the way it always happens for me – and I don’t want the bad stuff to land on Maddie.”

“After the year you’ve had, you’ve got a right to be a little jumpy,” Eddie assured him. “But maybe stopping Cory was the turning point. I mean, every single thing won’t be smooth sailing from here on out, but the universe owes you one or two. Especially for Cory.”

Buck felt the tips of ears get warm and knew he was blushing. “I keep telling you that you would have done the same thing.”

“And I keep telling you that I was there and if Athena hadn’t been there too, that man would have died. After everything he did to you and you still saved his life?” Eddie shook his head. “You’re a bigger man than me, Evan.”

“Evan?” Buck felt shy as he glanced at Eddie. “You must be serious; you used my real name.”

“Damn straight I was serious,” Eddie grumbled. “You don’t give yourself enough credit.”

Buck felt a warmth in his belly, a gentle heat that had nothing to do with embarrassment. “Eddie. . . .?”

“Yeah, Buck?” Eddie prompted when Buck’s voice trailed off.

And Buck chickened out.

“Just, thanks,” Buck said. “For helping me so much since I got back.”

Eddie gave Buck a searching look, as though sensing that Buck had meant to say something different. To Buck’s relief, however, Eddie didn’t push.

“Of course, Buck,” Eddie responded. “Anything you need.”

An awkward silence descended, a rarity to the two men. After a few moments, Eddie spoke up again.

“You ready to go back now?” Eddie asked.

“Yeah,” Buck replied and he followed Eddie back to the waiting area. “How do people do it the regular way?”

“Do what?” Eddie asked.

“Have a baby,” Buck clarified, frustrated. “At least with Maddie, we knew when it was happening and I’m still a nervous wreck. When it happens the regular way, the baby can pop out any time. How do you deal with that?”

“You’re thinking about that yoga studio call you told me about,” Eddie laughed softly. “It’s usually not that sudden, there are signs beforehand. But, yeah, it’s a little nerve wrecking.” 

They reached the waiting room and Buck took a seat next to Eddie. He looked around the room and realized that many of the people he loved was there.

Bobby and Athena were talking to Mr. and Mrs. Lee, making the relative newcomers comfortable with the 118 family. The Lees were thrilled to be considered the twins’ grandparents. Bobby and Athena had been tapped to be godparents to one twin, while Hen and Maddie’s friend, Josh, would be godparents for the other twin.

The godparent situation had been determined while everyone still thought Buck was dead. Maddie had apologized to Buck about it, thinking he would be disappointed not to be a godparent, but he’d told her there was no need. He wasn’t greedy. He got to be the twins’ uncle and that was enough for Buck. Besides, he’d looked up the role that godparents were supposed to have and it was a spiritual one. Bobby and Athena were the most religious people that Buck knew and Hen was deeply spiritual. He didn’t know Josh, but he knew himself. Buck was no one’s moral mentor.

The next hour was full of stilted conversation, stale vending machine coffee, and lots of staring at the walls. Finally the doors into the waiting room slid open and Chim came out. From his shining face, it was clear that the news was good. They all got to their feet and surrounded him.

“The boys are here and they’re healthy and beautiful,” Chimney said, he glanced at Buck and answered his question before Buck could even voice it. “Maddie’s fine and she’s beautiful too.”

There were universal sighs of relief.

Hen reacted first. “You’re a daddy!” She stepped forward and engulfed Chim in a huge hug. “Congratulations.”

That was the first hug of many. When it was Buck’s turn, he squeezed Chim tight, trying to convey his gratitude to the man who loved his sister so much. 

Chim squeezed right back and whispered hoarsely so only Buck could hear. “I’m so glad you’re here for this.”

“Me too.”

When the hugs were over, Chim looked impatient. “I need to get back to Maddie.”

“Of course,” Athena responded. “She and the boys need you right now.”

“Don’t go too far, though,” Chim said. “Maddie’ll want to see you when she’s had a chance to recover a little.”

“We’ll go get breakfast,” Bobby told him. Maddie’s C-section had been scheduled early in the morning. “You let us know when you’re ready for visitors.”

“If you’re ready,” Hen added. “If you decide you don’t want to see anyone, that’s okay too. Maddie just had surgery, after all.”

“Got it,” Chim headed towards the door. At the last moment, he turned around and pointed at Hen. “You owe Eddie and Buck some money, there was no passing out for this dad.”

“Never doubted you,” Eddie called out. Chim waved and hurried away, back to his wife and kids.

“You suppose he’ll ever figure out that no one was going to take the money?” Buck asked.

“It was always going to Maddie and Chim,” Bobby agreed. “Hen, did you get the gift card?”

Hen patted her pocket. “Right here. It’s for Uber Eats. With newborn twins, no one in that house is cooking for a while.” 

“Which might be a good thing,” Buck added. “Chim gives Eddie a run for his money in the bad cooking department.”

Eddie wasn’t the slightest bit upset at the teasing; he was too honest about his own cooking ability. “I resemble that comment.”

The hospital that Maddie and Chim used for the birth of their sons wasn’t one of the ones the 118 used a lot as first responders, but as firefighters in LA, they had more than a passing familiarity with all the hospitals in the area and the restaurants near them. It didn’t take long for them to agree on a place for breakfast. 

Buck was quiet during meal, partly because he felt overwhelmed at being an uncle, but mostly because everyone else around the table were parents. They started talking about when their various kids were newborns and Buck just didn’t have anything to add to the conversation. He noticed that Bobby, who was seated next to him, started getting quiet too. That seemed odd to Buck at first, since Bobby was so happy for Chim back at the hospital. The more Buck thought about it, though, the more it made sense. Remembering his own kids must be bittersweet for Bobby.

Buck leaned towards Bobby, nudging the older man with his leg until he got Bobby’s attention. 

“You okay?” Buck asked Bobby quietly.

Bobby’s eyes were suspiciously bright when he answered, but he managed a smile. “I’m fine, Buck, thanks.”

Buck smiled back. Like with helping Maddie out when she was on bedrest, it felt good to do something for Bobby, even a tiny thing like checking on him. Buck owed Bobby so very much.

“Hey, Buck, are you going to be doing some babysitting?” Karen asked called from the other side of the table.

“I don’t know nothin’ about babysittin’ no babies,” Buck replied. He was confused when everyone else started laughing. “What did I say?”

“Ever heard of ‘Gone with the Wind’?” Eddie asked. When Buck’s face continued to be blank, he laughed softly. “Never mind, I’ll show you later. Just, not when Chris is around.”

“Don’t worry, Buck,” Bobby patted him on the shoulder. “That movie’s before my time too.”

“Seriously, I love kids, but I don’t have a lot of experience with babies.” Buck said. “Especially brand new ones.”

“Babies are tougher than you think,” Athena assured him. “I’m sure you’ll do just fine.”

At that moment, there was a collective chime as all of their phones notified for an incoming text at the same time. Like the others, Buck pulled out his phone and saw a message from Chim to the group. Maddie was ready for visitors.

The group’s sense of joy probably meant that their waitress got a bigger tip than she might have otherwise, but no one minded. The hospital was only a block away, so they’d walked. Their steps on the way back were light.

When they got to the hospital and checked with the nurse, she had specific instructions for them.

“The Hans would like you to keep to small groups of visitors and I’d like to suggest you keep the visits short,” the nurse told them, kindly but firmly. “They requested that the first to come in be Uncle Buck and Grandma and Grandpa Lee.”

The nurse had smirked when she said ‘Uncle Buck’ and Buck stifled a sigh. Did everyone know of that movie but him? Chim had been gleeful when he made Buck watch it and took obvious joy in referring Buck that way whenever he could. Buck couldn’t complain, he was an uncle and he preferred to go by Buck instead of Evan. He only hoped that Chim got over his amusement before the boys were old enough to watch it.

“What are you doing hanging around here?” Bobby asked him. “Go meet your nephews.”

Buck grinned and nodded. In spite of his enthusiasm, he held the door open for the Lees and let them lead the way. He didn’t know the couple well, but Maddie said they were nice. For all practical purposes, they were Chim’s parents and Buck couldn’t resent sharing this moment with them.

When they got to Maddie’s room, the Lees went in readily, but Buck held back a little. Now that the moment was at hand, he was reluctant to go in. Of necessity, his relationship with Maddie would change and, while Buck would never begrudge the twins that, he was a little hesitant for that shift to begin.

All that reticence changed when Buck walked into the hospital room and got a look at his sister’s face. Although clearly tired, she glowed with happiness.

“Buck, get in here,” Maddie called out to him. 

Not surprisingly, she was holding a baby. Chimney was standing next to her and he had the other twin. While Buck watched, Chim carefully transferred the baby into Mrs. Lee’s arms.

“Come here and meet Buckley Kevin Han,” Maddie encouraged her brother. “I think we’ll have to call him Little Buck and you Big Buck.”

Buck came closer, eyes fixated on the baby. Like his brother, the newborn was closely swaddled in a blanket and had a knit cap on his head. All Buck could see was his little face, which wasn’t as squished as he’d expected.

“He’s so tiny,” Buck said in a reverent whisper. He glanced over to Chim and the Lees, who were cooing over Lee Evan Han. “They both are.”

“For twins born almost a month early, they’re actually big. They don’t even need to go into the NICU.” Maddie replied. She blinked back tears as she smiled at him. “That’s at least partly due to you and how well you took care of me.”

Buck shook his head. “No, these babies, that’s all you.” He glanced over at the others again. “And maybe a little bit Chim, but don’t tell him that.”

“Here, hold him,” Maddie offered. 

Waving his hands, Buck stepped back. “No, I’ll break him.”

Maddie giggled. “You won’t, I promise. Grab a chair and sit down.”

He did as she asked and sooner than Buck was really ready for, Maddie was transferring Buckley Lee into his arms. Buck held perfectly still as he looked down into that tiny face. Buck looked back up at his sister, unashamed at the tears running down his face. “They’re perfect, Mads. You did good.”

Maddie was crying too. “So did you, Buck. I’m so proud of you and I’m so, so glad you’re here.”

Buck thought of the last year and all he’d been through. The ladder truck. The embolism. The tsunami. The Menagerie, especially the Menagerie. That he’d come through it all was nothing short of a miracle, but as he held his newborn nephew in his arms, Buck knew it had been worth it.

“I’m glad I’m here too, Mads,” Buck responded to her. “There’s no place I’d rather be.”

And he meant every word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who’s stuck with me this long. I never expected the first story to turn into two or that, together, they would last for nearly 50 chapters. I appreciate the encouragement that I’ve received along the way; you’ve been very generous! This story and your reaction to it helped me come out of a writing slump that’s lasted for years. I’m beyond grateful.
> 
> I started posting a year ago and that’s a long time to work on one story (even if I did take a hiatus between the two parts). If you’re thinking that there’s more story to be told, you’re probably right. (Does Buck become a fireman again? Do Buck and Eddie become a couple? What happens if/when Buck has to testify against the Menagerie?) I’m not promising anything, certainly nothing in the near future, but it’s possible I’ll write a third portion. I’m just way too tired right now.


End file.
